My 1991 Honda Accord is Gone!

I need a car. Does anyone have an extra car sitting around??? Anybody own a car dealership???

On Friday night my car was stolen. I arrived home from San Diego. Parked outside the house. Went in. Hung out with Melqui for an hour before going to dinner and when we went outside an hour later the car was gone.

It happened on Friday but I'm only talking about it today cause I've literally been in shock for the last two days. Not angry shock or sad shock...just...I just can't believe it's gone. It was stolen once before in SF but I got it back.

Honestly, the car was being destroyed in Tijuana. The streets here are horrible. The potholes are deep like craters. I've seen cars get stuck in Tijuana potholes. The drivers in Mexico are not good. They ignore traffic signals and signs. You never know if you're in a one-lane, two-lane, or three-lane road. It's a free-for-all. No one has insurance.

You park, go in a store, come out and there's a huge dent in your side.

A month ago someone hit Melqui while he was parked.

I could go on and on. This car would not have survived another year in Mexico. It's sad, but true.

And I'm grateful I got as much as I did out of it. 20 years and 350,000 miles. It was in very good condition before coming to Mexico. The mechanics couldn't believe how many miles it had and some said they thought I would get to 500,000 miles and more. Caryn Horwitz, my long term friend, biz partner, ex-wife, bought the car 20 years ago, brand new. Who would've thought 20 years later I'd still be driving it.

But it's gone and I'm sure it's in a million pieces by now.

The hardest part is that I loved that car. People would ask if I wanted a new car and truthfully, I didn't. I wanted that car to keep running perfectly.

I travelled all over the country in that car. Had countless crazy adventures. I feel like I've lost my diary. Or a scrapbook. I feel like I've lost a friend. One

So now, here I am in Mexico, with no car. Melqui walked to work today. Yesterday, Melqui and I rode on a bus that was so rundown it was comical. They call them Calafia's. I'll take a photo an post it on the blog or Facebook.

I need to find a very tough, strong truck, van or suv, I think. I hope to start touring again and traveling, and it would be great to have something with storage. I don't know. My favorite car I ever rode in, besides my Honda, were the those 1970 vans with swivel seats, carpeting and tables...lol...like moving hotel rooms...my friend Cameron Parsons had one and I loved it.

So I don't know what I'm gonna do. But that's the news.

Adios 1991 Honda Accord. I miss you so much! Nothing lasts forever.

Don't Pump Gas On May 15th

I got this from my brother-in-law AND mother-in-law...and they don't even know each other! I love them both and I hate the oil companies so I won't be pumping gas on May 15th. I'll probably be pumping on May 14th though so what does it really matter...but I'm always up for an oil company boycott! I still don't use Exxon/Mobil by the way. I never stopped boycotting them.

Don't pump gas on MAY 15th!!!!

In April 1997, there was a "gas out" conducted nationwide in protest of gas prices. Gasoline prices dropped 30 cents a gallon overnight.

On May 15th 2007, all internet users are to not go to a gas station in protest of high gas prices. Gas is now over $3.00 a gallon in most places.

There are 73,000,000+ American members currently on the internet network, and the average car takes about 30 to 50 dollars to fill up.

If all users did not go to the pump on the 15th, it would take $2,292,000,000.00 (that's almost 3 BILLION) out of the oil companies pockets for just one day, so please do not go to the gas station on May 15th and lets try to put a dent in the Middle Eastern oil industry for at least one day.

If you agree (which I can't see why you wouldn't) resend this to your entire contact list. With it saying, ''Don't pump gas on May 15th"

Jetpool

There's a new word for ya! Jetpooling is what the democratic debaters did not do to go from DC to South Carolina yesterday. They each took SEPARATE planes. This was being discussed on Talk radio earlier tonight and it's now the lead story on Drudge. I hope this story continues to get play. Waste and Washington are disgusting synonyms. Class, can you think of similar synonyms that start with the letter W. Anyone? War? W. Bush? Very good. Any others?

Don Imus is sooooo boring.

Imus says racist and homophobic things all the time. He doesn't offend me because I'm not offended by mumbling old geezers. I am, however, offended by MSNBC for suspending him; they should either fire him or leave him alone. Giving him a two week vacation/suspension is silly and condescending. CBS should just come out and say the truth, "Imus is an asshole but he makes us a lot of money and even though we don't really like him we love the money he makes us so if you don't like his hateful comments get over it or change the fucking channel but we ain't gonna fire him til we find something more lucrative to replace him with. So there!"

Dear Sheryl Crow,

Did you really say this about American Idol?

"Let’s face it, it undermines art in every way and promotes commercialism, I am sad people love it so."

Are you kidding me? I went to the movies today and spent 5 minutes watching you promote some Clairol-product-tie-in with your current tour. Are you not aware you are currently starring in a commercial? I'm curious how you reconcile your comment about AI and you're own commercialism.

I guess every day really is a winding road.

Hugs!

Ronnie

Anna in the Morgue

a short film I made about Anna Nicole Smith in the morgue. Enjoy!

My 3 dollar Orgasm

Last night after the Golden Globes I was jacking off and after I came I felt something stiff in the pocket of the shorts I was wearing. I reached in and pulled it out and it was 3 wadded up dollar bills. I have no idea how the money got in there because I never wear those shorts out of the house but it was a nice epilogue to a happy ending.

The Preacher and the Prostitute

THE PROSTITUTE

DON'T BE DISAPPOINTED AGAIN!!!! (until I sell you out to the local radio station)

Voted best massage and personal trainer for the years 2000, 2001 and 2002 (by the National Association of Evangelicals)

I offer a deep tissue and swedish style massage with the pleasure of the man in mind. (And after a few months if I see you on TV railing against gay marriage I will tell
everyone what we did)

If you like a strong muscle man to bring pleasure to you then please call me. (and leave the Bible at home)

I am a muscle stud with a friendly personality and a caring heart. (and a good supply of crystal meth)

When the Broadway shows play in town the cast and crew call upon me for massage. (and head, and rimming, and ass play, and meth)

I am 5"8 and weigh 190 lbs. (with a big mouth)

I have brown hair and blue eyes. (and I save all my voice mails)

Out calls start at $100.00 (special discount for religious leaders)

______

THE PREACHER


Preacher Ted Haggard: Hi, uh, I saw your ad...

Hooker Mike Jones: Hey, how r u?

Preacher: I'm good, I'm good, I'm nervous but...here's the thing, I'm a very
visible, hypocritical, national religious leader with a large family
and a huge congregation so I need to be very, very discreet. Are you
discreet?

Hooker: Absolutely!

Preacher: And do you have any meth I can buy.

Hooker: Absolutely, I scored some today at the gay pride parade. I was on the gay marriage float. I really believe gays should have the same rights as straights;
the right to get married, the right to use crystal meth and sell it to other people.

Preacher: Oh, you sound really cool.

Hooker: You do, too. What's your name?

Preacher: Art.

Hooker: When were you looking to meet?

Preacher: Are you free on Sunday? I'm always horny after a good sermon.

THE END

Gassed

Is the pump half full or half empty? I don't know anymore. I've been in Oceanside for the last three weeks where the gas seems much cheaper, (2.48) but is it really? I vaguely remember a time when it was 1.60 per gallon. Is that true or is it just my imagination? Will this rollercoaster ever end? Maybe my brother, who seems to know EVERYTHING, can write a comprehensive blog about gas prices and who sets them and why they fluctuate so much. I have never met one person who understands how this whole thing works. But if you must buy gas, I reccomend coming to Oceanside to do it.
PS I just now farted so I guess it's an appropriate time to end this blog. Also, a gallon of gas is still cheaper than a tube of mascara, at least that's what my friend Sally tells me.

I Heart Wal-Mart!

Wal-Mart, I love you. I do. I know it's a sin but I just can't help myself. I went there twice today. There is one in Oceanside less than 3 miles from my apt. Oh joy! Hot Marines are everywhere, shopping with their big fat wives. As I snapped the picture of this shopping-speed-demon I thought to myself, "That could be me." Except, I don't own a lime colored shirt...yet!

$ Water $

I bought this bottle of water on Saturday at LaGuardia Airport. How much was it?

$2.00

$3.00

$3.25

If you guessed $3.25, you're right. 3 dollars and 25 cents for a fucking bottle of small water! Are you fucking kidding me? Isn't that price gouging? Isn't that illegal? How can they charge this? It's so out of control. And we pay it. I bought a diet coke an hour after I bought the water and it cost me $2.00. So water is now more expensive than Diet Coke? Oy vey.

Trannie Panhandling

This is a video of two of my good friends, MzVicky and Sally, panhandling in Los Angeles. These girls are borderline insane and suffering from serious sex addiction but I love them both very much. Enjoy their video.

Chains of Love

Where does my money go? What corporations do I support?

Del Taco
Wal-Mart
Target
Home Depot
Bed Bath and Beyond
Pacific Theatres (The Grove)
AMC Theatres (Times Square)
K-Mart (Los Angeles & New York)
Apple (Mac Store/The Grove)
McDonalds (everywhere)
Jack in the Box (everywhere)
Panda Express (Bakersfield)
Honda (Hollywood)
Jiffy Lube
Rite-Aid
Time Warner
Adelphia
Network Solutions
Ralphs
Diet Coke Inc.
Motel 6
AOL
Verizon
Ikea
Bank of America
Pay Pal
PetCo.


This is where the bulk of my disposble income is dispersed. It's sort of sad and not very original. Jiffy Lube constantly tries to rip me off but I still patronize them. Panda Express skimps on the portions but I can't resist the orange chicken. McDonalds and Wal-Mart both treat human beings like garbage but who can beat the prices? Bed Bath and Beyond feels racist to me; in New York all the cashiers are black and all the managers are white. I actually complained about it once to one of the white managers but she vehemently disagreed, of course, and yet I still shop there. I think Home Depot treats it's people pretty well but I could go to my neighborhood hardware store to buy a hammer, I don't need to trek to Home Depot for that.

One of the companies I use constantly is Google! I love this company. G-mail kicks ass and I love my Google home page and Blogger. And how much money do I give Google? Nada! God bless Google!

AOl is a horrible company with a horrible product but I keep it cause of the chatrooms and so I can get online at Motel 6. And let's talk about Motel 6. Is this a good company or bad company? I have no idea but I'm very loyal. I've never understood the concept of spending money on a hotel room. I hate staying in hotels. All I need is a clean room and a bed so Motel 6 is perfect for me. Plus, they always leave the light on.

I've been a loyal customer of Honda for 20 years. They made me a great car. But I've recently started using a local mechanic because Honda of Hollywood is way too busy. And the local guy is great. I should use more local no-chain businesses. Why don't I? Why can't I break these chains of love?

Sometimes, I go to Target three times a week. I know every product. There is nothing I need. But still I go, every week, like a worshiper to church.

There are actually companies that give more to me than I give to them: Craigs List and YouTube are two examples of companies that keep on giving but ask for nothing in return.

I don't mind giving my money to Steve Jobs of Apple because my iBook gives me nothing but pleasure. Bill Gates, the businessman, on the other hand makes me sick and everytime I use word or excel I sort of resent it. I quite admire Bill Gates the humanitarian but that's not the topic of this blog. The widow of Ray Kroc recently gave NPR a zillion bucks but it doesn't mean McDonalds is a good company.

I've given the airlines lots of money and I've never crashed so I guess I got what I paid for but I so hate the whole airport experience. I hate the oil companies, too, but I love driving so I guess that makes me the ultimate vehicular-hypocrite. Did I mention I'm boycotting Exxon/Mobil?

I use to give Sprint lots of money and in return they gave me shitty service but now I'm with Verizon and very happy.

One industry I don't mind giving money to is Hollywood. If they're gonna spend 200 million making a movie I don't mind giving them 10 bucks to watch it even if the final product sucks.

I love my Netflix. I only give them 20 bucks a month but I end up saving alot of money on DVDs. I almost never buy DVDs anymore but for 20 bucks a month I can have any movie on the planet delivered to my door. It's a good deal. Though I don't think Netflix will be around in 5 years, not in it's present state. Video on demand seems to be the future.

So there you have it. I'm a typical, lazy, consumeristic American who shops where everyone else shops.

One thing I remind myself to make me feel better is that all corporate giants were once Ma & Pa stores and so by supporting them I'm supporting the "entrepreneurial spirit" but I know that's faulty thinking.

So my next list will be all the local Ma & Pa stores I support...

Hmmmmm

I think the porno theater I visit in Bakersfield is locally owned but I'm not sure.

And I bought my furniture from Wertz Brothers which is a family business in LA.

More than once I've bought a hot dog from Pinks Hot Dog in LA and in NY I order chinese from Mamma Bhudda.

But for the most part I live in chains. Will I ever break free? Do I even want to?

Mobil/Exxon Boycott

I won't go on and on about this but this boycott is starting to take hold and I'm signing up for it. i was talking to my brother about how helpless we feel sometimes in the face of these giant corporate and political machines. Then the next day I recieved an e-mail calling for a boycott of Exxon and Mobil and I thought to myself, "now, this I can do!"

I'm all for big business and capitalism but these oil companies just seem so fucking shady!

I won't be buying gas at Exxon or Mobil until these gas prices get under control. I hope you will consider doing the same.