Fat America

Watching America balloon has been a fascinating experience for me. I've always been fat. I was fat before it was cool to be fat. I was fat when being fat meant being unique. Those days are over. Now everyone is fat! I'm in line at the grocery store, the lady behind me is fat, the checker is fat, the cashier is super fat and there I am just fitting in, feeling slim. A thin man walks by...what a freak! What's wrong with him? Get with the program. Thin is so 1982. Being thin these days is almost un-American. If you want to be thin go to Canada. Fat is patriotic. Us fatties embrace the culture of fat and wallow in it like pigs in a sty. I use to be emberassed to take my shirt off in public, not anymore. Now I love it! I look forward to it. Stretchmarks are hip, the new tattoo. One chin is not enough and if you aint wearing XXXL you just aren't phat! It's a beautiful thing this fat phenom. No more special trips to the big and tall store, now every store caters to big and tall! They even make grocery stores just for us. Love you, Costco! Why buy a small thing of cheese when you can get 12 pounds for 4.95! I love cheese and now I never run out and the more cheese I eat the fatter I become and the fatter I become the more I fit in! I love this country. Eat up, America! The fatter you get, the thinner I look.