Turkey: So are you excited about Thanksgiving?
Ronnie: Hell no. I don't get it, I've never gotten it.
Turkey: You don't like turkey?
Ronnie: I don't like any food that takes 8 hours to prepare. I always thought it was a cruel joke played on my mother that for a "holiday" once a year she "got to" get up at 5 am and start making dinner. What fun that must have been for her! I get angry thinking about it. It's not good enough to just make dinner every day for your family! No sireee! For one "special" day in November you have to spend 8 whole hours making it!
Turkey: Maybe she enjoyed it?
Ronnie: Well I don't remember anyone ever asking her, "Mom, do you really want to do this? Seriously? Wouldn't you just rather order Chinese food?" She loved Chinese food. Thanksgiving is another holiday that has morphed in to a lovely day of torture. People stuck in airports and cars just so they can eat food with people they don't really like and eat food they can eat any other day of the year. You want cranberry sauce in February, eat it. Why wait for November? And why do you have to fly across the fucking country to eat an ugly slice of cranberry crap. Eat it by yourself in your own home if you need it that bad. It's a huge secret, but you're actually allowed to eat cranberry sauce year round. It's true! People just don't know that.
Turkey: I fear you have a black heart.
Ronnie: Imagine a day, once a year, called Corn Dog Day. And everyone travels miles and miles to eat corn dogs with their family:
"What are you doing for Corn Dog Day?" "Are you excited about Corn Dog Day?" "Hmmmm, I can't wait to stuff myself with corn dogs on, Thursday. We're going to her sisters house this year. She makes the best corn dogs!"
No offense, but I don't even like turkey that much. But if I wake up with a craving for turkey I'll go buy a turkey sandwich. I don't need a national holiday to eat meat.
Turkey: But, Ronnie, Thanksgiving is a day of thanks!
Ronnie: Everyday should be a day of thanks! Every moment should be filled with thanks. Do you know how lucky we are to be alive. Do you know how rare life is? Read "Rare Earth", it's all about how difficult it is for a planet to foster life and what a miracle it is that Earth worked out. I'm thankful everyday. I should have been aborted. My birth mother got pregnant at 14 in 1969. It would have been easy for her just to abort me and get on with her childhood, but she didn't. She carried me to term and gave me up for adoption to a wonderful family. I don't need a special day to remind me to give thanks. I give thanks every day. Life is a miracle. My life is miracle. I'm thankful. Happy Thanksgiving and all that. Now turn off the oven and enjoy your miraculous life, unless, of course, you actually enjoy cooking all that food. Do you really enjoy it? Be honest.
4 comments:
uh, yeah. i love thanksgiving. seriously, it's one of my favorite holidays. i find xmas and easter much more tedious. fancy dinner parties are always fun (the bigger the better too, this year I think we'll be approaching 20 or more) and the nice thing about t-day is that it is ALL about the turkey! not about the imaginary friend in the sky, or the presents or the children. it's about adult food. what's not to like?
Celebrate Thanksgiving by pelting Tomatoes at each other. That's what we did in my family while I was growing up. Every year. Tomatoe fights in place of eating a turkey dinner. What better way to celebrate a holiday for killing thousands of Native Americans? Hey Ronnie! Come to B-town and have dinner with us. :o) Don't worry... we'll leave the tomatoes in the noddles itself.
Yeah, Thanksgiving is just a pain in the ass. I have to work so luckily I get out of it this year. I'm so done with the holiday. for now
Happy Thanksgiving. Eat what ever you want with whomever you want! Everyday.
Oh, our turkey takes 3 hours, not 8. It's those damn pies and stuff that take all day.
Love you, Bro.
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