Happy Halloween

A Holiday Remembrance
by TruckStop Sally


(Jennifer Leach and TruckStop Sally)

A few years back I attended Shane Blacks famous Hollywood Halloween party and that was my outfit. Vince Vaughn even told me I looked sexy. Black is the screenwriter who gave the world all those L movies (Lethal Weapon, Long Kiss Goodnight, Last Action Hero, Last Boy Scout and now he's directed a movie he wrote called Kiss Kiss Bang Bang)

It was the best Halloween party I ever attended in the biggest house I've ever been in. Vince Vaughn was dressed as Don Johnson from Miami Vice. Everyone, including men and women were playing with my big penis. Girls would make their boyfriends sit on it. Everybody took pictures with it, it was quite a night.

I've always loved Shane Black for giving me that crazy night and for writing The Long Kiss Goodnight, a movie I adore. Thank you, Mr. Black. And if any of you have any more pictures from that night please forward them to me. Boo and Trick or Treat. I love halloween!!!

by TruckStop Sally

Saw 2

Saw 2 is a very well-behaved horror movie. It does everything it's supposed to do. It's creepy, suspenseful, scary, chilling, disgusting, sexy, fast-paced, bloody and well-acted.

Saw 1 had a very creepy ending and the single worst performance ever given on screen by a well-known actor (Carey Elwes)

Saw 2 far exceeds Saw 1 in every way.

I saw it at the Arclight in LA where people actually behave while watching. No cell phones go off, no talking. I just don't love the Arclight because it's assigned seating and I hate being told where to sit but still, it's a very nice theater with very well-behaved patrons.

Anyway, Saw 2 did all the right things and I enjoyed it very much. Every character makes the worst possible decision but I think maybe that's the point. If the characters were more rational and not so emotional there wouldn't be a movie.

I went alone because no one I know, I repeat, NO ONE I KNOW wanted to see it but it did 30 milllion this weekend so somebody besides me must have gone.

Oh and before I forget, Happy Halloween. BOO.

North Country

I don't like movies that chase Oscars and I don't like movies about tough women who aren't really all that tough.

i like movies with strong ass-kicking women like Sigourney Weaver, Uma Thurman, Angelina Jolie or Jodie Foster. Those women don't cry every time something bad happens they just keep on fighting.

I liked alot about North Country but I mostly liked the woman lawyer defending the mining company because she was a tough mother-fucker. And I loved Frances McDormand as the union rep because she gave as good as she got but the character Charlize Theron plays is one big ole cry-baby. She cries and cries and cries and I just didn't believe it.

I don't believe a cry-baby would sign up to work in a coal mine.

Charlize wants another Oscar and that's what you get in North Country, you get lots of Oscar chasing.

The movie is very good much of the time but it constantly takes the easy way out painting the men as pigs and the women as victims. We all know that life is more complex than that but what fun is complexity? If you want complicated characters go see Capote, or better yet, rent Monster and watch Charlize do the kind of work I was hoping she would do in North Country. I wanted to see a tough, complicated, angry portrait of a woman on a mission but instead I got tears and tears and more tears and by the end I just didn't care.

Look at the picture of the female miners up top. Do those women look like cry babies to you? To me they look like tough, funny, bright women who wouldn't take shit off no man. Those are the kind of women that inspire me and those are the kind of women I want to see on the big screen.

Oscar loves victims but I don't.

Fuck You Text-Messagers at the Movies!

If you text message during a movie you are a shitty human being. Period. Just know that, ok. If you go to a movie and whip out your cell phone and start pressing buttons then you are a miserable shit and I hope horrible things happen to you!

What kind of person goes to a movie and starts text-messaging. A worthless-piece-of-shit-person, that's who!

If a person was sitting next to me in a movie theatre and text-messaging and they suddenly had a heart attack I would just sit there and watch them die. I would enjoy it more than a repeat viewing of Capote. It would fill me with joy to watch your text-messaging fingers clutch your chest in pain as you die in the third row of the theatre.

I'm at the movie last night and this dumb-goth-cunt kept text messaging every two minutes. I Pray her multiple piercings get infected and her phone gives her a tumor. I tend to be fairly optimistic about the human race and truly believe the world is getting better not worse but when I see shit like that I lose all hope.

Why would a person do that? Are they totallly oblivious? Do they really not understand that they are ruining the movie for the people who are next to them? Do they realize it and not care or are they really that fucking stupid????? I fear they may not even understand what they are doing cause they are literally THAT supid.

If you want to talk on your phone loudly in the lobby like a pig, fine, whatever. Talk while you're driving, I do it, too.

But text-messaging in the movies. This is why we have the death penalty.

So the next time you're sitting in a movie and you whip out your phone, please think to yourself, "I am a total brain-dead piece of shit." Because you are and death is all you deserve!

The Fog and Tom Welling

I saw the Fog a few days ago and it is already fading from memory like mediocre sex.

The movie was something about people with bad skin coming back as ghosts in the fog to destroy a town or some bullshit like that.

Who knows?

I couldn't get into the movie because A: It was stupid and B: Tom Wellings beauty was tooooo fucking distracting!

Holy shit! Is Tom Welling really the most beautiful man on the planet? I think maybe, yes.

There was only one shot in the entire film where he didn't like the most beautiful man, ever. But every other shot, I couldn't believe it, I mean really, I could not fucking believe it.

I pray to God he's a closet chubby chaser and he reads this blog!

Note to the director: I really loved the scene where the little kid was running along the beach away from the fog, it was a haunting image. Maybe the whole movie should have been about the kid. Every time he was on screen I felt a sense of dread but then you would cut to Tom Welling and I would get distracted again.

Note to the writer: No one should be asked to come up with a story about killer fog. I feel your pain.

For more about my love of Tom Welling go to the video section of RonnieLarsen.com

Domino Suuuuuuuuuucked!

Tony Scott is one of our three worst film directors. The other two are, of course, Rob Cohen (Stealth, Fast and the Furious) and Paul W.S. Anderson (Aliens vs. Predator) The sad thing about Scott is that he's actuallly made a few movies I've enjoyed, (Spy Game, Crimson Tide) but I fear he's lost his mind.

I just suffered through the first 20 minutes of Domino. Granted, I did drop my entire bag of popcorn all over the floor during the first 5 minutes and granted, the goth-cunt next to me kept text-messaging someone, which was totally distracting and I hope she lives the rest of her days in total misery but still...the movie sucked so bad!

There is the whole thing Scott is addicted to: random lines of dialogue repeating, the camera never still, yellow and green saturated colors, blurry images. I'm sure he thinks it's cool or hip or clever but it's not. It's mental retardation on film. It's directorial autism.

I almost left during the first 5 minutes of Man on Fire due to this bullshit technique he's addicted to but I suffered through it and the movie did seem to calm down about 30 minutes in but Domino showed no sign of let up so I trucked my fat ass outta there and asked for a refund.

Now I don't normally ask for refunds, my attitude is, "You buy the ticket, you sign up for the ride and if you don't like it, oh well. No one promised you it was gonna be good." But the super-combo of the spilled popcorn and the goth-cunt made me feel entitled.

Domino is a disaster at the box-office and I couldn't be happier. Hopefully now Scott we'll see that he's traveled down the wrong road and get some serious help. Maybe his brother, Ridley Scott, can perform an intervention.

The Corpse Bride

There is only one Tim Burton. No other director on this planet can be counted on for continually putting breath-takingly unique images on the screen. Though Burton is not my favorite director, (that distinction falls to Spelberg) Burton is certainly my favorite visualist. I love looking at Tim Burton movies and The Corpse Bride is no exception. The fabrics, the hairdos, the silhouettes, the sets, the lighting, all stunning. Possibly the best lighting I've seen all year.

But alas, the Corpse Bride is a movie not a painting and herein lies the problem. The story is completely uninvolving, most of the characters are unlikable and the pace is slow, slow, slow. I sat there awestruck by the beauty and bored by the story. Bored. I wanted to turn the sound off and just play music and watch it like a silent film.

It feels like a 30 minute movie stretched out to 80 minutes. And much of the film is a direct lift from A Nightmare Before X-mas, a movie I saw 12 times at the theater when it first came out. If you watch them back to back, which you can do now in LA you will see the similarities. It's not just the theme of two-worlds-colliding that makes the films so similar but the characters, the song ideas, even the shapes of the faces and bodies,

The Corpse Bride owes everything to Nightmare Before X-Mas except Nightmare had characters I could root for in a story I cared about full of images I had never seen before. The Corpse Bride is no Nigtmare.

Fat America

Watching America balloon has been a fascinating experience for me. I've always been fat. I was fat before it was cool to be fat. I was fat when being fat meant being unique. Those days are over. Now everyone is fat! I'm in line at the grocery store, the lady behind me is fat, the checker is fat, the cashier is super fat and there I am just fitting in, feeling slim. A thin man walks by...what a freak! What's wrong with him? Get with the program. Thin is so 1982. Being thin these days is almost un-American. If you want to be thin go to Canada. Fat is patriotic. Us fatties embrace the culture of fat and wallow in it like pigs in a sty. I use to be emberassed to take my shirt off in public, not anymore. Now I love it! I look forward to it. Stretchmarks are hip, the new tattoo. One chin is not enough and if you aint wearing XXXL you just aren't phat! It's a beautiful thing this fat phenom. No more special trips to the big and tall store, now every store caters to big and tall! They even make grocery stores just for us. Love you, Costco! Why buy a small thing of cheese when you can get 12 pounds for 4.95! I love cheese and now I never run out and the more cheese I eat the fatter I become and the fatter I become the more I fit in! I love this country. Eat up, America! The fatter you get, the thinner I look.

Capote

And this years Oscar for best actor goes to...


Oh how I loved this movie. I loved it so deep inside of me I wanted to jump into the screen. I loved every fucking moment of it. I have always admired Philip Seymour Hoffman as an actor of endless intelligence and creativity but I've always felt that he was working just a bit too hard to create something unique and although he always suceeds I've never fallen in love with him until I saw Capote. His performance is so perfect. It's the most subtle, effortless performance I have ever seen him give. He holds a phone in one scene and his pinky is way up but it's not funny or silly or commentary it just is. It's Capotes pinky. The whole movie is filled with stuff like that. The way he smokes, the way he buttons his jacket but also the way he listens and the way he turns introspective and then the way he switches into selfishness and childishness.

This is a difficult review to write because I loved every moment of this movie. Where does one begin?

The sound. There's an early scene of Capote clipping an article out of the paper with scissors and the sound it creates it's ominous and creepy and dangerous.

The costumes are lovely to look at, accurate but not costumey. They looked like real clothes worn by real people.

The lighting is mysterious and flattering and harsh all at the same time.

The direction struck me as utterly perfect. It was a thrill to see a new director shoot a big story without needing to show off.

The screenplay. Every scene was fucking perfect. I couldn't imagine a better way tell this story.

You know, I really can't write this cause I'm still thinking about it and I'm gonna see it again this week and I'm not articulating very well but it had a profound impact on me.

If you're a writer, be warned, there are uncomfortable questions in the movie about the nature of our business and the process of creating. What responsibility do we have to the people we write about? When the process is over are we assholes for walking away from the people who helped us tell the story? It's not a simple movie.

PS After to the movie I went to K-Mart to buy a light bulb and the harshness and crassness of the people was extra shocking to me after having just come from the world of Capote. I felt lonely after the movie. The world of Capote is so complex and rich and intelligent and then to walk into K-Mart. Oh Lord. Shell-shock. There are some truly sad souls on this planet and they all go to K-mart on Saturday afternoon.

Flight Plan (don't see it twice)

Was it good? Did it suck? Who cares! I got to see Jodie Foster on the big screen last night and that's all I cared about. The new lines in her face were shocking and exciting.

Why did she pick this script? I truly don't understand and I say that sincerely, I would love to know her logic behind this.

There are so few movie stars that I get excited about seeing but she is one of them. There was a very interesting interview about her in Premiere magazine where she talked about having a mid-life crisis and not working enough. It's odd to think that someone as perfect as Jodie Foster could have a mid-life crisis. Silence of the Lambs is my second favorite movie after Jaws. The scenes where her and Anthony Hopkins talk are my favorite cinematic moments of all time...I could watch them over and over.

Back to Flight Plan. I'll see it again just to spend more time with Jodie Foster. My friend Wynn Thomas is currrently designing a movie she's starring in. He says she's a beautiful person and I believe him.


FLIGHT PLAN/SECOND VIEWING

Well the news gets worse.

Saw Flight plan again tonight with a dear friend and the movie simply does not hold together on a second viewing. Once you've seen it and know where it's going there is no point in seeing it again except to dissect it. I found myself watching the extras, studying the set, pondering Jodie Fosters career.

Peter Sarsgard perfomance is actually worse the second time around. I found myself longing for him to open his eyes all the way. And I am now convinced he has a hard-on for John Malkovich. I actually believe he is imitating him for some hero worship reason. When I was in acting school all my fellow actors were obsessed with John Malkovich. Not me. I found him incredibly self-concious and mannered. It wouldn't shock me to find out that Peter Sarsgaard is of that class of actor who "loves John Malkovich."

Sarsgaard is not a bad actor on any level but in this he is terribly miscast (I hear he was great in Shattered Glass) I rarely watch movies and feel they are miscast, I accept the casting and go along for the ride but I actually believe Sean Bean is miscast too. His inflections are Shakespearean sounding. Most pilots I've met don't sound like poets when they speak wether they are British or not. I think Sean Bean is a wonderful actor but totally miscast.

I would actually reccomend this movie, it's not a waste of time but do not see it twice.

For an excellent review that lays out all the movies flaws, go here. This guy writes an amazingly thoughtful and insightful critique of the movie.

http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=21358

Heat/DVD

Now here is an awesome movie that holds up on DVD. HEAT with Pacino and Deniro, so great. I loved it at the theater, saw it twice, loved it on video and now, years later, it still holds up. Its a complex and disturbing screenplay about cops and robbers and relationships and survival and male-bonding. I never appreciated how lovely it is to look at but last week, even on DVD. Lovely. Michael Mann is quite something.

Collateral was hands down my favorite movie of last year!

But back to Heat...everyone in Heat is great. And it's so nice to a movie with such great roles for women. We need more movies like Heat.

Wallace and Gromit and the Curse of the Who-Cares!

Why did I sit thru this silly clay thing about British people with bad teeth and vegatable addiction?

Well actually I didn't, I vacated the cineplex after 30 minutes.

I only leave something when I feel totally bored and I was TOTALLY bored. I'm a sucker for pop culture and after getting rave reviews and winning over 90% of the critics I decided I would go even though my gut said,"don't do it." Trust your gut! That's what I learned! Trust your gut!

A major problem with this venture is that Wallace is totally unlikable, he has a dog named Gomit, that never speaks but can drive a car and knit. Gromit knitting in the car was mildly amusing for 10 minutes but the knitting dog needs to find a better vehicle and an owner who isn't a knit-wit!

The creator of these characters is always winning Oscars but for what??? The story was boring, the action unclever, the characters are all idiots and the pacing is sloooooow. If I'm gonna wtch clay figures walk around I'll take Gumby anyday! Remember those Christian clay characters on Sunday morning TV, I think they were called David and Goliath, those were much more involving than this and I'm not religious. I love clay figures, some of my best friends are clay figures but Wallace and Gromit are simply not engaging. At least not to me.

A History of Violence

I fucked up and waited too long too see this movie, I heard too much about it. The trailer gives waaaay too much away but having said that it's still a very fun ride.

I'm not sure it's as profound as it thinks it is but it is extremely entertaining and that's why I go to the movies. Entertain me, goddammit!

There isn't enough violence in the movie to satisy my bloody tastes but what is there is jaw-droppingly good. It's got the kind of violence that makes you gasp in horror and glee at the same time the kind of violence you feel in your body as it's happening on the screen. Viggo Mortenson kicks ass and the audience I saw it with were responding quite vocally. The wife is played by Mario Bella and if i didn't know better I would have sworn I was watching Diane Lane.

Thrown in amongst all this violence and family angst are some nice shots of Viggo Mortensons bare ass and chest and a full frontal shot of Mario Bella. It's always intrigiung seeing a big hairy vagina up on a 40 foot screen even for a big fag like myself!

Ed Harris and Wiliam Hurt are both very interesting, giving odd performances that usually are done by Christopher Walken. I recommend it absolutely.

PS I saw both these movies at my favorite theater in the entire world, The Grove. The amount of hot guys who go to the movies there is staggering. This place definitely needs a gloryhole!

NOTE: Two weeks later I'm still thinking about this movie so maybe it is profound. I'm not sure yet. I might go see it again.

Into the Blue

If you like sharks, violence, and nearly naked people as much I do then you'll love it, too. Every scene either has a shot of a sexy body or a sexy shark. I was in heaven. And yes the sharks give more natural and sympathetic performances than Jessica Alba or Paul Walker but who gives a fuck?

And lets give credit to the cinematographer, much of the underwater photography is truly beautiful.

Go see this movie, Bro. That's what everyone in the movie calls each other, "Bro." "Hey Bro." "Wassup Bro? "Look at that shark, Bro." I kept wondering if the screenwriter wote Bro in to the script or if the actors just kept adding it themselves.

Actor: "Bro, can my character say "Bro" before each line?
Screenwriter: Well, actually...
Director: Sure, Paul, whatever you want.
Actor: Thanks, Bro.

The Boring Homosexuals

Last night I had the honor of hanging around after my show and talking with 5 of the most boring homosexual men I have met in a long time! And I mean these guys were boring! They weren't cracked out on drugs, they took turns speaking, they didn't try to be funny or diss one another, they weren't bitchy, they didn't quote Bette Davis lines every 5 minutes, not one of them had a faux-hawk and they actually listened while others were speaking! Man these guys were boring! And I felt lucky to get to talk to them.

Living in West Hollywood and New York I am constantly confronted with the stereotype I see in the media.
I go to the supermarket and I end up in line behind some bitchy loud queen giving everyone attitude and talking on a cell phone. It makes one forget! I forget that crazy-homos are not the norm. The boring homosexual goes unnoticed in this culture. No one cares about the everyday gay man with a good job and husband and a child and a sober life. We eagerly await the release of Brokeback Mountain :a new movie about two repressed, closeted, angst-filled cowboys. The kind of men that turn me on! The kind of men that end up alcoholic and suicidal.

But the men I met last night are not drunks or drug addicts or suicidal or repressed cowboys the men I met last night are boring mortgage brokers, and accountants and they should be celebrated. They are the true radicals.

I hate that bitchy slogan, "We’re here, we’re queer, get over it.” Queer means odd. Why would anyone chant, "We’re here, were odd, get over it!?!” Let's change the slogan to, "We’re here! We’re sane! Can we do your taxes?!?!" Or how ‘bout ,"Were here! Were drug free! Can we adopt your unwanted children, please!"

One of the men last night mentioned to me about a situation involving a child they were trying to adopt, he said, "…you should write a play about what happens when two gay men are expecting a baby and they go to the hospital and cut the umbilical cord and then three days later the mother changes her mind and decides to keep the baby." I should write that story. It sounds dramatic but it also sounds like a hard- sell. It's not sexy or racy or controversial. In short, it's boring. And it's exactly the type of story we should be telling. But somehow I can't imagine Jake Gylenhall and Heath Ledger lining up to play two normal, healthy, happy gay men. Healthy characters don't win Oscars.

The Academy loves dying, unhappy, gay people. (Philadelphia, Boys Don't Cry, Monster, Kiss of the Spiderwoman, etc. etc.) And why should we complain? What alternatives do we force upon the world? Imagine a movie like The Firm with Tom Cruise but the character is gay instead of straight. Imagine that. It's time for the boring homosexual to go where they belong: center stage

News : Phoenix has closed! Thank God

It was a wretched production managed by some truly wretched people. It was a month of lies. Customers were lied to, actors were lied to. I washed my hands after the first week. I told them to close it but no one listens to me. I told them it would be a horrible month for all involved (including the audience) but they ignored me and soldiered on like fools. It ended with one actor having to go to the the hospital and two other actors having a pushing match at a local bar. Ugh. Life is too short for such bullshit! I met so many awesome people in Phoenix and I apologize to you all for this shitty show. Everyone I talked to said, "We really liked your show." And I said, "No you didn't. The show is awful." And they'd say, "well the acting wasn't very good but we had a good time." Even actors in the show were calling me to complain about other actors in the show and all the horrible ad-libbing that was going on. God, I'm glad it's over. On to Vegas! Things can only get better.

Thoughts: Bang, your dead!

I watched a car thief get shot today on live today. It was shocking and it confirmed my belief that fictional violence in movies deoes not desensitize anyone to real violence cause when I saw that guy get shot my mouth dropped and I experenced shock, horror, disgust, anger, giddiness and when I see bad guys mowed down in boring Hollywood movies I feel nothing but bored.

The real thing is never boring.

Though, I must confess, a couple of years ago I got addicted to a video game called Shadow Warrior and I played it for hours and hours everyday. After two weeks, every night, i would dream of blowing up bad guys. The game pervaded my dreams and I would wake-up exhausted from all the fighting but it didn't make me want to go kill anyone.

Discuss.

Oh Harriet!

I know you must be a great pick cause Trent Lott was on TV today freaking out about you! I read on Drudge about you supporting civil rights for gays...is it true? Poor George Bush....everyone hates him...he can do no right...but maybe he picked a good woman...to be honest...any woman is better than a man...no woman would have led us into iraq, but i digress...it will be interesting to see if they "bork" you...the sight of republicans going after the presidents own pick should be fascinating to watch...i hope you are up for the ride...i look forward to getting to know you better over the next few weeks...i grew fond over john roberts...a fucking hottie...hes a friend of the family if you know what i mean...some of his writings regarding michael jackson were downright bitchy (in a good way, of course)...good luck harriett...and don't be doing no coke when the cameras are rolling...i'd hate to see you wind up in a kate-moss-mess.

Memo to Kate Moss

Don't do coke in front of a tv crew you fucking moron. Didn't you know Matt Druge would link to it and the whole world would see you looking like a total loser-coke-whore-model-giggling-idiot. Do the coke in the bathroom like all your other supermodel friends. When you see a camera with a red light on at the end that means the camera is on and you're being filmed. Miss Moss, you sure look pretty snorting that crap off the mirror. So glamorous, so Hollywood, so hip. Casual drug use is so cool. I wish I could Party N Play like so many hip people i know but one time I accidentally sniffed laundry detergent up my nose and it hurt for 24 hours so for now I will just have to live vicariously thru you. Keep up the good work, you glamorous coke-whore, you!

I'm listening to West End Girls by the Pet Shop Boys (my second favorite song from the 80's) and the lyrics are especially appropriate, I feel.

Sometimes you're better off dead
There's gun in your hand and it's pointing at your head
You think you're mad, too unstable
Kicking in chairs and knocking down tables
In a restaurant in a West End town
Call the police, there's a madman around
Running down underground to a dive bar
In a West End town

In a West End town, a dead end world

Big Black Widows

Dear God,
Why did you put black widows on the planet? I don't understand. I hate waterbugs more than anything in the world but at least they can't kill me. But black widows can be lethal. I was staying at my ex-boyfriends condo in Palm Springs and we saw two right out in the open. Ed killed them for me and we happily watched them die but now I'm worried I have bad-black-widow-kharma and they will come after me in my sleep. Did I kill one of your creatures or are black widows really insects from hell? Please send a deadly black widow plague to the world and wipe them out or at least let them become an endangered species like the panda. I'm going back to Palm Springs on Sunday so if they are all gone by then that would be frigging awesome.
PS Do you exist?

Aging

How do simple children evolve into such complicated adults?

News: Trouble in Phoenix

The production of Making Porn continues in Phoenix, Arizona even though on Sunday the cops were called in. It was all sooooo silly. Joe Marshall, who runs the theatre, has this psycho (allegedly, LOL) assistant producer who had gone AWOL from the production and then resurfaced suddenly when it came time to cut checks. He tried to pull a fast one dealing with a contractual issue and he get caught in some obvious lies so I decide I will only deal with him if the conversation is recorded...

So I whip out my laptop and start recording and he tells me I'm breaking the law. He says if I don't stop he will call the cops and have me arrested. Oy vey! Now I personally love cops and think they are very hot so I encouraged him to do it. I knew I was in my right to record him but who can turn down a little time in the back of squad car. Not me! So he calls the cops and guess what happens...NOTHING. They show up, looking so hot and they tell me I can record them if I want. I love cops. In fact COPS is one of my favorite tv shows.

Meanwhile the clock is ticking away and the audience is arriving...such drama...if you want to hear more check the live audio in a few days...I might do a little podcast about it. It was all very insane. I believe this was the third time I've had the cops called to a production. But I've never been arrested...YET! LOL