Death Takes a Holliday

It's odd that we have Memorial Day sales. How does shopping help one remember those who have died? Shopping usually helps me forget those who have died, but not today. I went to the Carlsbad Outlet Mall this afternoon but all I kept thinking about was the death of James Lyons, my one-time editor and a great mentor. His death in turn got me thinking about the death of my mother as well as the death of one of my best friends, Robert Young. I thought about how much each of them gave me. I thought about how relatively young they each were and how painful their deaths were. I thought about how much they each had in common; each died in a hospital bed gasping for air, each was loved by many and each had a lot more living to do.

Is there ever a good time to die? My Grandmother was well into her 90's when she died. Her body gave out but her mind was sharper than ever. She often expressed interest in dying 'cause it was no fun living in her old body anymore. My Grandma lived a long, full life but James Lyons, Robert Young and Jeanette Marie Larsen had a lot more work to do. Their deaths make me angry. I'm still in denial about the death of Robert. I still expect him to call me up. I still pretend he's living in NY, working on Broadway and seeing every movie that comes out. I know Memorial Day is supposed to be a time to remember those who died in a war; but battling cancer and AIDS seems like war to me. And I realize, we're all going sooner or later and some of us are going sooner than later but that doesn't mean I'm happy about it.

So, I'm celebrating Memorial Day this weekend by not celebrating. I'm remembering:

James Lyons

Robert Young

Jeanette Marie Larsen

The Military