My 1991 Honda Accord is Gone!

I need a car. Does anyone have an extra car sitting around??? Anybody own a car dealership???

On Friday night my car was stolen. I arrived home from San Diego. Parked outside the house. Went in. Hung out with Melqui for an hour before going to dinner and when we went outside an hour later the car was gone.

It happened on Friday but I'm only talking about it today cause I've literally been in shock for the last two days. Not angry shock or sad shock...just...I just can't believe it's gone. It was stolen once before in SF but I got it back.

Honestly, the car was being destroyed in Tijuana. The streets here are horrible. The potholes are deep like craters. I've seen cars get stuck in Tijuana potholes. The drivers in Mexico are not good. They ignore traffic signals and signs. You never know if you're in a one-lane, two-lane, or three-lane road. It's a free-for-all. No one has insurance.

You park, go in a store, come out and there's a huge dent in your side.

A month ago someone hit Melqui while he was parked.

I could go on and on. This car would not have survived another year in Mexico. It's sad, but true.

And I'm grateful I got as much as I did out of it. 20 years and 350,000 miles. It was in very good condition before coming to Mexico. The mechanics couldn't believe how many miles it had and some said they thought I would get to 500,000 miles and more. Caryn Horwitz, my long term friend, biz partner, ex-wife, bought the car 20 years ago, brand new. Who would've thought 20 years later I'd still be driving it.

But it's gone and I'm sure it's in a million pieces by now.

The hardest part is that I loved that car. People would ask if I wanted a new car and truthfully, I didn't. I wanted that car to keep running perfectly.

I travelled all over the country in that car. Had countless crazy adventures. I feel like I've lost my diary. Or a scrapbook. I feel like I've lost a friend. One

So now, here I am in Mexico, with no car. Melqui walked to work today. Yesterday, Melqui and I rode on a bus that was so rundown it was comical. They call them Calafia's. I'll take a photo an post it on the blog or Facebook.

I need to find a very tough, strong truck, van or suv, I think. I hope to start touring again and traveling, and it would be great to have something with storage. I don't know. My favorite car I ever rode in, besides my Honda, were the those 1970 vans with swivel seats, carpeting and tables...lol...like moving hotel rooms...my friend Cameron Parsons had one and I loved it.

So I don't know what I'm gonna do. But that's the news.

Adios 1991 Honda Accord. I miss you so much! Nothing lasts forever.

So fucking sad!

My neighbor just said, "we never really know the pain other people are going through." So true.

Tragedy in my Backyard

This happened 100 yards off shore of where I live. I heard the helicopters all day and saw the Coast Guard ships from my living room window. My neighbor works with the parents of the boy. Very sad. So sad. His body is still out there, floating around in the cold, murky water. A life vest might have prevented it, too. Imagine, your 18 year old son says goodbye, jumps on a jet ski and 30 minutes later he's dead. Fucking horrifying. Life is so short, my friends. Spend it wisely. And wear your life vests.

_____

OCEANSIDE ---- A search continued until late Thursday for a missing teenager who slipped away from his brother after they collided on their SeaDoos a day earlier.

"He kept mumbling, 'I had ahold of my brother and I let him go,'" said Oceanside lifeguard Capt. Bill Curtis.

The search for 19-year-old Sean Carter, a 2006 graduate of Vista High School, continued Thursday. Authorities scanned the ocean without success from Wisconsin Street, where the two damaged watercraft washed ashore Wednesday, to the spot near the Oceanside Municipal Pier where a surfer pulled Sean's brother, Doug Carter, 21, from the water.

For a second day, darkness forced the searchers to leave the water.

Doug Carter was treated and released from Tri-City Medical Center on Wednesday afternoon, said Espy Enriquez. A longtime friend of the family, Enriquez listened Wednesday night as the older brother told the story to friends.

Efforts by reporters to reach the family were unsuccessful. Enriquez, whose children grew up with the brothers, said Doug told him the brothers were riding on a pair of watercraft near the Oceanside pier when they crashed head-on.

She described Sean as outgoing and Doug as more of a quiet introvert.

Carter told his friends the impact of the collision knocked both of them from their SeaDoos, Enriquez said. Doug Carter swam to his unconscious brother and tried to hold him above the surface, Enriquez said.

"(Doug) was holding on to (Sean's) hand but neither had a life vest on and the weight was pulling them both down," Enriquez said. "He told his friends he let go of (Sean's) hand and saw him go down."

There were no witnesses to the crash, Curtis said. A private helicopter pilot flying in the area spotted the brothers in the water at about 12:20 p.m. Wednesday and radioed for help. Before lifeguards could arrive, surfer David Keck was able to pull Doug Carter onto his surfboard. The Oceanside resident said he paddled toward the helicopter and saw what looked like an arm and a head sticking out of the water. Drawing closer, he saw a young man who looked "pale and exhausted."

The outing was the first time that the brothers had gone out on separate watercraft, Enriquez said.

"They were really excited about going out," she said. "Their dad had just bought a second SeaDoo."

Enriquez has worked with the brothers' mother, Suzann Carter, at Oceans 11 casino for 11 years. Their father also works at the casino.

Curtis said neither brother was wearing a flotation device. Curtis said the boys' father said he tried to get them to return to the dock to put on vests.

State law requires anyone on a personal watercraft to wear a floatation device.

Curtis said Doug Carter told rescuers that both brothers were wearing wet suits. The lifeguard captain added that it should have provided some buoyancy.

On Wednesday, a U.S. Navy hovercraft joined U.S. Coast Guard and San Diego Sheriff's Department helicopters and lifeguards from Oceanside, Carlsbad and Encinitas in a six-hour search that was finally suspended at dusk.

Six lifeguards searched by boat and the department's watercraft for the missing teen as Oceanside Police scanned the surf from shore.

An orange buoy marked the spot Thursday where searchers found a "kill switch" from a personal watercraft floating on the surface about 200 yards offshore.

The size of the search area and strong wind and water currents deterred plans to send divers into the water, Curtis said.

A fund to assist the family has been started. Donations may be sent to Oceans 11 Casino, c/o Bob Moyer, 121 Brooks St., Oceanside 92054.

I Miss You, Robert Young!

The world is a lonelier place without you in it!

Ride At Your Own Risk

Thanks to Miss Horwitz for sending me this link to the most interesting/disturbing new Web site I've seen in a looooooooooong time. If you love reading about amusement park disasters you'll love this site! Thanks, Caryn!

http://www.rideaccidents.com/

Death Takes a Holliday

It's odd that we have Memorial Day sales. How does shopping help one remember those who have died? Shopping usually helps me forget those who have died, but not today. I went to the Carlsbad Outlet Mall this afternoon but all I kept thinking about was the death of James Lyons, my one-time editor and a great mentor. His death in turn got me thinking about the death of my mother as well as the death of one of my best friends, Robert Young. I thought about how much each of them gave me. I thought about how relatively young they each were and how painful their deaths were. I thought about how much they each had in common; each died in a hospital bed gasping for air, each was loved by many and each had a lot more living to do.

Is there ever a good time to die? My Grandmother was well into her 90's when she died. Her body gave out but her mind was sharper than ever. She often expressed interest in dying 'cause it was no fun living in her old body anymore. My Grandma lived a long, full life but James Lyons, Robert Young and Jeanette Marie Larsen had a lot more work to do. Their deaths make me angry. I'm still in denial about the death of Robert. I still expect him to call me up. I still pretend he's living in NY, working on Broadway and seeing every movie that comes out. I know Memorial Day is supposed to be a time to remember those who died in a war; but battling cancer and AIDS seems like war to me. And I realize, we're all going sooner or later and some of us are going sooner than later but that doesn't mean I'm happy about it.

So, I'm celebrating Memorial Day this weekend by not celebrating. I'm remembering:

James Lyons

Robert Young

Jeanette Marie Larsen

The Military

James Lyons 1960-2007

I am incredibly saddened and shocked by the news that James Lyons, my editor on Shooting Porn, has passed away. I loved working with this man. He taught me so much and I taught him nothing. It was a completely one-sided relationship. I've never worked with another person who I trusted more. I knew that I was damned lucky to have him on my film. We never socialized outside of the editing room but for 6 months, while working together, I felt like we were brothers. We haven't stayed in touch through the years but certain people visit your life for a brief time and impact you deeply and they're always with you in a way; that's how I feel about Jim. I'm sad about his death but I'm also angry. He should still be alive, he should still be making movies. He was only 46.

This is from Indiewire:

Remembering Jim Lyons: 1960 - 2007

James Lyons, known for his frequent work with Todd Haynes, died last week in New York. The editor and actor starred in and edited Haynes' "Poison," winner of the Grand Jury Prize at the Sundance Film Festival in 1991. Lyons edited Haynes' other projects: "Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story," "Dottie Gets Spanked," "Safe," "Velvet Goldmine" (for which he also co-wrote the story) and "Far From Heaven." He also edited Esther Robinson's Berlinale Teddy Award winning documentary "A Walk Into the Sea: Danny Williams and the Warhol Factory," which will have its U.S. premiere at the Tribeca Film Festival next week. Born in October of 1960, James Lyons was a member of Act Up and was treated for H.I.V. for many years. He died of cancer on Thursday in a New York City hospital.

Lyons' other editing credits include Sofia Coppola's "The Virgin Suicides," Jesse Peretz's "First Love, Last Rites," and "The Chateau," along with Peter Friedman's "Silverlake Life" and Ronnie Larsen's "Shooting Porn," as well as Dan Harris' "Imaginary Heroes," Christopher Herrmann's "Ghostlight," Erik Skjoldbjaerg's "Prozac Nation," Tom Gilroy's "Spring Forward," Rea Tajiri's "Strawberry Fields," and John Johnson's "Ratchet."

In addition to his work as an actor in "Poison," Lyons also appeared as Billy Name in Mary Harron's "I Shot Andy Warhol," played artist David Wojnarowicz in Steve McLean's "Postcards from America," and also acted in "The Chateau," and Todd Verow's "Frisk."

A memorial visitation will be held today (Tuesday) in Port Washington, NY. In lieu of flowers donations are suggested to the James K. Lyons Memorial Fund, 47 Davis Road, Port Washington, NY 11050.

And here's a lovely piece John Cameron Mitchell (Hedwig) wrote about seeing Jim for the last time:

We met in the early 90's at the "Poison" party at Limelight. He and his boyfriend Todd were impossibly glamorous. I was embarrassed to invite them to see me in "The Secret Garden" where I sang to birds. They came. He said he loved it. I cringed. He was only being kind. We became friends. He was the coolest. Not only did he have great taste, he was also brilliant. And funny! And hot. A dark, sexy, sexual man. Melancholy. We almost worked together but not quite. Two years ago he was going to make his short film. A beautiful story about Andy Warhol going home to feed his cat. A haunting image of him undressing for bed. He's wearing a diamond necklace under his shirt. Then he touches the scar on his chest. From the attempt on his life.

Last Wednesday. I'd been avoiding visiting. Too hard to watch him waste away. I texted him to see if he wanted me to come. No answer. John Bruce said he was too sick for a visit. Jim had been editing John's film from his hospital bed up until a couple of months ago. Terry suddenly called to say that Jim wanted to see us.

Friends in their early middle-age huddle in the cafeteria talking about the new bad news. "He wants to see people in ones and twos." "Hospice care." "Last chance chemo?" "Too weak." Amy says, "I told him there's a time to let go." Jim whispered, "There is a time to rest." What does that mean? A call comes. He's ready to see John and me.

His head is a rotting fruit on a stalk, the oxygen mask like a candy dish on his face. But he's still all there. Still Jim. Responding to the nurse with his funny Long Island Jewish shrugs. "Do you want more pain medicine?" Shrug, like "Meh." He wants to be lucid. "Agitated? Do you want Ativan?" Another shrug, like " What's the point, doll? I'm dying." John and I didn't know what to say. We can't understand his words, only the shrugs, which make us laugh. We don't know if we should. It was hard for him to write, words written over other words, like Cranium when you have to draw blindfolded. I try to make it out: "I don't...have anything to say... except...I love you...guys." We're barely able to speak ourselves. He tries to write again. We can't read it. This upsets him. King Lear: "When you can say it's the worst, it's not the worst." What is this then? Does he need something? He starts to write it again. Oh God. Wait... "What...are...you...up to?" Jesus Christ. I try to be light. "I'm looking at a script. Thinking about acting again. It's about..." He starts to nod off. That's how I felt about the script. The nurse wakes him. She's worried. He starts to write again. I shout out the words like it's a game show: "I need to pee soon!" She says, "You're wearing a catheter, hon. Go ahead." He lets go. A brief moment of relief on his face. We're starting to choke up. I say, "You've got a lot of wonderful friends downstairs, honey. High-caliber friends." He writes. We can't read it. He starts over. He tries to speak. It's a garbled cry. He must be feeling pain. Does he want his mother? She's lying down in the next room. What is he writing? Is the oxygen working? He writes: "High...fiber..count...friends." We burst out laughing. Goddamn it, Jim! "Your timing has not failed you I see. You're like a Beckett character," I say. He nods slowly. It's hard for him to see. I want him to see me seeing him. I move closer and look into his right eye. Very still, we stare, a single eye into a single eye, unblinking. I look so hard into that eye: "I love you. I love you. I love you." He hears. He doesn't blink. He's been so close to death so many times. Never has anyone clung so fiercely to life and been so ready for death. We kiss him on the forehead and mumble a few broken words. We don't want to take up his precious time. There are more people to say goodbye to. More people that he loves and that love him. We go down to the cafeteria and tell Tom that Jim wants to see him now. -- John Cameron Mitchell

Sad News: Tom Poston has passed on

I feel like staying home now and watching reruns of Newhart. What a great show. What a great actor. Farewell, Mr. Poston.

From BillyMasters.com

HOLLYWOOD mourns the loss of character actor Tom Poston. Best
known for his role on "Mork and Mindy" and "Newhart", in 2000
he married Suszanne Pleshette, an alum from "The Bob Newhart
Show".

Farewell, Michael Smuin

The revival of Anything Goes on Broadway, starring Patti Lupone was a show I ushered for about 4 months. I must have seen it a hundred times and I loved it more every time. It stayed fresh and exciting every single night and audiences absolutely loved it. Now here's the weird part, it took me about two weeks to figure out the plot. I remember saying after the third performance, "Ohhh, the whole thing takes place on a boat???" LOL I didn't listen to the show for the first week I watched it. I was too dazzled to concentrate on the plot and a big part of that dazzle was created by choreographer, Michael Smuin. I remember Michael Smuin dancing up the steps to receive his well-deserved Tony award.

I don't know much about Mr. Smuin. I know he only choreographed a few Broadway shows. I know he choreographed Shogun: The Musical but I don't remember any dancing. I know he was a major influence in the Bay Area where he had his own dance company. I know he died of a heart attack this week while teaching a dance class. And I know I'll never forget the joy I felt every night watching the dances he created for Anything Goes.

The world has gone mad today
And good's bad today,
And black's white today,
And day's night today,
When most guys today
That women prize today
Are just silly gigolos
And though I'm not a great romancer
I know that I'm bound to answer
When you propose,
Anything goes

Click here to read more about Michael Smuin.

My Mother The Car

37 years ago my Mom gave me this balloon for Easter and today she gave me a shiny remote control car. Actually the car was a Christmas present from about 5 years ago but I finally took it out of it's package this afternoon. My parents were kind enough to include batteries and as I was putting them in I became overwhelmed with emotion. In some small way, I felt like I was bringing my mother back to life. I turned it on and the revving of the wheels comforted me. I drove it around my driveway and the neighbor kid said, "My mom drives better than you." I continued driving the car, thinking about the life and death of my mother and the profound sense of loss I carry everyday. I'm angry that my mother spent much of her life in suffering and died so young but today my mother was resurrected in the form of a remote control car so it was a happy Easter after all.

More Than A Feeling

When I was a kid I always assumed the rock group Boston were super cool because my ultra-hip brother had their albums in his collection. My brother was a music fanatic and I knew that anything he thought was "cool" should be liked by me as well. So, I was surprised years later to hear that Boston was critically panned when they first came out. I don't know a lot about Boston but many of their songs are my favorite from that time period and hearing them always makes me nostalgic. So I was very sad to learn that Brad Delp, Boston's lead singer, recently killed himself. Very sad, indeed.

Anna in the Morgue

a short film I made about Anna Nicole Smith in the morgue. Enjoy!

The Anna & Britney Show

Oh Anna!

So my bisexual boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, I'm not sure what he is, he announces last night how upset he is at the death of Anna Nicole because he loved her so much and wanted to meet her and asdmired her and blah blah blah. Now bear in mind, this guy has a PHD in molecular biology but he really liked Anna. "She was my favorite." "She was like Marilyn Monroe." "She was a perfect woman." "I always wanted to fuck her."

I said, "You wanted to fuck a drug addict??? I thought you had a PHD!!!"

He replies with, "She had perfect breasts!"

So as you can tell, this whole Anna thing is way over my head. I would have thought her death would be a passing a footnote, not a circus. I had no idea people actually cared about this woman and her crazy life. Though I must admit, the more I hear about the case it does start to sound Shakespearean with all the talk of alleged poisoning, switched babies, unburied corpses, running to other countries, death of a young son and a sexy mother, feuding lovers, huge fortunes at stake, there's even a prince involved now...so maybe it is an important story. But I'll be glad when it ends so we can all get back to the really important tragedy at hand, Iraq and the destruction of America by George W. Bush.

Baby Alert!

I bought this storage tub from Wal-Mart with the worlds most ridiculous warning label: "Don't put your baby in the tub and put the lid on." When I see things like that I feel like a fucking genius living in the United States of Dumbville.

Apocalypto aka Tha Passion of the Mayan

First, I'd like to apologize to all my Jewish friends for buying a ticket to this. I really can't stand Gibson as a human being but curiousity got the better of me and so I went.

The movie succeeds very well as rip-off of the brilliant action movie Predator but fails miserably as a history lesson. He does the same thing here he does with Passion; he shows us lots of gore and atrocities committed by people in interesting costumes in a time period other than our own. No explanations, no reference, no history, just violent act upon violent act.

I felt The Passion was the greatest snuff film ever made and Apocalypto is a perfect sequel to that. More non-history dressed up as history.

I find it fascinating that in both movies Mel seems to be attacking communities for their addictions to blood and violence and yet both Apocalypto and Passion revel in gore at evey turn. Every time someone got their heart torn out on screen the frat boy sitting behind me said to his date,"that's awesome!"

EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME! "That's awesome!"

I wanted to scream. "No it's not!!! A person just had their heart torn out. It's NOT awesome!" But I suspect the stupid frat boy was responding exactly the way Mel wanted him to respond. Or maybe Mel's so clever that he figures by producing that blood-lust response he's subliminally spreading his message even more. Maybe the stupid frat boy acts as a sort of unknowing narrator on behalf af Mel. Maybe instead of watching the film we're supposed to watch the audience and as they cheer each beheading we're supoosed to look at each other and repeat the quotation at the beginning film:

"A great civilization is not conquered from without until it has destroyed itself within."

Wow, maybe Mel really is a genius!

Deal or no deal, Saddam.

Saddam Video


I was channel-suerfing just now. Landed on Deal or No Deal. I then proceeded to surf the web while watching them open cases on TV and landed upon video of Saddam being executed via the Drudge Report. I paused Deal or No Deal. They put the noose around his neck. The cameraman shook but Saddam was still. Then all of a sudden they begin to chant and, boom, they drop him. Video over. Case closed. Back to TV. Nicole opens the case and the banker offers her 175,000. No deal, says Nicole! No deal said, Saddaam. Hoefully things will turn out better for Nicole.

Killing Time

"Men talk of killing time, while time quietly kills them."
Dion Boucicault

Goodbye, Ann Richards.

"Poor George, he can't help it...He was born with a silver foot in his mouth." Ann Richards

I'm gonna miss you. Each time I saw you on TV you inspired me, made me laugh and made me think. You were calling George W. Bush a moron before it was fashionable. You knew the truth looong before the rest of the world figured it out. I fear we may not see the likes of you ever again in politics. I trusted you, I believed what you said and you always struck me as the real deal; a genuinely good, intelligent, smart, funny and candid politician. Thank you for all you gave.

And why in the hell are all the true originals dying this month. First Steve Irwin and now, you. Something isn't right.

To read all about the crazy and fabulous life of Ann Richards, click here.

Goodbye, Crocodile Hunter.

I'm deeply saddened by the death of Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin. He was a true original and his love of nature was inspiring. I'm so sad for his wife and small child.
What a loss. So young, so adventuresome, so funny, so positive, and now he's gone.

Life is so short. I am reminded of that lesson everyday.

Click below for the whole story:

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20349888-2,00.html