Fat David!

After a two year visit to the United States , Michelangelo's David is returning to Italy ......


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My good friend, Blair, sent the David to me! Fucking brilliant. Last night she taught me it was OK to eat hummus. Hummus is low-calories! Who knew? Well Blair knew, obviously.

PS After getting up to 290 again, I've returned to the gym and stopped eating crap and in one week I lost 7 pounds. In one week! Diet & exercise. It's so simple. So why is it so hard?

Happy Birthday, Soulmate!

I love you more than anything on this planet! Have a great day! And congratulations on your AMAZINGLY SUCCESSFUL YEAR!

"It's fun to stay at the YYYYY, M, C, A!"


Wish Caryn Horwitz a Happy Birthday via e-mail at: Producer@RonnieLarsen.com

Passport to Sexyville

Last week, Caryn Horwitz had to get a new passport photo and she sent me the before and after pics. I think the first one looks like Chastity Bono and the second one looks like Billy Idol but she swears they're both her. I didn't know you had to get a passport to go to Sexyville but clearly that's where she's headed.

1997 ....................................2007

Separated at birth???

The Horwitz Transition

Before

After

They say, "a picture is worth a thousand words." In this case, they may be right.

And no, she didn't get her stomach stapled. And yes, she really is wearing a wetsuit.

Diet and Excercise

I've lost about 30 pounds over the last 8 weeks; this morning I weighed 289.02. I started at around 320 so I guess I'm doing something right. It shocks me how simple it really is: diet and exercise. I know those are the oldest words in the fitness dictionary but it's true. I try to hit the gym at least every other day and/or do something physical like bike riding. I'm gonna keep a tally on my blog so ya'll can watch me lose or gain weight. Today begins at 289.02. I took a camera phone pic when I hit 290. I'll keep adding pics of my scale to prove I'm really losing weight...or NOT!

Thanks to Miss Horwitz for inspiring me to join the gym and thanks to Mr. Manghise for teaching me how to read nutrition labels and for introducing me to these cool things called vegetables.

I made a little video about the whole fat thing, if you're interested, click below.

Del Taco

These calories aren't that bad actually. I've cut out McDonalds but I still do Del Taco once or twice a week. And now I won't feel guilty.

TACOS
Big Fat Steak Taco 390
Big Fat Chicken Taco 340
Big Fat Taco 320
Ultimate Taco 260
Chicken Soft Taco 210
Taco 160
Soft Taco 160
Steak Taco Del Carbon 220
Chicken Taco Del Carbon 170
Carnitas Taco 170

Meet the new Laurel and Hardy

That bitch lost over 70 pounds! 70 pounds!!! She goes to the gym every single day and does 70 minutes on the elliptical machine. You go, lady!

Healthy?

Is it really impossible to eat healthy fast food??? I've been exercising and eating better and I've actually lost about 20-25 pounds depending on the time of day I weigh myself, but more about that later. Last night I'm in LA and with my friend Billy and we stop at Jack in the Box. He wants one eggroll.

I order the Asian salad and before I put the dressing on I read the nutrition label: 250 calories! Holy shit! 250 calories. I've got low-fat and fat-free dressings at home which I love but I ate the salad anyway WITH the Jack in the Box dressing. But I really wish I hadn't. 250 calories in dressing seems excessive and silly to me. Surely, they can do better.

I have a feeling I may be officially done with fast food. I rarely eat it anymore, anyway, except when I'm travelling, which I hope to keep doing less and less.

Courtney Love(s) Typos

You think I can't spell??? You think I have typo problems??? Holy cow! I just found this link to a blog Courtney Love wrote regarding her recent weight loss:

"I know spmeone who troed to get that shit and no dr would give it to her an dhse was pudgier than i was, its total utter shite, i lost weightthe hard way and people cant accept it,whwnever ANYONE loses weight by determintaion and grit fast its suspect i got muyinspirationf rom Oprah losing so much weight on Slim Fast,. thats how i did it, thio sis nonsesne my breath is great and i dont ?vomit inot a towel? it sjust cynical crazy bullshit,"

Now those are some serious typos!

Self Portrait

About 4 years ago I made this at a glass place on my best friend birthday. You arrange the glass then they melt it or burn it, I'm not sure, but anyway...weeks later you get your creation in the mail. My wife, lol, wanted to keep mine and last week she had it framed. I guess she still loves me after all these years.

So here is my self-portait, framed, and ready to be displayed.

Hell froze over, today!

Y oh Y???

Thank God for Bret!

Intelligent-Bret translated the hateful but hilarious comment I got on one of my videos. Basically the guy wants to see the fat pig (me) put in a microwave. Bret, who wants to fuck James McAvoy (and who doesn't) will explain all.
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I only had 2 years of university Spanish, but it looks like a really nasty, Hispanic poster thinks you're a "pig" / marrano and was lodging epithets at you.

"y que pedo???"

y = and
que = what or that

But "pedo" means "fart" or "drunkenness" as a noun. Maybe "pedo" is a misspelled verb, because there are no verbs in his sentence as should be.

"Puedo" is a very common Spanish verb meaning "I can."

So "y que puedo???" could mean "And what can I?" or "what can I do?" although truly, "what can I do" would be "que puedo hacer?"

Either way, "y que pedo???" is an incomplete or improper sentence. It looks like he means "And that fart???"

"a que hora le cae el rayo al marrano?" means "When does the raybeam fall to the pig?"

"raybeam" meaning "microwave beam," as in the video.

("a que hora" literally means "at what hour," the interrogative form of "when" that Spanish-speaking people prefer).

So, it looks to me like the poster was saying:

"and that fart???

when does the microwavebeam fall to the pig?"

He think's you're a fart and pork that should be roasted in the microwave like the Jell-O.

Nice guy. I'm sorry the world is full of haters.

You know you're special and talented; that you actually belong to the human species, so pay no mind to El Vindictivo.

:)

Dreamgirls (part 1)

I saw Dreamgirls. I couldn't have been more excited to see it. I was deeply disappointed with almost everything in the movie but I'm gonna see it again. Maybe now if I go in with no expectatation I'll really enjoy it. And let me be clear, I do not think Dreamgirls was bad at all. But I wanted it to be great. I thought it was completely ho-hum.

And I love musicals.
I loved Chicago.
I really like Bill Condon.
I like Beyonce.
I like Miss Hudson.
I think Jamie foxx is very talented.
Blah, blah, blah.

But for me, the movie was an incredible disappointment. Maybe I'll discuss it in the future but it's so hard to discuss a movie in which every moment is disappointing. Name a moment and yes, it disappointed me. After I saw Chicago on the big screen I remember thinking, "Wow!" After Dreamgirls I was like, ugh". Not ugh like that sucked but "ugh" like, "that could have and should have been soooooooooooooo much better."

I'll probably be specific at some point but in the meantime watch Jennifer Holliday if you want to see PERFECTION! This blows me away every time I see it. And I've seen it many, many, many times and every time I watch I am literally blown away by it's power. Compare this to jennifer Hudsons fine version and there in lies the problem. Jennifer Holliday is nirvana and Jennifer Hudson is just fine but I didn't want Dreamgirls the movie to be fine, I wanted it to blow me away. Oh well. Thank God for you Tube!

"Lay off the egg nog!"

Someone left a comment on my blog telling me to "lay off the eggnog." Better advice was never given! Thank you!

I was in Wal-Mart two weeks ago...I was thirsty...I saw a cold bottle of egg nogg in the fridge section...it looked like about a pint to me...my Dad loves egg nog so everytime I drink it I think of him....so i took it out...drank the whole thing in a few minutes...then I thought to myself..."I wonder how many calories that was"...so I flip it over to read the back...oh shit...210 calories per serving...and how many servings per container?...4...four....FOUR!!!!! THAT'S 840 CALORIES IN 90 seconds... and now, ladies and gentlemen, you know why I'm fat...!

Lay off the egg nog? For sure!

I won't to drink another bottle of til next December.

KFC Buffet

Driving around Oceanside on Sunday I pulled into a parking lot and found the funniest fast food thing I have ever seen; a Kentucky Fried Chicken buffet. I didn't believe it. All you can eat chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, pudding, coleslaw, potato salad, all for 7 dollars. Man, I love Oceanside.

NYC Cam Phone: Stomachs

Which belly do you prefer?

I'm not sure which version I prefer: cropped or uncropped?

What about these?

I Heart Wal-Mart!

Wal-Mart, I love you. I do. I know it's a sin but I just can't help myself. I went there twice today. There is one in Oceanside less than 3 miles from my apt. Oh joy! Hot Marines are everywhere, shopping with their big fat wives. As I snapped the picture of this shopping-speed-demon I thought to myself, "That could be me." Except, I don't own a lime colored shirt...yet!

Free Food Pt. 1: Doughnuts

My friend, Sally, sent me her latest video and begged me to put it on my blog. I love Sally but I fear she's not mentally balanced.

Trannie Panhandling

This is a video of two of my good friends, MzVicky and Sally, panhandling in Los Angeles. These girls are borderline insane and suffering from serious sex addiction but I love them both very much. Enjoy their video.

Black Belt Road Rage

I haven't blogged in a week or so but I did make this video last week featuring Joshua Feinman and myself. Enjoy!