In college when I was 20 years old I had two serious relationships with two older men. When I say older I mean one was over twice my age (CM) and another was 30 years older (a puppeteer...how ironic). I had a great time with both men and they both taught me lots and they both wanted long term committments. One even quit his job to build a life with me. Oh Lord!
I lost interest in both of these relationships and I drifted away. I never really ended them I just sort of disappeared. That's how I remember it. Both men told me I had hurt them and one even said to me, "Wow, I really thought you were mature but now you're really showing your age." Ouch. I've never forgotten that.
For many years I carried guilt about the way those relationships ended and then about three months ago I had a major revelation:
50 year olds who date 20 year olds and then get hurt when the 20 year old moves on are total fucking idiots. What kind of person is a 40 year old who wants to date a 20 year old??? Honestly! If you're dating a 20 year old and you're 25 years older and you put expectations on that person, you need to have your head examined.
I can not believe I carried that guilt for all these years. I actually think I'm owed an apology.
Letting go of guilt is a wonderful thing.
If the two men who "I hurt" happen to stumble upon this blog, feel free to e-mail me an apology. And if any of you reading this are over 40 and obsessed with someone half your age, I beg you to let go and/or get help. And Lord, I beg you, don't ever let me fall in love with someone 20 years younger than myself.
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WORD!
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