It's Alive!!!!!

Every October I make a secret plan to drive around the country visiting Haunted Houses. I've never done it but maybe one year I will. Last night my friend Caryn and I went to the Del Mar "Scaregrounds" where they have three attractions: The Haunted Hayride, House of Horrors and Chamber Chills. Saturday night was the wrong night to go. Standing outside in line for hours was scarier than anything inside. And I got more chills looking down into the Port-a-Potty while taking a piss than I did in the actual Chamber of Chills. But while I was standing on line I was repeatedly struck by how well-behaved everyone was. There were lots of hot military guys with their ugly wives and girlfriends (more about that another time) so maybe the constant military presence keeps everyone in check but many times last night I pondered this question:

Are people in San Diego more civilized than people in LA? And how would it feel to live here full-time.

I've never lived anywhere full-time. I spend the most time in LA but over the last 15 years I've travelled extensively. But now, I'm falling in love with Oceanside. And not just for all the hot military men. There is a thrill to being around people who don't read the NY Times. There is no ambition in Oceanside. People here just like hanging out, going to the beach. I wonder if I moved here what would happen to me? Would I continue to work on my projects or would I be sucked away by the waves and become a big fat beach bum?

I do know this. For many years I wished my life away. Meaning I was always saying things like,"I can't wait for this show to close." "I can't wait for this rehearsal to be over." "I can't wait for this or that actor to leave." "I can't wait to get out of this city." "I can't wait for this flight to be over."

I call that "wishing your life away" and since I've taken a hiatus from working in the theatre I no longer have those feelings. I no longer wish my life away. Even standing in line last night at the House of Horrors was pleasurable in some strange way. To live life in the moment and enjoy each day is something I thought was unattainable but it's finally happening. It's been happening for most of this year.

I've dreamed about having a life that wasn't scheduled. A life where everyday is a mystery. I wake up everyday now with no clue how I will spend my day? Will I work on a script, go to the beach, shoot a short film, e-mail my friends, talk on the phone, cruise for sex, see a movie. Every day is a big fat question mark.

I intended to write about Haunted Houses but I seemed to go in a different direction but maybe not, because if you think about it, Haunted Houses are a perfect metaphor for life. You go in, it's dark, you try to find your way, things jump out at you, you run away, you laugh, you hold on to a partner, slimey things touch you but you enjoy it, it's dark again, now it's lighter, now it's really bright, now it's pitch black. Haunted Houses are one big mystery and as scary as they are you never really want them to end because the mystery is so damned exciting. And maybe that's why I love Haunted Houses so much because they remind me of how I want to live my life, how I want to feel each day; scared, excited and ALIVE. It's ALIVE! IT'S ALIVE!!!!!!