Elizabeth, The Golden Age

Ronnie: Cate, thank you for coming to Oceanside for this brief interview.

Cate: My pleasure. It really is a lovely town.

Ronnie: Why thank you.

Cate: It's quite nice. So many strapping Marines!

Ronnie: So about your movie...

Cate: Elizabeth...

Ronnie: Yes, Elizabeth. The costumes are stunning.

Cate: Thank you.

Ronnie: Truly stunning. I loved looking at your movie. I would have loved it even with the sound off. I could have just put on my iPod and listened to the "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert", and been perfectly content.

Cate: But what did you think of the script.

Ronnie: Well it's very Cliff Notesy don't you think?

Cate: I don't know, I don't read Cliff Notes.

Ronnie: You should, they're quite useful. I quite enjoy them. So, it's not a criticism and to be fair I wouldn't know how to write a screenplay that clearly communicates the complexity of that time period and still be clear. And I felt like I learned a lot but I also felt like I was being given the tip of the iceberg. I left wanting to know more about Queen Elizabeth, which is always good thing. And as far as pure entertainment, it works brilliantly, I was completely entertained and I may even see it again. So all in all it was a totally satisfying experience.

Cate: Thank you, I think.

Ronnie: But let's be frank, shall we?

Cate: Absolutely.

Ronnie: Samantha Morton is the real deal, don't you think? A truly other-worldly actress. No one can deny your incredible talent, Cate, but Samantha is in her own universe. It was only when she was on screen that I was truly swept away. I liked all of your choices but with you I'm always aware of the talent, but with Samantha, I find myself transported and confused and awed. She simply acts on more levels than you. If you act on 3 levels she acts on 5. She's like a Judi Dench, there's just so much going on all the time. She even sort of looks like Judi Dench. Did you see Minority Report?

Cate: I loved it.

Ronnie: It's really Samantha's movie, but Tom Cruise and Spielberg got all the credit. So I think it's time to start giving some of your roles to Samantha. That's really why I brought you here. You have all the work you need but it's time for Samantha to move to center stage. She's the best thing in Elizabeth and she's only on screen for like a total of 10 minutes. It's not right. Or you should produce a movie called Mary Queen of Scots and let her star in it. What do you think about all this?

Cate: Umm...I'm not sure.

Ronnie: Well thank you so much for coming to Oceanside and sitting down with me.

Cate: Thank you, it was lovely!

Happy Halloween from your friends at Wal-Mart!

Sick Pumpkin

There's a sick pumpkin on my porch courtesy of my fabulous neighbor!

Note: Speaking of sick, I just realized that the word pumpkin is an
synonym for incest. Isn't a synonym two words that mean the same thing?

Addendum: I blogged this from my phone and stupidly mistook an antonym for a synonym. But earlier I wrote "anonym". I have now fixed it. I meant synonym. My brilliant-genius ex-girlfriend, Carolyn, corrected me in the comment section so, thanks to her comment, we are all reminded of the differences between synonyms and antonyms. Thank you, Miss Anhalt!

synonym |ˈsinəˌnim| noun a word or phrase that means exactly or nearly the same as another word or phrase in the same language, for example shut is a synonym of close.

antonym |ˈantəˌnim| noun Linguistics a word opposite in meaning to another (e.g., bad and good).

Nigger vs Shit

Ronnie: Hey, can I ask you a question?

FCC: Make it quick.

Ronnie: Ok, I'm watching Bad Boys 2 with Will Smith and Chris Tucker.

FCC: Martin Lawrence.

Ronnie: Oh yeah, sorry, so I'm watching Bad Boys 2 on the USA Network and they keep calling each other nigger! Nigger this, nigger that.

FCC: What's your question?

Ronnie: Every time they said the word shit it got bleeped out. "That's bull-bleep nigger!" So I'm really confused. Is shit a less offensive word than nigger? And who is it less offensive to? Nigger is a derogatory word against black people but shit isn't really a derogatory word against feces. By bleeping one and not the other aren't you implying that feces deserves more respect than black people. Can you clear this up for me?

FCC: Well, I think in that specific film they don't really say nigger, which is a horrible word by the way, they say nigga, which is more of a friendly-casual word.

Ronnie: No, I'm pretty sure they say nigger.

FCC: Hmmmm. Well, I'd have to watch it again. I haven't seen it in a while. But I liked it better than Bad Boys 1. Does that answer your question?

Ronnie: Uh, no.

30 Days of Night

Marz: You should see 30 Days of Night. I'm surprised you haven't already seen it.

Ronnie: Who said I haven't seen it? Did I tell you I haven't seen it? You think because I don't blog about something that I'm not doing it. I took a shit yesterday but I didn't blog about it. How come you don't write, "you should take shit once in a while." I blog when I feel like it. I blog when I have time! I don't blog for you, I blog for me. Of course, I saw 30 Days of Night. I saw it opening day, motherfucker. How dare you imply I haven't seen it yet? You read my blog! You know I see every piece of shit vampire movie out there.

Marz: Calm down.

Ronnie: Fuck you!

Marz: I thought you were all peaceful and shit living in Oceanside.

Ronnie: I was til you implied I hadn't seen 30 days of Night. I actually saw it Thursday night at midnight. I was at the first screening in my local area, thank you very much.

Marz: Why are you actin' all crazy and shit?

Ronnie: Why are you talking black?

Marz: What?

Ronnie: Forget it.

Marz: So did you like it?

Ronnie: I liked a lot. Very much. yes. Ok, I'm peaceful, again.

Marz: And what did you like about it?

Ronnie: I feel like you're being condescending now.

Marz: (screams) Just put the lotion in the fucking basket!

Ronnie: What?

Marz: Just tell me what you think, already.

Ronnie: I really loved the vampires. I keep thinking about them actually. I found them very compelling. Very well-acted. The lead Vampire was truly unique. Danny Huston, I believe, is the actor's name. And I loved the snow. I love movies with lots of snow. Like the Long Kiss Goodnight. I love snow movies.

Marz: Did you see Blow with Johnny Depp.

Ronnie: Not that kind of snow. Real snow! Winter snow.

Marz: Well I'm glad you liked it.

Ronnie: I really like Josh Hartnett. I find him intriguing. I can't decide if he has talent or not but I'd like to be his girlfriend and have him lie on top of me and do his business in me.

Marz: Why you gotta make everything dirty?

Ronnie: There ya go, talking black again!

Rise and Shine a play in one act

Get up, Ronnie.

I don't feel well.

Get up.

I'm still congested.

You'll feel better if you get up.

It's too early.

It's 11 am.

It's early for me.

Just get up. ( pause) What are you typing?

I'm writing a play.

About what?

About you trying to wake me up.

Sounds like a boring play.

Very boring. Unlikable characters.

How does it end?

Very badly. I get up. I go to the gym.

I like that ending.

I'm sure you do!

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

Me, Myself and Brad
a short play

Me: I thought it was slow.

Myself: It is slow but that's the beauty of it, it takes its own sweet time.

Me: I wanted some action though, some robbing or killing or something. There's basically one robbery in the whole frigging film'. It's not 310 to Yuma, that's for sure.

Myself: That's the point! It's not an action movie. Its a unique animal. I can honestly say I've never seen a film like it.

Me: What you've never seen a slow film before?

Myself: It's not fair to call it slow...slow implies boring. I was never bored, I was involved, I cared, I wanted to know what was gonna happen next. And I trusted it too....I trusted the history, I felt like I was seeing something accurate. I felt like I was learning about Jesse James and his life. You know what happened when I saw the film...the fucking power on the whole block blacked out so we all had to leave and I didn't get to see the last 30 minutes, the assassination part, I missed that part, so I knew I had to go back to see him get shot but I was worried that I wouldn't actually make it back to the theatre...you know, I'm very busy these days...

Me: Busy, busy.

Myself: Well anyway so tonight I went back...it's only playing one time a day, its a huge flop you know...huge flop....but I went back tonight and thank God I did because the last 30 minutes is like whole 'nother movie....what happens to Robert Ford after he shoots Jesse James is extremely intriguing, didn't you think so.

Me: I guess.

Myself: You guess?

Me: I was bored, I'm telling you, it's slow.

Myself: Cause you have no attention span. I actually went home and spent two hours reading about Jesse James on Wikipedia. It made me wanna know more. That's a good thing, don't you think?

Me: So why do you think it's such a huge flop?

Myself: I don't know but it really is.

Me: Huge.

Myself: Ginormous flop!

Me: But why?

Myself: Apathy. That's the new killer. Death by apathy. There's just too much to focus on nowadays. There's so much product. Who can consume it all so quickly? After a while, I just give up. I subscribed to Vanity Fair 12 months ago and I haven't read it once all year. Not once. They arrive, they collect dust. I just got a notice saying my subscription was up; should I renew it? Why bother? Who has time? Life's too short to read those endless articles. But back to Jesse James, no one cares about this film. Nobody's talking about it. And at least with flops like Bonfire of the Vanities people discussed them but this movie is invisible. Why is that? And Brad Pitt stars as Jesse James. How come people went to see Brad as Troy but not Brad as Jesse? I would argue that Pitt gives his best performance ever as Jesse James but no one cares.

Me: Troy was shit.

Myself: I liked it.

Me: Are you a Brad Pitt fan?

Myself: No, but I love Seven. I like Brad Pitt but I'm not a fanatic or anything. Did you ever see the naked pics of him on the Internet. They're very nice.

Me: Is he hung?

Myself: Google "Brad Pitt + Naked." They're nice pics. But anyway, Brad is great as Jessa James but the movie really belongs to Casey Affleck. He's perfect, really. So great, Oscar worthy and all that.

Me: I liked him in Gone Baby Gone, too.

Myself: Yeah, he's good in that but he's better in Jesse James. It's his beak-out year.

Me: Don't say that!

Myself: Say what?

Me: "Break-out year!" You sound like one of those assholes on Access Hollywood. "Casey Affleck is having a break-out year!" Don't say stupid shit like that.

Myself: Are you on your period?

The doggies say, "Hello!"

Back to Bakersfield

I was there last weekend for a High School Reunion party and I'm going back tomorrow for three days to help my Dad move into his new home with his new wife. I don't care for her at all and my Dad knows it. But my Dad is a saint and I can't say no to him and he needs my help so back to Bako I go. I might blog from my phone. Maybe.

I'm looking forward to not travelling for a while. The last 3 months have been filled with non-stop activity; moving, reunions, weddings, blah blah blah. It's been fun but I'm done. I'll be back in Oceanside on Saturday and after that I'll be for quite a while. No more trips, no more house guests and no more distractions! It's time to get back to work! I'm too young to be retired. LOL

Have a great Wednesday!

Yellow Sky

I might need to leave, today. The air is yellow. Sad times for San
Diego. Firefighters blame climate change. They say that fires like
this didn't happen ten years ago. It's ironic that I might wind up
going to LA to breathe better air.

Cats and Coons

This is the sad story of an angry and damaged cat. I've been feeding it for a year and half and it treats me like shit. Reminds me of some actors I worked with, but I digress. It comes by every night for dinner but will it let me touch it? No! It hisses at me if I get too close. Sometimes it hisses at me as way of reminding me it's dinner time. So rude. I keep thinking that one day the cat will let me in but if it hasn't happened after 18 months, I doubt it will. And now the other stray cats come over for dinner and they are all super friendly and they even come in the house but the sad bitchy cat still doesn't trust me. Sometime the cats hiss at each other over who has the right to eat the cat food I put out.

And recently there are a few slugs that must be able to smell the cat food cause after I put it out they start slithering up the wall to the porch and they crawl right into the cat food bowl.

It's craziness!

And now we've added a cat-food-loving raccoon to the mix. Did you know raccoons eat with their hands. Anyway, the raccoon reaches right into the bowl and scoops up the cat food.


And last night one of the cats chased the raccoon back into the bushes.

The raccoon is only slightly afraid of me. I want to befriend the raccoon but I know that's a fools errand. I was telling my big-city-friend Joseph about it and he says, "Raccoons? Aren't those the ones with big black eyes? I only know that because models aren't supposed to have raccoon eyes!" You big city folk crack my country ass up!

So below is a list of all the animals I've encountered since moving to my neighborhood in Oceanside.

Cats
Dogs
Raccoons
Sparrows
Crows
Hummingbirds
Dolphins
Squirrels
Sea Lions
Seals
Fish
Jellyfish
Pelicans
Seagulls
Fish
Spiders
Flies
Dragonflies
Cockroaches
Moths
Slugs
Possums

I'm sure there are more but I've forgotten. I always wanted to live on a farm and I think I may have gotten my wish.

Fuck me, Patrick Duffy!

Patrick Duffy is one of those actors that I know zero about. I just know that he's a punchline on South Park. I couldn't tell you one thing he ever did. So thank you, Bill O'Reilly, for running a segment on Patrick Duffy and for showing this hot clip of him drying off on the set of Dallas. Now I know Patrick Duffy was on Dallas and he was fucking HOT! And thanks to the power of Tivo, I got this sexy-ass screen shot for you all. Enjoy!

Michael Clayton

Such a good film; one of the best of the year. I really enjoyed it and I'm still thinking about it. It's an exciting thriller filled with sadness. All the characters are so human and so flawed and I found myself rooting for all of them and being repulsed at the same time. It's a very dark film about choices we all make and how our choices have lasting consequences. It would be easy to say it's a film about corporate corruption but it's really about the human experience. None of us are saints and none of us are villains. Our complex lives are the result of complex choices. Tilda Swinton gives one of the saddest and most complex performances I've ever seen. I want to cry when I think about. Rarely does acting feel like art to me but her performance is art. I don't even fully understand all the things she was doing. I think her character is British but she wants to sound American to fit in or something. I'm not sure. It's such an odd and beautiful performance. She plays a strong corporate executive; most actresses would have just played her as tough and conniving but Swinton gives us a tragic figure full of complex emotions; she's fragile, terrified, bitchy, evil, sweet, confused, ugly, beautiful, unsure, extremely confident. It's rare to see actors create performances this complex. I might revisit it again, today. The more I think about it the more moved I am. And Sydney Pollack is in it, who I love. And Clooney is very good, though lots of actors could've done equally fine work in the same role. The direction is incredibly old-school in a way that inspires me. No showing off, no silly editing, very classy, simple. And the best closing credits I've ever seen. At least that I can remember. I've never seen closing credits capture an audience quite the way these do. Go see this movie. It's commercial future looks shaky.

PS Tyler Perry is No. 1 this week with a movie that got panned and for the last two weeks it was another piece of crap, The Gameplan. Has America lost it's collective mind? I can't believe then anyone would see a 2nd Tyler Perry film after seeing a first one. I sat through his first pile of sad shit and I can't imagine ever returning. Are black audiences that starved for cinema? And the preview for The Gameplan was horrifyingly bad. It's all so perplexing.

And one more thing about Tyler Perry. My gaydar goes in to overdrive when I see him. I belive, and I have nothing to back this up other than a feeling, but I believe he is a hyper-closeted-gay- black-man that panders to straight-Christian-black audiences and they lap it up. That's what I think.

Goodnight, blogosphere!

Don't let the blog bugs bite!

And Joseph M, I want you to know I'm thinking of you as I drift away.

The Kingdom

The more I think about this movie the more insulted I feel. It's a morally repugnant piece of USA propaganda. And it's dumb, too. The message is clear: Saudis are idiots and selfish and Americans are noble geniuses. Gimme a fucking break. Seriously. It's this kind of story-telling that keeps this country mired in a state of blissful ignorance. The deaths of Americans in this movie are filmed as horror and tragedy and the deaths of Saudis are staged as cheap action thrills. 4 "brilliant" Americans and 1 "barely competent" Saudi search for a terrorist in Saudi Arabia and guess who dies in the last scene. And Jennifer Garner, looking 18, plays some medical scientist-wizard-genius person. Ridiculous. And Jamie Foxx is sooooo hip and smooth as the lead investigator of an elite FBI team. Gag me! Only Chris Cooper is properly cast and only he brings any honesty to the proceedings. Even Jeremy Piven shows up doing some Saturday Night Live caricature of an idiotic diplomat. The more I think about this film the angrier I get. So I will now stop thinking about it.

The Heartbreak Kid

I was desperate to see a film last week. I thought seeing this would be like watching a car accident but it wasn't that painful. I actually liked much of it and found the concept intriguing. It's a pretty dark picture about human nature and how the more you find out about a person the less you like them. I guess it resonated with me because I've experienced that so often in my own life. I love strangers! After that, it's all downhill. I'm sort of half-joking but not really. I get bored easily. I lose interest. It use to happen with actors all the time. I would cast an actor in a play, I'd think he was great, I was all excited, two weeks later not so much. Opening night I'm frustrated with his inability to remember his lines and by closing night I'm hoping to never see him again. And that was my pattern...over and over and over. That's a major reason for my current withdrawal, I just got so tired of reliving the same experiences over and over again. So, yes, The Heartbreak Kid spoke to me on some primal level, even though it's not a good movie. There are problems with the Ben Stiller character that are too boring to discuss. He doesn't really deal with people with very well and both the actresses he gets involved are very good and extremely likable so it doesn't really work because even though Stiller marries a crazy woman I still felt for her on some level and Stiller I rarely care for. But the premise is interesting and no I've never seen the original. And I can't believe I just wrote a whole paragraph about The Heartbreak Kid.

Tragedy in my Backyard

This happened 100 yards off shore of where I live. I heard the helicopters all day and saw the Coast Guard ships from my living room window. My neighbor works with the parents of the boy. Very sad. So sad. His body is still out there, floating around in the cold, murky water. A life vest might have prevented it, too. Imagine, your 18 year old son says goodbye, jumps on a jet ski and 30 minutes later he's dead. Fucking horrifying. Life is so short, my friends. Spend it wisely. And wear your life vests.

_____

OCEANSIDE ---- A search continued until late Thursday for a missing teenager who slipped away from his brother after they collided on their SeaDoos a day earlier.

"He kept mumbling, 'I had ahold of my brother and I let him go,'" said Oceanside lifeguard Capt. Bill Curtis.

The search for 19-year-old Sean Carter, a 2006 graduate of Vista High School, continued Thursday. Authorities scanned the ocean without success from Wisconsin Street, where the two damaged watercraft washed ashore Wednesday, to the spot near the Oceanside Municipal Pier where a surfer pulled Sean's brother, Doug Carter, 21, from the water.

For a second day, darkness forced the searchers to leave the water.

Doug Carter was treated and released from Tri-City Medical Center on Wednesday afternoon, said Espy Enriquez. A longtime friend of the family, Enriquez listened Wednesday night as the older brother told the story to friends.

Efforts by reporters to reach the family were unsuccessful. Enriquez, whose children grew up with the brothers, said Doug told him the brothers were riding on a pair of watercraft near the Oceanside pier when they crashed head-on.

She described Sean as outgoing and Doug as more of a quiet introvert.

Carter told his friends the impact of the collision knocked both of them from their SeaDoos, Enriquez said. Doug Carter swam to his unconscious brother and tried to hold him above the surface, Enriquez said.

"(Doug) was holding on to (Sean's) hand but neither had a life vest on and the weight was pulling them both down," Enriquez said. "He told his friends he let go of (Sean's) hand and saw him go down."

There were no witnesses to the crash, Curtis said. A private helicopter pilot flying in the area spotted the brothers in the water at about 12:20 p.m. Wednesday and radioed for help. Before lifeguards could arrive, surfer David Keck was able to pull Doug Carter onto his surfboard. The Oceanside resident said he paddled toward the helicopter and saw what looked like an arm and a head sticking out of the water. Drawing closer, he saw a young man who looked "pale and exhausted."

The outing was the first time that the brothers had gone out on separate watercraft, Enriquez said.

"They were really excited about going out," she said. "Their dad had just bought a second SeaDoo."

Enriquez has worked with the brothers' mother, Suzann Carter, at Oceans 11 casino for 11 years. Their father also works at the casino.

Curtis said neither brother was wearing a flotation device. Curtis said the boys' father said he tried to get them to return to the dock to put on vests.

State law requires anyone on a personal watercraft to wear a floatation device.

Curtis said Doug Carter told rescuers that both brothers were wearing wet suits. The lifeguard captain added that it should have provided some buoyancy.

On Wednesday, a U.S. Navy hovercraft joined U.S. Coast Guard and San Diego Sheriff's Department helicopters and lifeguards from Oceanside, Carlsbad and Encinitas in a six-hour search that was finally suspended at dusk.

Six lifeguards searched by boat and the department's watercraft for the missing teen as Oceanside Police scanned the surf from shore.

An orange buoy marked the spot Thursday where searchers found a "kill switch" from a personal watercraft floating on the surface about 200 yards offshore.

The size of the search area and strong wind and water currents deterred plans to send divers into the water, Curtis said.

A fund to assist the family has been started. Donations may be sent to Oceans 11 Casino, c/o Bob Moyer, 121 Brooks St., Oceanside 92054.

In the Valley of Elah

Worst title of the year but a very good movie. Very. I was completely engrossed. I'm sort of surprised it's floundering at the the box office but maybe Americans are fed up with all things war. Though it's not really a war movie, it's more about family and government and mental health...I'm not describing it well. It's sort of what would happen if Michael Moore and John Grisham collaborated on an episode of a CSI episode. The story focuses on the murder of a Marine on US soil. Tommy Lee Jones, Susan Sarandon and Charlize Theron are all in it and are all excellent. There's a heart-breaking scene where Sarandon views the remains of her sons body and the camera stays on her face the whole time. She asks,"Is that all there is?" I keep thinking of that scene. There were only three people in the the theatre, me and two Marines. It's always strange watching war movies in a room with Marines.

PS The Valley of Elah is the name of the Valley where David and Goliath fight. Tommy Lee Jones plays David. It's an appropriate title but I don't think it's helping to sell tickets.

Tough Critics Day

Four movies open this weekend that I'm interested in. But only one, Michael Clayton, has a high rating on RottenTomatoes.com. For those of you who don't know. RottenTomatoes.com adds up all the critics from across the nation and shows you what the general consensus is.

We Own the Night (52%)
"Too slow to be a guilty pleasure and too dumb to be an innocent one, We Own the Night doesn't say a lot except We Own a Lot of Scorsese DVDs."
Kyle Smith
New York Post

Elizabeth: The Golden Age (25%, that's not good at all)
"the most ornate episode of Saved by the Bell you'll ever see."
Sean O'Connell
Filmcritic.com
Across the Universe (52%)
"One of those movies some people will hail as artistic, imaginative and visionary, while the rest of us wonder if those people are high."
Willie Waffle
WaffleMovies.com

Michael Clayton (90%)
"It is just about perfect as an exercise in the genre. I've seen it twice, and the second time, knowing everything that would happen, I found it just as fascinating because of how well it was all shown happening."
Roger Ebert
Chicago Sun-Times

I'll be seeing them all and I predict I'll enjoy each one...we'll see.