HARRY POTTER
This series does nothing for me. I don't understand it. I don't want to understand. I've seen every Harry Potter film and I sit there completely detached. Though this one was the least detached I've felt. I didn't love it but it felt most like a stand-alone-film. I love that J K Rowling has turned billions of people into avid readers but on a purely cinematic level, the movies completely bore me. But I was happy to see the actress who brilliantly played Vera Drake a few years back, Imelda Staunton, get a big role in a big movie.
JOSHUA
An unique and interesting film about a fucked up kid with fucked up parents. Wait. That doesn't sound interesting or unique at all but I did enjoy the movie. The lead actress (Vera Farmiga) was excellent. She managed to make me care for a character who was completely depressing and unlikable. Vera Farmiga was also in the Departed and she was excellent in that as well. I'm looking forward to more films with Vera Farmiga
CAPTIVITY
This was the movie with the "offensive" billboards in LA that were taken down because they showed a woman being tortured. Whatever! I love selective censorship. Grow up, people. We either have free speech or we don't. Make up your fucking minds. Anyway, this movie is not misogynistic. Just because a movie has misogynistic characters doesn't mean the film is misogynistic. And I hate typing the word, misogynistic, because I'm not sure I'm spelling it right. But for the first half of the movie a girl is tortured and then breaks free and kills everyone. That's the story. She escapes. She kicks ass. It's inspiring. Well it would be if it wasn't a shitty film but the idea of the movie, the premise, the story, is in many ways anti-male! But no one knows that except me cause I'm the only mother-fucker in America who actually saw it. Oh well. Next.
HAIRSPRAY
I LOVED this movie. I did. I sat there with a big smile on my face. I enjoyed every moment of it. I thought it was perfectly done...and John Travolta was adorable, I wanted to hug him. So how come I haven't given it a second thought til now? Why didn't I go back and see it again since I "LOVED" it so much? I love real hairspray, always have, but it never lasts more than a few hours and so maybe this film is exactly like the product it's named after.
THE SIMPSONS
Read my review of Hairspray and apply it here. I loved the Simpsons Movie while watching it but the only thing I really remember all these months later is "Spider Pig, Spider Pig, does whatever a Spider Pig can." And also the line about Alaska and equivalency tests....I can't even recall the line now but I laughed very hard during it. FYI, I have never seen an entire Simpsons episode on TV.
THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM
I love my Jason Bourne. I so admire Matt Damon and how he's evolved into a wonderful actor/entertainer. I've loved him in everything I've seen and I really love the Bourne series. This third one was the least satisfying but I'll take it over Spiderman 3 or Pirates 3 any day! And I love Joan Allen and her understated acting in these films. I'm actually planning on returning to the Bourne Ultimatum before it leaves theatres and I'm ready for the next installment NOW.
THE INVASION
Reviled by critics and ignored by audiences, The Invasion, kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time so what the fuck do I know? I enjoyed it...ALOT. Why did no one go? Are people tired of Nicole Kidman? Daniel Craig aka James Bond is in it. Does no one care? It's about Aliens. Don't people like Aliens? I don't get it. Superbad does over 100 million and The Invasion does zero!!! It's a good thing I don't run a movie studio. Even stupid Adam Sandler movies do a 100 million these days. It's all so confusing!
SUPERBAD
30 minutes in I realize I'm actually sitting and watching a movie about three high school kids trying to score beer. I'm almost 40 years old, technically 38 but close enough. I didn't laugh, I wasn't amused but I was inspired because if a movie like this can make 100 million, anything can! On a side note, I liked all the actors very much I just didn't like the idea. I loved Knocked Up, though! Loved it! Which is why I agreed to see Superbad.
DEATH AT A FUNERAL
The worst film of the year. Just stupid shit. Stupidity happens at a funeral, that's the premise. In general, Brits are better actors than Americans; they just sound better. But stupid shit is stupid shit whether the accents are British, Russian or American.
WAR
No one I know sits thru the silly crap I sit through. This movie is silly action junk left over from the 80's and I quite enjoyed it. I remember almost nothing about it but I enjoyed it, I think. Or maybe I didn't. That sexy guy, Jason Statham (The Transpoter) is in it. I see all his action junk. He entertains me. And I want to have sex with him. I wish i could tell you something about this film but I recall almost nothing. Oh wait, there's a great scene where this Asian chick orders a salad. Seriously. A very funny, intense scene. One of the best scenes I've seen all year. If you saw the movie you know what I'm talking about.
HALLOWEEN
Rob Zombie depresses me. I walked out of The Devils Rejects. I get depressed when I see "artists" who think they are "artists" and you can tell that they think in their mind they're original but truthfully they have not an ounce of talent. Maybe it hits too close to home or something. Maybe it forces me to look at myself and ask If I'm deluded like that, and maybe I am, but, I swear, Rob Zombie has zero talent as a filmmaker. Zero. It saddens me. If he had just made a stupid Halloween movie, fine, but he tries desperately to show that he has an original voice and he simply does not. He has a tin ear for the way people talk and all his actors give horribly over-acted performances so it's his fault, not theirs. Please, Mr. Zombie, make better movies.
SHOOT 'EM UP
I'm not sure what I thought of this non-stop action film. One moment it felt original and the next moment it felt incredibly self-conscious. It kept my interest through-out but...I don't know. I suspect the filmmaker is incredibly talented. He has a great sense of comic timing and the story kept moving along but there's something hollow about the whole thing. I can't quite put my finger on it. I'm very glad I saw it. You'll see it on cable someday soon. Lemme know what you think.
3:10 TO YUMA
It's harder to discuss a movie I like than I a movie I hate. Bad movies can be dismissed but a movie that creeps up on me and gets under my skin and forces me to think, well those are the movies that are harder for me to discuss. Both times I saw it I was surprised by the plot points and perplexed by the motivations of the characters. It's a complex film disguised as a simple western. The homoeroticism in the film is undeniable; these men are obsessed with each other and the two women in film are way off to the sidelines. And the acting is super strong. Russell Crowe and Christian Bale are great, as always, but the supporting cast are even better. I would argue that the youngest actor, Logan Lerman, gives the best performance in the film. Every word out of his mouth is honest and natural yet totally intense. The kid is great! And Ben Foster as Charlie Price also gives a great performance as the "boyfriend" of Russell Crowe. And there are so many themes running around this movie: family, honor, evil, betrayal, friendship, greed, money....so much to think about. It's also about the birth of America and the railroad and land rights. I'm telling you this film is packed with stuff. Go see it. And did I mention it's totally entertaining?
THE BRAVE ONE
I love watching Jodie Foster act. I feel like she's searching for a script with commercial appeal and emotional complexity and she hasn't found it since Silence of the Lambs. I wished I could say this movie satisfied me but it didn't. It wants to be profound but it isn't. A women gets assaulted so she buys a gun and kills bad people and she struggles with her conscience and that's the movie. Foster is so much better than the material and the material is incredibly simple. There were no surprises for me. I always knew what was gonna happen; she's gonna kill him and then feel bad afterwards. I did NOT hate the film and I wouldn't even call it bad but it just feels...safe. And I guess I was hoping for something a little more shocking and a little more dangerous.
EASTERN PROMISES
After the fabulous A History of Violence (David Cronenberg and Viggo Mortenson), this feels like a big let down. I don't have the energy to go into it. I'm tired from typing all these reviews and I'm anxious to get on with my night. I was sooooooooo excited to see this and after it was over...well...it was okay. There's a major plot reveal late in the film that is completely ignored for the rest of the film. It felt very incomplete for me. It's hard to discuss this movie because A History of Violence was so damn good and I had very high hopes. Yes Viggo is naked...but even that wasn't very interesting. On a side note, there's a whole thing in the movie about Russian mafia with stars tattooed on their knees. I once blew a Russian with stars on his knees so now I know the truth about him.
RESIDENT EVIL 3
The best of the three and that ain't saying much! But I enjoyed it cause I like crappy movies!
Bye for now!
PS I did spell-check but I have no doubt there are still tons of typos but oh well. The one word blogger had no suggestions for...are you sitting down: homoeroticism. LOL
