Kickin' it Old Skool

The first serious comedy of the year, Kickin' it Old Skool operates on many levels. It's not just a comedy about a break dancer stuck in the past but it's also about the nature of time and the importance of break dancing as a serious form of expression.

Oh, who the fuck am I kidding??? I didn't see this and I can't imagine I ever will. I rarely go to stupid comedies (except my own, of course) but I do enjoy reading the synopsis.

"In 1986, a freak break dancing accident put Justin Schumacher in a coma. Now, 20 years later, he (Jamie Kennedy) is waking up to a new world and discovering that the more things change, the more he's stayed the same. With the girl of his dreams (Maria Menounos) engaged to marry his grade-school nemesis (Michael Rosenbaum), and his parents drowning in the debt of his medical costs, Justin must rally his former squad, bust a move, and win back the girl of his dreams."

Inspiring!

Gravitas

Some smart person wrote into Bill Maher and they read his clever question on the after hours podcast. He wrote:

"If Al Gore wrote a book claiming gravity exists would Republicans claim that it doesn't?"

An Open Letter To Jay

Here's our Dad with his fiance, Carol. Or as I like to call them, Clairol. (Our Dad's name is Claire) Anyway, we all had a lovely dinner. Lots of laughs. Her house was impeccable. She was charming, warm, and funny. It's obvious she loves to shop and decorate. Her outfit was really cute. She seems to really love Dad. It was all good and yet...the whole thing is just so damned odd. It's odd watching Dad kiss another woman and hold her hand. It's odd sitting with a total stranger who is suddenly now an intimate member of our family. And I was tired; up late the night before combined with 8 hours of driving round-trip. The whole day was...I'm not sure. And Kathy brought along another guy she is "crazy over" even though they only met 3 weeks ago. LOL. She sure moves fast. Takes after, Dad, I guess. Anyway, Carol is joining us at the ranch in June so you'll know more after that. We talked about you and your ultra-liberal politics. Dad thinks the longer you live in Washington State the more liberal you become. You make me seem like a moderate. Anyway, I thought of you the whole time. We all sat around trying to figure out how old you are. I think we decided on 43. I said 46. Don't feel bad, Dad guessed me as 32. I still think Debbie is about 25 even though she's actually 32. Ages and family; so complicated. I look forward to discussing this all with you in person. I miss you. The blogosphere misses you. Come back to the five and dime Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean.

The Other Woman

I'm on my way to Bakersfield to meet my Dad's fiance. Those are two words I never thought I'd utter. My friend Caryn claims she always believed my Dad would remarry but I didn't think he would. I wonder if most kids who lose a parent assume the remaining parent will remain single? To be brutally honest, I'm not looking forward to this event. I love my Dad, I want him to be happy and today isn't about me anyway so I'm not sure it matters what I think. But I suspect it will be bittersweet seeing my Dad with another woman. But if he's happy, I'm happy. Speaking of marriage, I'm seriously thinking of getting married, too. But that's another story for another day.

All You Can Eat

Friends come to visit but all they want to do is go to the KFC buffet!!! The Colonel says he misses you, Joe. When you coming back?

Fast Car

You got a fast car
And we go cruising to entertain ourselves
You still ain't got a job
And I work in a market as a checkout girl
I know things will get better
You'll find work and I'll get promoted
We'll move out of the shelter
Buy a big house and live in the suburbs

Second-Graders Wow Audience With School Production Of Equus

(I've had this saved on my computer for a loooong time so I thought I'd share it all with ya'll. I stole it from The Onion. I actually did a monologue from Equus in high school speech competitions.)

Second-Graders Wow Audience With School Production Of Equus

January 25, 2006 | Issue 42•04

NEWPORT NEWS, VA—Second-grade students at Franklin Elementary School impressed parents, teachers, and fellow students with their recent production of Peter Shaffer's Equus Friday.

Alan Strang (Kyle Keever, 7) prepares to blind a horse (Kate Piper, 7).

The avant-garde play, described by audience members as "adorable," was originally produced in London in 1973. The story revolves around troubled 17-year-old Alan Strang, played by Kyle Keever, 7, and his encounters with his psychiatrist after he blinds six horses with a metal spike. The play focuses on the causes underlying a seemingly senseless act of violence, and forces characters and audience members alike to confront questions of responsibility and ultimate meaning.

"The kids loved it," teacher and director Michael Komarek said. "Once they stopped screaming about horses getting their eyes gouged out and realized that it was just a launching point for more complex ideas about alienation from the modern world, they rolled up their sleeves and dug right in."

Despite its truncated 30-minute length and shoestring budget, the production—which received a standing ovation from a sold-out crowd of 65 in the school cafeteria—attested to the resonant themes of Shaffer's play.

"They really made it work," said proud parent Melanie Keever. "The producers achieved a very convincing effect of real blood spewing from the agonized animals' eye sockets using Karo syrup and red paper streamers."

"It tasted good, too!" said Kyle Keever, who was unable to resist licking some Karo syrup off of his hands during the eye-gouging scene.

With only nine speaking roles, there was some concern that the children wouldn't all get parts. However, the dream sequence—in which therapist Martin Dysart appears as a gold-masked pagan priest ritualistically cutting children's hearts from their chests—enabled every member of the class to get some stage time.

There were several moments of unexpected levity, such as 7-year-old Cheyenne Behling's inability to pronounce "Agamemnon."

"I had fun," said Behling. "I got to wear a fake beard."

Calling the show a "real hoot," the audience cheered the players on as the psycho-sexual nightmare unfolded. Many said they were pleasantly surprised by the deft execution of several more mature scenes, such as Jill and Alan's abortive sexual encounter in the stable.

"I am so proud of Bailey," said Roy DeForest, referring to his 8-year-old daughter, who played Jill. "She saw me with my video camera while she was doing the scene, and she smiled like she was the happiest girl on earth. But then she hopped right back into character."

DeForest added: "She's a little Julia Roberts!"

The performance was not without glitches. Early on, during a scene in which Alan is simultaneously in Dysart's office and surrounded by horses in the stable, a child portraying a horse lost his mask. In the ensuing confusion and giggling, Keever forgot his lines and fled from the stage weeping. Luckily, Komarek was able to coax Keever back onstage, and the re-entrance was greeted with thunderous applause.

"When Kyle screamed, 'Kill me! Kill me!' there wasn't a man, woman, or child unmoved," Komarek said.

During the cookie-and-Kool-Aid reception following the play, many agreed that Gina Helms, 7, was adorable with baby-powdered "gray" hair. Others reflected on whether Behling's stumble was a Method-derived interpretation of Dysart's internal struggle, or merely a happy accident.

Proud grandfather Jeremy Friedman said the fluorescent lighting of the cafeteria and the construction-paper set honored the play's original minimalist staging.

"I had the pleasure of seeing Equus on Broadway in the mid-'70s, and was struck by the lack of props and the portrayal of the horses by human actors," Friedman said. "I felt that the freshness of those innovations was honored tonight—and the kids looked cute in their little outfits."

Friedman added that the way the cast sat Indian-style around the periphery of the makeshift stage was "exactly the way it was done in the Hopkins-Firth staging."

Komarek, however, had his thoughts on the upcoming spring play.

"I love awakening the passion for drama and storytelling in the children," Komarek said. "Nothing's been finalized, but I'm eyeing Aristophanes' Frogs. I love the dislocation of verse in the play's stichic passages, and the kids love animals."

"Thank you, have a nice day!"

I think I'm alone. It's late at night. The gym is almost empty. I think my secret will be safe. I fart a horribly smelling fart right in front of my locker. God, it stinks. Two young jocks start walking toward my area. They walk right past me, right through my fart. Their lockers are next to mine. I'm mortified. I grab my backpack quickly and head out. As I'm leaving the area I hear one of them mutter behind me, "Thank you, have a nice day!"

Our National Nightmare Continues

Two days ago I did something I've never done before. I turned off Charlie Rose after 10 minutes because I couldn't bear to listen to the delusional-bullshitting-liar he was interviewing: The President of the United States. I think of the soldiers dying senselessly everyday in Iraq because has no clue what to do and it fills me with pure fury. George W. Bush aka Bubble Boy should be tried for reckless endangerment, voluntary manslaughter and negligent homicide. When will this nightmare end? I'm counting the days.

I'm Speechless

Don't ask me how I came by this pic, it would take too long to explain. Suffice it to say, when I saw it, my mouth literally dropped open. I'm still trying to make sense of it. What the hell is on his head? An S&M summer hood?

I actually blotted out his penis wrapped in a matching cockring. It felt obscene. And that's saying a lot coming from me.

Small Popcorn, No Butter

They know me and love me at my local Cineplex. Yesterday, while buying popcorn I joked to the popcorn girl that she should date her cute co-worker. Her reply:

"He's too young for me. I like older guys. They buy me stuff. My last 4 boyfriends were all over 21 and I'm not even 18 yet and my Mom knows and everything and she don't care. My last boyfriend even got my name tattooed to his chest and then I broke up with him. Oh well. He was stupid. Not my fault. I'm joining the Navy though. I hate working here. Just two more months. Do you want butter?"

I wish I could tell you the girls name but it's a very unique name. Very. A word with multiple meanings. Not really the kind of word you'd want tattooed on your chest. Unless you believe in fate. LOL Did you figure out the clue???

Jetpool

There's a new word for ya! Jetpooling is what the democratic debaters did not do to go from DC to South Carolina yesterday. They each took SEPARATE planes. This was being discussed on Talk radio earlier tonight and it's now the lead story on Drudge. I hope this story continues to get play. Waste and Washington are disgusting synonyms. Class, can you think of similar synonyms that start with the letter W. Anyone? War? W. Bush? Very good. Any others?

Twitter

Oh, thank God! Right before I was about to begin online traffic school I got an e-mail update from Grammar Girl about rules for Twitter. "What the fuck is Twitter", you ask? I asked the same thing. Twitter is, well I'm not sure how to describe it, it's a place to tell the world what you're currently doing. For instance, I would write: About to attend online traffic school. And then you post it and millions of people all over the world get to know that some guy they've never met before is about to attend online traffic school. Isn't that cool? I signed up for an account cause I figured it was another fun thing I could do to avoid starting traffic school. And now I'm blogging. The procrastination continues. And now I'm spellchecking. And now I'm IMing with a guy in Silverlake who claims to be straight. And now I'm telling him I can't watch him on cam because I have to do traffic school. And now I'm watching him on cam. LOL

Twitter.com

PS. I have noooo doubt that the one person who knows ALLLLL about Twitter is Carolyn Anhalt!

Procrastination is GOOD!

After two months of putting off online traffic school (over a stupid ticket) I'm about to begin...within the hour...I really am...I swear.

But this morning I realized that procrastination can be an excellent thing. What if I had done traffic school on Monday and then died on Tuesday. How sad would it be that I wasted the last hours of my life doing something that was no longer going to be necessary and that offers no pleasure whatsoever? I'm glad I put it off. I'd be even gladder if I didn't have to go. But in the future, if you have to do something really stupid, like traffic school, put it off as long as you can, ust in case you die before the day of the deadline.

Women on TV

Am I a sexist viewer? I realized last week that I primarily watch men on TV. The shows I watch are anchored by men. I don't watch The View, Oprah, Ellen, Katie Couric or Desperate Housewives. I do however watch:

David Letterman
Jon Stewart
Charlie Rose
Bill Maher
Tim Russert
George Stephanopolous
Bill O'Reilly
Ebert and Roeper
60 Minutes
South Park

I use to watch Judge Judy but I haven't for a while. I love Heidi Klum on Project Runway but she disappears for long stretches. I watch American Idol but Paula Abdul takes a back seat to Seacrest and Cowell. Saturday Night Live is the closet I come to watching a show where women play major roles throughout. There might be something sexist about why I watch what I watch, but I hope not.

Perfect Wife of Future

This picture is called, "Perfect Wife of Future." I didn't make it. I didn't name it. But I was Googling the words Caryn Horwitz and a bunch of stuff called "Perfect Wife" popped up. Hmmmm. Maybe I really should marry her. Make her an honest woman. LOL I've been calling her my wife for the last 5 years so why not make it official?

Need a new duvet cover?

Click here to shop.

I'm buying the one below for my dad and his new wife.

Damn! Now I have to find a new dentist!

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. (AP) - A man was held Wednesday on charges that he performed dental work on customers without a license in his "filthy" garage, authorities said. Roger Bean, 60, was arrested Tuesday and held on $6,000 bond.

Bean performed denture fittings and made false teeth in his garage, charging just $200 for a full set of dentures, a procedure that typically costs more than $2,000, authorities said. But he was not licensed to practice in Florida.

Click here to read all about my dentist.

Note: The man in the pic is not the subject of this story.

Toys

a short play by
Ronnie Larsen

starring
Toys

Farewell, Michael Smuin

The revival of Anything Goes on Broadway, starring Patti Lupone was a show I ushered for about 4 months. I must have seen it a hundred times and I loved it more every time. It stayed fresh and exciting every single night and audiences absolutely loved it. Now here's the weird part, it took me about two weeks to figure out the plot. I remember saying after the third performance, "Ohhh, the whole thing takes place on a boat???" LOL I didn't listen to the show for the first week I watched it. I was too dazzled to concentrate on the plot and a big part of that dazzle was created by choreographer, Michael Smuin. I remember Michael Smuin dancing up the steps to receive his well-deserved Tony award.

I don't know much about Mr. Smuin. I know he only choreographed a few Broadway shows. I know he choreographed Shogun: The Musical but I don't remember any dancing. I know he was a major influence in the Bay Area where he had his own dance company. I know he died of a heart attack this week while teaching a dance class. And I know I'll never forget the joy I felt every night watching the dances he created for Anything Goes.

The world has gone mad today
And good's bad today,
And black's white today,
And day's night today,
When most guys today
That women prize today
Are just silly gigolos
And though I'm not a great romancer
I know that I'm bound to answer
When you propose,
Anything goes

Click here to read more about Michael Smuin.

Bees Update

This great article was just sent to me by my high school girlfriend, Carolyn Anhalt.

Are mobile phones wiping out our bees?

Scientists claim radiation from handsets are to blame for mysterious 'colony collapse' of bees

By Geoffrey Lean and Harriet Shawcross
Published: 15 April 2007

It seems like the plot of a particularly far-fetched horror film. But some scientists suggest that our love of the mobile phone could cause massive food shortages, as the world's harvests fail.

They are putting forward the theory that radiation given off by mobile phones and other hi-tech gadgets is a possible answer to one of the more bizarre mysteries ever to happen in the natural world - the abrupt disappearance of the bees that pollinate crops. Late last week, some bee-keepers claimed that the phenomenon - which started in the US, then spread to continental Europe - was beginning to hit Britain as well.

The theory is that radiation from mobile phones interferes with bees' navigation systems, preventing the famously homeloving species from finding their way back to their hives. Improbable as it may seem, there is now evidence to back this up.

Colony Collapse Disorder (CCD) occurs when a hive's inhabitants suddenly disappear, leaving only queens, eggs and a few immature workers, like so many apian Mary Celestes. The vanished bees are never found, but thought to die singly far from home. The parasites, wildlife and other bees that normally raid the honey and pollen left behind when a colony dies, refuse to go anywhere near the abandoned hives.

Click here to read the rest.

Dead Bees

If cell phones are killing the bees I'll throw mine away right now. Outside the gym, I've noticed a high number of dead bees. This seems like another mammoth story being eclipsed by Baldwin, Anna Nicole and an election that is over a year and half away! What the fuck is going on with the bees??? The death of bees is a million times more important than the death of Anna Nicole!

Einstein said, ""If the bee disappeared off the surface of the globe then man would only have four years of life left. No more bees, no more pollination, no more plants, no more animals, no more man."

________

While looking for bee pics I stumbled onto an interesting blog filled with stunning photos of insects. STUNNING. I've stumbled onto hundreds of uninteresting blogs, knitting blogs for instance (of which there are many) but this blog is very cool. I've added it to my daily checklist. I can't wait to see more pics. Did I mention the photography is stunning. And they have great titles, too, like Beatles Mating On My Knee. LOL I love it. Check it out!

http://imarsman.blogspot.com/

Ian Marsman's photography and technology blog.

I stole this pic of a ladybug taking off. I hope he doesn't find out and sue me.

Brokeback Joker

There's some debate on Aint-It-Cool-News about whether or not these are the first pics of Heath Ledger as The Joker from the next Batman movie. Hmmmmm. I absolutely LOVED the last Batman film and I can not wait for the next one.

Vacancy

When I go to a scary movie I want to be scared. But most scary movies simply aren't scary. One would think that the scarier a movie is the more tickets it would sell but this is not always the case. Disturbia is a hit, Vacancy is not. At Vacancy I was scared the entire time; at Disturbia I was only scared for maybe 20 minutes. So why is Disturbia a hit and Vacancy ain't? I saw Vacancy in a COMPLETELY EMPTY THEATRE. So if you want to be scared for 90 minutes, go see Vacancy. I doubt it's gonna be around very long.

I also want to give a quick shout out to the cast of Vacancy who gave it their all even though there was only one person (me) in the audience! And Owen Wilson, you are very sexy!

On a side note, I find sleazy motels incredibly sexy. I dream of getting gang-banged by a group of truckers in a flea bag motel one day. To quote Carl Sandburg "Nothing happens unless first a dream!"

The Next Earth?

They've found another planet that can possibly sustain life and it's only 120 trillion miles away. This is clearly the most interesting and important story of the week if you don't count Alec Baldwin and his voicemails.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/technology/technology.html?in_article_id=450467&in_page_id=1965

Plenty of Vacancy

I'm seeing Vacancy in an empty theatre right now. Bliss! And ironic!

Time Warp

I made this video about a month ago but I thought it was too stupid to upload but I uploaded it anyway yesterday and OMM06 on YouTube really liked it . So now I'm glad I uploaded it. And I hope God does bless me. Thanks OMM06

"I really like this video!! It's a great contrast of the old times and the new. And I just love the boat....
Thanks for sharing. God bless you."

It's Shakespeare Day!

It's believed that William Shakespeare was born and died on April 23rd so today is his day. There are only three geniuses working today in the world of entertainment: Sondheim, Spielberg and Shakespeare. You might be incredibly talented but if you're name's not on that list you're not a genius in my book, but that's another blog. Today celebrate Shakespeare day I give you a ridiculous picture of me as Falstaff in High School.Oy vey!


My life changed forever on June 16, 1983 at 8:30 PM Pacific Time when I saw a production of 12th Night performed at PCPA in Solvang directed by Laird Williamson and starring Byron Jennings as Malvolio. The production was a pivotal moment in my life. Possibly even the most pivotal besides my adoption. Maybe one day when it's not 3:00 AM I'll write more about it and explain but it's a very long story. Suffice it to say, it was a life-altering experience that has impacted me ever since. I can trace everything I am and everything I've done back to that night and no I'm not being dramatic. I still have the program with my theater stub taped inside. So, I know exactly the date, time, place and where I was sitting (Section 5, Row A, Seat 1) when I saw a performance that for better or worse, made me who I am. The price of the ticket: $6.50. The worth of the experience: Priceless.

I miss you, Peg Pauly! And I'm sorry they misspelled your name in the Yearbook.

Stevie For A Day

Thankfully, jealousy is not a disease I suffer from. I figured out very young that jealousy is a waste of energy. There is no ones life I would rather be living than my own. HOWEVER, if I could live someone else's life for just a few days I would want to be Stevie Nicks. Whenever I can't decide what music to listen to I always run back to Fleetwood Mac. Gypsy is one of my favorite songs of all time. I spent an hour last night watching Stevie videos on YouTube and reading about her on Wikipedia and it all just seems so unique. There is only one Stevie Nicks; the voice, the hair, the clothes. Oh, to spend a night in her shawls singing that White-Winged-Dove song to the masses. And no, I don't want to be a Nicks impersonator. I want to be her. I want to see the world through her eyes, I want to think with her brain and sing with her vocal cords and greet her fanatical fans. That would be something to experience. But only for a few days. No more than two.

Watch this video and try not feel Stevie envy. And then watch the second video and hear how her voice has gotten richer with time (and cocaine).

Milk Toy

Shopping today in Wal-Mart, I came across this lonely gallon of milk amongst all the Fisher Price toys. Either someone left it there or children now play with gallons of milk. Either way, it struck me as funny so I snapped a pic on my trusty camera phone.

I love my '91 Honda Accord!

I just took my car in for minor surgery and they ran a diagnosis and said my engine is in great shape. Great shape??? I'm up to 293,000 miles. Can you believe it? I love my car. I've had lots of "fun" in that car and travelled all over the United States. The interior is in mint condition and a few years back I had the exterior completely redone and painted. People thought it was a new car. A main reason I love it is the automatic seat belts; they don't make 'em like that anymore. I feel safe in my car knowing I ALWAYS have my seat belt on. But 293,000 miles? Who'd have thought? I ask my mechanic how long this car can go and he says, "Forever." I hope he's right.

Mellencamp or Mellen Camp

Why the hell is John Cougar Mellencamp filling in for Roger Ebert? I'm totally confused. Last week they had A.O. Scott from the NY Times. Whose filling in next week? DEVO? Come back Roger Ebert!!! Roeper is being so condescending to Mellencamp. Whose ridiculous idea was this? It's entertaining though and I guess nowadays that's really all that matters.

Update: 5 minutes later and I no longer think it's so strange. It's actually getting interesting. How bout a show where a bunch of celebs sit around and review movies. Imagine Bea Arthur, George Will, Jaclyn Smith, Anthony Hopkins and Stevie Nicks arguing about Spiderman 3.

Final update: Mellencamp just said how handsome he thinks Ryan Gosling is. Quote: "I'd never seen that kid before. I thought he was a handsome dude. That's gotta count for something." LOL

OH MY GOD!!!!!! Mellencamp just picked Grey Gardens as his video pick. He loves the Broadway version, too!!! Is Mellencamp gay???? Only gay guys love Ryan Gosling AND Grey Gardens.

PS Every time I see the name Ryan Gosling I picture a guy in a sling; Ryan Go Sling.

Fracture

Anthony Hopkins is my favorite male actor in the movies. His performance in Silence of the Lambs is my favorite screen performance of all time by any actor or actress. He's currently starring in Fracture and he gives another effortless/funny/dark/intelligent/vulnerable performance but he's just not in the movie enough. There were long gaps where he disappears and we get scenes of Ryan Gosling having conversations with characters we don't really care about. More Hopkins, please!

The movie is involving and entertaining but once again we have a story that could have been told in 50 tight minutes. The first 20 minutes is extremely tight and vital but after that things slow down and the movie starts to feel padded in places. During the first 20 minutes, I thought to myself, "if the movie stays this compelling, I'll be seeing it again." But now that I've seen the whole thing I'm not so sure.

I really, REALLY, enjoyed it but I'm longing to see more movies where every second is vital to the story; movies like The Fugitive and Silence of the Lambs. But if you only see one thriller this month I recommend Fracture over Perfect Stranger and/or Disturbia.

PS Ryan Gosling is very talented and extremely sexy.

And for some reason I farted alot during this film but, thank God, I was sitting away from people.

August Wilson and Fences

According to someone on All That Chat yesterday, acclaimed playwright, August Wilson, only saw about 20 plays in his lifetime. Supposedly, he didn't go see plays he didn't write. I find it fascinating but hard to believe. I was actually an usher at his play Fences on Broadway with James Earl Jones. I must have seen the play over 30 times. Maybe I saw it more than he did. I recently read it again and I could hear the actors inflections in my head as if it were yesterday. As much as I admired it as a read, I was acutely aware that had I not seen the play first with the amazing cast on Broadway, I would not have appreciated how great the play is. I wish I were a better script reader. I also remember that it was the first time I had seen a drama on Broadway where the black audience members responded vocally: "That's right!" "You tell him!" "Mmmm hmmm!" "Amen" It often felt like being at a church revival and I remember thinking that in comparison, white audiences are boring. One line has stuck with me all these years and I've never forgotten it:

Troy: "Driving ain't nothing! You just point the car where you wanna go."

Making Porn in Detroit

Joe Bailey, an actor who appeared in my plays dozens of times all over the country has started a theater company in his hometown of Detroit and he's licensed my play , Making Porn. So if you live in Detroit and you're not allergic to milk keep your eyes out for details. I think it's opening in the summer sometime; I'll give you updates as I know more.

I once spent 6 weeks in Detroit acting in my play 10 Naked Men. The cast were really nice but I never got a handle on the city. And I didn't get laid and I didn't know where to go but I fell in love with White Castle onion ring chips. I also recall driving around one area and seeing burned-out relics of what were once charming homes. I really never got to the nice part of Detroit. The audiences though were especially appreciative and laughed extremely loud, so that was nice. The last night though, we were sold-out and it was gay pride day and one young actor showed up so drunk we literally were not sure he was gonna get through the show. Ah, the joy of live theatre. Do I miss it? Not much! LOL

A Lovely Visit From MrsProducer

My best friend, wife and business partner dropped in for a quick 24 hours of dominoes, bike-riding, noodle-eating, seal-watching and movie-going. It was a lovely visit. (Except of course, for the part where she fell off her bike to avoid running into a taxi and the other part where the cabdriver and I have a yelling match for 10 minutes on the sidewalk. But other than that, it was a great time.)

Healthy?

Is it really impossible to eat healthy fast food??? I've been exercising and eating better and I've actually lost about 20-25 pounds depending on the time of day I weigh myself, but more about that later. Last night I'm in LA and with my friend Billy and we stop at Jack in the Box. He wants one eggroll.

I order the Asian salad and before I put the dressing on I read the nutrition label: 250 calories! Holy shit! 250 calories. I've got low-fat and fat-free dressings at home which I love but I ate the salad anyway WITH the Jack in the Box dressing. But I really wish I hadn't. 250 calories in dressing seems excessive and silly to me. Surely, they can do better.

I have a feeling I may be officially done with fast food. I rarely eat it anymore, anyway, except when I'm travelling, which I hope to keep doing less and less.

Serenity

Yesterday around 5 pm, I'm bicycling on the beach and I see a group of people sitting in a circle around a campfire. As I get closer they break into applause. There is something odd about this group. It seems more than just a bunch of friends roasting marshmallows. I get closer and I see a beautiful blonde woman stand up and say, "My name's Shannon and I'm an alcoholic." "Hi Shannon!"

AA on the beach. How lovely. It makes me wish I were an alcoholic. I'm hoping they have SEXaholics meetings on the beach, too. I will now Google: sexaholics anonymous beach outside meeting Oceanside. Nope. Nothing relevant came up. Damn!

Scott Rudin, I LOVE you!

While a Broadway show is in previews it's supposed to be hands-off from reviewers but the New York Times has a section that allows readers to write their own reviews. The brilliant Scott Rudin, who is unhappy about this, has decided to run quotes from the reader reviews in ads for his new show, The Year of Magical Thinking. He puts the quote out there with the tag line New York Times Online. Fucking brilliant, Mr. Rudin!!! The Times feels this is unethical and have asked him to stop running the ads. Rudin responds by telling them they can't have it both ways. And I agree, it's not right to for The NY Times to allow a show to be reviewed on their own website and then get upset when that review is quoted elsewhere. An amusing exchange of letters, which the NY Post printed today, is a thought-provoking debate about ethics, advertising, theater, and the word "review."

Check it out by clicking here.

I'm reprinting the article below. Hopefully, I won't get sued.

April 20, 2007 -- WAR has broken out between Broadway producer Scott Rudin and the New York Times. At issue is the advertising campaign for Rudin's show "The Year of Magical Thinking," starring Vanessa Redgrave.
While the play was still in previews, the Times, on its Web site, encouraged readers to "write a review." Rudin didn't think that was fair. So on March 30, the day the show opened, he turned the tables on the paper, quoting, in ads in the Times and the Post, a reader who said: "An evening of magical theater. Get yourself a ticket to the Booth Theatre." Rudin attributed the quote to "The New York Times Online." That's when the battle began.

Yvette Encarnacion, a lawyer for the Times, demanded Rudin pull the ads. Rudin fired off a response to her that, in turn, led to an exchange of letters between Rudin and Craig R. Whitney, an assistant managing editor in charge of "ethics and standards" at the paper.
(Boy, that place is top-heavy with administrators; no wonder its stock price is down.)
I obtained copies of their correspondence from a third party, who thought I might have some fun with it.

And so today I present excerpts from "Love Letters," starring Scott Rudin and Craig R. Whitney. Enjoy!

From Rudin's April 3 letter to Encarnacion:
I am at a loss to understand why you are questioning the sourcing of these quotes, since they are, in fact, directly taken from the New York Times Web site, and credited thus.

The Times obviously feels these reviews have substantive credibility - otherwise, clearly they wouldn't appear on the New York Times' Web site . . . despite the fact they come from a random selection of faceless amateurs whose only qualification to review a play is that they bought a ticket and have access to a computer.

By the way, you called . . . to ask us to stop quoting your Web site . . . in the New York Post. Are you not aware that this same quote actually ran last Friday in the Times? Is there any other possible conclusion at which to arrive other than the inevitable one: that even the people who work at the Times don't actually read it?

On April 4, Whitney replied:
We think that when you attribute a quote to "The New York Times Online" . . . readers are entitled to trust that the appraisal came from someone actually employed by the New York Times - not from a letter from a reader. The New York Times Online did not describe your play as "An evening of magical theater." A reader, not vouched for in any way by the New York Times, said that.

By the same principle - a principle we would call "honesty" - we have no objection to your ad quoting the New York Times saying "Vanessa Redgrave is arguably the greatest living actress of the English-speaking theater." A Times critic said that. Surely you see the distinction. Lots of things that are published in the Times . . . do not reflect the judgment of anyone at the paper. That is, not everything in the New York Times is of the New York Times.

And we have called the attention of our advertising department to the lapse that led to the publication of the reader quote without proper attribution in the ABC ads last Friday.

That, as you say, "lots of things are published in the Times that do not reflect the judgment of anyone at the paper" is radiantly clear to all of us who read it. . . .You refer to these online reviews as "letters from a reader." They are not letters from any reader. They are reviews. You - the paper - label them reviews. There is something deeply corrupt about the Times' professed offense at our using these reviews to sell a production of a play. If you continue to run them, you can expect to continue to see them in our advertising. In fact, if you look at today's ABC listings in the New York Times, you will see the quote running once again, despite whatever instructions you gave to the advertising department.

On April 12, Whitney wrote:
I repeat, it is not only wrong but dishonest for you, in advertisements like the one that slipped through in the ABCs again yesterday, to quote from readers' reviews as "The New York Times Online." . . . We intend to continue to resist your attempts to mislabel them as ours in the New York Times. I will try to respond as quickly as possible to the pre-opening issue you raise. . . .

Later that afternoon, Rudin sent, by hand, the following:
When the Times stops running Readers' Reviews on its Web site, I'll stop using them in advertising. You can look forward to seeing them anywhere and everywhere until then. If the paper desires to engage with me in a First Amendment dispute, be my guest.

Yesterday, Rudin wrote to Whitney one last time:
You wrote me promising a response regarding the use about which we have been corresponding. To date, I have heard nothing from you. While it's nice to receive lectures about ethics from the paper that brought us Judy Miller, Jayson Blair and the Duke lacrosse team, it's not really what I was looking for. I'm still waiting for that response.

I am, too, Mr. Whitney. And when you get around to writing it, will you cc me, please? Let's keep the debate going!
________________

Scary Man

This dude seriously scares me. I mean that in a very real way. When I look at him I see a devil. He is the freakiest and most frightening Middle-Eastern leader I have ever seen. He freaks me out more than Osama and Saddam combined. I hope to read, someday soon, that he is no longer with us.

Laugh of the Day

This has been making the rounds and you've probably seen it already but in case you haven't, check it out, it's very funny.

Disturbia Update

There's lots of internet chatter about all the visible boom mics on screen during screenings of Disturbia. I didn't notice any but I'm tempted to see it again just to see if I can spot some.

Google the words: Boom Mic Disturbia

or

Click here

Wedding Bells

Well it's official, my Dad's getting remarried. At 70, my Dad's in amazing shape; sharp as a tack, great health, athletic, strong, he acts about 45; he still has a lot of living to do. So I'm very excited about his decision. I never thought he'd even date again. He's not a player. I couldn't imagine him asking out women but I guess he became a hot commodity on the elder Mormon dating scene. The wedding will be in July. His name is Claire and her name is Carol. I'm nick-naming them Clairol. And I hope they both live happily ever after.

Sanjaya, Sanjaya, Sanjaya.

Can't live with him, can't live without him. I can't imagine watching American Idol without seeing Sanjaya make a fool out of himself but yet he so gives me the creeps. The only contestant I'm still interested in seeing perform is Melinda Doolittle. I'm over the rest of 'em. But I could listen to Cowell talk all day long. I'm a card carrying member of the Simon Cowell fan club.

Disturbia

Disturbia and Perfect Stranger really are siblings but one sibling is bad and you want to strangle it (Perfect Stranger) and the other sibling is very well behaved (Disturbia). I love a well-behaved movie. You know, those movies where everything is fine; the acting, the story, the direction, the music, the pacing. I don't mean fine like Judi Dench-fine or "fine wine" fine, I mean fine like the movie did it's job. Disturbia is fine, in a good way. I escaped for 90 minutes, I believed what I was watching. I didn't roll my eyeballs. I got scared more than once. David Morse was scary. Shia La Beouf was charming. Carrie Ann Moss was...in the Matrix films. Sad to see an interesting actress reduced to doing next to nothing in a tiny role but, hey, I'm not her agent. So, in general, I really enjoyed the movie. I do, however, have a major reservation...

And this reservation is not so much directed at Disturbia but at Hollywood writers. I see a disturbing trend; stories that can easily be told in 45 minutes are being padded to fill 90-100 minutes. If you look at my two favorite movies, Jaws and Silence of the Lambs you see two scripts with not an inch of fat; everything is vital. But as much as I enjoyed Disturbia it could easily have been done in 45 minutes. And this problem is cropping up more and more.

And speaking of padding, the second night of American Idol is one big pad. They could do the second night in 3 minutes but they drag it out for 30 minutes. Thank God for Tivo.