THERE ARE SOOO MANY "FLAGGOTS" ON CRAIGS LIST!!!

Yes, folks, you heard it here first!

The word is: Flaggots!



That's my new word for people who flag posts on Craigs List because they have NOTHING else to do with their life! So sad!

Don't be a flaggot! Stop flagging. Life is too short to be bitter! Be happy. Flaggots aren't happy! They hide in their cyber closets and lead miserable lives. Don't be a flaggot!

I posted this on CL and it was flagged within 20 minutes. CL needs a new flagging system. At least now it has a new word!

Gassed

Is the pump half full or half empty? I don't know anymore. I've been in Oceanside for the last three weeks where the gas seems much cheaper, (2.48) but is it really? I vaguely remember a time when it was 1.60 per gallon. Is that true or is it just my imagination? Will this rollercoaster ever end? Maybe my brother, who seems to know EVERYTHING, can write a comprehensive blog about gas prices and who sets them and why they fluctuate so much. I have never met one person who understands how this whole thing works. But if you must buy gas, I reccomend coming to Oceanside to do it.
PS I just now farted so I guess it's an appropriate time to end this blog. Also, a gallon of gas is still cheaper than a tube of mascara, at least that's what my friend Sally tells me.

NYC Cam Phone: Garbage

Models are so glamorous! I'm running these pics in honor of the great episode last night of Project Runway. Have a nice Thursday!

Chris "Smarmy" Wallace

You can even see the smirk from this side.

Wether you like Chris Wallace or not can anyone deny that he is totally smarmy and mug? I was shocked to find out he's the son of Mike Wallace. I worship Mike Wallace. I can not believe that the plastic-looking and plastic-acting Chris Wallace is his son. I loved watching Bill Clinton rip him a new asshole. And I was shocked to read that Clinton was having a meltdown. Meltdown??? What the fuck? Since when does expressing anger and passion mean you're having a meltdown??? Jesus Christ!

Killing Time

"Men talk of killing time, while time quietly kills them."
Dion Boucicault

Jackass is EVERYTHING!

Jackass is the single most important piece of art/entertainment I have seen this year. No other piece of art/entertainment has involved me so completely from beggining to end. I think most artists, wether they admit it or not, want their audiences to REACT and so much art illicits little more than boredom, channel surfing or leaving at intermission. Boredom is often the rule and not the exception. Often times I'll leave a movie or a play because I'm simply not engaged. Forget wether it's good or not. I'm not looking for "good" I'm looking to be involved.

Today at Jackass, I howled, squirmed, gasped, got scared, was nervous, was shocked...I talked out loud: "Oh no!" "Oh my God!" "Noooo!" And I did all this NON-STOP for the ENTIRE movie. And the audience around me did, too. I wish I could write an eloquent essay about Jackass and it's exploration of every topic we are grappling with today in America.

I saw it twice this weekend and I'm sure I'll be seeing many more times in the coming weeks. Go see it! See it today!

NYC Cam Phone: Bling

I was intrigued by the worker at McDonalds having a fancy gold watch that appeared to cost more than he probably makes in a month.

NYC Cam Phone: Leather

I love this sign, especially since it's hanging in a Chinese laundry in the heart of Greenwich Village.

Phantom in Vegas

I saw Phantom of the Opera in Vegas on opening night (a while back but I'm just now getting around to writing about it).

I was very excited to see it because I can't recall ever seeing a regional production of a hit Broadway show that was cut down to 90 minutes on the road but given a budget twice as big as the Broadway version. That's a theatre-first, I believe.

So, my dear friend, Thom Wise, gets us free tickets for opening night and off we go to the Venetian. The theater is stunning and the first 5 minutes of the show, the Paris Opera House coming back to life is totally riveting. It's totally different from the Broadway production and so much better.

Look at the picture above, they have dummies sitting in seats on the sides, it's very cool. They have dummies sitting in the orchestra seats, too, but those are actually tourists from Utah.

Anyway, the show clips along from scene to scene and rarely lags. It felt a little like Cliffnotes which is fine by me because I've seen the Broadway production and both times I was bored out of my fucking mind.

Anyway, they cut it down to 90 minutes and it was the first time I've ever enjoyed the show but, you know what, I would've liked it better if they cut another 15 minutes. And for the record, the musical really makes no fucking sense but who cares? People love it. But it really doesn't make any fucking sense.

I mean almost NOTHING in it makes sense. If you don't agree, pick a scene and lets argue. If you've never seen it, see it in Vegas. Unfortunately, what happens in Vegas stays in
Vegas which is too bad because I think they should close the Broadway production and replace it with this one. And slot machines in the lobby wouldn't be a bad idea either.

I Heart Wal-Mart!

Wal-Mart, I love you. I do. I know it's a sin but I just can't help myself. I went there twice today. There is one in Oceanside less than 3 miles from my apt. Oh joy! Hot Marines are everywhere, shopping with their big fat wives. As I snapped the picture of this shopping-speed-demon I thought to myself, "That could be me." Except, I don't own a lime colored shirt...yet!

My Favorite CL post this week!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Benjamin Franklin on Porn Stars

This week someone identifying themselves as BretAngell wrote this:

Hey Ronnie,

I'm curious why you wish Heidi Klum had told you "There's a fine line between innovation and insanity" "before putting porn stars in plays."

In what ways have you felt insane for putting porn stars in plays?

________

For my answer, I'm stealing from Benjamin Franklin.

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." Bejamin Franklin

I love that!

And while we're on the topic of Benjamin Franklin check out these other awesome qoutes:

"Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both."

"Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days."

"He that's secure is not safe."

"I conceive that the great part of the miseries of mankind are brought upon them by false estimates they have made of the value of things."

"If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead, either write something worth reading or do things worth writing."

"Life's Tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late."

And on that thought, I'm going to bed! Goodnight. And yes, it's true, I'm going to bed at 6:15 AM. And no, I'm not on crystal.

NYC Cam Phone: Mannequins

I shot these mannequins...

...but this one did NOT want her photo taken!

Have a nice Monday!

$ Water $

I bought this bottle of water on Saturday at LaGuardia Airport. How much was it?

$2.00

$3.00

$3.25

If you guessed $3.25, you're right. 3 dollars and 25 cents for a fucking bottle of small water! Are you fucking kidding me? Isn't that price gouging? Isn't that illegal? How can they charge this? It's so out of control. And we pay it. I bought a diet coke an hour after I bought the water and it cost me $2.00. So water is now more expensive than Diet Coke? Oy vey.

NYC Cam Phone: Chew Skoal...

Project Runway Scandal

My love of Project Runway might be turning into a mini-obsession. I just looked up Michael Kors on Wikepedia and I found this:

"The openly gay designer is a judge on the reality television program Project Runway. Recently several tabloid newspapers have reported on a conflict with the show's producers regarding his romantic interest in one of this year's contestants, Michael Knight."

This is the first I've heard. Interesting indeed.

Goodbye, Ann Richards.

"Poor George, he can't help it...He was born with a silver foot in his mouth." Ann Richards

I'm gonna miss you. Each time I saw you on TV you inspired me, made me laugh and made me think. You were calling George W. Bush a moron before it was fashionable. You knew the truth looong before the rest of the world figured it out. I fear we may not see the likes of you ever again in politics. I trusted you, I believed what you said and you always struck me as the real deal; a genuinely good, intelligent, smart, funny and candid politician. Thank you for all you gave.

And why in the hell are all the true originals dying this month. First Steve Irwin and now, you. Something isn't right.

To read all about the crazy and fabulous life of Ann Richards, click here.

Free Food Pt. 1: Doughnuts

My friend, Sally, sent me her latest video and begged me to put it on my blog. I love Sally but I fear she's not mentally balanced.

Innovation and Insanity

Heidi Klum wins the award for best qoute of the week:

"There's a fine line between innovation and insanity."

Oh Heidi, if only you had told me this before I started putting porn stars in plays.

Oh well, the point is, I have fallen in love with Heidi Klum and Project Runway. I am riveted by every scene, every "character", every gown. How I love seeing gay men on television who don't feel the need to be charming. Project Runway is everything Queer Eye never was. The gays on Queer Eye are artificially-upbeat-one-dimensional-caricatures begging to be loved. The human beings on Project Runway are exactly that: human!

They are serious, funny, bitchy, smart, delusional, cutthroat, creative and human. And Nina Garcia and Heidi Klum are two women I wish I were friends with and if you know anything about me you know there aren't many people I want to be friends with, especially celebrities, but Klum and Garcia are sexy, witty, intelligent, sophisticated and yet oddly down-to-earth. As they watch the runway show each week they seem genuinely intrigued and excited. And Michael Kors and Tim Gunn couldn't be queenier but yet they also come off as completely sincere and intelligent.

How I love this show! I'm personally rooting for Michael Knight but I'm most consistently impressed by the clothing of Laura Bennett. I love her clean, elegant lines and and her "construction", as they on the show, is completely flawless.

I've just moved seasons 1 and 2 to the top of my Netflix and I can not wait to watch every second.

Bravo, Bravo!

Every Time I Fly

I think about how amazing it is that man figured out air travel.

I think about how much I hate flying.

I think about how it would feel to free-fall through the sky.

I think about how much empty space we have in our "over-populated" country.

I think about Osama Bin Laden and those fucking high jackers who should never gotten in the cockpits.

I think about why male stewards are, mostly, all gay? (mostly)

I think about how cool it must be to fly on a private plane with internet access, a private bedroom, and a shower.

I think about all the productive things I'm gonna do when I arrive at my destination.

I think about how to travel with no checked-in luggage and only one carry-on. One day I hope to figure that out.

WTC Postcard

"I’ve never understood the incredibly short attention span of the American public...including my own...I admit it...about a month ago somebody referred to 9-11 and they mentioned the Twin Towers and the plane that had hit the Pentagon...and I thought to myself, the Pentagon, what are they talking about? For a moment, I had completely forgotten about the Pentagon..." Isaac from my play Cocksucker: A Love Story

The Jiffy Lube Scams Continue

The Jiffy Lube scams never end. Why is this company not being named in a huge class action suit? The scamming is so systematic and widespread. This company really should be fined millions of dollars. The NBC investigation you are about to see uncovers scams 5 out of 9 times in a three month period. And that's just one customer. Imagine the countless numbers of people vicitmized by this company. It's totally criminal.
PS Thank you Cheryl Caswell for sending me this!


__
To see my own scam experience with Jiffy Lube click here.

The Narcoleptic Spice Girl

Heeeeeeerrrrres Johnny!

I didn't believe Travolta was really gonna play this part til I saw this movie still today...I'm not even sure what I think.

NYC Cam Phone: New York

I spent 7 hours last night walking from my apt. in the village up to Times Square taking pictures of the city with my camera phone. I NEVER thought I would enjoy using a camera phone but last night was a blast. I'll be posting the pics over the next month.

The Wicker Man vs Casino Royale

Bad News: The Wicker Man

I saw the worst movie of the year last night in NYC at my favorite movie theatre in the world, the AMC Empire 25. The Wicker Man is so boring that I almost can't muster energy to write about it. It's truly horrible and truly boring. I wanted to leave after 15 minutes but I stayed because I heard the last two minutes are super-ridiculous and good news, they were! It was almost worth the wait. Ellen Burstyn appears in split-color face make-up like the kind guys wear to football games.


And Nicholas Cage beats up a bull-dyke and steals her bear costume. If the whole movie had been this absurd it might have been worth it but you have to wait through a lot of boring film to get to the campy stuff in the last 10 minutes. Not worth the wait.

On a side note: James Franco appears in the epilogue and I am now officially worried because Franco starred in the worst movie I saw LAST year, Annapolis. Does he need a new agent?

Good News: The Casino Royale Trailer

OH - MY - GOD! I watched the Casino Royale (James Bond) trailer online last night and all I can say is OH - MY - GOD! Did I mention I watched it about 8 times.

You can see it, too, at:

http://movies.aol.com/casino-royale-james-bond/exclusive-video-features

It's so beautiful and elegant and mysterious and action-packed and sexy. I am now officially crazy for this movie. That makes three films I can not wait to see this fall: Borat, Casino Royale, and The Prestige. I know nothing about The Prestige but it's directed by Christopher Nolan who did Batman Begins which I find to be endlessly entertaining.

It's been a bad summer for movies. Theatres are packed with movies I have less than zero interest in seeing but hopefully that's all about to change as we move into fall.

More Alligators!!!

It really is so sad about Steve Irwin. For many years I've owned a ceramic alligator and I mounted it on my wall in my NYC apt. Now when I look at it I think of Mr. Irwin. Enjoy.

b

Goodbye, Crocodile Hunter.

I'm deeply saddened by the death of Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin. He was a true original and his love of nature was inspiring. I'm so sad for his wife and small child.
What a loss. So young, so adventuresome, so funny, so positive, and now he's gone.

Life is so short. I am reminded of that lesson everyday.

Click below for the whole story:

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20349888-2,00.html