Crash

Crash claims to be about race but it's really about gun control. Take the guns away and you have no story. Guns move the story forward not race. Race is the subplot. The tragedies that unfold in the movie are the result of too many people with too many guns using them too easily. Take away the guns and you just have a movie about frustrated Angelenos. Add the guns and you have a movie.

But therein lies the problem, this movie pretends to be about ordinary people but i have never touched a gun, seen a gun, used a gun or been threatened with a gun. Oh actually, that's not true, I once dated a cop and he let me hold his gun and take a picture, but I digress.

I had heard that Crash was polarizing audiences. Well it polarized me. I absolutely LOVED it and I absolutely HATED it.

Everything I loved about it I also hated so that must mean this is a very important movie, indeed. No movie has ever affected me this way.

I loved the plotting, the coincidences, the surprsises.

I hated how conveinently plotted it was, everything fit so perfectly.

I loved the bold discussion of race and class.

I hated the simplistic approach to racial issues.

I loved the slick photography.

I hated how glossy the movie looked.

I think Crash is an extremely important movie, EXTREMELY, but it feels cheap somehow. Too easy. Too simple. Everyone is racist. True! But why????????????????

Why should the makers of Crash be rewarded for telling us what we already know? Well for one, Ronnie, they should be rewarded because they explored a taboo subject and made a very entertaining movie. I agree, but I need more. Why is everyone racist????? Why????

Hopefully, they'll make a sequel.

Quick Movie Thoughts

I saw a movie trailer for some movie about husky sled dogs who get trapped in the wilderness, oh Lord, I wept like a baby during this trailer. I never cry in trailers. Only in trailer parks.

Watched the SAG awards. Oy vey. God, I hate actors. LOL Don't let anyone tell you acting is hard. It ain't. Working in a coal mine is hard work. Acting is nothing. It's often tedious but it's not hard. Anyone can do it. Anyone.

People continue to fiddle with their phones during the movies. It's so distracting. I want to kill these fuckers when they check their phones during the movie. It's so wrong.

This just in from Box office Guru: "Steven Soderbergh's Bubble, which opened in theaters and debuted on the HDnet cable channel this weekend, posted a soft opening with an estimated $72,000 from 32 theaters for a mild $2,250 average. The ultralow-budget doll factory drama also hits DVD on Tuesday in a radical release plan that allows moviegoers to choose how they want to see the film." What does it mean? What does it mean?

How come Dick and Jane has done 110 million and I don't know anyone who had seen it??? Who is going to that movie?

I love being in New York and seeing movies at my second favorite theater in the world, the Empre 25 on 42nd St. The lobby is a gutted Broadway Theatre. The box office is where the stage would be. Someone smarter than me could write a painful discussion about the act of gutting a Broadway theatre for the purpose of opening a Cineplex. But it's 9 am in New York and I'm not up to the challenge. Just know that you can feel the ghosts everytime you ride the escalator up into the proscenium.

My favorite theater in the world is The Grove in LA. Huge screens, make your own drink, . The Arclight on Sunset ha bigger screens, better sightlines and well-behaved audience members but I HATE assigned seating. I HATE IT!

I know a married man who cheats on his wife. So he tells me he goes to see Match Point, which is about a married man having an affair. So I ask him if he thought about his affairs when he watched the movie. Without skipping a beat he says, "no". Is it really possible for people to sit thru movies and not use the experience as time for self-reflection? I learn about myself at the movies, thats one of the reasons I go. But maybe I'm just a narcissist. Oh my God, I just looked it up! I am a narcissist. I'm in shock. LOL

narcissism |ˈnärsəˌsizəm| noun excessive or erotic interest in oneself.

• extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one's own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type. See note at egotism.

• self-centeredness arising from failure to distinguish the self from external objects, either in very young babies or as a feature of mental disorder.

WHO THE HELL ISN'T A NARCISSIST????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

King Kong and Capote (2nd viewings)

I saw both these movies, again.

Capote is so good. I'm in awe of the script, direction and performances. My friend thinks it's too ponderous. Maybe a little. But what would you cut? Seeing it a second time it just feels perfect.

King Kong is soooooo great. Not the movie but the ape. The movie is good but the ape is so sad. King Kong truly gives one of the most heart-breaking performances of the year. The second time i saw it i went in an hour late cause I didn't care to see the big lead up to the Island again and I left once he climbed the Empire State Building cause I couldn't stand see him killed, again. The way humans treat King Kong is a metaphor for the disgusting things we do to animals. KIng Kong makes ,me waqnt to join PETA. My favorite moment is when King Kong destroys the inside of a New York theater. It reminds me of my youth.

Why We Fight

We spend too much money on defense and we fight wars we shouldn't be fighting and the people who work in defense contracting are corrupt.

I knew all that going in, LOL. This movie preaches to the converted and maybe that's why I liked it. But come on, lets be fair.

Is Dick Cheney really the anti-Christ. It sure looks that way but there is something about this documentary that doesn't quite sit right.

It does a brilliant job illustrating how we created Sadaam Hussein and enabled him but these issues are so complex and the movie feels a little simple to me. It wraps everything up into a neat cleean box and I'm not sure I believe it all but I don't have enough information to refute anything in the movie nor do I want to. I liked the movie. How come no one is talking about it?

My friends hadn't even heard of it.

Good Night and Good Luck

It's extremely uopsetting to see a movie about communist-witch hunting in the 50's and feel like you're watching a movie about the year 2006. This movie should be required viewing for anyone who gives a damn about personal freedom, free speech, the American media or corporate cowardice.

This movie deserves all the praise and attention it's getting.

David Strathairn is awesome. The black and white photography is beautiful.

I didn't run out and see this movie right away but once I got there I really enjoyed it.

There's alot of dry, black humor in it, too, which people aren't really talking about. It's very entertaining as well important.

George Clooney has made some really important movies this year. It's inspiring.

The Matador

I'd like to thank the director of The Matador for including the song A Town Called Malice by the Jam in his movie. I forgot how much I love that song. I went right home, downloaded it and I've been listening to it ever since. It has given me hours of pleasure.

I'm not sure how anybody could dislike The Matador. It's very breezy, funny, interesting, suspenseful. The acting is good. Pierce Brosnan is funnier than I've ever seen him. The pacing is brisk. It's nice to look at it.

I think good movies like this are under-valued. We tend to focus on the great movies and the shitty movies but I wish there were more just-plain-good movies. This movie is good. Hallelujah!

(I had to look up the word, hallelujah, I had no clue how to even begin to spell it.)

Annapolis

This sucked so bad I went right home and looked up looked the director and added him to him list of directors to watch out for.

This movie just sucked on every level. I mean it really sucked.

The script sucked, the acting sucked, the story sucked, the casting sucked.

I wanted to leave after 20 minutes and my friend wouldn't let me. Halfway thru I started muttering out loud, "this movie is such a piece of shit. Holy shit this movie sucks."

The movie is starts a look at a year in the life of an Annapolis freshman and then evolves into a stupid boxing movie.

The preview was very sexy, lots of hot military guys with thier shirts off so I went hoping to see the most expensive porno ever made but all the sexy shots were in the trailer. In fact during the gym scenes thay all wear overly bag sweats so you can't even swee thier asses. Ugh. Throw us a bone here, please.

Every movie cliche you've ever seen is in this movie.

Father and son fight in the firstscene then father is proud of son in the last scene.
Mean military recruiter in first half goes soft in last scene.

Oh my God, I'm even bored listing these cliches'. Why am I wasting my time writing this?

Rumor Has It

This movie scared me because I like all the actors in the cast, the story seems intriguing, the direction is by a guy I've liked before but this movie is simply boring. I have no idea how this movie could/ve been fixed. Some movies just do not work. It's scary because the movie should have worked. I can see how on paper it may have seemed like a semi-interesting project, but the final result is a big snooze.

I made it thru 40 minutes then I left. It's just that boring.

You know you're in trouble if you're bored In the first scene watching Mark Ruffalo and Jennifer Aniston trying to have sex in an airplane bathroom.

Rumor has It is one of the most boring movies of the year. Maybe it gets better in the second half, but I seriously doubt it.

See it if you need a nap.

Hostel

Hostel is not the scariest movie ever made, ignore the ads.

They're pushing Hostel as a gory toture movie but it's not. Sure there's gore and toture and blood but this movie is about revenge and that's why I liked it.

I want to see more horror movies where the monster is being hunted and the good guys don't just run away and hide.

It was also nice to see a sexy hispanic no name actor in the lead. The times they are a changin'.

I wasn't scared, I wasn't grossed out and I never jumped out of my seat but I left the theatre completely happy.

I was very scared at Wolf Creek but I left angry because the bad guy wasn't punished. In Hostel, however, good things do happen and that put a smile on my face.

The Family Stone

I wept over 10 times during this movie. Wept. I was so deeply moved by this film. i can not reccomend this movie enough. I had never heard of the writer-director, Thomas Bezucha, but I'm now an instant fan.

This movie is slightly below the radar. People aren't really talking about, especially my gay friends, but oddly enough, this is a hugely gay-positive movie and I had no idea about that going in.

I loved every moment. I loved the script and the actors and I loved the lived-in house where the movie takes place.

See this movie! See it. I'll be seeing it again. Maybe we can go together.

Underworld

I liked this movie.

I was completely entertained. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't.

Did I feel guilty for enjoying it? Very! But I was really fucking entertained!

And there is a super-hot guy in it named Scott Speedman, holy shit! Hot!

It's funny, too, how the director treats the material like it's Shakespeare. We are supposed to follow all these intricate story lines about the history of werewolves and vampires but you really can't follow it you just sit back and enjoy all the blood, guts and ass-kicking. It's fun.

One of the greatest actors in the world is in it, too, Derek Jacobi. I have no idea who his character was but it was fun seeing him. And that's pretty much a metaphor for the whole film. It's nonsense but it's fun nonsense.

The New World

Somebody needs to bitch-slap Terrance Malick. Seriously! What the fuck, man! Has Malick lost all interest in telling a coherent story or making movies that are involving from beggining to end?

The first hour is intriguing. We sit there and think we might be in for a fascinating movie about the discovery of America and our brutal conflicts with the natives. But after an hour of that story Malick sort of loses interest and decides instead to focus on a three-way relationship between two guys and Indian woman. Whatever.

This movie has great sets, costumes, actors, photography but it lacks shape, focus and momentum. I love indulgent movies but not movies where the director seems to have contempt for the audience.

He doesn't care about us. He goes where he wants and fuck us for being idiots if we can't follow it.

This film actually made me angry because of what it could have been if Malick had worked with a top-notch writer and a producer willing to confront him. The potrayal of the Indians is totally fascinating and we are constantly teased with characters, information and ideas that never go anywhere.

Damn you, Mr. Malick. We need a great movie about this time period and you could have done it but for whatever reason you gave up half-way through. Why does coherency and accesibility scare you so much?

GLAAD Riddance

The simple minds at GLAAD (Gay Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) are at again, tossing off accusations that American Idol is homophobic. Where do these morons get off? Do they honestly believe these accusations or is it just a slow news week and they want some attention?

The only act of homophobia I witnessed this week was Isaac Mizrahi’s internalized homophobia manifested in a red carpet minstrel show in which he adopted the persona of an unfunny, stereotypical fashion designer. I believe that Mizrahi is a thoughtful, intelligent human being, so why the need to act like a screaming, queenie fool with a microphone? If GLAAD could answer that question they might actually be useful.

Why do some gay men feel the need to act out in ways that misrepresent who they really are? The Queer Eye guys seem to be on a mission to convince the world they are frivolous, shallow human beings. Mission accomplished. The Fab 5 probably aren't shallow and insipid in real life, but they want us to think they are. For what purpose? I don't get it. GLAAD, can you help me understand?

GLAAD should look inward before it looks outward. Problems that plague the gay community do not include Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul. Drug addiction, STDs, unsafe sex, alcoholism—these are huge issues that need to be addressed. Instead, GLAAD focuses a detective’s glare where there is no crime. No gay man will seroconvert this year from watching American Idol. Simon Cowell's bitchy comments won't get any gay men hooked on crystal meth. Gay men get DUIs leaving gay bars not sitting home watching TV.

Grow up, GLAAD Media. I beg you! Grow up. You are over. You have outlived your usefulness. You are a dinosaur. Shut up and go away. If someone offends me I'll speak up for myself, thank you very much. I don't need you fighting my battles. You are the Donald Rumsfeld of the gay community, and just like Rumsfield, your attacks are poorly thought out, poorly timed and ineffective.

Last week a friend asked me to recommend a gay movie he could show to his loving parents about happy gay men with supportive parents. Two days later I stumble into the new film The Family Stone. Have you seen it? I haven't heard you talk about it.

The Family Stone is probably the most positive gay movie of the year!

I loved Brokeback Mountain. I've seen it three times, but there is nothing groundbreaking in its handling of homosexuality. Self-loathing homosexuals are no stranger to the big screen. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and The Family Stone are truly groundbreaking gay films because self-loathing on any level is absent from the script. For the first 30 minutes of The Family Stone I wasn't even sure the couple was gay because no one talked about it, because no one cared, because it was a NON-ISSUE!

GLAAD, you and Pat Robertson share a common bond. You both make idiotic comments before you think. You both cry fire where there is none. Arial Sharon wasn't stricken down by God and American Idol isn't homophobic.

Keep fighting the wrong battles. That's how bad regimes fall.

Annie Proulx, writer of Brokeback, no longer doing interviews.

http://www.annieproulx.com/

I went to her site. It's very interesting indeed. She loves the movie. Check her out. I saw the movie again and it is one powerful piece of work. Heath Ledger truly blows me away with his acting. And the screenplay is so...right. Perfect, really. It shocked me on the second viewing how little dialogue there is and what is there is just so perfect. Anyway check out her site.

Mrs. Henderson Presents

The best place to be in America right now is in a movie theater. There are so many wonderful movies out right now, and Mrs. Henderson Presents just jumped to the top of my list.

Mrs. Henderson Presents is a delightful movie. Everything about it is perfect. The costumes, the acting, the lighting, the pace, the musical numbers, the staging and Judi Dench...ah Judi. I worship Judi Dench. I would argue that she is the world’s greatest living actress. She has never delivered a false note onscreen. She makes every scene she is in a work of art whether it's Shakespeare in Love or a James Bond flick.

The plot of Mrs. Henderson concerns a woman who owns a theater and the racy revues she produces to keep the doors open.

It's sexy, funny, sad and fast-paced. Did i mention sexy? Bob Hoskins has a nice dick, by the way. And if you like tits, there are plenty of those. Plenty.

This movie, brilliantly directed by Stephen Frears, made me realize what The Producers could have been if Judi Dench had played Max Bialystock and Stephen Frears had directed. Skip The Producers and head straight to Mrs. Henderson Presents, or better yet see them on the same day and compare and contrast.

Harry Potter

Harry Potter has hairy nipples. Who knew?

I really enjoyed this movie.

i was bored silly at the first three, but i liked this movie. I felt it stood alone as a movie.

I have no interest in the books and I did not enjoy the first three films, but I really had a good time at this one.

I liked the pacing and the special effects and the subject matter.

It was all about lust! In fact, look at the picture above. Look at where the wand is placed. That ain't no accident.

Finally, a Harry Potter movie for me!

It's weird that I cared about the characters in this movie but not in the previous three. Isn't that odd?

Who gets the credit? The director? The screenwriter?

The Chronicles of Narnia

This movie was sooooooooooooo fucking slow.

I seriously could have edited out 45 minutes. I'm fucking serious.

It would have been perfect with 45 minutes less of everything.

But the movie is making a fortune, so what the fuck do I know?

I guess kids today like long, slow, boring movies. In a way that gives me hope for the future.

zzzzzzzzzz

Wolf Creek

I would love to ask the director why he made this movie.

It's based on a fascinating case about a serial killer in Australia, but the movie just covers the cruel death of two girls.

No history about the case, no trial, no investigation. Just a serial killer torturing two girls.

What's the point? Serial killers are bad?

Also, I hate seeing movies where characters do everything wrong and seal their doom.

At one point the girls get the upper hand, they injure the killer, he's down, but do they finish the job? No! They run away, screaming, like little babies. Jamie Lee Curtis would have chopped the fuckers head off!

The filmmaker is talented, I believe that.

But why make a film about the most famous serial killer in Australia and then not make a movie about him and the whole fascinating case?

Why just make a snuff film? I'm confused.

Memoirs of a Geisha

Did Rob Marshall direct Chicago or Memoirs of a Geisha?

I loved, loved, loved, loved Chicago.

I was uninvolved at Geisha.

I would argue with anyone who says this movie is bad.

It's not bad on any level. It's just uninvolving.

Here was the big problem for me: It was never clear to me why I should care.

At one point i thought to myself, "I'm sitting here watching a bidding war over pussy." I don't care about who wins the right to fuck this virgin. Why should I care? Japan is about to go to war. Important things are happening in the world and I'm supposed to care about a bidding war over pussy.

"15,000 yen to fuck a virgin!" Not interesting.

Could Spielberg have made me care? I wonder.

The Producers

The Producers is about two producers trying to make a bomb.

Life imitates art.

This movie is a bomb.

It was especially hard seeing it right after seeing Munich.

Munich uses light to tell the story, and The Producers uses a floodlight for the whole thing.

In Munich the camera never stops moving. In The Producers the camera never moves.

It's unfair to compare Susan Stroman to Steven Spielberg, but I can't pity Stroman. I've been repeatedly blown away by her stage work. Her onstage talent and creativity seem endless, but this movie...oh, this movie fails so hard that it hurts.

To be fair, I'm not sure you could even make a movie from this musical.

I saw the original musical with Nathan Lane on a bootleg video and loved it. Then I saw it onstage with a guy they fired and it wasn't so good. Then I saw Nathan and Matthew Broderick live and it was much better but starting to feel stale. And now this movie...this movie is a total failure. It just does NOT work.

Oh well. Better luck next time.

Munich

Seeing Munich was the first time I ever saw a Spielberg movie that I felt he co-directed.

It's nearly impossible to seperate out the work by cinemetographer Janusz Kaminski and director Spielberg.

The lighting, camera angles and composition are absolutely stunning.

Every frame is perfectly lit, staged, composed and photographed.

I sat there in awe. Truly. Even look at the trailer. Just freeze a frame. I dare you. It's beautiful.

in fact I just went and rewatched the trailer and I kept freeze-framing it. Oh lord. Every shot is a stunner.

I know nothing about making movies and after seeing that movie I know I never will.

I have to see it again. Soon.

King Kong

The three best performances this year are Heath Ledger in Brokeback Mountain, Phillip Seymour Hoffman in Capote, and King Kong in King Kong.

Holy shit, is he a great actor.

i didn't know apes could act.

His performance is so complex and touching and heartbreaking that i would nominate him for an Oscar I am not kidding.

Every actor in Hollyood should be shitting bricks because truly, this ape is the next Marlon Brando.

The other actors, who are all quite fine, seem two-dimensional compared to the soul shining through the eyes of this computer-generated ape. Scary indeed.

The movie is good, maybe even great, but the acting by Kong is king.

Match Point

What can I say about a movie where a bunch of people making wrong decisions had me rooting for the worst one of the bunch?

I was really upset afterward because I was so happy with the outcome and yet so unhappy with myself for being happy.

What kind of morally corrupt person roots for the bad guy?

Why do we do that?

Go see this movie. You may learn more about yourself than you ever wanted to know.

Did I mention that if i didnt know it was a Woody Allen movie I would never have figured that out? (Except for the opening credits, of course.)

I look forward to seeing this movie again.

Brokeback Mountain (3rd time)

I have now seen this movie three times. It is such a complex experience for me. Every time I express an opinion about it I find myself disagreeing with myself five minutes later. I'm not sure I even like this movie. Well, of course I like it, but it's impossible, really. It's frustrating. I can't express myself. No movie has ever had an impact on me this way before. It's frightening, really. It's perfect. A perfect piece of entertainment. No holes. No fat. Everything perfectly constructed like a perfect bomb. I don't even know what I mean, excactly. What the fuck, man! I wish I knew how to quit you!

A Wonderful Horrible 2005

Last year, 2005, was truly the worst year of my entire life. It was a year filled with conflict, anger and frustration. I have been looking forward to the death of this year for the past few months. December 2004 was glorious and then 2005 arrived and hell began. I won't go into specifics because not one thing really impacted me, it was more of a cumulative effect. It wasn't just my life, but lives all around me imploded. The tsunami and Katrina were metaphors for the destruction I witnessed up close and personal in my own life and others. In fact, i did not speak to one person this year who said they had a good year. Maybe you did. I hope you did. I, however, did not.

Having said all that, I write this with a smile on my face and a sense of great hope. Never before in my life have I been so excited about the future. Death makes way for life. I feel renewed, inspired, more loving, more available and more creative than I have felt in years. I know the horrible events of 2005 are going to have positive impacts on my life forever because I simply will not make those same mistakes again. I'll make new mistakes, but 2005 taught me…so much.

So for the past few weeks, I've really been reexamining 2005, and I've been trying to focus on all the wonderful, beautiful moments I had last year. And as I contemplate, more great moments come flooding forward and I find myself asking, "Was it really that bad?"

So I'm simply listing all of my great memories from 2005, because thank God I didn't get caught in the tsunami and I don't live in New Orleans and I'm not serving in Iraq, so honestly, what the fuck do I have to complain about? Life is good.

So here are my 2005 Memories: Greatest Hits, Volume 1. The timeline may not be perfect, but who cares? It's my life. It's my memories. The list is long, but it was a long year. 365 days.

JANUARY
Listening to ’80s music with Wendy Sue Morris. That's all i remember from January.

FEBRUARY
Taking a tour of the Everglades on my Birthday and seeing all the alligators.

Eating at the drive-thru of Miami Subs in Florida with Caryn Horwitz and laughing hysterically because they always dropped the change on the street and we believed it was on purpose so they could collect the change after you drive away.

Spending time with a wonderful, loving woman named Eileen Mack in Boca Raton, Florida.

MARCH
Taking my dogs to the dog park on Mulholland Drive in the Hollywood Hills. Truly one of my favorite places in the world.

Switching to Gmail from AOL. I worship the Google people.

Hanging out in the car with Billy Masters and learning about myself because Billy knows me so well and loves me and challenges me and drives like a mad man. I like Del Taco and he likes Jack in the Box, so we go to each one then drive somewhere and sit and park and talk and laugh and learn. Billy is a very smart man.

APRIL
Getting a brand-new, free Apple computer because my old one had a fatal flaw. What a happy day that was! A life-changing day actually. My new iBook kicks ass. Thank you, Rona.

MAY
Moving into a new apartment in West Hollywood, by myself, and feeling a sense of peace. Sleeping better than I've ever slept before.

Being driven to Phoenix by David North while I listened to If You Could Read My Mind by Gordon Lightfoot on my iPod over and over and over. "I walk away, like a movie star, who gets burned in a three-way script."

Laughing with Patricia and Carolyn in Dallas. Funny shit.

Installing a ceiling fan all by myself. I felt empowered. Anyone need a celing fan installed?

Driving in my wonderful Honda Accord that never breaks down. This car and I have a looooong, intense relationship and I hope we can be friends for a few more years. I never yearn for another car. I only want you.

Having a sex party with a very close friend and eight hot fucking Marines in Oceanside, California. A night neither of us will ever forget.

JUNE
Listening to Dr. Laura as I drive around L.A. She's a cunt, but I agree with her on a lot of common sense stuff. Most people who hate her have never really listened to her. I've listened to her for hours on end and to say she is homophobic is simplistic at best. She's complicated, like we all are. She's opinionated, like we all are. And she has given me countless hours of pleasure. Go figure.

There was an actor in Washington, D.C., I worked with. I don't recall his name, but he played the part of Jim Tucker. I think maybe his name was Jim. I just enjoyed being around him. He had a wonderful, intelligent, independent spirit, and I really liked watching him act. For some reason I think of him. Not sure why, though. His face stays in my head. It haunts me, in a good way. We didn't hang out, we didn't get to know each other, but I was very intrigued by him.

Another actor that just popped into my head was Miss Chris in Boston. Oh, Lord. What great energy. I fell in love with him. He's a big, beautiful, elegant, funny drag queen/actor/performer/designer/talent. Working with him was my honor. What a joy he was! I must work with him again. I must. I will. I hope he'll work with me.

JULY
Every date I've ever had with my boyfriend was perfect. I am so blessed to be dating the nicest guy in the entire world. He still fucks women on the side and I still have my "adventures," but we love each other and I'm blessed to know him. We've dated for two years and every date is perfect. Except for the time he gave me a hickey before I had to go on stage. Ugh. I felt so white trash.

Walking on the beach with Tom, Carolyn and David. Lovely.

Eating Kung Pao Shrimp at Kung Pao bistro in West Hollywood. Eating Jell-o for dessert. Then going home and making more Jell-o myself.

Fourth of July with my favorite uncle, who I hadn't seen in years. Lots of fireworks and lots of laughs. Watching Caryn Horwitz be mesmerized by the all the explosions. She does love explosions.

AUGUST
Visiting with my dear friend Donna Makasian in Fresno. The happiest woman I know. A woman who has taught me so much and loved me so deeply and inspired me so often to be a better person and not give up on faith. She doesn't believe we're all just meaningless organisms on a planet in a cold universe. She believes in MORE, and I hope she's right.

Laughing hysterically, every night, with the cast of 10 Naked Men backstage at the Eureka Theatre in SF.

Dinner with John Cardoza, a man I've known, loved and respected for 22 years. A man who cares about me and makes me feel loved in return. I'm so lucky to know him.

Discovering all the new software for Mac: iMovie, Garage Band, etc. etc. I fell in love with technology more than ever this year. Web sites, blogging, the world has changed, doors have opened and I love being a part of it. I wish I would be alive in a hundred years.

A lovely afternoon with Preston Britton and Greg Grove, having lunch at Fugazi in the Castro and shopping for T-shirts. Lots of laughs. It felt like three friends that day, not colleagues. Very nice.

Emotionally detoxing at my birth mother’s home in Denver. Lying on the bed staring at the ceiling, contemplating my life. So peaceful.

Watching my friend Craig Fox eat the biggest pancake in the history of the world at Hash House a Go-Go in San Diego.

Snorkeling in La Jolla Cove all by myself (and a hundred other people).

Going to the beach with Ed. I got in the water even though I'm terrified of sharks. I wasn't eaten. Not this time.

Reading America, the book, from the Daily Show people, aloud, to Craig Fox and laughing so hard I cried.

SEPTEMBER
Fighting with my girlfriend from junior high school, Carolyn Anhalt, wanting to kill her, and the next week loving her more than ever. That fight taught me that our friendship can survive anything, and I truly love her.

Watching Real Time With Bill Maher every week on Tivo and realizing that I agree with everything he says.

Watching Bill O' Reilly every night on Fox New Channel and realizing I agree with about half of everything he says.

Watching Bill Clinton on TV trying to change the world and realizing that I have a thing for guys on TV named Bill.

Watching 60 minutes and loving every single episode.

Listening to Meet the Press on my iPod and realizing Tim Russert is one smart man.

Listening to Roger Ebert on my iPod and realizing that above all he truly loves movies. Even when he hates 'em, he loves 'em. Thank God for critics who don't despise the medium they cover. Roger Ebert reminds me of two theater critics I've gotten to know and admire: Les Spindle and Richard Dodds. They both love the theater and it shows in their reviews. I've been encouraged over the years by them, and for that I am grateful.

Hanging out and laughing in Palm Springs with my ex-boyfriend Ed Alston, watching piss videos in a gay bar and being so repulsed I had to leave. Collecting balls for him at the batting range. Getting my ass kicked at fooze ball. Seeing movies. Swimming. Eating seafood. Eating Del Taco. Watching a drag show. I adore Ed and I'm happy because he's dating a guy that he really likes and if Ed is happy, I'm happy.

Watching my dad fix my bicycle so I could ride around my old neighborhood. I felt 10 years old again.

Learning who my real friends are. Making a list. Writing it down. Seeing it clearly. Realizing how many I have. Feeling grateful.

Seeing David Hoffman perform his hilarious and original 10-minute act in a comedy festival. David is truly one of the most talented actors I have ever worked with.


OCTOBER
Dressing up my friend Joseph Manghise as a cowboy for a Halloween party and watching him win a DVD player.

Meeting the two Scotts in Scottsdale, Arizona, and playing with their adorably funny dogs and feeling like I had known these two great guys my whole life. Swimming in the pool and winning at Train Dominos was awesome, too. I won my first time playing. I went to bed happy.

Seeing the amazing production of Sweeney Todd on Broadway the same night Angela Lansbury was there with Stephen Sondheim.

Seeing the fascinating play, Doubt, with Cherry Jones on Broadway and afterward seeing her in the lobby in full costume, holding a bucket for Equity Fights AIDS. I donated, she handed me a ribbon and for a brief moment I felt like a good human being.

Spending a wonderful evening with Adam Beckworth and reminiscing about the great friend we both lost this year, Robert Young. Robert was an amazing man, and I still don't believe he's gone. I cannot comprehend his absence. It's so wrong. We loved each other unconditionally and every moment we spent together was perfect. Adam was Robert's ex-lover, and we sat in McDonald's and pondered his death and how it affected us, and then we went to see the incredibly mediocre The Color Purple on Broadway and I had a seat on the aisle in the front row. I felt closer to Adam that night than I ever had before. It was a wonderfully sad, uplifting night. One of the best of the year.

Sucking a huge Israeli dick in NYC. At least 10 inches. He called me every day for two weeks wanting to come back. I was flattered. I know I'm good, thank you very much.

Spending a great afternoon, lying on my bed, cuddling with a married man I adore and playing with his chest.

NOVEMBER
Seeing Betty Buckley, live, with a man I worship, Thom Wise, and watching Ms. Buckley sing Memory from Cats with tears streaming down her face.

Having a great meal at Ollie's in NYC with my friend Joseph Manghise and learning about his love for Alfred Hitchcock films. Who knew? And all this time I thought he only loved Access Hollywood and CHER.

Seeing Brokeback Mountain three times and being deeply affected each time in a totally different way. I looked forward to revisiting it many times in my life.

Discovering a new porno theater in Pahrump, Nevada, and eating at Panda Express afterward. Love that Orange Chicken!

Thanksgiving at my cousins. Great food, great people, great dog. Another perfect day.

Talking to my sister-in-law, Evelyn, on the phone and realizing she had a shitty year, too, and that we shouldn't feel alone on this planet.

Walking on Venice Beach with my boyfriend after eating the single largest bowl of pasta ever served in a restaurant. (C&O on Venice Beach, crazy portions!). After pasta, I watch a basketball game while my man shops for T-shirts for his kids. Sexuality is endlessly fascinating.

Seeing Munich and being awestruck by the stunning lighting, camera angles and compositions. The best filmmaking I've seen all year. Not my favorite movie, but so well shot it's shocking. I am so grateful to be on the planet with Steven Spielberg. I always say there are only three genuises working today in the world of entertainment: Stephen Sondheim, Steven Spielberg and William Shakespeare. That's it. Everyone else is just talented.

Buying two sexy new goldfish and bringing them home and making a little movie about it.

DECEMBER
Seeing Johnny Mathis in Vegas with Thom Wise and falling in love with Thom and Johnny. Chances Are is one of my new favorite songs of the year.

Winning 70 bucks on my first try at a dollar slot machine at the Hilton Casino before seeing Johnny Mathis.

Christmas with my family. Perfect. No presents. No stress. Just love.

Listening to a Johnny Mathis album with my mother and seeing her moved to tears by Somewhere My Love, a song she wants played at her funeral.

Starting therapy with a very insightful man named Larry.

All the movies I saw in 2005. Every single one. A movie, popcorn and a diet coke fills me with a joy I cannot explain.

These are my memories for the year. They are random, but they are what I remember and what I treasure. I'm intrigued by what's on the list, but also by what isn't. I've only included moments that I truly loved and that are still with me. I'm sure I will think of many more and maybe I'll even add them as time goes by so that I'll always be able to look back on 2005 as not just the worst year of my life but also one of the best. Happy New Year.