The Phase Out Continues

The "Bye White, Buy Black" phase continues. I bought 4 more tonight. Don't you love hearing about my underwear purchases? Don't answer that!

Pirates 3

How can the most beautiful movie ever made be so completely uninvolving? (By the way, my dictionary claims "uninvolving" isn't a word. But I'm using it anyway. I've been using it for years and I will continue to use it. It's a great word to describe a movie or play that does not get you involved as you watch it.)

Now back to Pirates:

Maybe it's not the most beautiful movie ever made but it's damn close. The last 2 Pirate movies awed me with their design, lighting and costumes and bored me with their nonsensical plot lines. I can't follow the stories, I don't want to follow the stories. It's all a bunch of nonsense; hearts, lockers, fathers, sons, who cares? Does anyone find this plot stuff compelling. Does anyone really sit there and think, "Oh God, I hope he gets the locker." I sit there and think, "Oh God, the buttons on that jacket are beautiful." I'm thinking of going back with my iPod and just watching it while I listen to my favorite music.

I'm still waiting to see that movie I love so much that I walk out, buy a ticket, and walk right by in; that hasn't happened for me in a very long time. I remember when Nightmare Before Christmas came out, I saw it every single night for a week and before it left theatres I had seen it 12 times, but that was a long time ago. I want to fall in love, again. I really do.

All American

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

The Horwitz Transition

Before

After

They say, "a picture is worth a thousand words." In this case, they may be right.

And no, she didn't get her stomach stapled. And yes, she really is wearing a wetsuit.

Bye White, Buy Black

I'm phasing out my white underwear. I have a lot of underwear. I counted last week and I have about 30 pairs. Is that a lot? It seems like a lot. So, I noticed that I tend to wear my black and colored underwear more than my white ones. For the record, I wear boxer briefs, Hanes, 2X. A package of 4 costs 11.97 at Wal-Mart. Here's the truth, older non-white underwear tends to look "cleaner" than older white ones. You know what I mean? I hope you know what I mean cause I don't want have to explain it. So, every time I go to Wal-Mart I pick up a new 4 pack and throw away 4 white ones. I have 12 white ones left to go before the phase out is complete. But I can't decide if I should buy 3 more 4 packs or just buy two more 4 packs and throw away the remaining 2 white ones. It's a very exciting process and I'm quite enjoying it. The phase out should be complete by mid-June. I could've done it all at once but then I'd have nothing to look forward to except the return of Jesus Christ.

Heaven Help Me!

I just woke up from a nap, a nightmare actually. In this nightmare I was penetrating Lindsay Lohan with a lavender dildo; one of those plastic/acrylic dildos with grooves. It was extremely long and she took the whole thing. I could go into more graphic detail but I wouldn't want to put anymore of this horrifying imagery into your head. I don't even care about Lohan, not one bit. I certainly have no interest in her vagina. I'm not interested in the vagina, period! No pun intended. And is she over 18??? I just checked, she was born in 1986, whew! Man, I'm so grossed out right now! I'm afraid to go back to sleep. So afraid.

Arlington in Oceanside

This is how I spent my Memorial Day in Oceanside, California.

Death Takes a Holliday

It's odd that we have Memorial Day sales. How does shopping help one remember those who have died? Shopping usually helps me forget those who have died, but not today. I went to the Carlsbad Outlet Mall this afternoon but all I kept thinking about was the death of James Lyons, my one-time editor and a great mentor. His death in turn got me thinking about the death of my mother as well as the death of one of my best friends, Robert Young. I thought about how much each of them gave me. I thought about how relatively young they each were and how painful their deaths were. I thought about how much they each had in common; each died in a hospital bed gasping for air, each was loved by many and each had a lot more living to do.

Is there ever a good time to die? My Grandmother was well into her 90's when she died. Her body gave out but her mind was sharper than ever. She often expressed interest in dying 'cause it was no fun living in her old body anymore. My Grandma lived a long, full life but James Lyons, Robert Young and Jeanette Marie Larsen had a lot more work to do. Their deaths make me angry. I'm still in denial about the death of Robert. I still expect him to call me up. I still pretend he's living in NY, working on Broadway and seeing every movie that comes out. I know Memorial Day is supposed to be a time to remember those who died in a war; but battling cancer and AIDS seems like war to me. And I realize, we're all going sooner or later and some of us are going sooner than later but that doesn't mean I'm happy about it.

So, I'm celebrating Memorial Day this weekend by not celebrating. I'm remembering:

James Lyons

Robert Young

Jeanette Marie Larsen

The Military

James Lyons 1960-2007

I am incredibly saddened and shocked by the news that James Lyons, my editor on Shooting Porn, has passed away. I loved working with this man. He taught me so much and I taught him nothing. It was a completely one-sided relationship. I've never worked with another person who I trusted more. I knew that I was damned lucky to have him on my film. We never socialized outside of the editing room but for 6 months, while working together, I felt like we were brothers. We haven't stayed in touch through the years but certain people visit your life for a brief time and impact you deeply and they're always with you in a way; that's how I feel about Jim. I'm sad about his death but I'm also angry. He should still be alive, he should still be making movies. He was only 46.

This is from Indiewire:

Remembering Jim Lyons: 1960 - 2007

James Lyons, known for his frequent work with Todd Haynes, died last week in New York. The editor and actor starred in and edited Haynes' "Poison," winner of the Grand Jury Prize at the Sundance Film Festival in 1991. Lyons edited Haynes' other projects: "Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story," "Dottie Gets Spanked," "Safe," "Velvet Goldmine" (for which he also co-wrote the story) and "Far From Heaven." He also edited Esther Robinson's Berlinale Teddy Award winning documentary "A Walk Into the Sea: Danny Williams and the Warhol Factory," which will have its U.S. premiere at the Tribeca Film Festival next week. Born in October of 1960, James Lyons was a member of Act Up and was treated for H.I.V. for many years. He died of cancer on Thursday in a New York City hospital.

Lyons' other editing credits include Sofia Coppola's "The Virgin Suicides," Jesse Peretz's "First Love, Last Rites," and "The Chateau," along with Peter Friedman's "Silverlake Life" and Ronnie Larsen's "Shooting Porn," as well as Dan Harris' "Imaginary Heroes," Christopher Herrmann's "Ghostlight," Erik Skjoldbjaerg's "Prozac Nation," Tom Gilroy's "Spring Forward," Rea Tajiri's "Strawberry Fields," and John Johnson's "Ratchet."

In addition to his work as an actor in "Poison," Lyons also appeared as Billy Name in Mary Harron's "I Shot Andy Warhol," played artist David Wojnarowicz in Steve McLean's "Postcards from America," and also acted in "The Chateau," and Todd Verow's "Frisk."

A memorial visitation will be held today (Tuesday) in Port Washington, NY. In lieu of flowers donations are suggested to the James K. Lyons Memorial Fund, 47 Davis Road, Port Washington, NY 11050.

And here's a lovely piece John Cameron Mitchell (Hedwig) wrote about seeing Jim for the last time:

We met in the early 90's at the "Poison" party at Limelight. He and his boyfriend Todd were impossibly glamorous. I was embarrassed to invite them to see me in "The Secret Garden" where I sang to birds. They came. He said he loved it. I cringed. He was only being kind. We became friends. He was the coolest. Not only did he have great taste, he was also brilliant. And funny! And hot. A dark, sexy, sexual man. Melancholy. We almost worked together but not quite. Two years ago he was going to make his short film. A beautiful story about Andy Warhol going home to feed his cat. A haunting image of him undressing for bed. He's wearing a diamond necklace under his shirt. Then he touches the scar on his chest. From the attempt on his life.

Last Wednesday. I'd been avoiding visiting. Too hard to watch him waste away. I texted him to see if he wanted me to come. No answer. John Bruce said he was too sick for a visit. Jim had been editing John's film from his hospital bed up until a couple of months ago. Terry suddenly called to say that Jim wanted to see us.

Friends in their early middle-age huddle in the cafeteria talking about the new bad news. "He wants to see people in ones and twos." "Hospice care." "Last chance chemo?" "Too weak." Amy says, "I told him there's a time to let go." Jim whispered, "There is a time to rest." What does that mean? A call comes. He's ready to see John and me.

His head is a rotting fruit on a stalk, the oxygen mask like a candy dish on his face. But he's still all there. Still Jim. Responding to the nurse with his funny Long Island Jewish shrugs. "Do you want more pain medicine?" Shrug, like "Meh." He wants to be lucid. "Agitated? Do you want Ativan?" Another shrug, like " What's the point, doll? I'm dying." John and I didn't know what to say. We can't understand his words, only the shrugs, which make us laugh. We don't know if we should. It was hard for him to write, words written over other words, like Cranium when you have to draw blindfolded. I try to make it out: "I don't...have anything to say... except...I love you...guys." We're barely able to speak ourselves. He tries to write again. We can't read it. This upsets him. King Lear: "When you can say it's the worst, it's not the worst." What is this then? Does he need something? He starts to write it again. Oh God. Wait... "What...are...you...up to?" Jesus Christ. I try to be light. "I'm looking at a script. Thinking about acting again. It's about..." He starts to nod off. That's how I felt about the script. The nurse wakes him. She's worried. He starts to write again. I shout out the words like it's a game show: "I need to pee soon!" She says, "You're wearing a catheter, hon. Go ahead." He lets go. A brief moment of relief on his face. We're starting to choke up. I say, "You've got a lot of wonderful friends downstairs, honey. High-caliber friends." He writes. We can't read it. He starts over. He tries to speak. It's a garbled cry. He must be feeling pain. Does he want his mother? She's lying down in the next room. What is he writing? Is the oxygen working? He writes: "High...fiber..count...friends." We burst out laughing. Goddamn it, Jim! "Your timing has not failed you I see. You're like a Beckett character," I say. He nods slowly. It's hard for him to see. I want him to see me seeing him. I move closer and look into his right eye. Very still, we stare, a single eye into a single eye, unblinking. I look so hard into that eye: "I love you. I love you. I love you." He hears. He doesn't blink. He's been so close to death so many times. Never has anyone clung so fiercely to life and been so ready for death. We kiss him on the forehead and mumble a few broken words. We don't want to take up his precious time. There are more people to say goodbye to. More people that he loves and that love him. We go down to the cafeteria and tell Tom that Jim wants to see him now. -- John Cameron Mitchell

The Cars

All the traffic today is on the freeway and not to this blog so I'm posting for you few lonely shut-ins that have nowhere to go but the Internet. Miss Horwitz has descended on Casa de Oceanside but is she hanging out with me? No, the bitch is at the gym. She's obsessed. OBSESSED! Last night we took a lovely walk on the beach at 2 AM and collected lots of intact seashells. My straight neighbor is having a BBQ and he keeps trying to get me to eat one of his hot dogs. "Ronnie, it looks like a penis! Just eat it." I love having straight men beg me to eat their hot dogs!


Now see how it goes! I try to start a nice little post about Memorial Day Weekend and it all ends up a slutty mess with references to straight men and dick. I can't help myself. I apologize.

And speaking of obsession. I can't stop listing to Drive by the Cars. Or is it just Cars? If the name of the band is Cars does one say, "I'm listening to Drive by Cars. That doesn't sound right. Hmmmm. Now I'm perplexed. You wouldn't say, "I'm listening to Hungry Like the Wolf by the Duran Duran. So I guess I'm listening to Drive by Cars.

Update: It's The Cars.

I actually saw Ric Ocasek once in the Village. We passed each other and he looked EXACTLY like he does in the music videos. He's a very odd looking human. And I suspect he likes it that way.

Excerpt from Ocasek Interview:



Do you remember where you were the first time you heard a Muzak version of a Cars song?

It was "Drive" and I was in an elevator [laughs]. I heard the London symphony do "Drive" [also], and that was weird.

Click here and you can listen as well and sing along with the lyrics I've provided.

Drive

Who's gonna tell you when,
It's too late,
Who's gonna tell you things,
Aren't so great.

You cant go on, thinkin',
Nothings' wrong, but bye,
Who's gonna drive you home,
tonight.?

Who's gonna pick you up,
When You fall?
Who's gonna hang it up,
When you call?

Who's gonna pay attention,
To your dreams?
And who's gonna plug their ears,
When you scream?

You can't go on, thinkin'
Nothings wrong, but bye,
(who's gonna drive you)
(who's gonna drive you)
Who's gonna drive you home, tonight?
(who's gonna drive you home)

(bye baby)
(bye baby)
(bye baby)
(bye baby)

Who's gonna hold you down,
When you shake?
Who's gonna come around,
When you break?

You can't go on, thinkin',
Nothin's wrong, but bye,
(Who's gonna drive you)
(who's gonna drive you)
Who's gonna drive you home, tonight?
(who's gonna drive you home)

Oh, you know you can't go on, thinkin',
Nothin's wrong,
(Who's gonna drive you)
(Who's gonna drive you home)
Who's gonna drive you home, tonight?

(bye baby)
(bye baby)
(bye baby)

The Plot Thickens

When of my favorite games is asking people the story of Pirates 2. No one and I repeat NO ONE can tell me the plot of the second film. So imagine my dismay when I start reading reviews that say things like:

"At World's End is visually exciting but after three movies I'm still confused about this plot"

"It won't matter whether you've seen the first two Pirates movies or not. You'll still be confused."

"Such a tangled thicket of overwritten, labyrinthine mythology, backstabbing betrayals and mixed motivations that a massive chunk of the running time is devoted to characters standing around on boats, trying like hell to explain the plot to one another."

Maybe they should make Cliff Notes for these films.

The Siiiimpsoooons

I've never seen an entire episode. I know almost NOTHING about the show. I know the Dad is called Homer and the son is Bart and I think the Mom is Marge. Is the daughter, Becky? I know Danny Elfman did the theme song. I know people worship the show and I know everyone involved is filthy rich! I will go see the big screen version but only because I go to lots of movies and not because I'm dying to The Simpsons in a movie. So for you Simpsons fans I photographed what I believe is the most expensive lobby display ever assembled: the Simpsons, life-size, sitting on a couch as a family. The couch was strong enough for me to sit down on with my fat ass so, surely, this "lobby display" wasn't cheap.

It's Over!

I don't care about Jordin Sparks or Blake Lewis, for me, the winner this year was Melinda Doolittle. Having said that, I really enjoyed the finale last night. It felt like a true celebration to me. Bette Midler, Smokey Robinson, Gwen Stefani, Gladys Kinght, all the past winners; it felt like a true smorgasbord. It's funny, too, how every time someone got voted off I thought, "well I'll never see them sing again", and yet there was Sanjaya, AGAIN, like a bad penny. And I loved how they celebrated the crazy people who can't sing. The whole evening just felt like an insane-3- ring circus-freak-show, and I loved it. And even more, I love that it's over! Now when is Project Runway coming back???

Penis Strips

I really have reduced my fast food intake but I was very hungry last week at 2 am in San Diego so I went through the drive through at Jack in the Box and I studied the menu trying to figure out the least crappiest, high-caloric thing I could eat. Finally, I settled on chicken strips and what a great choice it was. I opened the box and there, right on top was a delicious looking penis strip. Yum. Tell me it's not a penis. I thought about selling it on eBay but I was too damn hungry, plus, penis and chicken are two of my favorite foods!

Diet and Excercise

I've lost about 30 pounds over the last 8 weeks; this morning I weighed 289.02. I started at around 320 so I guess I'm doing something right. It shocks me how simple it really is: diet and exercise. I know those are the oldest words in the fitness dictionary but it's true. I try to hit the gym at least every other day and/or do something physical like bike riding. I'm gonna keep a tally on my blog so ya'll can watch me lose or gain weight. Today begins at 289.02. I took a camera phone pic when I hit 290. I'll keep adding pics of my scale to prove I'm really losing weight...or NOT!

Thanks to Miss Horwitz for inspiring me to join the gym and thanks to Mr. Manghise for teaching me how to read nutrition labels and for introducing me to these cool things called vegetables.

I made a little video about the whole fat thing, if you're interested, click below.

Liberal? vs Conservative?

I had an interesting (at least to me) discussion with someone via e-mail regarding my Costco video. In the video, I make a comment about how I can't wait for Bush to leave office.
_______

Him: What does George Bush have to do with gas prices being so high? And what do your stats about profits being at an all time high have to do with anything? Thanks

Me: I bet you ten bucks you're not a Democrat. Just a hunch. lol

Him: Well, I was being serious. I was really wondering what your argument was there...

You are trying to say that their profits are up, but that's simply because we are buying more (hence the supply and demand effect.) Now, if their profit MARGIN was sky high, than I would agree with you that they were trying to fuck us. However, that's not the case.

As far as your democratic argument, I didn't realize that you had to be one party or the other to have a debate. But, to answer your question, I'm more Libertarian. I don't agree with a lot of the Dem's ideas (tax the rich, gun control), however, the Pub's have REALLY pissed me off lately. Bush, who calls himself a conservative, is far from it. I'm somewhere in between Libertarian, and Republican.

Anyway, didn't mean to piss you off, simply was curious.

Me: Matt

You didn't piss me off at all, I promise. But I'm sure you know the arguments from both sides. I didn't believe you were really asking me to explain why I said what I said. Your question seemed more rhetorical.

Sincerely, it's a fact that oil profits and prices have never been higher. That's not my opinion it's a fact. And there is no direct evidence linking George Bush to the price of gas but as the most powerful man in the world with deep ties to the oil industry one would think that possibly he could help deal with what is basically a crisis but his handling of any crisis since
taking office has been disastrous (Katrina, anyone).

In my naivete, I believe if Clinton were still in office we would not be in a war in Iraq and gas prices would not be what they are. But that is my feeling. I have no proof of it.

Believe me when I say, I felt relieved when Clinton was gone, I was tired of all the non-stop drama and I thought Bush, though I didn't vote for him, would have a peaceful boring presidency. But all I think about are the military men being killed everyday in a war that Bush is clueless about. Dems and Repubs share those views.

I could live with Giuliani and or Romney though I probably won't vote for them but I'm counting the days til Bush is gone. I believe he has wreaked havoc on our country. His father was a great leader in comparison. I would have voted for Powell had he run.

Sorry for the long rambling reply. I just woke up. lol

Trust me, I was not offended or upset on any level...I just posted a video on YouTube yesterday and though most reactions have been very positive I've also been called a fat homo, which happens to be true, actually. so trust me, I have a very think skin.

PS Do I even know you? lol

PS I just reread your last e-mail:

"You are trying to say that their profits are up, but that's simply because we are buying more (hence the supply and demand effect.) Now, if their profit MARGIN was sky high, than I would agree with you that they were trying to fuck us. However, that's not the case."

Profits come from demand but profits are impacted by prices, too. and I know the margin argument, I know their margins are comparable with other industry margins. and I know a gallon of gas is still cheaper than a tube of mascara.

Call me psychic, but I guessed from your question that you you were intelligent and probably knew all the arguments and I was right that you're a Republican. but if I seemed glib I apologize, but I'm just telling you why I was glib.

Okay enough of me. I'd rather listen than talk. I usually learn more that way.

Have an awesome, Saturday

Him: So how in the world do you like Fox News so much if your a Democrat? :) I agree that Bush has really failed in numerous areas. However, I probably consider him a failure in other areas that you may not care about. First, as I said, he is NOT a friggin' conservative. I don't understand where he even gets the guff to even call himself that. I'm a firm believer in a smaller government, and he has done nothing but to increase it, and granting them more power over us. Although I consider myself a "righty," I'm with you on wanting him out of office. I almost blew a lid with the amnesty bill that's about to go into effect.

It saddens me that there are such limitations on our options for who runs this country. I really feel that both parties have failed. I wish a third party (hell, even if a new one was invented) could stand a chance at taking over.

I'm a true believer in taking ownership and responsibility for your actions, and leaving America a place for entrepreneurship. I just don't feel like the Democrats support that.

Now, here's the most ironic part. The Republican's are so pissed off at their party for acting non-conservative and more like Democrats. And the Democrats hate how the Republican's are acting. I dunno, I find that pretty ironic.

No, I don't know you, I just happened to stumble across one of your videos, and somehow found the Costco video. Then you just HAD to go and make that quick remark during the last 1 second of the video! :)

America is still the greatest country to live in as far as I'm concerned. Just do me a favor, if you vote Democrat next election, please don't go for Hillary!

Me: My liberal gay friends think I'm conservative but I see myself as moderate..I love Bill Maher AND Bill O' Reilly, so go figure!

PS I agree with 98% of your e-mail...truly...I really do....so does that make me conservative or does that make you a closet liberal? lol

Yes, about the amnesty bill...I don't understand a man who fights a war to "protect us" and then opens the floodgates to Mexico. bizarre. I mean I really don't understand how his mind works.
_________________________________________________

Lunch with Larsen Pt. 1: The Workers

2 Minute Exchange

Another Update: So far, this video has been seen by almost 20,000 people since Friday and received over 60 comments. Here is a sampling:

agentjmw
Absolutely Brilliant observation.

ruckstande
Kudos mutha fucka! You rock dude. Call this woman out. Where is the outrage?

faz8218
Good stuff, man!

ruckstande
Drudge needs to see this.

mstrike69
Shut the fuck up you fat homo.

I don't know why but, "Shut the fuck up you fat homo", is the comment that I most enjoy. Maybe because it reminds me of things my ex-boyfriend use to way while we were making love.

Anyway.

Thanks to PeopleAgainstCensorship.org for linking here and sending over lots of traffic.

Woohoo! Honors for This Video from YouTube:
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I report, you decide.

On the Bill O'Reilly show last night, guest Megyn Kelly makes a very unfunny joke about a rape victim losing out on all ends because not only was she raped but it only lasted two minutes. I'm not making this up. It needs to be seen to be believed. And did Bill O'Reilly call her on it? Absolutely not. They both just pretend it wasn't said. But then O'Reilly moves on to the next segment and discusses the rape jokes made on the Opie and Anthony Show. But, Bill, what about the rape joke you just ignored on your own show. I actually like Bill O'Reilly but this is all too deliciously ironic to pass up. It will be interesting to see if this story goes anywhere. Well, at least it will be on YouTube. God bless, YouTube!


You can also click here to go to YouTube and watch it. Enjoy

The Next Jennifer?

First there was Jennifer Holliday, then came Jennifer Hudson and now comes Ronnie Larsen. Should he change his name to Jennifer. Does he earn a place in the pantheon next to those two legends? Watch his version of "And I Am Telling You, I'm Not Going" from one of his favorite musicals, Dreamgirls, and decide for yourself if the the next great "Jennifer" has finally arrived.

Trannie Hitchhiking Pt. 2

My tragic friends, Sally and Vicky continue their hitchhiking quest.

Fall Well

I have mixed emotions about this Jerry Falwell thing. He's no friend of mine and I'm no fan of him but I have no doubt he did a lot of good in his life. Did he do more than good than bad? Did he help more people than he hurt? I have no idea. But I believe in balance. I believe we need the right and the left attacking each other to keep debate going. I wouldn't want to live in a Falwellian world but I don't mind having my beliefs questioned by religious zealots. On some level I will miss Jerry Falwell, but not very much.

My Funny Valentine

Melinda Doolittle has more talent than Jordin Sparks and Blake Lewis combined but I didn't vote so I guess I shouldn't complain but I'm very disappointed because I thought it was clear to everyone watching that she was by far the most talented singer on the show and thus should win this thing. However, the American public also voted for Bush so I guess on some level it all makes sense. I'm no fan of the remaining two so I don't really care who wins. Doolittle has been the only contestant to impress me every time; her version of My Funny Valentine made me fall in love with a song I'd never much cared for. She's the only performer from the show I'd buy a ticket to see or buy a CD from. Besides Clay Aiken, of course! Clay Aiken, ugh. I get creeped out just typing his name. But I digress.

28 Weeks Later

The thing about 28 Weeks Later is that it's about everything. It's one big metaphor and you decide as you watch if you're seeing a movie about AIDS, war, family, survival, fascism, American foreign policy, immigration, mental health, the Katrina disaster, etc. On the surface, the story is incredibly simple (zombies take over London) but the metaphors are incredibly complex and thought provoking. The story is set in motion by a dangerous exchange of body fluids during a loving kiss. They guy who gets kissed then spreads it to a hundred other people and so on, and so on and so on. Within hours, zombies are everywhere. The plot is simple, the issues are not. Both viscerally frightening and intellectually challenging, I felt very unsettled the whole time but I also found myself pondering the endless themes. And for once, the people in theater were quiet and well-behaved. And a good time was had by all.

Breaking News

The Tony Nominations have just been announced.

Best Play
Coast of Utopia ( 9 hours long! I'm not kidding.)
The Little Dog Laughed (the little dog closed)
Radio Golf (my nominee for worst title of the year)
Frost/Nixon (I'd like to see this)

Best Musical
Spring Awakening (too hip for me)
Curtains (hopefully not a prophetic title)
Grey Gardens (I'd like to see this)
Mary Poppins (Finally, a musical for the whole family! Tickets for four kids and two adults will only set you back $1,050.00)

Get your tickets quick! Most of these shows will NOT be playing a year from now. Sad but true. But it's an honor just to be nominated, even if your show does lose 15 million dollars.

On a serious note, they really must start doing Broadway pay-per view and DVD sales. Truly! These shows need every dollar they can generate. Why can't the idiotic, greedy union people figure out to how get this done. Boxing on pay-per view is a goldmine. Why not theater????

The Theater

First some trivia. This is a pic of production on The Color Purple before it opened on Broadway. I actually saw the show in previews and sat in the front row, center section, right on the aisle. Can you picture me there? I predicted the show would close after 6 months but it's still playing and making money. So what the fuck do I know? Take everything I say with a grain of salt!
________
Anyway, on with the blog:

1. The Times reported today that 80% of the shows currently on Broadway have not yet recouped and most probably won't. This is news only to someone who does NOT follow theater.

2. My brother-in-law called me to find out how to get tickets to Jersey Boys without spending 200-400 dollars a piece. Yes, tickets are now topping out at 400 a piece.

3. Joan Collins and Linda Evans recently toured together in a play and during interviews fawned over each other but now that the play has closed they are publicly declaring what a nightmare it was working together. Did I mention the show got scathingly bad reviews?

This, Ladies and Gentleman, is all you need to know about working in the theater.

Most shows lose money.
Tickets are waaaaay too expensive.
Stars are a pain in the ass.
Critics hate TV stars who do theater.
Most actors hate each other by the time the show closes.

And that concludes today's seminar on working in the theater. I hope you enjoyed it.

More Theater Stuff

I snapped this on my cam phone last year. It's the billboard for the big Broadway flop, Lestat. Yes, they made a musical about the vampire Lestat, but Tom Cruise wasn't in it. The poster featured these prophetic words: Die Young On Broadway. Whoever designed this billboard is either an idiot, a prankster, or a fortune teller.


"A big Broadway show guaranteed to run for six months!" Sandra Bernhard

Speaking of Jersey Boys!

I'm not attracted to actors but these boys make me want to join a boy band! My brother-in law wants to see Jersey Boys and after seeing this pic, I do too.

Shut Up and Sing

Shut up and Sing focuses on the controversy surrounding a comment the Dixie Chicks made about George W. Bush. The "controversy" is much ado about nothing but I found the documentary fascinating because I find all documentaries fascinating (even bad ones) and I find the Dixie Chicks fascinating. I'm fascinated by their ordinariness. I love insane pop stars as much as anyone but from a distance, please. Could you imagine having dinner with Madonna or Michael Jackson or Ozzy Osbourne? No thank you! But watching Shut Up and Sing felt like hanging out with a cool neighbor or listening to a friendly waitress who just also happens to be a famous pop star involved in a global controversy.

Lately, I find myself attracted to the simple concepts in country music. I've always loved white trash stuff; county fairs, truck stops, trailer parks, Wal-Mart. These days, my life has never been simpler, in fact I'm obsessed with seeing how simple it can get and the Dixie Chicks remind me to keep it simple. I'm sort of obsessed with their hit song, Cowboy Take Me Away. In fact, I'm listening to it right now; it's a beautiful song. So watch Shut Up and Sing! I know I'm rambling, but that's what us Cowboys do, we ramble.

Click here to listen to Cowboy Take Me Away

I've provided the lyrics so you can sing along.

I said I wanna touch the earth
I wanna break it in my hands
I wanna grow something wild and unruly

I wanna sleep on the hard ground
In the comfort of your arms
On a pillow of bluebonnets
In a blanket made of stars

Oh it sounds good to me I said

Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free oh I pray
Closer to heaven above and
Closer to you closer to you

I wanna walk and not run
I wanna skip and not fall
I wanna look at the horizon
And not see a building standing tall

I wanna be the only one
For miles and miles
Except for maybe you
And your simple smile

Oh it sounds good to me
Yes it sounds so good to me

Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free oh I pray
Closer to heaven above and
Closer to you closer to you

I said I wanna touch the earth
I wanna break it in my hands
I wanna grow something wild and unruly
Oh it sounds so good to me

Cowboy take me away
Fly this girl as high as you can
Into the wild blue
Set me free oh I pray
Closer to heaven above and
Closer to you closer to you
Closer to you
Cowboy take me away.
Closer to you

Pumping Gas at Costco

This is my latest Oceanside epic. Enjoy.

Another Mother's Day

This is the second Mother's Day I've experienced since the death of my mother a year and half ago. Whenever, I meet people older than me and their Mom is still alive, I get a little envious. But then I think about all the kids who have grown up without a Mom and I realize how lucky I was to get 37 great years. I'm also grateful for all the dreams I have starring my Mom. A part of me died with my mother and I'm extremely angry that a loving woman who never drank or smoke was stricken with cancer but I'm also grateful that I got such a perfect Mom. Things could have turned out better, but they also could have turned out a lot worse. So today, I'm mourning my Mom and celebrating her. I made this video for her funeral but it feels appropriate to post again, today. Happy Mother's Day, everyone! I miss you, Mom.

Closet.

Trannie?

Crippled.

Freaks!

Winners! 25,000

Loser!

Nappy-Headed Mormons

So let me understand this.

-Don Imus insults a very specific group of about 15 people and a national firestorm erupts.
-Al Sharpton insults every Mormon in America and it's met with a collective yawn.

What gives?

Good Blog Day

Yesterday was an avalanche of interesting reading by my friends and fellow bloggers:

•My brother Jay put a story about Bush that was intended to be positive but of course, my brother found a way to denigrate it and make me laugh in the process. He also wrote a cool hybrid poem that wasn't really a poem but was sort of poem. Very Interesting.

•Carolyn opened up her brilliant brain for analysis.

•Bake Town got me caught up on all the latest Bako news.

•Michelle Guzman reminded everyone not to pump gas on the 15th.

•Eric Womack discusses the fires in LA and the fires in his heart.

*And Vincent Lambert posted more sexy pics of the disgraced Prime Minister of Israel, Roman Ragazzi.

It was a fun day of reading! Keep on blogging, people, keep on blogging!

Popcorn and Diet Coke

I had a bag of popcorn tonight (94% fat free butter) as well as a Diet Coke (o calories, thank you very much) The popcorn bag came in a pack and I'm guessing each bag maybe costs 1.50. The Diet Coke costs about 40 cents each. So here's my question: Why don't I mind spending 10 bucks on popcorn and a Diet Coke at the movies even though I can have them at home any night of the week for about 2 bucks? Why it so much more fun to eat popcorn at a movie theatre than it is to eat it at home? Anyone?

Poser

Met a guy from CraigsList last week. We had a good time. He called tonight and wanted to come back. It was late, I had things to do, I wasn't horny so I said yes. The thing he wanted to do tonight was pretend that he was a nude model and I was sketching him. I'm very honest with ya'll so believe me when I say this was not my scene, it did nothing for me sexually, I didn't even get undressed. He just wanted me to watch him pose and sketch. I found it slightly tedious actually but I went along cause he's a very nice guy and I'm always up for something sexual I can exploit down the line via my blog, a film, a play, etc. So I'm sharing with you the sketch I did. I tried to get him to take it home but he wanted me to keep it and I'm glad I did. Now it will live forever on my blog. Notice the penis in two states: flaccid (red state?) and rock hard (blue state!).

Normal Eggs

I cooked eggs and toast for breakfast. I joke about people who write blogs and tell you what they had for breakfast and now here I am doing it. But here's the disturbing part, whenever I cook for breakfast I feel like an extremely normal person; I feel sane, healthy and all-American. So I'm standing there cooking my eggs, which is unbelievably easy by the way, and I suddenly start thinking about all the serial killers, wife-beaters, rapists and child molesters who had eggs for breakfast before committing their atrocities. So why do I think healthy people cook eggs for breakfast? How did this insane propaganda get in my head? What the fuck is wrong with me???

The eggs were delicious by the way.

And I Am Telling You

The great theater song And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going, is both a blessing and curse. If you sing it well, audiences will love you and leap to their feet and give you awards. But if you sing it too well, if you make too big a mark with it, if you really own it, it will own you as well. Jennifer Holliday who basically "created" the song has never escaped it's grasp and now it seems LaKisha has suffered the same fate. Nothing Lakisha sang on American Idol equalled the power of her singing "that song" in an early episode. She blew us away when she sang it but then everything since has been a letdown. Lakisha's journey on Idol is a mirror of the career of Jennifer Holiday and possibly Jennifer Hudson, who won an Oscar for singing it. It will be interesting to see if unlike Jenifer Holliday, Lakisha and Hudson can escape the pull of that powerful song, but I have my doubts. Will Hudson and Lakisha ever sing anywhere again without audiences begging to hear that song just one more time? My advice to Melinda Doolittle: never sing that song. Whatever you do, never sing that song!

Larry Birkhead vs Liviu Librescu

Larry Birkhead and Liviu Librescu. Do you know these names? Which one do you know? Do you know both or just one. How much do you know about Larry Birkhead? How much do you know about Liviu Librescu.

I felt sick to my stomach today when I realized the Virginia Tech Massacre got about a week of national attention while the Anna Nicole Smith saga riveted our national attention for months. Larry Birkhead is a household name and Liviu Librescu is, well, I'd never even heard his name til I looked it up 5 minutes ago. He's the holocaust survivor who was gunned down while protecting his students at Virginia Tech. He escaped a psycho in Germany only to be gunned down by a psycho in America.

Librescu should be a household name, renowned for heroism in the face of tragedy. He should be hailed for the great things he did with his life. Little kids should grow up wanting to be just like him. Woman should aspire to marry a guy like him. Men should want to be him. To be Librescuesque should mean to be heroic. None of us knew the name Larry Birkhead until the media decided we should know it. If they wanted to, the media could turn Librescu into a household name. But I doubt they want to.

Click here to read about the inspiring life of Liviu Librescu

Who are the Bee Gees?

My 26 year old neighbor once asked me who the Bee Gees were. I'm still recovering from the shock of that question. And her favorite movie is Grease. Go figure. Anyway, I hope she wasn't watching American Idol tonight. It was a dreadful night. I was prepared for an evening of my favorite Bee Gees songs, Tragedy, More Than A Woman, How Deep Is Your Love, etc. But instead of hits we got a bunch of songs no one had ever heard and will probably never hear again. Ugh! It was made all the worse by the fact that I watched the whole thing on the treadmill. I felt trapped.

Tragedy!
When the feelings gone
And you can't go on
It's tragedy!

My CX6000

A few weeks ago I contemplated buying a small copy machine. I assumed it would be expensive. So, today, I decide to go buy a new printer. Where have I been??? They make printers-scanner-copy machine all in one now! I know this isn't news but I had no idea. I got one for 100 bucks. Bear in mind, I bought a scanner 6 months ago for 80 bucks. Just a scanner. So I'm very happy about my purchase. I hope it works. It's an Epson. I've always had an Epson. I love Epson but I'm not sure why.

Just Say No

I was invited to brunch at 10 AM. I said, "No." They asked again. I said, "No." One, I don't like making plans a week in advance and two, I don't schedule ANYTHING before 2 pm. That's my rule. The night before the brunch I'm talking to my two friends and they say,"you're going to brunch period. You're going." They don't ask me they tell me. I'm tired of saying no so I say, "fine, I'll go." They wore me down. Fast forward to 6 am, 4 hours before the brunch. I text-message them saying: 'I'm going to bed. Won't be at brunch. Sorry." The next day they get mad at me, MAD AT ME, because I bowed out and here's the coup de' grace, they say, "Well, Ronnie if you didn't want to go, you should've just said no."

I almost lost it. I did say no, you tricky motherfuckers. I said it 10 times. Maybe, before I turn 40 I'll master the art of saying, "NO."

Short and Sweet

My favorite blogs to read are short blogs. When I go to a blog with 5 or 6 paragraphs I tend to skim. And yet, on my own blog if I just write 5 or 6 lines I feel like its inadequate. So, I write more and I publish and then I view it in published form and it looks waaaaay too long. I want to blog shorter. I do. I really do. My next 10 blog entries are gonna be super short so I can practice.

Next

Expectation is half the battle. Today was free popcorn Tuesday. I love free popcorn Tuesday but the only two movies playing today that I would even consider seeing were Next and Invisible. The trailer for Next looked horrible and I really didn't want to see it but I went anyway, just to get my free popcorn and I actually had a fabulous time. I imagined I'd be walking out after 30 minutes but I was totally engrossed from the beginning.

Next is basically Groundhog Day rewritten as an action movie. It's about life and the choices we make to affect the future. Imagine being able to see 2 minutes in to the future and making decisions based on that information, that's the premise.

The only people in the theater were me and a couple. During the opening credits when Nicolas Cage's name popped up on the screen, the young woman loudly exclaimed, "Nicolas Cage?!?!?!?" She was beside herself with excitement. I'm always intrigued by people who buy movie tickets without knowing anything about the movie. They know they want to see it but they know NOTHING about it! Imagine seeing Spiderman 3 and yelling out during the credits, "Tobey Maguire!?!?!?!"

And another thing, why is Jessica Biel suddenly in every movie? I don't understand.