Sleeping in Porn Theatres

I blame a combination of conservative politics and the abundance of internet porn for the demise of the American Porno theatre. Slowly but surely they are shutting down and the ones left standing are empty. Why go to a theater and watch porn when you can stay home and masturbate in front of your PC? I, of course, don't go for the porn. Believe it or not, porn doesn't interest me as something to watch. I go to porn theatres for the anything-goes action. I could write a book about the "complicated activities" I've seen in these places but todays blog is not about sex in a porno theater, it's about the lack of it. Specifically, the lack of it in Pahrump on Friday afternoon!

I stumbled onto this porn theater in Pahrump, Nevada about 9 months ago. It is officially the slowest porno theatre I have ever been in. Hours can pass without anyone entering but when people do show up, action begins right away and the men are consistently hot. When I say hot, I don't mean they look like Hugh jackman. Hot to me is blue-collar, rough-around-the-edges, white-trash, lower-middle class, married, family man, trucker, construction worker...you get the idea.

So my friend and I are heading to Vegas last Friday and we get to Pahrump at 3 am and get a hotel. I wake up at 7 am and head over to the "cinema" hoping to meet some blue-collar dude on his way to work and from 7 am to 10:30 AM, no one shows up! NO ONE! I sit there for three hours watching the same boring porno movie, over and over.

This movie was filmed in Italy but dubbed by very good British actors and the effect is nauseatng. The Italian actors were bland, expressionless and sexy. The British dubbers were flamboyant, articulate and extremely upper-class. It made for ridiculous viewing.

No one comes in and I'm getting tired. Then, finally, two white trash guys show up. One guy is hot but he jacks off quickly and leaves and the other guy is too trashy even for me. He smoked and limped at the same time, not a turn-on. So then my friend shows up and we decide to go get lunch. We come back in an hour and the place is still completely empty. At this point it felt a little like slots. You can't walk away cause you know you might get lucky 777's at any moment.

Meanwhile, my friend is outside chatting up the owner while I'm inside nodding off. I decide I need to sleep but we already checked out of the hotel. So I go outside and I talk to the owner and he says, "just sleep in the theater. People do it all the time, it's the cheapest hotel in town."

This is truly a nice porno theater, it's superclean, carpeted, brand new seats, no peeling paint, no trash on the floors; it's spotless...but still, it's a FRIGGING PORNO THEATER! I can't sleep on the floor of porno theatre, that's too disgusting, even for me. I have standards!

But I'm so tired.

And that's when I cross the line, a new level of depravity...I lay down...on the floor of this porno theater in the middle of Pahrump, Nevada and I go to sleep. And it is the most relaxing, peaceful sleep I have had in ages. I wake up a few times and each time the place is still empty. For 5 peaceful hours I sleep on the floor of the porno theatre and no one comes in and no one disturbs me. And when I wake up, the first thing I think is,"Oh my God! I can't believe I just slept on the floor of a porno theater!" And then I think, "this'll be good for my blog!" And then I think, "I'm so lucky to have a life like this that allows me to have adventures in places like Pahrump, Nevada."

And then I think,"Oh my God, what is wrong with you??? How could you sleep on the floor of a porno theatre???" But honestly, there is something very peacful about resting in a place where no one can reach you.

Some people go to day spas, I go to porn theaters.



I took this pic with my camera phone: see the sexy Italian porn actress. Now imagine her sounding like Dame Judi Dench while she discusses fellatio and voyeurism.