Elizabeth, The Golden Age

Ronnie: Cate, thank you for coming to Oceanside for this brief interview.

Cate: My pleasure. It really is a lovely town.

Ronnie: Why thank you.

Cate: It's quite nice. So many strapping Marines!

Ronnie: So about your movie...

Cate: Elizabeth...

Ronnie: Yes, Elizabeth. The costumes are stunning.

Cate: Thank you.

Ronnie: Truly stunning. I loved looking at your movie. I would have loved it even with the sound off. I could have just put on my iPod and listened to the "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert", and been perfectly content.

Cate: But what did you think of the script.

Ronnie: Well it's very Cliff Notesy don't you think?

Cate: I don't know, I don't read Cliff Notes.

Ronnie: You should, they're quite useful. I quite enjoy them. So, it's not a criticism and to be fair I wouldn't know how to write a screenplay that clearly communicates the complexity of that time period and still be clear. And I felt like I learned a lot but I also felt like I was being given the tip of the iceberg. I left wanting to know more about Queen Elizabeth, which is always good thing. And as far as pure entertainment, it works brilliantly, I was completely entertained and I may even see it again. So all in all it was a totally satisfying experience.

Cate: Thank you, I think.

Ronnie: But let's be frank, shall we?

Cate: Absolutely.

Ronnie: Samantha Morton is the real deal, don't you think? A truly other-worldly actress. No one can deny your incredible talent, Cate, but Samantha is in her own universe. It was only when she was on screen that I was truly swept away. I liked all of your choices but with you I'm always aware of the talent, but with Samantha, I find myself transported and confused and awed. She simply acts on more levels than you. If you act on 3 levels she acts on 5. She's like a Judi Dench, there's just so much going on all the time. She even sort of looks like Judi Dench. Did you see Minority Report?

Cate: I loved it.

Ronnie: It's really Samantha's movie, but Tom Cruise and Spielberg got all the credit. So I think it's time to start giving some of your roles to Samantha. That's really why I brought you here. You have all the work you need but it's time for Samantha to move to center stage. She's the best thing in Elizabeth and she's only on screen for like a total of 10 minutes. It's not right. Or you should produce a movie called Mary Queen of Scots and let her star in it. What do you think about all this?

Cate: Umm...I'm not sure.

Ronnie: Well thank you so much for coming to Oceanside and sitting down with me.

Cate: Thank you, it was lovely!

Happy Halloween from your friends at Wal-Mart!

Sick Pumpkin

There's a sick pumpkin on my porch courtesy of my fabulous neighbor!

Note: Speaking of sick, I just realized that the word pumpkin is an
synonym for incest. Isn't a synonym two words that mean the same thing?

Addendum: I blogged this from my phone and stupidly mistook an antonym for a synonym. But earlier I wrote "anonym". I have now fixed it. I meant synonym. My brilliant-genius ex-girlfriend, Carolyn, corrected me in the comment section so, thanks to her comment, we are all reminded of the differences between synonyms and antonyms. Thank you, Miss Anhalt!

synonym |ˈsinəˌnim| noun a word or phrase that means exactly or nearly the same as another word or phrase in the same language, for example shut is a synonym of close.

antonym |ˈantəˌnim| noun Linguistics a word opposite in meaning to another (e.g., bad and good).

Nigger vs Shit

Ronnie: Hey, can I ask you a question?

FCC: Make it quick.

Ronnie: Ok, I'm watching Bad Boys 2 with Will Smith and Chris Tucker.

FCC: Martin Lawrence.

Ronnie: Oh yeah, sorry, so I'm watching Bad Boys 2 on the USA Network and they keep calling each other nigger! Nigger this, nigger that.

FCC: What's your question?

Ronnie: Every time they said the word shit it got bleeped out. "That's bull-bleep nigger!" So I'm really confused. Is shit a less offensive word than nigger? And who is it less offensive to? Nigger is a derogatory word against black people but shit isn't really a derogatory word against feces. By bleeping one and not the other aren't you implying that feces deserves more respect than black people. Can you clear this up for me?

FCC: Well, I think in that specific film they don't really say nigger, which is a horrible word by the way, they say nigga, which is more of a friendly-casual word.

Ronnie: No, I'm pretty sure they say nigger.

FCC: Hmmmm. Well, I'd have to watch it again. I haven't seen it in a while. But I liked it better than Bad Boys 1. Does that answer your question?

Ronnie: Uh, no.

30 Days of Night

Marz: You should see 30 Days of Night. I'm surprised you haven't already seen it.

Ronnie: Who said I haven't seen it? Did I tell you I haven't seen it? You think because I don't blog about something that I'm not doing it. I took a shit yesterday but I didn't blog about it. How come you don't write, "you should take shit once in a while." I blog when I feel like it. I blog when I have time! I don't blog for you, I blog for me. Of course, I saw 30 Days of Night. I saw it opening day, motherfucker. How dare you imply I haven't seen it yet? You read my blog! You know I see every piece of shit vampire movie out there.

Marz: Calm down.

Ronnie: Fuck you!

Marz: I thought you were all peaceful and shit living in Oceanside.

Ronnie: I was til you implied I hadn't seen 30 days of Night. I actually saw it Thursday night at midnight. I was at the first screening in my local area, thank you very much.

Marz: Why are you actin' all crazy and shit?

Ronnie: Why are you talking black?

Marz: What?

Ronnie: Forget it.

Marz: So did you like it?

Ronnie: I liked a lot. Very much. yes. Ok, I'm peaceful, again.

Marz: And what did you like about it?

Ronnie: I feel like you're being condescending now.

Marz: (screams) Just put the lotion in the fucking basket!

Ronnie: What?

Marz: Just tell me what you think, already.

Ronnie: I really loved the vampires. I keep thinking about them actually. I found them very compelling. Very well-acted. The lead Vampire was truly unique. Danny Huston, I believe, is the actor's name. And I loved the snow. I love movies with lots of snow. Like the Long Kiss Goodnight. I love snow movies.

Marz: Did you see Blow with Johnny Depp.

Ronnie: Not that kind of snow. Real snow! Winter snow.

Marz: Well I'm glad you liked it.

Ronnie: I really like Josh Hartnett. I find him intriguing. I can't decide if he has talent or not but I'd like to be his girlfriend and have him lie on top of me and do his business in me.

Marz: Why you gotta make everything dirty?

Ronnie: There ya go, talking black again!

Rise and Shine a play in one act

Get up, Ronnie.

I don't feel well.

Get up.

I'm still congested.

You'll feel better if you get up.

It's too early.

It's 11 am.

It's early for me.

Just get up. ( pause) What are you typing?

I'm writing a play.

About what?

About you trying to wake me up.

Sounds like a boring play.

Very boring. Unlikable characters.

How does it end?

Very badly. I get up. I go to the gym.

I like that ending.

I'm sure you do!

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford

Me, Myself and Brad
a short play

Me: I thought it was slow.

Myself: It is slow but that's the beauty of it, it takes its own sweet time.

Me: I wanted some action though, some robbing or killing or something. There's basically one robbery in the whole frigging film'. It's not 310 to Yuma, that's for sure.

Myself: That's the point! It's not an action movie. Its a unique animal. I can honestly say I've never seen a film like it.

Me: What you've never seen a slow film before?

Myself: It's not fair to call it slow...slow implies boring. I was never bored, I was involved, I cared, I wanted to know what was gonna happen next. And I trusted it too....I trusted the history, I felt like I was seeing something accurate. I felt like I was learning about Jesse James and his life. You know what happened when I saw the film...the fucking power on the whole block blacked out so we all had to leave and I didn't get to see the last 30 minutes, the assassination part, I missed that part, so I knew I had to go back to see him get shot but I was worried that I wouldn't actually make it back to the theatre...you know, I'm very busy these days...

Me: Busy, busy.

Myself: Well anyway so tonight I went back...it's only playing one time a day, its a huge flop you know...huge flop....but I went back tonight and thank God I did because the last 30 minutes is like whole 'nother movie....what happens to Robert Ford after he shoots Jesse James is extremely intriguing, didn't you think so.

Me: I guess.

Myself: You guess?

Me: I was bored, I'm telling you, it's slow.

Myself: Cause you have no attention span. I actually went home and spent two hours reading about Jesse James on Wikipedia. It made me wanna know more. That's a good thing, don't you think?

Me: So why do you think it's such a huge flop?

Myself: I don't know but it really is.

Me: Huge.

Myself: Ginormous flop!

Me: But why?

Myself: Apathy. That's the new killer. Death by apathy. There's just too much to focus on nowadays. There's so much product. Who can consume it all so quickly? After a while, I just give up. I subscribed to Vanity Fair 12 months ago and I haven't read it once all year. Not once. They arrive, they collect dust. I just got a notice saying my subscription was up; should I renew it? Why bother? Who has time? Life's too short to read those endless articles. But back to Jesse James, no one cares about this film. Nobody's talking about it. And at least with flops like Bonfire of the Vanities people discussed them but this movie is invisible. Why is that? And Brad Pitt stars as Jesse James. How come people went to see Brad as Troy but not Brad as Jesse? I would argue that Pitt gives his best performance ever as Jesse James but no one cares.

Me: Troy was shit.

Myself: I liked it.

Me: Are you a Brad Pitt fan?

Myself: No, but I love Seven. I like Brad Pitt but I'm not a fanatic or anything. Did you ever see the naked pics of him on the Internet. They're very nice.

Me: Is he hung?

Myself: Google "Brad Pitt + Naked." They're nice pics. But anyway, Brad is great as Jessa James but the movie really belongs to Casey Affleck. He's perfect, really. So great, Oscar worthy and all that.

Me: I liked him in Gone Baby Gone, too.

Myself: Yeah, he's good in that but he's better in Jesse James. It's his beak-out year.

Me: Don't say that!

Myself: Say what?

Me: "Break-out year!" You sound like one of those assholes on Access Hollywood. "Casey Affleck is having a break-out year!" Don't say stupid shit like that.

Myself: Are you on your period?

The doggies say, "Hello!"

Back to Bakersfield

I was there last weekend for a High School Reunion party and I'm going back tomorrow for three days to help my Dad move into his new home with his new wife. I don't care for her at all and my Dad knows it. But my Dad is a saint and I can't say no to him and he needs my help so back to Bako I go. I might blog from my phone. Maybe.

I'm looking forward to not travelling for a while. The last 3 months have been filled with non-stop activity; moving, reunions, weddings, blah blah blah. It's been fun but I'm done. I'll be back in Oceanside on Saturday and after that I'll be for quite a while. No more trips, no more house guests and no more distractions! It's time to get back to work! I'm too young to be retired. LOL

Have a great Wednesday!

Yellow Sky

I might need to leave, today. The air is yellow. Sad times for San
Diego. Firefighters blame climate change. They say that fires like
this didn't happen ten years ago. It's ironic that I might wind up
going to LA to breathe better air.

Cats and Coons

This is the sad story of an angry and damaged cat. I've been feeding it for a year and half and it treats me like shit. Reminds me of some actors I worked with, but I digress. It comes by every night for dinner but will it let me touch it? No! It hisses at me if I get too close. Sometimes it hisses at me as way of reminding me it's dinner time. So rude. I keep thinking that one day the cat will let me in but if it hasn't happened after 18 months, I doubt it will. And now the other stray cats come over for dinner and they are all super friendly and they even come in the house but the sad bitchy cat still doesn't trust me. Sometime the cats hiss at each other over who has the right to eat the cat food I put out.

And recently there are a few slugs that must be able to smell the cat food cause after I put it out they start slithering up the wall to the porch and they crawl right into the cat food bowl.

It's craziness!

And now we've added a cat-food-loving raccoon to the mix. Did you know raccoons eat with their hands. Anyway, the raccoon reaches right into the bowl and scoops up the cat food.


And last night one of the cats chased the raccoon back into the bushes.

The raccoon is only slightly afraid of me. I want to befriend the raccoon but I know that's a fools errand. I was telling my big-city-friend Joseph about it and he says, "Raccoons? Aren't those the ones with big black eyes? I only know that because models aren't supposed to have raccoon eyes!" You big city folk crack my country ass up!

So below is a list of all the animals I've encountered since moving to my neighborhood in Oceanside.

Cats
Dogs
Raccoons
Sparrows
Crows
Hummingbirds
Dolphins
Squirrels
Sea Lions
Seals
Fish
Jellyfish
Pelicans
Seagulls
Fish
Spiders
Flies
Dragonflies
Cockroaches
Moths
Slugs
Possums

I'm sure there are more but I've forgotten. I always wanted to live on a farm and I think I may have gotten my wish.

Fuck me, Patrick Duffy!

Patrick Duffy is one of those actors that I know zero about. I just know that he's a punchline on South Park. I couldn't tell you one thing he ever did. So thank you, Bill O'Reilly, for running a segment on Patrick Duffy and for showing this hot clip of him drying off on the set of Dallas. Now I know Patrick Duffy was on Dallas and he was fucking HOT! And thanks to the power of Tivo, I got this sexy-ass screen shot for you all. Enjoy!

Michael Clayton

Such a good film; one of the best of the year. I really enjoyed it and I'm still thinking about it. It's an exciting thriller filled with sadness. All the characters are so human and so flawed and I found myself rooting for all of them and being repulsed at the same time. It's a very dark film about choices we all make and how our choices have lasting consequences. It would be easy to say it's a film about corporate corruption but it's really about the human experience. None of us are saints and none of us are villains. Our complex lives are the result of complex choices. Tilda Swinton gives one of the saddest and most complex performances I've ever seen. I want to cry when I think about. Rarely does acting feel like art to me but her performance is art. I don't even fully understand all the things she was doing. I think her character is British but she wants to sound American to fit in or something. I'm not sure. It's such an odd and beautiful performance. She plays a strong corporate executive; most actresses would have just played her as tough and conniving but Swinton gives us a tragic figure full of complex emotions; she's fragile, terrified, bitchy, evil, sweet, confused, ugly, beautiful, unsure, extremely confident. It's rare to see actors create performances this complex. I might revisit it again, today. The more I think about it the more moved I am. And Sydney Pollack is in it, who I love. And Clooney is very good, though lots of actors could've done equally fine work in the same role. The direction is incredibly old-school in a way that inspires me. No showing off, no silly editing, very classy, simple. And the best closing credits I've ever seen. At least that I can remember. I've never seen closing credits capture an audience quite the way these do. Go see this movie. It's commercial future looks shaky.

PS Tyler Perry is No. 1 this week with a movie that got panned and for the last two weeks it was another piece of crap, The Gameplan. Has America lost it's collective mind? I can't believe then anyone would see a 2nd Tyler Perry film after seeing a first one. I sat through his first pile of sad shit and I can't imagine ever returning. Are black audiences that starved for cinema? And the preview for The Gameplan was horrifyingly bad. It's all so perplexing.

And one more thing about Tyler Perry. My gaydar goes in to overdrive when I see him. I belive, and I have nothing to back this up other than a feeling, but I believe he is a hyper-closeted-gay- black-man that panders to straight-Christian-black audiences and they lap it up. That's what I think.

Goodnight, blogosphere!

Don't let the blog bugs bite!

And Joseph M, I want you to know I'm thinking of you as I drift away.

The Kingdom

The more I think about this movie the more insulted I feel. It's a morally repugnant piece of USA propaganda. And it's dumb, too. The message is clear: Saudis are idiots and selfish and Americans are noble geniuses. Gimme a fucking break. Seriously. It's this kind of story-telling that keeps this country mired in a state of blissful ignorance. The deaths of Americans in this movie are filmed as horror and tragedy and the deaths of Saudis are staged as cheap action thrills. 4 "brilliant" Americans and 1 "barely competent" Saudi search for a terrorist in Saudi Arabia and guess who dies in the last scene. And Jennifer Garner, looking 18, plays some medical scientist-wizard-genius person. Ridiculous. And Jamie Foxx is sooooo hip and smooth as the lead investigator of an elite FBI team. Gag me! Only Chris Cooper is properly cast and only he brings any honesty to the proceedings. Even Jeremy Piven shows up doing some Saturday Night Live caricature of an idiotic diplomat. The more I think about this film the angrier I get. So I will now stop thinking about it.

The Heartbreak Kid

I was desperate to see a film last week. I thought seeing this would be like watching a car accident but it wasn't that painful. I actually liked much of it and found the concept intriguing. It's a pretty dark picture about human nature and how the more you find out about a person the less you like them. I guess it resonated with me because I've experienced that so often in my own life. I love strangers! After that, it's all downhill. I'm sort of half-joking but not really. I get bored easily. I lose interest. It use to happen with actors all the time. I would cast an actor in a play, I'd think he was great, I was all excited, two weeks later not so much. Opening night I'm frustrated with his inability to remember his lines and by closing night I'm hoping to never see him again. And that was my pattern...over and over and over. That's a major reason for my current withdrawal, I just got so tired of reliving the same experiences over and over again. So, yes, The Heartbreak Kid spoke to me on some primal level, even though it's not a good movie. There are problems with the Ben Stiller character that are too boring to discuss. He doesn't really deal with people with very well and both the actresses he gets involved are very good and extremely likable so it doesn't really work because even though Stiller marries a crazy woman I still felt for her on some level and Stiller I rarely care for. But the premise is interesting and no I've never seen the original. And I can't believe I just wrote a whole paragraph about The Heartbreak Kid.

Tragedy in my Backyard

This happened 100 yards off shore of where I live. I heard the helicopters all day and saw the Coast Guard ships from my living room window. My neighbor works with the parents of the boy. Very sad. So sad. His body is still out there, floating around in the cold, murky water. A life vest might have prevented it, too. Imagine, your 18 year old son says goodbye, jumps on a jet ski and 30 minutes later he's dead. Fucking horrifying. Life is so short, my friends. Spend it wisely. And wear your life vests.

_____

OCEANSIDE ---- A search continued until late Thursday for a missing teenager who slipped away from his brother after they collided on their SeaDoos a day earlier.

"He kept mumbling, 'I had ahold of my brother and I let him go,'" said Oceanside lifeguard Capt. Bill Curtis.

The search for 19-year-old Sean Carter, a 2006 graduate of Vista High School, continued Thursday. Authorities scanned the ocean without success from Wisconsin Street, where the two damaged watercraft washed ashore Wednesday, to the spot near the Oceanside Municipal Pier where a surfer pulled Sean's brother, Doug Carter, 21, from the water.

For a second day, darkness forced the searchers to leave the water.

Doug Carter was treated and released from Tri-City Medical Center on Wednesday afternoon, said Espy Enriquez. A longtime friend of the family, Enriquez listened Wednesday night as the older brother told the story to friends.

Efforts by reporters to reach the family were unsuccessful. Enriquez, whose children grew up with the brothers, said Doug told him the brothers were riding on a pair of watercraft near the Oceanside pier when they crashed head-on.

She described Sean as outgoing and Doug as more of a quiet introvert.

Carter told his friends the impact of the collision knocked both of them from their SeaDoos, Enriquez said. Doug Carter swam to his unconscious brother and tried to hold him above the surface, Enriquez said.

"(Doug) was holding on to (Sean's) hand but neither had a life vest on and the weight was pulling them both down," Enriquez said. "He told his friends he let go of (Sean's) hand and saw him go down."

There were no witnesses to the crash, Curtis said. A private helicopter pilot flying in the area spotted the brothers in the water at about 12:20 p.m. Wednesday and radioed for help. Before lifeguards could arrive, surfer David Keck was able to pull Doug Carter onto his surfboard. The Oceanside resident said he paddled toward the helicopter and saw what looked like an arm and a head sticking out of the water. Drawing closer, he saw a young man who looked "pale and exhausted."

The outing was the first time that the brothers had gone out on separate watercraft, Enriquez said.

"They were really excited about going out," she said. "Their dad had just bought a second SeaDoo."

Enriquez has worked with the brothers' mother, Suzann Carter, at Oceans 11 casino for 11 years. Their father also works at the casino.

Curtis said neither brother was wearing a flotation device. Curtis said the boys' father said he tried to get them to return to the dock to put on vests.

State law requires anyone on a personal watercraft to wear a floatation device.

Curtis said Doug Carter told rescuers that both brothers were wearing wet suits. The lifeguard captain added that it should have provided some buoyancy.

On Wednesday, a U.S. Navy hovercraft joined U.S. Coast Guard and San Diego Sheriff's Department helicopters and lifeguards from Oceanside, Carlsbad and Encinitas in a six-hour search that was finally suspended at dusk.

Six lifeguards searched by boat and the department's watercraft for the missing teen as Oceanside Police scanned the surf from shore.

An orange buoy marked the spot Thursday where searchers found a "kill switch" from a personal watercraft floating on the surface about 200 yards offshore.

The size of the search area and strong wind and water currents deterred plans to send divers into the water, Curtis said.

A fund to assist the family has been started. Donations may be sent to Oceans 11 Casino, c/o Bob Moyer, 121 Brooks St., Oceanside 92054.

In the Valley of Elah

Worst title of the year but a very good movie. Very. I was completely engrossed. I'm sort of surprised it's floundering at the the box office but maybe Americans are fed up with all things war. Though it's not really a war movie, it's more about family and government and mental health...I'm not describing it well. It's sort of what would happen if Michael Moore and John Grisham collaborated on an episode of a CSI episode. The story focuses on the murder of a Marine on US soil. Tommy Lee Jones, Susan Sarandon and Charlize Theron are all in it and are all excellent. There's a heart-breaking scene where Sarandon views the remains of her sons body and the camera stays on her face the whole time. She asks,"Is that all there is?" I keep thinking of that scene. There were only three people in the the theatre, me and two Marines. It's always strange watching war movies in a room with Marines.

PS The Valley of Elah is the name of the Valley where David and Goliath fight. Tommy Lee Jones plays David. It's an appropriate title but I don't think it's helping to sell tickets.

Tough Critics Day

Four movies open this weekend that I'm interested in. But only one, Michael Clayton, has a high rating on RottenTomatoes.com. For those of you who don't know. RottenTomatoes.com adds up all the critics from across the nation and shows you what the general consensus is.

We Own the Night (52%)
"Too slow to be a guilty pleasure and too dumb to be an innocent one, We Own the Night doesn't say a lot except We Own a Lot of Scorsese DVDs."
Kyle Smith
New York Post

Elizabeth: The Golden Age (25%, that's not good at all)
"the most ornate episode of Saved by the Bell you'll ever see."
Sean O'Connell
Filmcritic.com
Across the Universe (52%)
"One of those movies some people will hail as artistic, imaginative and visionary, while the rest of us wonder if those people are high."
Willie Waffle
WaffleMovies.com

Michael Clayton (90%)
"It is just about perfect as an exercise in the genre. I've seen it twice, and the second time, knowing everything that would happen, I found it just as fascinating because of how well it was all shown happening."
Roger Ebert
Chicago Sun-Times

I'll be seeing them all and I predict I'll enjoy each one...we'll see.

Movies Movies Movies

I haven't blogged about a movie since I saw Sicko in July. Actually, I haven't blogged about much. The last 2 1/2 months have been crazy for me and I'll write more about that later. I learned a hugely powerful lesson this summer, a lesson I've learned many times, but this time it really hit home, literally! Anyway, about the movies. It's been a mediocre summer. Not bad. Just not great. Nothing I've seen this year has haunted me, though 3:10 to Yuma might just be my favorite film of the year. I've seen it twice and the second time was even more enjoyable than the first. So here is the list of films I've seen recently and what I thought about them.


HARRY POTTER
This series does nothing for me. I don't understand it. I don't want to understand. I've seen every Harry Potter film and I sit there completely detached. Though this one was the least detached I've felt. I didn't love it but it felt most like a stand-alone-film. I love that J K Rowling has turned billions of people into avid readers but on a purely cinematic level, the movies completely bore me. But I was happy to see the actress who brilliantly played Vera Drake a few years back, Imelda Staunton, get a big role in a big movie.

JOSHUA
An unique and interesting film about a fucked up kid with fucked up parents. Wait. That doesn't sound interesting or unique at all but I did enjoy the movie. The lead actress (Vera Farmiga) was excellent. She managed to make me care for a character who was completely depressing and unlikable. Vera Farmiga was also in the Departed and she was excellent in that as well. I'm looking forward to more films with Vera Farmiga

CAPTIVITY
This was the movie with the "offensive" billboards in LA that were taken down because they showed a woman being tortured. Whatever! I love selective censorship. Grow up, people. We either have free speech or we don't. Make up your fucking minds. Anyway, this movie is not misogynistic. Just because a movie has misogynistic characters doesn't mean the film is misogynistic. And I hate typing the word, misogynistic, because I'm not sure I'm spelling it right. But for the first half of the movie a girl is tortured and then breaks free and kills everyone. That's the story. She escapes. She kicks ass. It's inspiring. Well it would be if it wasn't a shitty film but the idea of the movie, the premise, the story, is in many ways anti-male! But no one knows that except me cause I'm the only mother-fucker in America who actually saw it. Oh well. Next.

HAIRSPRAY
I LOVED this movie. I did. I sat there with a big smile on my face. I enjoyed every moment of it. I thought it was perfectly done...and John Travolta was adorable, I wanted to hug him. So how come I haven't given it a second thought til now? Why didn't I go back and see it again since I "LOVED" it so much? I love real hairspray, always have, but it never lasts more than a few hours and so maybe this film is exactly like the product it's named after.

THE SIMPSONS
Read my review of Hairspray and apply it here. I loved the Simpsons Movie while watching it but the only thing I really remember all these months later is "Spider Pig, Spider Pig, does whatever a Spider Pig can." And also the line about Alaska and equivalency tests....I can't even recall the line now but I laughed very hard during it. FYI, I have never seen an entire Simpsons episode on TV.

THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM
I love my Jason Bourne. I so admire Matt Damon and how he's evolved into a wonderful actor/entertainer. I've loved him in everything I've seen and I really love the Bourne series. This third one was the least satisfying but I'll take it over Spiderman 3 or Pirates 3 any day! And I love Joan Allen and her understated acting in these films. I'm actually planning on returning to the Bourne Ultimatum before it leaves theatres and I'm ready for the next installment NOW.

THE INVASION
Reviled by critics and ignored by audiences, The Invasion, kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time so what the fuck do I know? I enjoyed it...ALOT. Why did no one go? Are people tired of Nicole Kidman? Daniel Craig aka James Bond is in it. Does no one care? It's about Aliens. Don't people like Aliens? I don't get it. Superbad does over 100 million and The Invasion does zero!!! It's a good thing I don't run a movie studio. Even stupid Adam Sandler movies do a 100 million these days. It's all so confusing!

SUPERBAD
30 minutes in I realize I'm actually sitting and watching a movie about three high school kids trying to score beer. I'm almost 40 years old, technically 38 but close enough. I didn't laugh, I wasn't amused but I was inspired because if a movie like this can make 100 million, anything can! On a side note, I liked all the actors very much I just didn't like the idea. I loved Knocked Up, though! Loved it! Which is why I agreed to see Superbad.


DEATH AT A FUNERAL
The worst film of the year. Just stupid shit. Stupidity happens at a funeral, that's the premise. In general, Brits are better actors than Americans; they just sound better. But stupid shit is stupid shit whether the accents are British, Russian or American.

WAR
No one I know sits thru the silly crap I sit through. This movie is silly action junk left over from the 80's and I quite enjoyed it. I remember almost nothing about it but I enjoyed it, I think. Or maybe I didn't. That sexy guy, Jason Statham (The Transpoter) is in it. I see all his action junk. He entertains me. And I want to have sex with him. I wish i could tell you something about this film but I recall almost nothing. Oh wait, there's a great scene where this Asian chick orders a salad. Seriously. A very funny, intense scene. One of the best scenes I've seen all year. If you saw the movie you know what I'm talking about.

HALLOWEEN
Rob Zombie depresses me. I walked out of The Devils Rejects. I get depressed when I see "artists" who think they are "artists" and you can tell that they think in their mind they're original but truthfully they have not an ounce of talent. Maybe it hits too close to home or something. Maybe it forces me to look at myself and ask If I'm deluded like that, and maybe I am, but, I swear, Rob Zombie has zero talent as a filmmaker. Zero. It saddens me. If he had just made a stupid Halloween movie, fine, but he tries desperately to show that he has an original voice and he simply does not. He has a tin ear for the way people talk and all his actors give horribly over-acted performances so it's his fault, not theirs. Please, Mr. Zombie, make better movies.

SHOOT 'EM UP
I'm not sure what I thought of this non-stop action film. One moment it felt original and the next moment it felt incredibly self-conscious. It kept my interest through-out but...I don't know. I suspect the filmmaker is incredibly talented. He has a great sense of comic timing and the story kept moving along but there's something hollow about the whole thing. I can't quite put my finger on it. I'm very glad I saw it. You'll see it on cable someday soon. Lemme know what you think.

3:10 TO YUMA
It's harder to discuss a movie I like than I a movie I hate. Bad movies can be dismissed but a movie that creeps up on me and gets under my skin and forces me to think, well those are the movies that are harder for me to discuss. Both times I saw it I was surprised by the plot points and perplexed by the motivations of the characters. It's a complex film disguised as a simple western. The homoeroticism in the film is undeniable; these men are obsessed with each other and the two women in film are way off to the sidelines. And the acting is super strong. Russell Crowe and Christian Bale are great, as always, but the supporting cast are even better. I would argue that the youngest actor, Logan Lerman, gives the best performance in the film. Every word out of his mouth is honest and natural yet totally intense. The kid is great! And Ben Foster as Charlie Price also gives a great performance as the "boyfriend" of Russell Crowe. And there are so many themes running around this movie: family, honor, evil, betrayal, friendship, greed, money....so much to think about. It's also about the birth of America and the railroad and land rights. I'm telling you this film is packed with stuff. Go see it. And did I mention it's totally entertaining?

THE BRAVE ONE
I love watching Jodie Foster act. I feel like she's searching for a script with commercial appeal and emotional complexity and she hasn't found it since Silence of the Lambs. I wished I could say this movie satisfied me but it didn't. It wants to be profound but it isn't. A women gets assaulted so she buys a gun and kills bad people and she struggles with her conscience and that's the movie. Foster is so much better than the material and the material is incredibly simple. There were no surprises for me. I always knew what was gonna happen; she's gonna kill him and then feel bad afterwards. I did NOT hate the film and I wouldn't even call it bad but it just feels...safe. And I guess I was hoping for something a little more shocking and a little more dangerous.

EASTERN PROMISES
After the fabulous A History of Violence (David Cronenberg and Viggo Mortenson), this feels like a big let down. I don't have the energy to go into it. I'm tired from typing all these reviews and I'm anxious to get on with my night. I was sooooooooo excited to see this and after it was over...well...it was okay. There's a major plot reveal late in the film that is completely ignored for the rest of the film. It felt very incomplete for me. It's hard to discuss this movie because A History of Violence was so damn good and I had very high hopes. Yes Viggo is naked...but even that wasn't very interesting. On a side note, there's a whole thing in the movie about Russian mafia with stars tattooed on their knees. I once blew a Russian with stars on his knees so now I know the truth about him.

RESIDENT EVIL 3
The best of the three and that ain't saying much! But I enjoyed it cause I like crappy movies!

Bye for now!

PS I did spell-check but I have no doubt there are still tons of typos but oh well. The one word blogger had no suggestions for...are you sitting down: homoeroticism. LOL

Skin and Bones

Someday this will be an accurate "before and after" photo.

Me as Frida

I've never been interested in Frida Kahlo. But I am interested in the
person in the background of this picture. I fear she works here and
I'm on the verge of being thrown out. I'm leaving now. Bye

Cost Plus or Living in Stores

I'm sitting here in Cost Plus listening to tribal music. I love it
here. I may never leave. Did you hear that at one Ikea overseas they
let the customers sleep in the beds over night? Is true. You have to
sign up in advance. I wonder if you can have tricks over.

Scene: IKEA, 4 AM

A gay man is quietly talking on a cel phone.

MAN: okay...come over but we have to be quiet, my roommates are
sleeping. Write this down, I live at the Ikea by Costco. Just come up
to the showroom. I'm the big guy in the wicker bed. The bed is called
Malm and it's 399 dollars.

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Fireside Blog

I'm blogging from my phone outside by the fire. It's been am utterly
peaceful day. Peace is the thing I value most in my life. More than
sex, even. There is nothing I crave more in my life than peace. It's
sad, on some level, that it took me withdrawing from working in the
theatre to find peace but the day I stopped producing was the
beggining of finding peace. The last year and half have been
incredibly peaceful.

There is an insanity to working in the theatre that is not healthy. I
admire and envy sane people who work in the arts and truthfully I've
only met a few. I'm sure there are lots but I just haven't met many. I
miss the theatre buy only about 5 percent. I miss those moments of
real connection with audiences. But those moments are very fleeting.

I never thought I'd be happy in a small town but now I can't ever
imagine leaving.

My mothers death has also helped me find peace. Watching her die of
cancer over many years devastated me in ways I am only realizing now.
She fought so hard to stay alive. I would've killed myself I think. I
will never be as strong as my parents. They are tough, tough people.

Life is so short. I think about it everyday that ones time on this
planet is incredibly brief and it seems an awful waste of time to live
a life that is not peaceful. For me, peace is everything. I hope it
lasts. I pray it does.

No Iran For Me

I'm so bummed! I just cancelled my Cristmas plans. I was planning on spending the holidays in the Middle East but I just read on the Drudge Report that there are no gays in Iran. So I'm not going now. I would feel weird being the only one in the whole country. So, I guess I'll just stay home, this year.

"In Iran we don't have homosexuals like in your country. We don't have that like in your country. ... In Iran we do not have this phenomenon. I don't know who's told you that we have this."
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

New Wig For Sally

My friend, Sally, bought a new wig last week. I told her if she bought Rogaine she wouldn't have to wear wigs but the bitch won't listen to me. She's stubborn, that Sally!

I Miss You, Robert Young!

The world is a lonelier place without you in it!

Happy Birthday, Carolyn, from me and Wal-Mart! I've never forgotten
that great BJ you gave me outside my parents house in your burgandy VW
Bug! You're the best!

For some reason, I always notice the clock when it's 9:11. Almost
every single day. So whether I want to or not, I never forget!

An albino cockroach! I saw it with my own eyes! Sorry it's blurry. He
wouldn't stop for photos!

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

It's been months since I've had a haircut. Twice, since moving to Oceanside, have I driven up to LA to get my haircut but I knew it was time to find a local person. I tried one of those military chop-shops and they didn't even know how to cut civilian hair. So, today, I drove by a hole-in-wall place next to the Post Office but decided to pass and keep on driving. Just like Celine Dion, I drove all night, 4 more miles then suddenly I turned the car around and headed back to the hole-in-the-wall hair salon.


I was greeted with open arms by Carmen.


She spoke not-a-word-of-English but handed me a book, I pointed to picture of an Asian guy with nice hair and the cutting began.



In the famous opera, Carmen abandons her lover for a bullfighter. I hope that doesn't happen to me. Carmen is my new best friend.

Went home and got rid of more hair....



I feel sexy again. LOL Thank you, Carmen!

The last flyswatter in Oceanside! After hitting 4 stores, I finally
found a flyswatter at Longs Drugs! Longs was also sold out but the
lady gave me an old one from the back for 1 dollar. She warned me that
it's not a good one but at this point I'm desperate so I grabbed it.
It's pink with a teddy bear so now not only do I own the last
flyswatter in Oceanside but also the gayest one.

Flyswatter: I am NOT gay!!!

Carnations from my neighbor! Only in Oceanside have I had neighbors
who randomly bring me stuff. I know I will live here the rest of my
life.

Home Depot Sunset

Portrait of an iPhone addict.