Flight 93/Hard Candy/Silent Hill/Lucky Number Slevin

I've gotten waaaaay behind on writing my silly-little-mini-movie reviews. So here we go.

United 93

I didn't need United 93 to remind me about 9/11. I think about it daily. Living in New York part of the year I am constantly reminded. Every time the clock hits 9:11 I think about it. Every time I'm on a plane or in an airport I think about it. I have friends and relatives serving in Iraq and Afghanistan. Anyway, I think about it ALL the time. I will never forget and I don't need movies to remind me.

But still, I was excited to see this movie not because of the subject but because of the director, Paul Greengrass (The Bourne Supremacy). I was absolutely riveted by The Bourne Supremacy and not just because the action sequences but I loved the hyper-realistic acting. I trusted from that movie that United 93 would be riveting and it is.

United 93 is intense, frightening, realistic, shocking, disturbing and on and on. It's a very well-made movie and a great document regarding a day in all our lives but mostly the movie is an indictment of American beauracracy. It takes forever for the traffic controllers to even admit they are dealing with a hi-jacking. It's horrifying watching all these well-paid governemt officials running around their offices like chickens with their heads cut off. No one can seem to comprehend that someone would use an airplane as a missile! What the fuck??? We knew they were planning it at some point, we all know about the famous memo. They should have known right away what was going on. That was the rage I felt watching 93. Ultimately, the terrorists succeeded because our airline industry failed. Our government failed. Communication failed. Cockpit doors should never be opened. Period.

Anyway, United 93 probably won't change your opinions or teach you anything new but I gaurantee it will piss you off all over again! I cried during parts of the movie but for the most part I sat there pissed off, watching a tragedy unfold that never needed to happen.
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Hard Candy


United 93 was very upsetting to watch but I saw Hard Candy the night before and I was even more disturbed. I regret seeing these movies back to back. I knew I'd be seeing United 93 the next day and Hard Candy was an interesting warm-up act. Both movies deal with terrorists intent on destroying people they view as evil.

If you don't know the story of Hard Candy it's a about a girl who meets a guy on the internet with the intention of destroying him because she believes he committed a horrible crime. It's a very upsetting movie. I felt physically ill for the entire showing.

It's basically a 2 person film and the acting is excellent which is also a problem in a way. It would be easier if I could have sided with the girl the entire time but instead I sympathized with both characters and hated them both by the end. I'm telling you, it's a very disturbing film. I was so horrified during the castration scene that I came home and looked up castration on the interent to understand it better. I now know more about castration than I ever needed or wanted to know. If you've got two hours to kill and you like watching relentless torture you might love Hard Candy.
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Silent Hill

This movie was fucking horrible. Boring nonsense. Not scary. Not creepy. Incoherent. A total piece of shit. It's based on a video game and I can't think of a single great movie based on a video game, though I do enjoy watching Angelina Jolie run around in the Tomb Raider movies, but I digress. Silent Hill might appeal to lesbians and/or teen-age boys with female-cop sex fantasies but as a gay man I was fucking bored. And more people will see the shit that is Silent Hill than will see the brilliance that is Thank You For Smoking. Ugh!
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Lucky Number Slevin

I was more intrigued by my companions response to this movie than I was the movie itself. I got kind of bored but I didn't hate it or anything. I just lost interest but I was sort of intrigued for the first hour. I really enjoyed the stylish production design and the actors and some of the story-telling techniques but then ultimately I lost interest and got restless.

My companion, however, was outraged. He found it immoral. The story involves mob families and lots of people get killed. My friend found it glib and despicable. Personally, I couldn't muster the energy or passion to hate it or be offended. i just wished it was shorter. And i loved see Josh Hartnett in a towel for the first 30 minutes. Am I the only one on the planet who thinks Josh Hartnett looks and sounds like a young Tommy Lee Jones?

Inside Man/Slither/The Sentinel/Basic Instinct 2

More Movie Reviews (I told you was waaaaaay behind. I'll make these quick)

Inside Man



Loved it, saw it twice. Wished every movie I saw was as entertaing and involving as this. I'm good friends with the production designer, Wynn Thomas, but he doesn't read my blog and he wouldn't give two shits wether I liked it or not. But I really, really did love it. I saw it twice so there you go. It's just so damned entertaining.

I have a horrible confession to make, a shocking confession. It's the first Spike Lee movie I've ever seen. I'm not sure why, I've just never seen one. I know about them, i feel like I've seen them, I can describe them but I've never actually seen one. After i post this blog I'm gonna go add a bunch of Spike Lee movies to my Netflix list. Oh wait, i have seen a Spike Lee film, I saw Bamboozled. Anyway, I can't imagine anyone not liking Inside Man. It's incredibly entertaing.

Also, it's wonderfully ironic watching Christopher plummer play a part that is the antithesis to the part he played in Sound of Music.

And Jodie Foster is in this movie, too, looking sexier and smarter than ever. I love watching Jodie Foster. Her performance in Silence of the Lambs is my favorite performance by a film actress.
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Slither

Oh Lord, do I love movies like this. Look at the pics above and tell me this doesn't look entertaining! I could see stuff like this every week. Creatures from outer space come to Earth and try and destroy white-trash-middle Americans. More, sir, can I please have some more!
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The Sentinel

The most interesting thing I can say about the Sentinel is this.

I had to move to the LAST row of the theater just to watch the film. The editing was so erratic and the close-ups so off-putting that I couldn't absorb the film except from the last row. I was getting physically ill watching it from my usual seat. And I have NEVER had that happen before! EVER! As per the movie, did you see the very well made In The Line of Fire with Clint Eastwood, well I think The Sentinel could have been as good if Clint Eastwood had directed it but alas he did not. Oh well.
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Basic instinct 2

Oh, where to start? I know of no one who saw this movie but I! Oh Sharon. I can't criticize this movie. It gave me pleasure. It made me laugh. It turned me on, a little. I don't pity Sharon Stone, either. She was very good in a movie I saw on DVD recently called Broken Flowers. She can act when she wants to or is forced to but this movie is something else. It's a fashion show, it's a soap opera, it's a cross between Agatha Christie and porn. It's entertaining. You'll see it on DVD or HBO and you'll see what I mean, trust me. I can't wait for Basic Instinct 3, 4 and 5.

The Three Burials.../V for Vendetta/Final Destination 3/Hills Have Eyes

The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada

This movie makes me sad. Not because the movie is sad but because i don't think very many people saw it. It was the directoria debut of Tommy Lee Jones and he also played the lead. The story concerns a border agent who wrongly kills a mexican man and Tommy Lee Jones plays the friend of the murdered man and he kidnaps the agent and forces him to give the dead man a proper burial. Does that make sense? You gotta see it for yourself. It's hard to explain.

Anyway, I really liked it. it sort of reminded me of those Spaghetti westerns but it actually defies comparison. It's a completely complicated, original and interesting movie. It's funny and heart-breaking and inspiring. Tommy Lee Jones plays a complex man with a firce sense of right and wrong and Barry Pepper plays a border agent with no morality or respect for others and they go on this road trip together.

In one particulsarly unique scene the meet an old blind man with nothing to live for. His son has abandoned him. He begs Tommy Lee Jones to kill him. "Shoot me, please." It's very hard to describe this movie but it's certainly one of the best films I've seen in recent memory. I still think about it often.
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V for Vendetta

I can't discuss this movie because I fell asleep and everytime I woke up Natalie Portman was still in prison. It seemed 4 hours long. I'm not blaming the movie. I had been up for 24 hours. (No I'm not on speed!) But anyway, my friend Carolyn Anhalt loved it. She saw it three times, so, there you have it. Maybe I'll get back it to someday.
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Final Destination 3

I saw this movie waaaay back in December but I remember it vividly. Creative deaths in suntanning booths, hardware stores and gyms. I love these movies. I love picturing the writers sitting around a table trying to figure out how to creatively kill people. It never jelled as a whole the way Final Destination 2 did but who cares! These Final Destination movies deliver. Audiences gasp and jump out of their seats and laugh hysterically. That's Entertainment!

Interesting note: I went to see Final Destination 2, with my great friend, Joseph Manghise, instead of going to the opening night and party for my play Sleeping With Straight Men, off-Broadway and let me tell you, that movie gave me more pleasure than the entire run of that nightmare off-Broadway experience.

So I always think of The Final Destination Series as a gift because the second one offered me escape from the real-life horror movie I was living at the time, in New York, Off-Broadway, at the dreadful fucking Maverick Theater. To read all about it go here: Sleeping With Straight Men Off-Broadway
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The Hills Have Eyes

It was fine. It was good. It was a while ago I saw it. I liked it better than the other horror remakes we've seen recently (Chainsaw Massacre/When A Stranger Calls/Psycho). I took my 14 year old niece. LOL. Am I going to hell for that? A family gets lost on an RV trip and nuclear-fallout-freaks living in the hills come after them. The All-American Dad" is played by the guy who played the serial killer in The Silence of the Lambs. That's trivia for you kids. Anyway, there are some good, gruesome, gross shocks but it's fading from memory even as I write this.

Thank You For Smoking

I wish I could write something as intelligent, witty, smooth, smart, biting, funny and angry as Thank You For Smoking.

I wish I could direct a movie as colorful, creative, thoughtful and well-paced as Thank You For Smoking.

I wish I could design opening credits as original as the brilliant credits for Thank You Smoking.

I wish I could act in a movie with universally great parts that are all intelligently and complex as the characters in Thank You For Smoking.

The thing about this perfect movie is how effortless it all feels. I know it's hard to make perfect movies because so few are made. Most movies are mediocre at best. I love movies but there's no denying the crap ratio.

But then a perfect movie like this comes along and knocks me on my ass because they make it all seem so easy and I know damn well it aint.

Dear Hollywood, Thank you for Thank You For Not Smoking.

To read reviews go here: Reviews

To see the trailer go here: Trailer

Cherry Coke

I love Diet Coke! Love it! Drink it constantly. Actually, I waste alot of it. I make 'em with lots of ice then forget about 'em and they sit there and melt.

Anyway, as much as I love Diet Coke I think I've found someone who loves it even more than I do. The pic is, well, you gotta see it to believe it!

Is it the "real thing"? I think it is!

Oh, Charlie! The Sheen is Gone!

The most riveting thing I read all week was the legal filing by Denise Richards regarding her "allegedly" psychotic husband, Charlie Sheen. It's so well-written. I wanted to dress up like Denise Richards and perform it. Maybe I will. I don't give a shit about celebrities lives when they do things like have babies, get married, get divorced BUT when they do out-of-control things like killing their wives (OJ) or surfing for child porn (Charlie Sheen?), well I'm hooked.

Maybe it makes me feel less dysfunctional.

As I read about Charlie Sheeen I was reminded of all the psychotic porn stars I've worked with in my plays. They weren't all psychotic but plenty were! Without naming names let me just say that based on his behavior Charlie Sheen would fit right in to the fucked-up world of the gay pornography business.

If you haven't read the legal document, get busy, it's high drama. More dramatic than any movie Charlie Sheen ever starred in.

Keep On Blogging

What a strange week last week was. I felt incredibly busy, but I'm not sure what I spent the week doing. I was too busy to blog but now that I'm blogging I can't remember what I did.

I went to Wal-Mart on Crenshaw.
I went to the LA Philharmonic.
I saw a shitty horror movie (Silent Hill) and a mediocre action pic (The Sentinel)
I installed some lights for a friend in her apt.
I ate at Panda Express
I watched three Charlie Chaplin classics. (More about that later)

This is the worst kind of blog. I hate blogs where people just recite what they did but the point is not what I did, it's that I can't remember what I did which is why I need to blog more. Memory is so fleeting. The week after my mother died I could not remember her telling me that she loved me. We constantly told each other how much we loved each other but after she was no longer here I couldn't think of a specific moment in which she said the words, "I love you". And I swear to you she said it every time I saw her! Every time!

After the funeral my Dad sent me a note telling me that the video tribute I made about my mother was a wonderful gift to him and that he will be forever indebted to me for making it. I have it in writing.

So keep writing things down, that's my new mantra. Keep documenting. Document your life.

I beg my friends to blog.

I feel closer to my brother now more than ever cause I get to read his blog. His fears, his poems, his rage, his sarcasm, his politics, his sincere desire to improve the world; his blog is him and every time I read it I feel like I'm in the room with him.

My ex-stage manager, Michelle Guzman, a quiet woman in person, has one of the angriest, wittiest, bitchiest blogs I've ever read. Sides of her are revealed to me I would never have seen if not for her blog. Blog more Michelle.

So I have a lot to blog about and hopefully this week my blog will not be static. Hopefully.

Mobil/Exxon Boycott

I won't go on and on about this but this boycott is starting to take hold and I'm signing up for it. i was talking to my brother about how helpless we feel sometimes in the face of these giant corporate and political machines. Then the next day I recieved an e-mail calling for a boycott of Exxon and Mobil and I thought to myself, "now, this I can do!"

I'm all for big business and capitalism but these oil companies just seem so fucking shady!

I won't be buying gas at Exxon or Mobil until these gas prices get under control. I hope you will consider doing the same.

Regina Fong, I Miss You!

I lived in London for 6 months in 1990 and I had a grand time but the highlight of my trip was my weekly trek to The Black Cap Pub in Camden to worship the greatest drag performer I have ever seen: Regina Fong. I love drag, period. Any guy in a dress amuses me but Regina Fong was truly the most amazing, most charismatic and most loved drag queen I have ever seen.

Every Tuesday night hundreds of "Fong-worshippers" would cram into the backroom of The Black Cap Pub for three hours of pure, hyper, adrenaline-filled escapism. Every week we'd sing along to the same songs and watch her do the same routines and every week it was fresher and funnier than before.

I became an instant fan and went every single Tuesday. I forced my friends to go and they fell in love with her, too.

I haven't been back to London in many years but I've thought of her often, so last week I Googled her and my mouth fell to the floor as I read the following:

"It is with the utmost sadness that we report that one of the all-time great drag performers, H.I.H. Regina Fong died last night following a long battle with cancer."

She passed away on April 14, 2003

I was stunned all day. I don't worship many performers. I use to worship Adam Ant. I love Anthony Hopkins. I find Jodie Foster endlessly fascinating. Patti Lupone is another performer I can never get enough of but the list is small. This woman, this otherworldy creature, this one-of-a-kind entertainer should have been granted immortality. Every Tuesday night I experienced pure joy for three hours. It was a gift she gave her followers.

I met Reg once out of drag in the lobby of the Drill Hall Arts Centre. I approached him and told him what a big fan I was and he smiled humbly and responded, "It's just lipsynching."

No Regina, it wasn't. In memory of her on the anniversary of her death I created a video tribute to this amazing person who gave me so much happiness. I miss you Regina Fong!


Click here to enter the magical world of Regina Fong.

Click here to view the video tribute on my website.

Bond, James Bond

Here's your weekly dose of exploitation.


I would say 007 sounds about accurate, what do you think?

This Made Me Laugh, Alot.

Courtesy of my Sister-In-Law, Evelyn Larsen

Exhausting San Diego

Just got back from a whirlwind trip thru San Diego. Went with my Dad, niece and ex-wife (lol), Caryn Horwitz to Sea World and the San Diego Zoo and I am fucking exhausted. I must've walked 20 miles over two days.

I've been accused by my friend, Peewit, of whining too much in my blog but fuck it, I'm exhausted! After that vacation, I'm ready for a vacation.

Actually it was a lot of fun, especially feeding the dolphins, but theme parks are fascinating places indeed. They really do let anyone in these days.

I could blog about the great unwashed masses, the cruelty of animals in cages, the overpriced food and Americas growing obesity problem but instead and I'll just post the pics and you can write your own story.

Click here to see all the pics.

Newsflash: Thomas Dolby Bitchslaps Federline!

http://music.yahoo.com/read/news/31366827

Lord, I miss the 80's!

Dorothy and To To

It may shock you to learn that even I have limits.

My friends recently installed a To To Toilet.

Never heard of it? Neither had I!

I just did a Google search for To To Toilets and I couldn't even find a good description. Basically, it's a toilet that shoots water on your ass then blowdrys it. That's it, in a nutshell, no pun intended.

Oh good, I finally found a description:


"Toto brought us the toilet seats that get warm in winter, include a bidet, and a warm stream to wash - and dry - your bottom, and a variety of cool WC gadgets that make you laugh until you try them and realize life has no sense without them. Well, recently, they have developed the “New Neorest” toilet system series which is the world’s first toilet seat that releases an aroma and plays soothing music (via removable memory cards), in addition to the customary features of course."

Anyway, I don't quite understand it nor do I really want to. I don't want a toilet wiping my ass for me. My friends were begging me to try it and I was like, "ugh, NO!"

I just can't get my mind around the concept of having my ass cleaned as if it were going thru a drive-thru car wash.

I saw a bidet once at a party in New Jersey but I wouldn't sit on it. Supposesdly, the To To Toilet is nothing like a bidet but they all seem the same to me. I'm not even convinced these hi-tech toilets are designed for asses as big and hairy as mine. I'm including a bidet for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy!


I look foward to hearing about your experiences with the bidet and/or the To To Toilet.

Pastor Prince

So, I get an invite to look at this website called New Creation Church. They spammed my blog and before I realized it was spam I clicked on it and I got so excited to see this new church website run by two sexy lesbians with a cute daughter.

So I scrolled down and then it hit me. That aint no lesbian, that's a dude. LOL

My heart sank. They're just another straight couple running a church. How disappointing! I liked Pastor Joseph alot more when I thought he was a dyke with an Asian-lipstick-lesbian for a wife.

Mi Amigo!

I just got a lovely little fan letter. Normally, I wouldn't share such things because as we all know," Pride goeth before a fall."

However, it was so sweet, amusing and Spanish that I feel I have to share it.

The writer of the love/lust note is obviously a Spanish-speaking-chubby-chaser. He saw a pic of me and wrote,

"que hermoso cuerpo tienes me gusta e invita al sexo"

Now, I don't speak Spanish, though I'm tempted to learn, so I pulled up my trusty computer translator and my oh my, sweeter words were never spoken. Are you ready for the translation???

Here it is: "that beautiful body you have pleases me and invites to sex"

LOL

Get me a sombrero, I'm moving to Mexico!

TOM SWELLING

Sad update: YouTube.com is temporarily down. Check back in a few hours and I'm sure it will be up gain. In the meantime, enjoy this still pic of Tom Welling.

I love YouTube.com. I want to marry it! I'm such a perverted size-queen I watched this Tom Welling video over 50 times! I'm so tragic. It's true.



I loooooove YouTube.com

The Private Life of the Master Actress

Congratulations to Tracy Hostmyer who got a rave in the NY Times today for her performance in a play by Bertolt Brecht entitled The Private Life of the Master Race. There is a great picture of her, too.

I had the joy and honor of directing Tracy in the very first play I ever directed. She played Celia for me in As You Like It by William Shakespeare in Fresno, California in 1988. She was awesome.

Tracy is that rare kind of actress who is always intelligent, elegant, funny and grounded all at the same time. She has a wicked smile and a great sense of humor and she is soooo beautiful. I remember that everyone (audiences, co-stars and gay men) were always falling in love with her.

If you're in NY, whch I am not right now, go see this play and you can fall in love with her, too, just like I did back in 1988 in Fresno, California.

"Hi, Ronnie!"

I had a very intense dream last night.

We, the family, were throwing a big party. We were all rushing around doing stuff and comments were made about how much better it would be if Mom were here to help us and tell us what to do.

I was outside doing something and I walked in and there was Mom, sitting in the chair, smiling, looking healthier than ever. She was sitting up. She didn't look weak or troubled at all. She looked beautiful and her hair was done. She was in a bathrobe.

The way she was sitting was especially striking because it was clear she was supporting her own weight and had no physical ailments.

Upon seeing her I burst into tears, uncontrollable weeping, and she just looked at me as if to say, "it's ok". I was weeping so hard I couldn't speak so I motioned to her that I needed to go outside and
compose myself. I did. Then I returned to the house.

I was clearly confused and I asked her what was happening and she said it's a long story but she would tell me everything if I wanted. She had been exhumed for some reason and when they opened the coffin she was fine. I gathered that the process of cleaning her up was messy but that now she was fine and would live a long healthy life.

As she started to explain, I said, "Wait, let me record this, no one will believe it otherwise."

I grabbed my bag with my recording equipment and I started to put together the microphone and then in that moment I woke up.

Upon realizing it was only a dream I was stunned, saddened, confused but also grateful because I got to hear her voice again and I will never forget the way she said, "Hi, Ronnie!" Her voice was so full of love just like it always was but it was also free of pain. She was so strong.

As I woke up and was struck with reality I began to cry and then went into the living room and looked at her picures.

I hope that she haunts my dreams, forever.

She's a National Celebrity! Who knew!

Like it or not, this woman is the future face of American celebrity. Goodbye Oprah! Hello Nornna! In the future everyone will be a "national celebrity", including you.


For more about Nornna visit http://youtube.com/watch?v=TJhHvYJfDuw#comment target="_blank"

Save the Wal-Mart Children

I just had a painful moment in Wal-Mart in Bakersfield. The Wal-Mart in Bakersfield is filled with cheap products but it's also filled with some of the most disgusting customers ever assembled in one store. The people shopping in this store are just plain gross.

Well, tonight I saw the cutest little boy sitting in a shopping cart. His face was open, his eyes were alive, he seemed content and intelligent. I wanted to talk to him.

And then I saw his parents.

The woman pushing the cart was a filthy, white trash, disaster of a human being. Her hair was a dirty rats nest, her clothes were filthy, she was missing half her teeth and her IQ seemed somewhere between 5 and 10.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to save the child in the shopping cart. I saw his whole life in an instant and prayed he would escape his fate. 

The gay marriage and adoption controversy seems laughable when one looks at the millions of human-heterosexual-trashbags allowed to marry, bear children and destroy them.

I will never forget the face of that little boy and I pray he escapes his fate. Statistics are not on his side.

All About My Mother

Well, on February 25th, 2006 at 3 o'clock in the afternoon my mother passed on to her next life.

It's been the most emotionally-complicated experience I have ever had. I knew that I would be profoundly sad but I wasn't prepared for the feeling of relief that swept over me in the ensuing days. Sadness followed by relief followed by guilt (for feeling relieved) and then sadness again. That's been the cycle.

There is so much to discuss regarding this huge event and I'm sure that I will in the future but now is not the time. I do, however, want to return to the fascinating world of blogging but it didn't feel right to blog until I explained why I have'nt for the last two months.

So there it is.

Jeanette Marie Larsen adopted me three months after I was born and 37 years later I'm a pallbearer at her funeral and everything in between flew by too quickly.

I edited two video tributes to my mother for her funeral. If you want to watch them you can click on the videos below or go to my Web site. RonnieLarsen.com