A Johnny Mathis Christmas

My friend and I go see Johnny Mathis in Vegas last Wednesday. The concert is awesome.

Three days later I'm at my parents for Christmas. I tell them about it. My mother, who is dying of cancer and can't get out of her chair, says, "I would love to have seen that. I want that song, Somewhere My Love, played at my funeral."

I download the song and we listen to it.

She sings along. She tears up.

The next day we watch old home movies from 10 years ago. In the movies my mother is bouncing around the house, full of energy.

Life is short and unpredictable.

I learn that painful lesson again and again.

Seducing Mormons

Fiddler on the Roof is my favorite Broadway musical of all time. It's also my father’s autobiography once you change Judaism to Mormonism. If you don't know the story of Fiddler on the Roof, it's basically about three daughters who disappoint their dad.

My dad is a Mormon, a die-hard Mormon. He's a great man. He's intelligent, loving, caring, thoughtful, generous and completely committed to his faith. All he wanted out of life was for his kids to grow up and stay in the church. Well, guess what? None of us did.

Over the years he's learned to accept it, but it has broken his heart.

For me, it was never in my blood, because I was adopted. My birth mother requested that I be placed in a Mormon home, and my parents used that over the years to try and convince me that I belonged in the church, but it didn't work. I have since met my birth mother, and she is anything but Mormon.

My birth mother is this amazingly loving creature who loves beer, cigarettes and hearing about my sex life. She is the opposite of the family that raised me. She just likes Mormons, and she wanted me raised by good people, and Mormons are certainly good people. Fuck you, they are.

How many Mormons are on death row? When was the last time you worried about being mugged by a Mormon missionary?

My brother and sister see it differently. They have a lot of anger toward the church. They were both kicked out by the church elders for being sinners. My brother was living in sin, and my sister was sleeping around.

For some reason, I was never kicked out. I guess the Mormon leaders have never Googled me. Technically, I think I'm still on the Mormon record books as a member. I sort of like it actually. The playwright who wrote Making Porn and Cocksucker: A Love Story has still not been excommunicated from the Mormon church.

I stopped going to church when I moved out at 17 and never went back. I didn't struggle, I didn't feel guilty, I just stopped going cause I no longer had to. I had moved out and was on my own. I found spirituality in the theater. Ushering Broadway shows at 17 was the closest I've ever felt to heaven.

It's funny, I don't smoke or drink and my friends tease me that I'm still a practicing Mormon, but I remind them that practicing Mormons don't suck cock, thank you very much. The closest I've been to Mormonism in the past 17 years was the Jell-o I made last week. Mormons love Jell-o. Every Mormon potluck has five types of Jell-o. I've secretly pondered going back to church just for the potlucks, and to see how many straight Mormon men I could seduce, but I hate wearing a tie.

So for Christmas next week I'm giving my dad what he truly wants. I'm going to church with him again. I have a nice suit I bought nine months ago that I've never worn, so I figure this will be a good opportunity to break in the suit and make my dad extremely happy in the process.

I love my dad. I worship my dad. I truly do have the greatest dad in the world. So next Sunday I'll be at his church, sitting next to him and making him feel for at least one day that hope exists. I'll go and I'll enjoy it. I'll study the people, I'll be intrigued by the silliness of organized religion, I'll check out the latest Mormon fashions and my dad will feel that I've taken one tiny step closer to giving him the one thing he's always wanted, the one thing he will never have.

Murderball

What a great year for documentaries.

I saw The Aristocrats, Grizzly Man and March of the Penguins in the theater, but I missed Murderball and just now caught it on DVD. Man, this movie is awesome.

It's about guys who play quadrugby; rugby in wheelchairs. It's a fascinating movie about the game, the lives of the players and the experience of being a serious athlete in a wheelchair.

These guys are badasses, constantly knocking the shit out of one another and swearing like sailors.

The movie even delves into their sex lives and how they do it. "Most guys in wheelchairs love to eat pussy," says one.

It's a great film. I cried more than once, laughed out loud and learned a lot! Rent this movie! Rent it now!

My Cheating Heart

Maybe because I was raised Mormon I struggle with polygamy. I simply can not be faithful to one, It's not in me.

I love you New York and I love you L.A. and I love you both equally but I simply can not commit to just one of you. I'm sorry, I know I'm a flake but you're both so amazing yet so different and I need you both.

Nothing compares to the glorious weather of West Hollywood. Never too hot, never too cold, just perfect. West Hollywoood weather is an addiction for me that I canot explain to anyone who has never experienced it. I am simply never uncomfortable in L.A. But that's the problem

L.A. you seduce me, you comfort me but you don't challenge me. You don't disturb me. In my car with my air freshener I am deprived of those delicious and disgusting smells that only New York can offer.

New Yok I hate your weather. I put on a t-shirt and it gets cold so I put on a jacket and then I'm hot. The coldest night of my life was watching your balls drop on New years Eve. I will never forget the cold of that night but I will also never forget the excitement.

L.A., we have never spent an exciting New Years Eve together, a least not one that I remember. On the other hand you've never given me frostbite, but you do give me valet parking and New York will never give me that. The joy of pulling up to the Grove to see a movie and having my car parked for me is a pleasure I can not live without but it's not enough to keep me in L.A. year round.

So, I have decided to continue seeing you both. I hope you understand.

I simply love you both and can not choose so please don't make me. I will however promise you both that I will no longer have affairs with other cities like Washington DC, Chicago, Atlanta or Boston. Those affairs were interesting but I'm done playing the field. If I'm not in New York I'll be in L.A. and if I'm not in L.A. I'll be in New York and I hope you both will keep me until death do us part. I'm a two-city boy now. Period. Let the future begin.

Brokeback Mountain

It's 7 am. Six hours ago I left the theater where I saw Brokeback Mountain and I can't shake the devastation I feel for Ennis del Mar (Heath Ledger). I am so fucking sad. I want to discuss the movie and tell you what I liked and what I loved and what I thought of the script and the direction, but all I can think about is the sad, lonely, conflicted face of Ennis del Mar.

I won't even tell you how great I thought Heath Ledger was because i didn't see him tonight. I only saw Ennis del Mar.

Jake Gyllenhaal was wonderful in the role of Jack Twist, but I am haunted by the sad, loving and angry life of Ennis del Mar.

I need to see this movie again before I can really put my thoughts together.

Also, I don't think you should know too much about the movie before you see it. And you should see it. Soon.

Aeon Flux

Moviegoing is an unpredictable activity; maybe that's why I love it.

The reviews for Aeon Flux are horrible, the box office is disappointing, yet I had a great time, proving once and for all that I have no taste and you should stop reading my blog.

Admittedly it's easier to like a movie when one goes in with no expectations, but I'm sincerely surprised this movie has been so roundly panned.

It's lovely to look at. The plot is interesting. The actors are fine. There is nothing wrong with this movie. I was completely entertained. The pacing is brisk, the violence is well-staged, the stunts are cool. Was it the best movie I've seen all year? Of course not. But was it the worst movie I've seen this week? Nope, Rent still holds that title.

Is Adam Pascal the secret love-child of Tim Curry?

I saw Rent tonight and all I could think of every time I saw Adam Pascal was how much he looked like Frankenfurter from Rocky Horror.

Rent was by far the worst movie I saw this year. I almost left after 5 minutes. I hated every single thing about it except for the 30 seconds Sarah Silverman was on screen and the "movie footage" from Marks movie was interesting.

To read more about this horrible nightmare of a film check out my movie review blog: The Cineplex Addict

All Hail Ali G

I'm putting this in movie reviews because the best acting I've seen all year is by Sacha Baron Cohen, the actor who plays the characters Ali G, Borat and Bruno on Da Ali G Show for HBO.

The first two seasons are out on DVD and I''ve just gotten around to watching them.

This man is fucking brilliant.

I know, I know, I'm behind the times. He's a big star already, everyone loves him, blah blah blah, but I've just discovered him and I'm awestruck. I'm gonna go so far as to say that Da Ali G Show is the most important entertainment I've seen all year.

He blows our society to bits. He uncovers a moral hole in this country and exposes things that are so painful and disturbing that all you can do is howl in laughter. He hits hard. I watch it and my mouth falls to the floor in disbelief.

He gets an entire room of ordinary, middle Americans in a country-western bar to sing an anti-Semitic song about killing Jews while they clap along and laugh and hoot and holler and I truly don't believe they understand what the fuck they are singing. The subtext seems to be, Americans aren't racist, they're just fucking stupid. Which is scarier? Racist people or people too stupid to know racism when it slaps them in the face?

He then plays a gay character and in some scenes convinces other "fabulous" gay people to lie and change stories so that they too can seem even more fabulous on camera. He says to one fabulous asshole stylist to the stars to pick who is in and who''s out this year by telling the stylist to say,"Should they stay in the ghetto or off to Auschwitz." An "in celeb" gets to stay in the ghetto but an "out celeb" gets shipped to Auschwitz.

For example:

Bruno: Ricky Martin? Stay in the ghetto or off to Auschwitz?

Stlyist: Auschwitz.

Another subtext seems to be that Americans are sheep and all you need to herd them is a microphone and a camera.

He then visits pompous celebrities like Newt Gingrich, Andy Rooney and that horrible James Lipton from the Actors Studio and exposes them for the desperate media whores they are.

Why does Andy Rooney even agree to be interviewed in the first place? He gets plenty of airtime every Sunday night in front of millions of people.

This is important stuff AND on top of all that, Sacha Baron Cohen is an amazing actor. I'm rarely blown away by acting, but this guy is acting on so many levels. The characters he has created are over-the-top yet completely real. Totally unique and bizarre and yet totally human. It''s an amazing feat.

I remember the first time I saw a Charlie Chaplin movie and I was blown away by his physical flexibility and the combination of silly clowning and profound pathos. Seeing Chaplin for the first time was a revelation and I felt that feeling again while watching Da Ali G show. A unique, startling, hilarious and razor-sharp actor lives among us and his name is Sacha Baron Cohen aka Ali G.

Respekt.

Note: I'm uploading two clips on my Web site so you can see him in action. I hope i don't get sued, but you must see him in action. I'll even loan you my DVDs. Go to RonnieLarsen.com Movies

Walk The Line

I keep hoping to read in Variety that Walk the Line is only part one of a three-part trilogy about the life of Johnny Cash ala Lord of the Rings.

I really enjoyed the movie and I'm a big fan of Joaquin Phoenix but when it ended I was disapointed because I felt cheated.

They showed a third of his life. But I want the whole thing. I'm just greedy.

He marries June Carter and then what? Keep going.

Walk the Line is a lovely first third of a movie.

I wept in the first 10 minutes. The first ten minutes are perfect. As a young Johnny Cash walked down the dirt road on his way to join the military I balled like a baby. The movie never affected me as deeply as it did in the first 10 minutes but I stayed completely involved throughout.

I loved Joaquins performance. I love watching him. I still believe he should have won best supporting actor for Gladiator.

The concert sequence at Folsom Prison gave me goosebumps. His relationship with his father is heart-breaking.

And then the movie ends with some lame title card explaining that June and Johnny Cash lived happily ever after for 35 years, or something like that.

Bullshit!

Finish the film. Please, Hollywood. Finish the film!

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

One of the reasons I don't care for GLAAD, (the Gay and Lesbian media watchdog group) is that they so often just don't get it.

They look down when they should be looking up. They censor when they should let go. They criticise before they know the outcome. Case in point; they got a TV show pulled last year because it involved a homophobic guy who didn't want gay people living in his neighborhood. The show got cancelled but I read, in the end, the homophobe had a change of heart and they all lived happily ever after. I don't know the details exactly cause GLAAD protected me from having it on my television set. Thank God they are policing the airwaves so I won't be subjected to idiots who don't like gay people.

Take a memo GLAAD: Censorship in LA and NY scares me alot more than homophobia in the heartland. And yes I'm gay and yes I'm proud and yes I've been gay-bashed.

GLAAD celebrates movies that illustrate the pain and anguish of being gay. But when a truly important movie comes out like Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, they completely ignore it.

Shane Black and Val Kilmer should be given GLAAD Media Awards at the end of the year but I promise you, they won't even be mentioned.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is a huge leap forward for Hollywood. Val Kilmer plays one of the leads, a gay guy, in this big budget action movie by the creator of the Lethal Weapon movies and the homosexuality is no big deal. No one cares. He's gay, he's macho, he's intelligent, he shoots a gun, he's sexy and he's the star of the fucking movie and not one gay person i know has even mentioned this film.

Is it my favorite movie of the year? No.

Is it the most important gay movie of the year. Absolutely!

Brokeback Mountain wll be showered with awards and reinforce the stereotype that gay people live quiet lives of desperation.

It's an old story that I'm tired of hearing.

But for gays, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is the truly important event movie this year because the homosexuality in it is such a non-event! Kudos to Shane Black and Val Kilmer.

Rent

I love musicals. I love New York. I love the East Village. I've been a starving artist. I dress up in drag sometmes. I've lost dear friends to AIDS. I know many people, actors and friends who are HIV positive. A close relative of mine lost a few years of her life to drug addiction. I've gone to self-help meetings. My last name is Larsen.

I SHOULD be able to find SOMETHING in this musical to connect to and appreciate, but I can't. I hate the material. I hate it. I hate the lyrics, I hate most of the music, I hate the original musical and I hate this fucking movie.

I've been trying for the last 30 minutes to write this review and I don't know where to start.

I cringed thru every moment of it. I could write a frame by frame smackdown of everything wrong.

The only thing I liked in the movie, besides Sarah Silverman, who stole the movie for the two minutes she was on screen was the low-budget footage of the "movie" one of the characters, Mark Cohen, is shooting.

Maybe if the whole movie had been shot in that style and it was done as an abstract portrait of downtown and the songs played over the images, and all the actors were unknowns and looked like actual penniless-HIV positive-drug addicts living without electricity or running water in the East Village...maybe, just maybe I could have enjoyed it cause I did enjoy the rough footage but everytime one of those fresh-faced, well-scrubbed, costumed, polished Broadway actors opened their mouths to sing about the pain of life, I felt insulted.

HIV positive strippers on heroin do not look, dance or sing like Rosario Dawson. Filmmakers do not walk into 12 step meetings unannounced and start filming. Drag Queens don't walk around New York dressed up as if everyday is Wigstock. I live in NY. That movie is not NY. The whole thing is ridiculous, bizarre, juvenile and as the credits rolled I kept mutttering to myself, "Oh my God...Oh my God!"

This may sound like back pedaling but I'm glad Rent exists because I know it has brought tons of joy to millions of audience- members and the original musical launched careers of many talented people. And I'm truly sad that Jonathan Larson did not live to create more musicals and I have enjoyed films by the director of Christopher Columbus. BUT, having said all that, Rent is by far, the worst movie I saw all year.

No other movie this year was so wrong in so many ways. I literally can not think of another film I saw this year that felt like such a complete and total failure in every department. I love many movie musicals; Sound of Music, Chicago, Fiddler on the Roof, Cabaret. Each of those movies is approached completely differently but they all work on their own terms.

Rent fails and it fails hard and I sat through it. I wanted to leave, but I I didn't. I stuck with it and it's an experience I will never forget as much as I wish I could.

PS The Rent mug above is for sale for only 10 dollars on the official Rent website. Everyone should start their day with coffee in a cup from a musical about people dying from addiction and poverty. Delicious!

Oliver Stone Touched Me...

... While I Slept!



Oliver Stone was my alarm clock this morning. It's 7 am in the Village in NYC and I keep hearing someone yelling, "rooooolllling." "Action!" They are filming a movie about 9/11 and I'm trying to sleep. I look out the window and there are literally a hundred people milling around. They are filming a car driving a block. They film this for over two hours.

Rolling, action, The car drives a block. Cut Repeat. Over and over. I will never understand big-budget movie-making. Why does it take a hundred people to film a car driving down the block? I simply do not understand!

Michael Clarke Duncan was playing the doorman of my building. I didn't see him but my real doorman said they actually filmed a scene in my lobby.

By the time I had officially woken up for the day the production was already evaporating but the memories of it will haunt my building for ever.

"They shot that movie in this building!"

"I saw Oliver Stone filming right here on the sidewalk."

There is nothing more boring than watching a movie being filmed except maybe watching golf, but it's a story I will probably end up repeating for the rest of my life.

Once upon a time, on a cold November day in New York City, Oliver Stone woke me up with words, "roooolllling!" It was 7 am, I was fast asleep and...

North By Northwest

The plot: An advertising executive is mistaken for a spy and is pursued across the country while he looks for a way to survive. (plot description taken from IMDB.com)
______________________

It took me two months to watch this movie. I had it from Netflix for two fucking months. I'd pop it in, get distracted, turn it off, etc.

Finally, I turned off my phone, put away my computer and watched it from begininng to end and loved every minute of it.

It's a great ride. The shoot-out chase sequence on the face of Mount Rushmore had me clapping in my own living room.

I don't know why it took me 36 years to see this movie!

In the last scene, Cary Grant begins to make love to Eva Marie Saint as Hitchcock cuts to a shot of a big train entering a tight tunnel! Hot!

I also believe this was the first movie I have ever seen Cary Grant in. Is that possible?

Anyway...watch this movie, it's frigging awesome!

Syriana

Finally!

A movie for adults and adults only.

Not based on a comic book, not a glossy bio of a famous persons life and no Oscar-baiting performances.

Syriana is just a complicated movie about complicated adults, surviving complicated situations, in the most complicated places on the planet.

Did I follow every nuance? Absolutely not. Was it convuoluted? Yes, but we're talking about oil and the Middle East and Washington D.C. politics. Can anyone figure this shit out?

Syriana is written and directed by Stephen Gaghan, the same fellow who wrote Traffic, which I also loved. Well i didn't exactly love Syriana but it doesn't want your love. It wants your attention and I was riveted.

Stephen Ghagan is that rare Hollywood writer writing for adults and adults only. I felt like a grown-up while watching this.

I loved Batman and Willy Wonka earlier in the year but at the end of the day those are still comic books and candy.

Syriania reminded me that wether I pay atttention or not, important things are happening in the world and if I bury my head in the sand, I'm likely to wake up with an oil rig planted squarely on my back.

Thoughts: Happy Thanksgiving! Enjoy the pics.

I'm still not sure what this holiday is supposed to celebrate especially after just finishing US History for Dummies, but whatever. Have a good one, anyway. Hope you enjoyed the pics.

PS I'm not a big fan of Turkey but I do love Ambrosia. Ambrosia is food of the white-trash-Gods! Delish!

Air Travel Lust

I finally got frisked at the airport in a way I enjoyed. A very macho guy was conducting my frisk and he reached with both hands toward my belt buckle as if he was going to undo my belt buckle. His hands sort of lingered, and I found it momentarily exciting. Then he reached around to pat my backside, but when he did he was in front of me, so he reached around like he was hugging me. It was all strangely erotic.

I've been frisked numerous times, but this was the first time I actually enjoyed it. I wasn't, however, thrilled with the way he handled my laptop, but oh well, you can't have everything.

Now I'm on the plane in business class and I'm so fat it feels like coach, and the guy sitting next to me is so hot, so my type. He's on a cell phone discussing a construction job he's doing in Detroit tomorrow. He keeps calling the guy on the other line "buddy." "Hey, buddy." "Okay, buddy." I don't believe I've ever called anyone buddy, not even the "buddies" I use to meet at Blow Buddies, a sex club in San Francisco.

Anyway, this construction man next to me has enormous fingers. I'm falling in love with his fingers. I fear this is going to be a very long flight as I try to sneak peaks at his very manly, very sexy, enormous fingers.

He watches me type before takeoff. I type with one finger. As I close my laptop he says, "Wow, that's amazing how fast you can go with one finger." I think to myself, "You have no idea. And how ironic that you were contemplating my fingers at the same time I was contemplating
yours."

Flash forward two hours, I now know everything about his life. Everything. The man never shuts up. I know about his affairs, his three children, his crazy wife, his visits to strip clubs, the death of his father, his legal problem, his wife's C-section, his pool, his John Deere lawnmower he bought from a friend for $300. I could pass a test on this man. I feel like his girlfriend. He tells me about the one time he hit his kid at a barbecue because the boy crashed the family three-wheeler into a tree.

I have a gift. Well, I'm not sure if it's a gift or as curse, but people will tell me anything. Anything and everything.

I would have turned away and ignored him if he wasn't so fucking sexy. I couldn't stop staring at his fingers. He goes to the gym every morning at 6 am, and it shows. It's amazing what we tolerate from people we want to have sex with. Had he been ugly, I would have cut the conversation off after 10 minutes, but for two "straight" hours I listened and fantasized and listened and fantasized.

He's gone now. I miss his manliness. I feel sad knowing I will never see his dick and relieved knowing I will never have to act interested in his words again.

I know where he is though, the name of his company, where he lives, where he works, his last name, his first name. Maybe I will look him up someday. He made a few homophobic comments followed by the phrase, "I got nothing against anybody; people can do what they want but..."

I believe he can be had.

Hedwig and the Angry...who cares.

Seriously I do not get it. I guess I'm not hip.

There's no denying that John Cameron Mitchell is a very talented actor/performer but this Hewdig thing is one of the most overrated pieces of entertainment in the last 10 years.

Am I supposed to care about this Hedwig character, because I don't.

A friend dragged me to the play in NYC while Mitchell was still in it and I was sooooo bored. I left stupefied.

Then the Hedwig movie comes out and the fast-paced trailer looked promising and the reviews were great so I held out hope.

It's lonely not liking material that everyone else seems to love.

So the movie is on tv tonight and I watch it and I have the exact same feeling I had all those years ago at the theater: total fucking boredom.

I just simply do not care. There was one moment in the first hour that I really liked, a character with stringy hair is looking at a flyer announcing auditions for a European tour of Rent and his/her expression is one of utter confusion.

Great moment! I related because I don't get Hedwig and I don't get Rent, either. But more about that later. Maybe I'm just not interested in East Village-grungy-undergroud-type-people-who-sing.

It's odd, I admire John Cameron Mitchell and I admire Jonathan Larson but the phenomenons they both created just don't speak to me on any level.

Oh well.

Halloween H20 DVD

Just caught Halloween H20 on DVD. Again.

God, I love this movie. It's so lean, so focused and Jamie Lee Curtis is perfect.

It's so fun watching her go after Michael Myers.

I'll never forget seeing it in a packed theatre in Times Squre opening weekend. I saw it twice the first weekend.

The scene where Jamie Lee Curtis grabs an axe and goes after her brother is one of my single favorite film moments of the last 10 years.

If you like action-horror-suspense-movies go rent this or put it on your Netflix account or tivo it.

And Josh Hartnett is in it too and he's fucking cute.

Jesus is Magic starring Sarah Silverman

I can't recomend this movie enough. I can't stop thinking about it. I was howling. HOWLING! I was laughing louder than anyone else around me and I'm not a loud laugher (usually) but this movie kicked my ass.

I really don't have much to say about it other than that while watching it I felt alive. I felt that I was watching someone very important with something to say and not afraid to say it.

Freedom of speech is alive and well. I wanted more! I wanted her to keep talking. I wanted to run out and drag everyone I know into the theatre.

Go! Go! Go!

It's funny, it's timely, and most of all, it's dangerous!

I think I might be in love with Sarah Silverman.

Derailed

Derailed is a very good thriller and that's all it is. Yes, it's predictable and yes, we've seen these plot twists over and over but never-the-less as I watched I had a feeling of dread and I was genuinely concerned about what would happen to Clive Owen's character. I was involved. I was "thrilled." So, yes, I'm reccommending this movie even though as I write this, the next day, I feel like I'm writing about a movie I saw 10 years ago.

Ringo Starr

I'm at the Grove tonight in LA seeing a movie and I'm standing in line to buy popcorn and I look over and right next to me is Ringo Starr looking exactly like he does in the above picture with two women who look exactly like the two women standing next to him in the above pic.

I got the pic off his website. Don't sue me Ringo, I'm a fan.

He's talking fairly loudly, not being obnoxious, but not trying to hide either, he was just being Ringo. His strong British accent came through loud and clear.

I immediately thought of the Beatles on Ed Sullivan and how they came to America and changed the world. I thought of all those teenage girls chasing him down the street. How odd now all these years later to see him standing in line buying popcorn and no one noticing.

I kept looking around to see if others were noticing and no one was. I felt, in that moment, like I was the only person at the Grove who knew who Ringo Starr was.

So I quietly say to the young girl running the cash register, "look, there's Ringo Starr." Her face stays blank. She is unimpressed. "Ringo Starr", I repeat. It's clear she has no idea who he is.

"You don't know Ringo Starr?"

"No", she says.

Again I say, "You don't know Ringo Starr???"

I can not comprehend that she does not know Ringo Starr. So I say, "you know, the Beatles???"

She continues to stare at me blankly.

"The Beatles!" My voice gets louder.

Finally she gives in, "I think, I've heard of them."

I'm speechless. I say, "You don't know The Beatles? Oh my God."

She gives me my popcorn and my cup and I go to the soda fountain to fill it up. I stand next to one of Ringos friends and I'm dying to say to her, "Can you believe that girl running the cash register doesn't know who the Beatles are???" But instead I say nothing as we both stand there filling up our sodas.

I was curious what movie Ringo was seeing but my movie was already in previews so I hurried ahead glancing over my shoulder to see if anyone would stop him for an autograph.

No one did, at least not while I watched.

I wanted to scream out,"One of the members of the single most important band in the history of music is in our midst here tonight." Am I overreacting. No I'm not. The Beatles are...THE BEATLES!

I'm not sure what impacted me more, seeing Ringo, or talking to the young girl at the counter who had no idea who he was.

I slip into my theatre to see Derailed with Jennifer Aniston knowing full well the movie will not match the thrill of my brief brush with a musical legend in the popcorn line at The Grove on November, 19, 2005.

I am a HIPPO

I saw a Discovery Channel show on hippos last night, and I have decided that I am a hippo. Hippos are very fat. They love the water. They are very social but guarded. When people see hippos, they are intrigued and charmed and want to get closer. But be warned: Hippos will turn on you and eat you for lunch.

I am a hippo. I am not proud of my hippo-ness, but Arthur Miller said it best when he wrote, "Part of knowing who we are is knowing we are not someone else." And part of the aging process for me has been about figuring out who I am and who I am not. Finding out who I am has been exciting and painful and freeing, and I struggle every day with wanting to be a different animal. Dogs are nice, man’s best friend. Goldfish are sweet and harmless. Giraffes are tall and probably see things in a unique and elevated way. But I am not a dog or a goldfish or a giraffe. I am hippo.

To enjoy the rest of my life in peace, I must learn to accept being a hippo and live in places where hippos belong and surround myself with people who love, admire and understand hippos. If you get close to a hippo and then find yourself disappointed that your hippo is not a puppy, who is to blame? You or the hippo? And if a tough independent hippo lives his life pretending to be a sweet charming goldfish, then that is one delusional hippo, don't you think? An honest hippo is the best hippo. I'm looking forward to living the rest of my life as an honest and happy hippo.

Besides, hippos live much longer than goldfish.

Has Mel Gibson lost his mind?

The trailer is out for the new Mel Gibson movie, Apocalypto. I promise you this movie is going to bomb soooo big at the box office. You heard it hear first, kids. Anway, he has inserted a quick shot of himself into the trailer smoking a cigarette. It's very funny. It goes by so fast you have to watch the trailer frame by frame. Do I have too much time on my hands or what?

PS The above pic is taken from the trailer.

Click here to view the trailer http://www.apple.com/trailers/touchstone/apocalypto/

I forgive you, Tom Cruise.

I know you've had a rough year. The press have beaten up on you. Hell, everyone has beaten up on you.

But I just downloaded the new Mission Impossible 3 trailer so all is forgiven.

Dude, that trailer kicks ass! I watched it 5 times.

No matter how much you infuriate us you keep giving the world consistently entertaining movies.

Your mission if you choose to take it, is to keep making fun movies and don't hire your sister to be your fucking publicist again.

Cheers

See ya, next summer.

To view the trailer go here: http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/missionimpossible3.html

Speak up, Harriett!

Harriet Miers got screwed. I'm not sure who screwed her, maybe she even screwed herself but she got screwed none the less. She was nominated to the highest court in the land by a man who was elected by a majority of Americans and yet she was disposed of without ever having her voice heard. Why didn't she speak? I heard Bill Frist read her statement, I heard everyone else speak for her and against her but I never heard her. She will always remain a mystery.

Maybe she is unqualified. Anyone who worships at the alter of George W. Bush is of questionable mind but still, Harriett, step up to a fucking microphone! Paris Hilton speaks louder than you. Within days Miss Miers became a punchline for Democrats and a punching bag for Republicans. Where were her friends?

Any enemy of George Will and Trent Lott is a friend of mine. It doesn't bother me when people beat up on the bullshit-artist formerly known as Condalezza Rice, but Harriett reminded me of sweet Mormon women I knew growing up. The type of women who knew I was gay but still accepted me because I was a cute kid. The type of tireless women who were the first to arrive at a potluck and the last ones to leave.

And what do we get instead of Miers? Another middle-aged white guy! My heart sank when I saw his round, fat, white, Republican face on the Drudge Report.

Goodbye Harriet Miers.

I will always remember you for the trial you endured and I hope you weren't too damaged by the beating you suffered. You did agree to the adventure but did you ever suspect, in a million years, you'd be treated like a third-class citizen with no judicial knowledge?

Trent Lott, the racist-asshole-gentleman-from-Missisipi said, "In a few weeks no one will remember the name of Harriet Miers."

Fuck you, Trent, I'll remember it and I will always wonder about the sound of her voice and what, if anything, was inside her head.

Jarhead

I learned a powerful lesson tonight at Jarhead.

No matter how talented the director is, how good the actors are, how much money you have to spend on production, a movie needs, above all, a script and story.

A topic, a subject, interesting characters, scenery, images; none of these are story, they are simply elements and a movie without a story will never soar.

Jarhead is full of awesome elements: great actors, honest performances, confident directing, wonderful lighting, interesting music but guess what it doesn't have, there is simply no script, no story. There are wonderfully written scenes but scenes do not a script make.

Story is everything and there is no story. I can hear the filmmakers arguing that the lack of story IS the story but I say bullshit.

As a writer who has written plays with no plot I assure you that it is not a good idea and audiences are most often compelled when a real and urgent story is being told.

When an audience is fed only interesting characters, cool scenes, nice dialogue they eventually lose interest and that is what happened tonight at Jarhead in New York City in a packed Imax theatre.

We got bored, restless and eventually disconnected. We kept waiting for the plot to begin and it never did. We kept thinking it was starting but then it would trail off and the move would start again and eventuallly this repititive cycle grew tiring.

War is boring, repetitive, tiring, slow and tedious but great movies are not. I reccomend it for sure for all the wonderful and compelling scenes, a scene with a lost horse covered in oil is one of the saddest images I've seen all year but as a whole it will ultimately dissapoint you.

On a side note: Peter Sarsgard is once again woefully miscast. It makes me fucking angry. He is a talented and intelligent actor and I would never deny that but it's cruel to cast him in roles that he is simply wrong for. He is not a US Marshal (Flight Plan) and he is NOT a US Marine (Jarhead). Seriously, he looks fucking ridiculous in these macho parts. Cast him properly, I'm begging!

Also the trailer for the new Spielberg movie, Munich, was riveting. I hope the movie is, too.

And speaking of trailers, King Kong kicks ass. I love you Peter Jackson. I'll be there opening day!

Doom

People who eat dog shit have no right to complain about the taste.

I love shitty movies so telling you Doom sucked doesn't really feel right. I read the reviews, they were horrible. I saw the trailers, they were horrible. Most video game movies are horrible. I knew all this going in but still I bought a ticket? Why? Cause I must enjoy the taste of dog shit.

I'm not gonna critique this movie except to tell you I left after 30 minutes. Basically, I left after I was done with my popcorn and there was nothing left to distract me.

At times my focus wandered over to the red exit sign, I would stare blankly at it, thinking, and then suddenly realize I'm supposed to be watching the movie. That's how uninvolved I was.

I will however use this time to show you how smart I am. In the movie is an actress who plays an American scentist. She has a brother who is an American Marine. I knew right away that this actress was British because her America accent was so bad. SO BAD!

A Brit doing a bad American accent is so distracting. They tend to try and flatten everything out and it ends up sounding part southern, part New York, part California and part British. Sort of the way Madonna sounds when she forgets she's from Michigan (but in reverse).

So I came home and checked the Internet Movie Database for Doom and sho-enough she was in Die Another Day and I'm certain she kept her accent in that movie.

I'm so fucking smart. (I wish)

For another Brit doing a distracting American accent see Sean Bean in North Country.

Happy Halloween

A Holiday Remembrance
by TruckStop Sally


(Jennifer Leach and TruckStop Sally)

A few years back I attended Shane Blacks famous Hollywood Halloween party and that was my outfit. Vince Vaughn even told me I looked sexy. Black is the screenwriter who gave the world all those L movies (Lethal Weapon, Long Kiss Goodnight, Last Action Hero, Last Boy Scout and now he's directed a movie he wrote called Kiss Kiss Bang Bang)

It was the best Halloween party I ever attended in the biggest house I've ever been in. Vince Vaughn was dressed as Don Johnson from Miami Vice. Everyone, including men and women were playing with my big penis. Girls would make their boyfriends sit on it. Everybody took pictures with it, it was quite a night.

I've always loved Shane Black for giving me that crazy night and for writing The Long Kiss Goodnight, a movie I adore. Thank you, Mr. Black. And if any of you have any more pictures from that night please forward them to me. Boo and Trick or Treat. I love halloween!!!

by TruckStop Sally

Saw 2

Saw 2 is a very well-behaved horror movie. It does everything it's supposed to do. It's creepy, suspenseful, scary, chilling, disgusting, sexy, fast-paced, bloody and well-acted.

Saw 1 had a very creepy ending and the single worst performance ever given on screen by a well-known actor (Carey Elwes)

Saw 2 far exceeds Saw 1 in every way.

I saw it at the Arclight in LA where people actually behave while watching. No cell phones go off, no talking. I just don't love the Arclight because it's assigned seating and I hate being told where to sit but still, it's a very nice theater with very well-behaved patrons.

Anyway, Saw 2 did all the right things and I enjoyed it very much. Every character makes the worst possible decision but I think maybe that's the point. If the characters were more rational and not so emotional there wouldn't be a movie.

I went alone because no one I know, I repeat, NO ONE I KNOW wanted to see it but it did 30 milllion this weekend so somebody besides me must have gone.

Oh and before I forget, Happy Halloween. BOO.

North Country

I don't like movies that chase Oscars and I don't like movies about tough women who aren't really all that tough.

i like movies with strong ass-kicking women like Sigourney Weaver, Uma Thurman, Angelina Jolie or Jodie Foster. Those women don't cry every time something bad happens they just keep on fighting.

I liked alot about North Country but I mostly liked the woman lawyer defending the mining company because she was a tough mother-fucker. And I loved Frances McDormand as the union rep because she gave as good as she got but the character Charlize Theron plays is one big ole cry-baby. She cries and cries and cries and I just didn't believe it.

I don't believe a cry-baby would sign up to work in a coal mine.

Charlize wants another Oscar and that's what you get in North Country, you get lots of Oscar chasing.

The movie is very good much of the time but it constantly takes the easy way out painting the men as pigs and the women as victims. We all know that life is more complex than that but what fun is complexity? If you want complicated characters go see Capote, or better yet, rent Monster and watch Charlize do the kind of work I was hoping she would do in North Country. I wanted to see a tough, complicated, angry portrait of a woman on a mission but instead I got tears and tears and more tears and by the end I just didn't care.

Look at the picture of the female miners up top. Do those women look like cry babies to you? To me they look like tough, funny, bright women who wouldn't take shit off no man. Those are the kind of women that inspire me and those are the kind of women I want to see on the big screen.

Oscar loves victims but I don't.

Fuck You Text-Messagers at the Movies!

If you text message during a movie you are a shitty human being. Period. Just know that, ok. If you go to a movie and whip out your cell phone and start pressing buttons then you are a miserable shit and I hope horrible things happen to you!

What kind of person goes to a movie and starts text-messaging. A worthless-piece-of-shit-person, that's who!

If a person was sitting next to me in a movie theatre and text-messaging and they suddenly had a heart attack I would just sit there and watch them die. I would enjoy it more than a repeat viewing of Capote. It would fill me with joy to watch your text-messaging fingers clutch your chest in pain as you die in the third row of the theatre.

I'm at the movie last night and this dumb-goth-cunt kept text messaging every two minutes. I Pray her multiple piercings get infected and her phone gives her a tumor. I tend to be fairly optimistic about the human race and truly believe the world is getting better not worse but when I see shit like that I lose all hope.

Why would a person do that? Are they totallly oblivious? Do they really not understand that they are ruining the movie for the people who are next to them? Do they realize it and not care or are they really that fucking stupid????? I fear they may not even understand what they are doing cause they are literally THAT supid.

If you want to talk on your phone loudly in the lobby like a pig, fine, whatever. Talk while you're driving, I do it, too.

But text-messaging in the movies. This is why we have the death penalty.

So the next time you're sitting in a movie and you whip out your phone, please think to yourself, "I am a total brain-dead piece of shit." Because you are and death is all you deserve!

The Fog and Tom Welling

I saw the Fog a few days ago and it is already fading from memory like mediocre sex.

The movie was something about people with bad skin coming back as ghosts in the fog to destroy a town or some bullshit like that.

Who knows?

I couldn't get into the movie because A: It was stupid and B: Tom Wellings beauty was tooooo fucking distracting!

Holy shit! Is Tom Welling really the most beautiful man on the planet? I think maybe, yes.

There was only one shot in the entire film where he didn't like the most beautiful man, ever. But every other shot, I couldn't believe it, I mean really, I could not fucking believe it.

I pray to God he's a closet chubby chaser and he reads this blog!

Note to the director: I really loved the scene where the little kid was running along the beach away from the fog, it was a haunting image. Maybe the whole movie should have been about the kid. Every time he was on screen I felt a sense of dread but then you would cut to Tom Welling and I would get distracted again.

Note to the writer: No one should be asked to come up with a story about killer fog. I feel your pain.

For more about my love of Tom Welling go to the video section of RonnieLarsen.com

Domino Suuuuuuuuuucked!

Tony Scott is one of our three worst film directors. The other two are, of course, Rob Cohen (Stealth, Fast and the Furious) and Paul W.S. Anderson (Aliens vs. Predator) The sad thing about Scott is that he's actuallly made a few movies I've enjoyed, (Spy Game, Crimson Tide) but I fear he's lost his mind.

I just suffered through the first 20 minutes of Domino. Granted, I did drop my entire bag of popcorn all over the floor during the first 5 minutes and granted, the goth-cunt next to me kept text-messaging someone, which was totally distracting and I hope she lives the rest of her days in total misery but still...the movie sucked so bad!

There is the whole thing Scott is addicted to: random lines of dialogue repeating, the camera never still, yellow and green saturated colors, blurry images. I'm sure he thinks it's cool or hip or clever but it's not. It's mental retardation on film. It's directorial autism.

I almost left during the first 5 minutes of Man on Fire due to this bullshit technique he's addicted to but I suffered through it and the movie did seem to calm down about 30 minutes in but Domino showed no sign of let up so I trucked my fat ass outta there and asked for a refund.

Now I don't normally ask for refunds, my attitude is, "You buy the ticket, you sign up for the ride and if you don't like it, oh well. No one promised you it was gonna be good." But the super-combo of the spilled popcorn and the goth-cunt made me feel entitled.

Domino is a disaster at the box-office and I couldn't be happier. Hopefully now Scott we'll see that he's traveled down the wrong road and get some serious help. Maybe his brother, Ridley Scott, can perform an intervention.

The Corpse Bride

There is only one Tim Burton. No other director on this planet can be counted on for continually putting breath-takingly unique images on the screen. Though Burton is not my favorite director, (that distinction falls to Spelberg) Burton is certainly my favorite visualist. I love looking at Tim Burton movies and The Corpse Bride is no exception. The fabrics, the hairdos, the silhouettes, the sets, the lighting, all stunning. Possibly the best lighting I've seen all year.

But alas, the Corpse Bride is a movie not a painting and herein lies the problem. The story is completely uninvolving, most of the characters are unlikable and the pace is slow, slow, slow. I sat there awestruck by the beauty and bored by the story. Bored. I wanted to turn the sound off and just play music and watch it like a silent film.

It feels like a 30 minute movie stretched out to 80 minutes. And much of the film is a direct lift from A Nightmare Before X-mas, a movie I saw 12 times at the theater when it first came out. If you watch them back to back, which you can do now in LA you will see the similarities. It's not just the theme of two-worlds-colliding that makes the films so similar but the characters, the song ideas, even the shapes of the faces and bodies,

The Corpse Bride owes everything to Nightmare Before X-Mas except Nightmare had characters I could root for in a story I cared about full of images I had never seen before. The Corpse Bride is no Nigtmare.

Fat America

Watching America balloon has been a fascinating experience for me. I've always been fat. I was fat before it was cool to be fat. I was fat when being fat meant being unique. Those days are over. Now everyone is fat! I'm in line at the grocery store, the lady behind me is fat, the checker is fat, the cashier is super fat and there I am just fitting in, feeling slim. A thin man walks by...what a freak! What's wrong with him? Get with the program. Thin is so 1982. Being thin these days is almost un-American. If you want to be thin go to Canada. Fat is patriotic. Us fatties embrace the culture of fat and wallow in it like pigs in a sty. I use to be emberassed to take my shirt off in public, not anymore. Now I love it! I look forward to it. Stretchmarks are hip, the new tattoo. One chin is not enough and if you aint wearing XXXL you just aren't phat! It's a beautiful thing this fat phenom. No more special trips to the big and tall store, now every store caters to big and tall! They even make grocery stores just for us. Love you, Costco! Why buy a small thing of cheese when you can get 12 pounds for 4.95! I love cheese and now I never run out and the more cheese I eat the fatter I become and the fatter I become the more I fit in! I love this country. Eat up, America! The fatter you get, the thinner I look.

Capote

And this years Oscar for best actor goes to...


Oh how I loved this movie. I loved it so deep inside of me I wanted to jump into the screen. I loved every fucking moment of it. I have always admired Philip Seymour Hoffman as an actor of endless intelligence and creativity but I've always felt that he was working just a bit too hard to create something unique and although he always suceeds I've never fallen in love with him until I saw Capote. His performance is so perfect. It's the most subtle, effortless performance I have ever seen him give. He holds a phone in one scene and his pinky is way up but it's not funny or silly or commentary it just is. It's Capotes pinky. The whole movie is filled with stuff like that. The way he smokes, the way he buttons his jacket but also the way he listens and the way he turns introspective and then the way he switches into selfishness and childishness.

This is a difficult review to write because I loved every moment of this movie. Where does one begin?

The sound. There's an early scene of Capote clipping an article out of the paper with scissors and the sound it creates it's ominous and creepy and dangerous.

The costumes are lovely to look at, accurate but not costumey. They looked like real clothes worn by real people.

The lighting is mysterious and flattering and harsh all at the same time.

The direction struck me as utterly perfect. It was a thrill to see a new director shoot a big story without needing to show off.

The screenplay. Every scene was fucking perfect. I couldn't imagine a better way tell this story.

You know, I really can't write this cause I'm still thinking about it and I'm gonna see it again this week and I'm not articulating very well but it had a profound impact on me.

If you're a writer, be warned, there are uncomfortable questions in the movie about the nature of our business and the process of creating. What responsibility do we have to the people we write about? When the process is over are we assholes for walking away from the people who helped us tell the story? It's not a simple movie.

PS After to the movie I went to K-Mart to buy a light bulb and the harshness and crassness of the people was extra shocking to me after having just come from the world of Capote. I felt lonely after the movie. The world of Capote is so complex and rich and intelligent and then to walk into K-Mart. Oh Lord. Shell-shock. There are some truly sad souls on this planet and they all go to K-mart on Saturday afternoon.

Flight Plan (don't see it twice)

Was it good? Did it suck? Who cares! I got to see Jodie Foster on the big screen last night and that's all I cared about. The new lines in her face were shocking and exciting.

Why did she pick this script? I truly don't understand and I say that sincerely, I would love to know her logic behind this.

There are so few movie stars that I get excited about seeing but she is one of them. There was a very interesting interview about her in Premiere magazine where she talked about having a mid-life crisis and not working enough. It's odd to think that someone as perfect as Jodie Foster could have a mid-life crisis. Silence of the Lambs is my second favorite movie after Jaws. The scenes where her and Anthony Hopkins talk are my favorite cinematic moments of all time...I could watch them over and over.

Back to Flight Plan. I'll see it again just to spend more time with Jodie Foster. My friend Wynn Thomas is currrently designing a movie she's starring in. He says she's a beautiful person and I believe him.


FLIGHT PLAN/SECOND VIEWING

Well the news gets worse.

Saw Flight plan again tonight with a dear friend and the movie simply does not hold together on a second viewing. Once you've seen it and know where it's going there is no point in seeing it again except to dissect it. I found myself watching the extras, studying the set, pondering Jodie Fosters career.

Peter Sarsgard perfomance is actually worse the second time around. I found myself longing for him to open his eyes all the way. And I am now convinced he has a hard-on for John Malkovich. I actually believe he is imitating him for some hero worship reason. When I was in acting school all my fellow actors were obsessed with John Malkovich. Not me. I found him incredibly self-concious and mannered. It wouldn't shock me to find out that Peter Sarsgaard is of that class of actor who "loves John Malkovich."

Sarsgaard is not a bad actor on any level but in this he is terribly miscast (I hear he was great in Shattered Glass) I rarely watch movies and feel they are miscast, I accept the casting and go along for the ride but I actually believe Sean Bean is miscast too. His inflections are Shakespearean sounding. Most pilots I've met don't sound like poets when they speak wether they are British or not. I think Sean Bean is a wonderful actor but totally miscast.

I would actually reccomend this movie, it's not a waste of time but do not see it twice.

For an excellent review that lays out all the movies flaws, go here. This guy writes an amazingly thoughtful and insightful critique of the movie.

http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=21358

Heat/DVD

Now here is an awesome movie that holds up on DVD. HEAT with Pacino and Deniro, so great. I loved it at the theater, saw it twice, loved it on video and now, years later, it still holds up. Its a complex and disturbing screenplay about cops and robbers and relationships and survival and male-bonding. I never appreciated how lovely it is to look at but last week, even on DVD. Lovely. Michael Mann is quite something.

Collateral was hands down my favorite movie of last year!

But back to Heat...everyone in Heat is great. And it's so nice to a movie with such great roles for women. We need more movies like Heat.

Wallace and Gromit and the Curse of the Who-Cares!

Why did I sit thru this silly clay thing about British people with bad teeth and vegatable addiction?

Well actually I didn't, I vacated the cineplex after 30 minutes.

I only leave something when I feel totally bored and I was TOTALLY bored. I'm a sucker for pop culture and after getting rave reviews and winning over 90% of the critics I decided I would go even though my gut said,"don't do it." Trust your gut! That's what I learned! Trust your gut!

A major problem with this venture is that Wallace is totally unlikable, he has a dog named Gomit, that never speaks but can drive a car and knit. Gromit knitting in the car was mildly amusing for 10 minutes but the knitting dog needs to find a better vehicle and an owner who isn't a knit-wit!

The creator of these characters is always winning Oscars but for what??? The story was boring, the action unclever, the characters are all idiots and the pacing is sloooooow. If I'm gonna wtch clay figures walk around I'll take Gumby anyday! Remember those Christian clay characters on Sunday morning TV, I think they were called David and Goliath, those were much more involving than this and I'm not religious. I love clay figures, some of my best friends are clay figures but Wallace and Gromit are simply not engaging. At least not to me.

A History of Violence

I fucked up and waited too long too see this movie, I heard too much about it. The trailer gives waaaay too much away but having said that it's still a very fun ride.

I'm not sure it's as profound as it thinks it is but it is extremely entertaining and that's why I go to the movies. Entertain me, goddammit!

There isn't enough violence in the movie to satisy my bloody tastes but what is there is jaw-droppingly good. It's got the kind of violence that makes you gasp in horror and glee at the same time the kind of violence you feel in your body as it's happening on the screen. Viggo Mortenson kicks ass and the audience I saw it with were responding quite vocally. The wife is played by Mario Bella and if i didn't know better I would have sworn I was watching Diane Lane.

Thrown in amongst all this violence and family angst are some nice shots of Viggo Mortensons bare ass and chest and a full frontal shot of Mario Bella. It's always intrigiung seeing a big hairy vagina up on a 40 foot screen even for a big fag like myself!

Ed Harris and Wiliam Hurt are both very interesting, giving odd performances that usually are done by Christopher Walken. I recommend it absolutely.

PS I saw both these movies at my favorite theater in the entire world, The Grove. The amount of hot guys who go to the movies there is staggering. This place definitely needs a gloryhole!

NOTE: Two weeks later I'm still thinking about this movie so maybe it is profound. I'm not sure yet. I might go see it again.

Into the Blue

If you like sharks, violence, and nearly naked people as much I do then you'll love it, too. Every scene either has a shot of a sexy body or a sexy shark. I was in heaven. And yes the sharks give more natural and sympathetic performances than Jessica Alba or Paul Walker but who gives a fuck?

And lets give credit to the cinematographer, much of the underwater photography is truly beautiful.

Go see this movie, Bro. That's what everyone in the movie calls each other, "Bro." "Hey Bro." "Wassup Bro? "Look at that shark, Bro." I kept wondering if the screenwriter wote Bro in to the script or if the actors just kept adding it themselves.

Actor: "Bro, can my character say "Bro" before each line?
Screenwriter: Well, actually...
Director: Sure, Paul, whatever you want.
Actor: Thanks, Bro.