My 1991 Honda Accord is Gone!

I need a car. Does anyone have an extra car sitting around??? Anybody own a car dealership???

On Friday night my car was stolen. I arrived home from San Diego. Parked outside the house. Went in. Hung out with Melqui for an hour before going to dinner and when we went outside an hour later the car was gone.

It happened on Friday but I'm only talking about it today cause I've literally been in shock for the last two days. Not angry shock or sad shock...just...I just can't believe it's gone. It was stolen once before in SF but I got it back.

Honestly, the car was being destroyed in Tijuana. The streets here are horrible. The potholes are deep like craters. I've seen cars get stuck in Tijuana potholes. The drivers in Mexico are not good. They ignore traffic signals and signs. You never know if you're in a one-lane, two-lane, or three-lane road. It's a free-for-all. No one has insurance.

You park, go in a store, come out and there's a huge dent in your side.

A month ago someone hit Melqui while he was parked.

I could go on and on. This car would not have survived another year in Mexico. It's sad, but true.

And I'm grateful I got as much as I did out of it. 20 years and 350,000 miles. It was in very good condition before coming to Mexico. The mechanics couldn't believe how many miles it had and some said they thought I would get to 500,000 miles and more. Caryn Horwitz, my long term friend, biz partner, ex-wife, bought the car 20 years ago, brand new. Who would've thought 20 years later I'd still be driving it.

But it's gone and I'm sure it's in a million pieces by now.

The hardest part is that I loved that car. People would ask if I wanted a new car and truthfully, I didn't. I wanted that car to keep running perfectly.

I travelled all over the country in that car. Had countless crazy adventures. I feel like I've lost my diary. Or a scrapbook. I feel like I've lost a friend. One

So now, here I am in Mexico, with no car. Melqui walked to work today. Yesterday, Melqui and I rode on a bus that was so rundown it was comical. They call them Calafia's. I'll take a photo an post it on the blog or Facebook.

I need to find a very tough, strong truck, van or suv, I think. I hope to start touring again and traveling, and it would be great to have something with storage. I don't know. My favorite car I ever rode in, besides my Honda, were the those 1970 vans with swivel seats, carpeting and tables...lol...like moving hotel rooms...my friend Cameron Parsons had one and I loved it.

So I don't know what I'm gonna do. But that's the news.

Adios 1991 Honda Accord. I miss you so much! Nothing lasts forever.

Happy Birthday, Soulmate!

I love you more than anything on this planet! Have a great day! And congratulations on your AMAZINGLY SUCCESSFUL YEAR!

"It's fun to stay at the YYYYY, M, C, A!"


Wish Caryn Horwitz a Happy Birthday via e-mail at: Producer@RonnieLarsen.com

Nice Arms!

Ride 'em Cowboy!

Passport to Sexyville

Last week, Caryn Horwitz had to get a new passport photo and she sent me the before and after pics. I think the first one looks like Chastity Bono and the second one looks like Billy Idol but she swears they're both her. I didn't know you had to get a passport to go to Sexyville but clearly that's where she's headed.

1997 ....................................2007

Separated at birth???

The Horwitz Transition

Before

After

They say, "a picture is worth a thousand words." In this case, they may be right.

And no, she didn't get her stomach stapled. And yes, she really is wearing a wetsuit.

The Cars

All the traffic today is on the freeway and not to this blog so I'm posting for you few lonely shut-ins that have nowhere to go but the Internet. Miss Horwitz has descended on Casa de Oceanside but is she hanging out with me? No, the bitch is at the gym. She's obsessed. OBSESSED! Last night we took a lovely walk on the beach at 2 AM and collected lots of intact seashells. My straight neighbor is having a BBQ and he keeps trying to get me to eat one of his hot dogs. "Ronnie, it looks like a penis! Just eat it." I love having straight men beg me to eat their hot dogs!


Now see how it goes! I try to start a nice little post about Memorial Day Weekend and it all ends up a slutty mess with references to straight men and dick. I can't help myself. I apologize.

And speaking of obsession. I can't stop listing to Drive by the Cars. Or is it just Cars? If the name of the band is Cars does one say, "I'm listening to Drive by Cars. That doesn't sound right. Hmmmm. Now I'm perplexed. You wouldn't say, "I'm listening to Hungry Like the Wolf by the Duran Duran. So I guess I'm listening to Drive by Cars.

Update: It's The Cars.

I actually saw Ric Ocasek once in the Village. We passed each other and he looked EXACTLY like he does in the music videos. He's a very odd looking human. And I suspect he likes it that way.

Excerpt from Ocasek Interview:



Do you remember where you were the first time you heard a Muzak version of a Cars song?

It was "Drive" and I was in an elevator [laughs]. I heard the London symphony do "Drive" [also], and that was weird.

Click here and you can listen as well and sing along with the lyrics I've provided.

Drive

Who's gonna tell you when,
It's too late,
Who's gonna tell you things,
Aren't so great.

You cant go on, thinkin',
Nothings' wrong, but bye,
Who's gonna drive you home,
tonight.?

Who's gonna pick you up,
When You fall?
Who's gonna hang it up,
When you call?

Who's gonna pay attention,
To your dreams?
And who's gonna plug their ears,
When you scream?

You can't go on, thinkin'
Nothings wrong, but bye,
(who's gonna drive you)
(who's gonna drive you)
Who's gonna drive you home, tonight?
(who's gonna drive you home)

(bye baby)
(bye baby)
(bye baby)
(bye baby)

Who's gonna hold you down,
When you shake?
Who's gonna come around,
When you break?

You can't go on, thinkin',
Nothin's wrong, but bye,
(Who's gonna drive you)
(who's gonna drive you)
Who's gonna drive you home, tonight?
(who's gonna drive you home)

Oh, you know you can't go on, thinkin',
Nothin's wrong,
(Who's gonna drive you)
(Who's gonna drive you home)
Who's gonna drive you home, tonight?

(bye baby)
(bye baby)
(bye baby)

Diet and Excercise

I've lost about 30 pounds over the last 8 weeks; this morning I weighed 289.02. I started at around 320 so I guess I'm doing something right. It shocks me how simple it really is: diet and exercise. I know those are the oldest words in the fitness dictionary but it's true. I try to hit the gym at least every other day and/or do something physical like bike riding. I'm gonna keep a tally on my blog so ya'll can watch me lose or gain weight. Today begins at 289.02. I took a camera phone pic when I hit 290. I'll keep adding pics of my scale to prove I'm really losing weight...or NOT!

Thanks to Miss Horwitz for inspiring me to join the gym and thanks to Mr. Manghise for teaching me how to read nutrition labels and for introducing me to these cool things called vegetables.

I made a little video about the whole fat thing, if you're interested, click below.

The Happiest Day!

Today is one of the happiest days of my life. Caryn Horwitz, my lesbian lover, best friend, wife, and arch-enemy had to go for a biopsy after receiving an incomplete mammogram. They saw something tiny that they were unsure about so off to the biopsy we went. It was incredibly stressful for both of us but the news came back today and everything is FINE! The biopsy came back negative. We are both elated. Today is a great day! Whew!

Now I need to get a mammogram!

Get a Mammogram. Surf the Web.

I'm in LA today to accompany my wife to her mammogram appointment. I brought my laptop but I wasn't expecting to be surfing the web in the waiting room. So I encourage all you Internet addicts to take your laptop and get a mammogram. I'm having my breasts checked out today, too, by the chubby chaser sitting next to me. Caryn has much smaller breasts now that she's lost so much weight. It's bad for our sex life though. I love me some big jugs! And I'm listening to Michael Jackson on iTunes sing, "Let's sing, shout, shake your body down to the ground!" Great song!

PS I hate capitalizing the word Internet.

Meet the new Laurel and Hardy

That bitch lost over 70 pounds! 70 pounds!!! She goes to the gym every single day and does 70 minutes on the elliptical machine. You go, lady!

Fast Car

You got a fast car
And we go cruising to entertain ourselves
You still ain't got a job
And I work in a market as a checkout girl
I know things will get better
You'll find work and I'll get promoted
We'll move out of the shelter
Buy a big house and live in the suburbs

Perfect Wife of Future

This picture is called, "Perfect Wife of Future." I didn't make it. I didn't name it. But I was Googling the words Caryn Horwitz and a bunch of stuff called "Perfect Wife" popped up. Hmmmm. Maybe I really should marry her. Make her an honest woman. LOL I've been calling her my wife for the last 5 years so why not make it official?

A Lovely Visit From MrsProducer

My best friend, wife and business partner dropped in for a quick 24 hours of dominoes, bike-riding, noodle-eating, seal-watching and movie-going. It was a lovely visit. (Except of course, for the part where she fell off her bike to avoid running into a taxi and the other part where the cabdriver and I have a yelling match for 10 minutes on the sidewalk. But other than that, it was a great time.)