NYC Cam Phone: Stomachs

Which belly do you prefer?

I'm not sure which version I prefer: cropped or uncropped?

What about these?

The Departed

Go see it. It's totally entertaing, Great story. Matt Damon is sooooo good. Go!

Then go see Jackass. I've now seen Jackass 4 times!

FFF (fun with alliteration)

"Foley the fag from Florida."

I'm not sure why but when I heard these words uttered on Fox News two nights ago, it stung.

I was shocked not by the words but my reaction to them. Why did it bother me so much? I never take homophobic comments personally, in fact, I often find them intriguing in what they reveal about the person uttering them. But these "pages" are supposedly highly intelligent, articulate, head-of-their-class, bright young people.

It got me thinking about my own offensive catch-phrases I could use sometime.

"Ronnie the rotund from Roanoke."

"Caryn the cunt from Kentucky."

"Billy the bitch from Biscayne."

"Careless Carolyn from Maryland."

Isn't this fun?

Not really.

Make your own and leave them in the comment box.

Have a good Friday from...

Ronnie: Your friend, the fat fag from Fantasyland.

Comments Comments Comments

I just found 18 comments stored in my blog that I had no idea were waiting for me to approve. I use to not moderate comments but then it seemed that a crazed ex-porn star I had probably abused was trying to drag me into a "discussion" I wasn't interested in having. Turns out the guy was just kidding or so he says. LOL

I believe in free speech more than anything. I lost ALOT of money defending myself in a libel suit against Jeff Stryker defending my right to say whatever the fuck I want. (as long as it's truthful, of course) I won every count and the last count was withdrawn. But it dragged on for 18 months and was a costly nuissance. I felt empowered by it though. I knew I was right and I never backed down. After it was over I viewed the whole thing as a huge personal victory cause I knew I was right.

I believe free speech is one of our most important rights if not the MOST important. So I felt very odd about "moderating comments". But then I felt like, "well they can get a blog, too and say whatever they want but..." I don't know, I'm conflicted. I think ultimately I'm going to opt to have a blog where anyone can say whatever the fuck they want. It's more dangerous that way and therefore more exciting. Hopefully, I won't chicken out when and if someone leaves some hateful comments. We shall see.

It's no secret that I can be very difficult to work with, have fired many actors and pissed off plenty of people. But that's the business.

Anyway, the point is, I had about 18 comments people had left. I was unaware they were there. I've "released them", lol, and they are now on the blog. Thank you all who have commented. I'm truly honored everytime someone takes the time to comment. I mean that.

One of my friends has just announced that he's going to leave grammar and punctuation corrrections-comments! Oh Lord! Maybe I should leave comment moderation on or at least start using spellcheck.

A Poem From Brother Larsen

My very interesting brother sent me this poem and photo (below) via e-mail. The photo is taken from photos on my blog. I didn't even notice the Jackass tattoo til 5 hours later. Very funny. It's interesting when my friends tell me that blogging is a waste of time. I tell them that one thing that comes from blogging is that I learn things about my brother (Jay) and my friend, Carolyn that I wouldn't otherwise have known. How many people really communicate with their brother every other day? Blogging has brought us closer together and yet my non-blogging friends argue that blogging is a waste of a time. Fuck those bitter motherfuckers! LOL My one friend recently told me that you can't take anything on a blog seriously. He feels that because blogs have typos they are not credible sources of information. This statement is so ignorant I can't even fathom it.

My argument goes like this. If Chicken Little writes on his blog that the sky is falling and the sky REALLY is falling but he misspells the word "faling" does it mean the sky is not falling??? And if Jason Blair writes the next day in the NY Times that the sky is NOT falling but he spells "falling" correctly does it mean the sky is NOT falling? See I just want to know whether or not the sky is falling. I don't care where I read it or who writes it whether it's Jay Larsen, chicken Little or the NY Times.
________________




The Readers Digest version of your blog
For no reason at all
Attached as a JPEG
Because it takes a long time
To understand nothing

Love Ya.
Jay Larsen

Jays Poetry Blog
Jays Political Blog

Maf54

Click here if you want to read congressman Mark Foleys idiotic instant messages with an underage male intern who gets a hard-on when he sees someone in a cast.

I love animals!

Maybe I love them too much!

That's my doberman, Linda. I found her, with no tags, in Houston, during a run of Making Porn. We were performing in a horrible theatre that actually had mosquitos in the building! You had to put insect repellent on before going onstage. It was hell. The only fun was going to Claim Jumpers with Chad Donovan and eating fried corn.

But anyway, about this dog...she was just wandering the streets and she was very skinny so I went to the deli and bought her a bunch of meat and she wouldn't leave my side after that. So I tried to give her away by bringing her onstage for a curtain call and announcing to the audience that she needed a home and finally a nice lady adopted her but only for 24 hours.

Nice Lady: Ronnie, I love this dog but she's destroying everything in my house. She ate a stuffed animal that I've had since I was 8. I'm sorry, I can't keep her. I work during the day and I can't leave her alone.

So, that was that, I kept her, named her Linda and brought her back to California. She destroyed my apt. Ate the carpet. Ate the couch. A nightmare. But I loved her so I had the house dog-proofed and she's been fine ever since.

I didn't intend to post all this, I just wanted to put this picture up cause I thought it was sweet and it makes me seem human.

And here is a pic of me feeding my pet Zebra.


And this is a pic of the largest hog I have ever seen. LOL


And here are some pics of elephants. (insert your own joke)

42 minutes into SNL...

and I haven't laughed once. the accents are sooo off it feels a little racist. but i'll keep watching.

Here comes Brian Williams...is that really him. interesting. news/entertainment...the line continues to blur.

i miss Tina fey...

I LAUGHED! Darrell Hammond is a always brilliant. Why doesn't he have his own show??????

Hammond exits and it's back to the unfunny. This is shaping up to be one of the worst SNL'S in recent memory.

Is screech really releasing a sex tape? interesting. too bad this sketch is not funny. lol

i've never blogged in this way before. this is a new thing for me.

the tiger joke made me smile.

now we're in some poland spring bit that is beyond boring. what is going on here tonight??? this show is a fucking unfunny mess tonight!!!!!!!

12: 43 I'm getting depressed now...i loved those two huge hits by the killers last year or so (even though the lead guy can't sing live)....but these two songs pale next to those...i had no idea when i started this little experiment at 11:30 that it would all go so wrong. ouch.

interesting music note about two pieces of garage band music. one i used in my tribute to my mother and another one I used in my shooting porn trailer are spliced together in the current burger king comercial. its so freaky to be hearing it. so weird to watch a burger king comercial and "hear" my mothers funeral. strange. what an odd night this is shaping up to be. especially after spending the day at the Bakersfield Fair. My friend Caryn rode an elephant. More about that later...back to SNL now

Farrah arrives...

Wow. Another absurd sketch that falls flat in everyway. Amazing that anyone thought it would work in the first place. kicking people out of a bar is sooooooo funny.

i'm laughing at the whitney houston sketch. thank you. finally. too little too late. wow. one amusing sketch and it was three lines long.,..lol...its over...so sad...a waste....

in case you think i'm just hateful i will say this...the My Space sketch from last year is saved on my dvr and i show it to friend all the time. it was a perfect sketch. and i genuinely like every SNL performer...i think they are all charming and likable...but tonight the show was a disaster. Period. If you liked anything in tonights show...what was it??????

THERE ARE SOOO MANY "FLAGGOTS" ON CRAIGS LIST!!!

Yes, folks, you heard it here first!

The word is: Flaggots!



That's my new word for people who flag posts on Craigs List because they have NOTHING else to do with their life! So sad!

Don't be a flaggot! Stop flagging. Life is too short to be bitter! Be happy. Flaggots aren't happy! They hide in their cyber closets and lead miserable lives. Don't be a flaggot!

I posted this on CL and it was flagged within 20 minutes. CL needs a new flagging system. At least now it has a new word!

Gassed

Is the pump half full or half empty? I don't know anymore. I've been in Oceanside for the last three weeks where the gas seems much cheaper, (2.48) but is it really? I vaguely remember a time when it was 1.60 per gallon. Is that true or is it just my imagination? Will this rollercoaster ever end? Maybe my brother, who seems to know EVERYTHING, can write a comprehensive blog about gas prices and who sets them and why they fluctuate so much. I have never met one person who understands how this whole thing works. But if you must buy gas, I reccomend coming to Oceanside to do it.
PS I just now farted so I guess it's an appropriate time to end this blog. Also, a gallon of gas is still cheaper than a tube of mascara, at least that's what my friend Sally tells me.

NYC Cam Phone: Garbage

Models are so glamorous! I'm running these pics in honor of the great episode last night of Project Runway. Have a nice Thursday!

Chris "Smarmy" Wallace

You can even see the smirk from this side.

Wether you like Chris Wallace or not can anyone deny that he is totally smarmy and mug? I was shocked to find out he's the son of Mike Wallace. I worship Mike Wallace. I can not believe that the plastic-looking and plastic-acting Chris Wallace is his son. I loved watching Bill Clinton rip him a new asshole. And I was shocked to read that Clinton was having a meltdown. Meltdown??? What the fuck? Since when does expressing anger and passion mean you're having a meltdown??? Jesus Christ!

Killing Time

"Men talk of killing time, while time quietly kills them."
Dion Boucicault

Jackass is EVERYTHING!

Jackass is the single most important piece of art/entertainment I have seen this year. No other piece of art/entertainment has involved me so completely from beggining to end. I think most artists, wether they admit it or not, want their audiences to REACT and so much art illicits little more than boredom, channel surfing or leaving at intermission. Boredom is often the rule and not the exception. Often times I'll leave a movie or a play because I'm simply not engaged. Forget wether it's good or not. I'm not looking for "good" I'm looking to be involved.

Today at Jackass, I howled, squirmed, gasped, got scared, was nervous, was shocked...I talked out loud: "Oh no!" "Oh my God!" "Noooo!" And I did all this NON-STOP for the ENTIRE movie. And the audience around me did, too. I wish I could write an eloquent essay about Jackass and it's exploration of every topic we are grappling with today in America.

I saw it twice this weekend and I'm sure I'll be seeing many more times in the coming weeks. Go see it! See it today!

NYC Cam Phone: Bling

I was intrigued by the worker at McDonalds having a fancy gold watch that appeared to cost more than he probably makes in a month.

NYC Cam Phone: Leather

I love this sign, especially since it's hanging in a Chinese laundry in the heart of Greenwich Village.

Phantom in Vegas

I saw Phantom of the Opera in Vegas on opening night (a while back but I'm just now getting around to writing about it).

I was very excited to see it because I can't recall ever seeing a regional production of a hit Broadway show that was cut down to 90 minutes on the road but given a budget twice as big as the Broadway version. That's a theatre-first, I believe.

So, my dear friend, Thom Wise, gets us free tickets for opening night and off we go to the Venetian. The theater is stunning and the first 5 minutes of the show, the Paris Opera House coming back to life is totally riveting. It's totally different from the Broadway production and so much better.

Look at the picture above, they have dummies sitting in seats on the sides, it's very cool. They have dummies sitting in the orchestra seats, too, but those are actually tourists from Utah.

Anyway, the show clips along from scene to scene and rarely lags. It felt a little like Cliffnotes which is fine by me because I've seen the Broadway production and both times I was bored out of my fucking mind.

Anyway, they cut it down to 90 minutes and it was the first time I've ever enjoyed the show but, you know what, I would've liked it better if they cut another 15 minutes. And for the record, the musical really makes no fucking sense but who cares? People love it. But it really doesn't make any fucking sense.

I mean almost NOTHING in it makes sense. If you don't agree, pick a scene and lets argue. If you've never seen it, see it in Vegas. Unfortunately, what happens in Vegas stays in
Vegas which is too bad because I think they should close the Broadway production and replace it with this one. And slot machines in the lobby wouldn't be a bad idea either.

I Heart Wal-Mart!

Wal-Mart, I love you. I do. I know it's a sin but I just can't help myself. I went there twice today. There is one in Oceanside less than 3 miles from my apt. Oh joy! Hot Marines are everywhere, shopping with their big fat wives. As I snapped the picture of this shopping-speed-demon I thought to myself, "That could be me." Except, I don't own a lime colored shirt...yet!

My Favorite CL post this week!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Benjamin Franklin on Porn Stars

This week someone identifying themselves as BretAngell wrote this:

Hey Ronnie,

I'm curious why you wish Heidi Klum had told you "There's a fine line between innovation and insanity" "before putting porn stars in plays."

In what ways have you felt insane for putting porn stars in plays?

________

For my answer, I'm stealing from Benjamin Franklin.

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." Bejamin Franklin

I love that!

And while we're on the topic of Benjamin Franklin check out these other awesome qoutes:

"Any society that would give up a little liberty to gain a little security will deserve neither and lose both."

"Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days."

"He that's secure is not safe."

"I conceive that the great part of the miseries of mankind are brought upon them by false estimates they have made of the value of things."

"If you would not be forgotten as soon as you are dead, either write something worth reading or do things worth writing."

"Life's Tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late."

And on that thought, I'm going to bed! Goodnight. And yes, it's true, I'm going to bed at 6:15 AM. And no, I'm not on crystal.

NYC Cam Phone: Mannequins

I shot these mannequins...

...but this one did NOT want her photo taken!

Have a nice Monday!

$ Water $

I bought this bottle of water on Saturday at LaGuardia Airport. How much was it?

$2.00

$3.00

$3.25

If you guessed $3.25, you're right. 3 dollars and 25 cents for a fucking bottle of small water! Are you fucking kidding me? Isn't that price gouging? Isn't that illegal? How can they charge this? It's so out of control. And we pay it. I bought a diet coke an hour after I bought the water and it cost me $2.00. So water is now more expensive than Diet Coke? Oy vey.

NYC Cam Phone: Chew Skoal...

Project Runway Scandal

My love of Project Runway might be turning into a mini-obsession. I just looked up Michael Kors on Wikepedia and I found this:

"The openly gay designer is a judge on the reality television program Project Runway. Recently several tabloid newspapers have reported on a conflict with the show's producers regarding his romantic interest in one of this year's contestants, Michael Knight."

This is the first I've heard. Interesting indeed.

Goodbye, Ann Richards.

"Poor George, he can't help it...He was born with a silver foot in his mouth." Ann Richards

I'm gonna miss you. Each time I saw you on TV you inspired me, made me laugh and made me think. You were calling George W. Bush a moron before it was fashionable. You knew the truth looong before the rest of the world figured it out. I fear we may not see the likes of you ever again in politics. I trusted you, I believed what you said and you always struck me as the real deal; a genuinely good, intelligent, smart, funny and candid politician. Thank you for all you gave.

And why in the hell are all the true originals dying this month. First Steve Irwin and now, you. Something isn't right.

To read all about the crazy and fabulous life of Ann Richards, click here.

Free Food Pt. 1: Doughnuts

My friend, Sally, sent me her latest video and begged me to put it on my blog. I love Sally but I fear she's not mentally balanced.

Innovation and Insanity

Heidi Klum wins the award for best qoute of the week:

"There's a fine line between innovation and insanity."

Oh Heidi, if only you had told me this before I started putting porn stars in plays.

Oh well, the point is, I have fallen in love with Heidi Klum and Project Runway. I am riveted by every scene, every "character", every gown. How I love seeing gay men on television who don't feel the need to be charming. Project Runway is everything Queer Eye never was. The gays on Queer Eye are artificially-upbeat-one-dimensional-caricatures begging to be loved. The human beings on Project Runway are exactly that: human!

They are serious, funny, bitchy, smart, delusional, cutthroat, creative and human. And Nina Garcia and Heidi Klum are two women I wish I were friends with and if you know anything about me you know there aren't many people I want to be friends with, especially celebrities, but Klum and Garcia are sexy, witty, intelligent, sophisticated and yet oddly down-to-earth. As they watch the runway show each week they seem genuinely intrigued and excited. And Michael Kors and Tim Gunn couldn't be queenier but yet they also come off as completely sincere and intelligent.

How I love this show! I'm personally rooting for Michael Knight but I'm most consistently impressed by the clothing of Laura Bennett. I love her clean, elegant lines and and her "construction", as they on the show, is completely flawless.

I've just moved seasons 1 and 2 to the top of my Netflix and I can not wait to watch every second.

Bravo, Bravo!

Every Time I Fly

I think about how amazing it is that man figured out air travel.

I think about how much I hate flying.

I think about how it would feel to free-fall through the sky.

I think about how much empty space we have in our "over-populated" country.

I think about Osama Bin Laden and those fucking high jackers who should never gotten in the cockpits.

I think about why male stewards are, mostly, all gay? (mostly)

I think about how cool it must be to fly on a private plane with internet access, a private bedroom, and a shower.

I think about all the productive things I'm gonna do when I arrive at my destination.

I think about how to travel with no checked-in luggage and only one carry-on. One day I hope to figure that out.

WTC Postcard

"I’ve never understood the incredibly short attention span of the American public...including my own...I admit it...about a month ago somebody referred to 9-11 and they mentioned the Twin Towers and the plane that had hit the Pentagon...and I thought to myself, the Pentagon, what are they talking about? For a moment, I had completely forgotten about the Pentagon..." Isaac from my play Cocksucker: A Love Story

The Jiffy Lube Scams Continue

The Jiffy Lube scams never end. Why is this company not being named in a huge class action suit? The scamming is so systematic and widespread. This company really should be fined millions of dollars. The NBC investigation you are about to see uncovers scams 5 out of 9 times in a three month period. And that's just one customer. Imagine the countless numbers of people vicitmized by this company. It's totally criminal.
PS Thank you Cheryl Caswell for sending me this!


__
To see my own scam experience with Jiffy Lube click here.

The Narcoleptic Spice Girl

Heeeeeeerrrrres Johnny!

I didn't believe Travolta was really gonna play this part til I saw this movie still today...I'm not even sure what I think.

NYC Cam Phone: New York

I spent 7 hours last night walking from my apt. in the village up to Times Square taking pictures of the city with my camera phone. I NEVER thought I would enjoy using a camera phone but last night was a blast. I'll be posting the pics over the next month.

The Wicker Man vs Casino Royale

Bad News: The Wicker Man

I saw the worst movie of the year last night in NYC at my favorite movie theatre in the world, the AMC Empire 25. The Wicker Man is so boring that I almost can't muster energy to write about it. It's truly horrible and truly boring. I wanted to leave after 15 minutes but I stayed because I heard the last two minutes are super-ridiculous and good news, they were! It was almost worth the wait. Ellen Burstyn appears in split-color face make-up like the kind guys wear to football games.


And Nicholas Cage beats up a bull-dyke and steals her bear costume. If the whole movie had been this absurd it might have been worth it but you have to wait through a lot of boring film to get to the campy stuff in the last 10 minutes. Not worth the wait.

On a side note: James Franco appears in the epilogue and I am now officially worried because Franco starred in the worst movie I saw LAST year, Annapolis. Does he need a new agent?

Good News: The Casino Royale Trailer

OH - MY - GOD! I watched the Casino Royale (James Bond) trailer online last night and all I can say is OH - MY - GOD! Did I mention I watched it about 8 times.

You can see it, too, at:

http://movies.aol.com/casino-royale-james-bond/exclusive-video-features

It's so beautiful and elegant and mysterious and action-packed and sexy. I am now officially crazy for this movie. That makes three films I can not wait to see this fall: Borat, Casino Royale, and The Prestige. I know nothing about The Prestige but it's directed by Christopher Nolan who did Batman Begins which I find to be endlessly entertaining.

It's been a bad summer for movies. Theatres are packed with movies I have less than zero interest in seeing but hopefully that's all about to change as we move into fall.

More Alligators!!!

It really is so sad about Steve Irwin. For many years I've owned a ceramic alligator and I mounted it on my wall in my NYC apt. Now when I look at it I think of Mr. Irwin. Enjoy.

b

Goodbye, Crocodile Hunter.

I'm deeply saddened by the death of Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin. He was a true original and his love of nature was inspiring. I'm so sad for his wife and small child.
What a loss. So young, so adventuresome, so funny, so positive, and now he's gone.

Life is so short. I am reminded of that lesson everyday.

Click below for the whole story:

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20349888-2,00.html

Jesus is sexy! LOL

A minor controversy erupted today on a theater message board about these pics. Someone said they made Jesus look like a porn star. I know a thing or two about porn stars and I'm not agreeing or disagreeing but you'd have to be blind not to see that Jesus is hot. And those thorns on his head don't seem at all uncomfortable. And is he wearing lip gloss? I love these photos.

Click here to go to the company website for Jesus Christ Superstar.

Click here to go to the theater message board.

Emulating Women

The next time you hear a gay person complaining about how mistreated we are in America send them a link to this article:

20 arrested at Saudi gay wedding

August 16 2006 at 08:01PM

Riyadh - Saudi authorities arrested 20 young men after raiding a suspected gay wedding in the southern town of Jizan, a newspaper reported on Wednesday.

The detainees, who were among some 400 men attending "the wedding party of two men" on Tuesday, had been "emulating women," the Al-Watan paper said.

In all, some 250 people were detained in the police raid on the party but the rest were later released.

Police had "arrested the wanted people and released those who have nothing to do with the matter," the paper quoted a police commander as saying.

Some guests were also seen chewing qat, an illegal narcotic widely used in neighbouring Yemen, on a hill above the square where the party was being held, Al-Watan said.

Homosexuality is illegal in conservative Saudi Arabia, which metes out strict punishments based on sharia, or Islamic law. - Sapa-AFP

___________

They were arrested for emulating women! Can you imagine if they arrested people in America for emulating women? I'd spend most of my time in jail! lol

I love America! I do!

This movie looks good, too!

Real good! LOL It's called The Covenant but I think it should've been called Swimmers Build: the movie!