Borat is coming!!!!!

I was howling and clapping today during the new trailer for the upcoming movie, Borat, starring Sacha Baron Cohen.

I worship this man. Cohen is a genius! Period!

If the movie is half as good as the trailer I will be in heaven.

Check out both trailers. I think Trailer 2 is actually better but they both fill me with joy:

Trailer 1

Trailer 2

PS I went to see Talladega Nights today cause Sacha Baron Cohen is in it playing a French race car driver but I left after 30 minutes. I just lost interest in the ballad of Ricky Bobby.

What's next, Les Spindle?

I was very sad to read that Les Spindle, long-term theater critic for Frontiers Magazine, was no longer working for the magazine. I never met anyone in Los Angeles who was a bigger champion of local gay AND straight theatre. I'd often run into him at the French Market and he always seemed excited to tell me about some new hit play he had recently discovered and reviewed. He made me want to see shows. He loves theatre.

I'm sure it ain't easy being a theatre critic. You have to sit thru alot of crap night after night, but Les never showed signs of fatugue. He never seemed jaded or bitter or angry. Even when he criticised a show he would find encouraging things to say and he never wrote off an artist just because they produced a bomb or two.

When I recently read he'd left Frontiers I couldn't help but feel we were at the end of an era in LA theater. Les understood the scene because he saw so many plays and he could discuss a playwrights progression and history and compare their work to other plays he'd recently seen. He was the only critic I read that consistently discussed themes and trends in local gay theater because he saw EVERYTHING and he understood the scene! And his reviews were more than just reviews, they were also mini-history lessons. He had this wonderful ability to make things sound important. He'd write about a play in a 50 seat theater playing to 10 people with as much passion as a show in a 2,000 seat theatre. He treated everyone with the same respect and interest. He wasn't bamboozled by big-budget productions and he never pandered to advertisers.

Les is not a close friend of mine. I can't tell you the direction his life is going but I hope he continues to cover theatre. LA needs him. Sometimes a review in Frontiers by Les was the only support a play would ever receive. I haven't personally spoken to Les about his departure and if I do and he gives me any news I'll be sure to pass it on.

I sincerely hope his life as a theatre critic is merely in transition and not yet over. It won't be as fun doing shows in Los Angeles if Les Spindle isn't in the audience.

Goo-goo, ga-ga!

A friend sent me a link to a sex site and I stumbled upon this pic. I'd heard of this fetish but had never actually seen pics of it. Intriguing to say the least. They look like actual huggies. Supossedly, I once hired an actor who was into infantilism and actually took a crib on tour but I never saw it for myself. I don't think they make huggies for guys my size so I think it's a fetish I won't be taking up anytime soon though I'm often accused of acting like an infant.

___________

DIAPER UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!

After posting the above on my blog it occured to me that the web must be full of men-in-diaper pics, so I did a little Googling. Oh Lord. The first thing I found was this site: www.DailyDiapers.com

And the above pic was the featured pic of the day. I have now, officially, seen it all.

World Trade Center/Brokeback Movie Trivia

Interesting casting choice. The actor, Peter McRobbie, who plays the dad of Maggie Gyllenhaal in World Trade Center is the same actor who plays the dad of Jake Gyllenhaal in Brokeback Mountain. Is this an inside joke on the part of Oliver Stone. I found it distracting but amusing.

____

And while we're on the subject of Brokeback Mountain. Below is a pic of the two guys, I believe, killed Jack Twist, (Jake Gyllenhaal).



These guys are in one frame of the trailer but they didn't make the final cut of the movie. Notice the guy holding the tire iron. In the original trailer they cut to these guys as Ennis discusses his fears about getting killed. They are obviously mechanics, so did Jacks car break down and then they killed him when he asked for help?

And while we're on the subject of the trailer here are two more shots taken from the trailer that are not in the final cut: Jack and Ennis driving in the truck together. Where are they going?

9/11 Box Office

What do these numbers mean? How does a movie with no advance buzz (Step Up) make more money than a movie about the most important global event in the last 5 years (World Trade Center)? I really don't understand. I saw World Trade Center on Friday and I admit, I wasn't excited to see it , but I feel it's my duty to watch these stories. The movie is brutal and often hard to watch but these are real modern-day heroes. Superman grossed 180 million dollars. Why are we more interested in stories about fake heroes than stories about real ones? I'm not complaining, I'm asking. It's a mystery to me.
_____
Teen girls surprised the industry on Friday powering the dance drama Step Up into the number one spot with an estimated $8.6M in its first day of release. Step Up could collect $21-23M far exceeding expectations.

Paramount's 9/11 drama World Trade Center, debuted with an estimated $6M on Friday in its third day in theaters.

Nominated 8 years ago! LOL...

...and no one bothered to tell me. This is very funny. By the way, it's an honor just to be nominated.


1998 Golden Satellites Awards
The nominees of the 2nd annual Golden Satellites Awards for the year 1997 were announced by the International Press Academy (a splinter group of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, which hands out the Golden Globe Awards) on December 15th, 1997.

Documentary Film

4 Little Girls
Directed by Spike Lee

Other Nominees:
Fast, Cheap & Out Of Control
Directed by Errol Morris

Hype!
Directed by Doug Pray

Shooting Porn
Directed by Ronnie Larsen

Sick: The Life And Death Of Bob Flanagan, Supermasochist
Directed by Kirby Dick

Click here to see the other nominees that year.

Satellite Awards Home Page

Stupid Thoughts

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SNAIL MAIL
I love my pet snail...I nick-named him AOL! I bought a pet snail for my aquarium and he/she/it is incredibly entertaining...I go in the room and he's on one side of the glass...then I go back 5 minutes later and he's on the other side. He gets around really fast. Why do I think he's a boy. Am I sexist?

__________
JUST DO IT
I just answered 40 e-mails. I LOVE seeing an empty e-mail box. The trouble is it never stays empty and then I procrastinate answering and they pile up! Oy vey! I want to learn how to respond right away even if my response is simply,"i don't have to time to respond properly right now but i will as soon as I have some time." I think that would be so much better than letteing them pile-up and getting overwhelmed.

________
15.83???
I bought three ice cream cones today at The Grove for me and two friends and the total was 15.83! Is that insane? You can get ice cream cones at McDonalds for 49 cents. I could have bought 30 ice cream cones at McDonalds and given them to strangers. That would have been a better use of money! Maybe I'll do that an videotape it.

_______________________________
COMPLIMENTING YOUR ENEMIES
Here is a moral dilemma: If you see something on the web that you like by someone you don't like should you compliment them even if you don't like them and they don't like you. I want to tell this person I like something I saw that they did but I don't want them to think I like them. I just admired the work! LOL What should I do? Any suggestions?

______________
BLOG or CLOG
I always feel good after I blog. I feel like I accomplished something. And I love it whem my friends blog everyday. So why don't I make time to blog everyday? Blogging is like purging to me or douching. It gets "it" out of my body! When I don't blog I start to feel clogged.

__________
GOOGLING
Some things are better left un-Googled. I recently Googled one thing but ended up two hours later reading all about something else. That something else was Kevin Smith attacking all of his critics and trying to convince anonymous posters on RottenTomatoes.com that his movie is not a box-office flop. He is such a fighter. It was fascinating reading, like looking at a train wreck but it was also depressing. I felt dirty after reading it. I don't care about Clerks 2 on any level but I got sucked into reading this thread because it was filled with drama but afterwards I felt dirty. I don't think I've seen a Kevin Smith film since Clerks 1. I admire his bite but I also in a way feel sorry for him. Kevin, who cares what anonymous posters on the web write about you? Don't you have a baby to raise?

_______________
SHITTY MOVIES
Last year I blogged that the best place to be in December was in a movie theater. Theaters were filled with great movies. Flash-forward 6 months. I stare at the movie listings and try to convince myself to see Monster House or John Tucker Must Die but I can't. These movies that are out right now are sooo uninteresting. I love going to movies but there is nothing i want to see. I will probably go see Miami Vice again just cause there's nothing else I want to see. I can't wait for Borat. Sascha Baron Cohen is a genius, a modern day Chaplin. I will probably go see Talladageh Nights just to see him but that's another movie that really doesn't interest me. Did I spell Talladageh, correctly?

__________________
NO MORE BUFFETS
Everytime i walk into a buffet I get so excited. I'm filled with hope and excitement thinking about all that food I'm gonna eat. Then I eat one plate and I'm full and I feel disgusting. i do not pig-out at buffets. I really don't. But I never walk out happy. I always feel stuffed and bloated. It's a gross way to eat and I always regret it afterwards. But yet, I keep going back. I have swornn never to return to Hometown Buffet. I hope I can stick to that!

__________
PLUMBING
I kid you not, it took me 8 hours but I fixed my own plumbing and now it works flawlessly. I won't go into the details cause, frankly, it was a looooong process and I made lots of mistakes and wasted lots of time but now I have great water pressure and my garbage disposal works again! Happy day!

___________________________________________
SHAKIRA and MARY J. BLIGE: WHO ARE YOU?
I stay up with pop-culture. I know your names. But I can not name ONE song that either of you has recorded. Are you guys really famous singers or do you just have cool names that get in the papers alot?

And those are my stupid thoughts for the day. Have a good Friday!

Happy Birthday to me!

Yesterday, was my birthday. I'm not a nostalgic person when it comes to dates, in fact, I only remember two that concern me. The day I was born, Feb. 14, 1969 and the day I was born again, August, 4 1994.

August 4, 1994 was the premiere of my first play: Scenes From My Love Life. For better or for worse, my life changed that night. If you're interested in the details around that event you can click here and listen to me discuss it while I was driving to Palm Springs last year.

http://www.ronnielarsen.com/audio/RLAudio%20Scenes%20From%20My%20Love%20Life%20etc..mp3


Anyway, I never wanted to be a playwright, it wasn't my dream growing up. But while in SF I wrote a little play about my sex life and it got rave reviews and made a litle money and because of that experience I continued writing plays exclusively for the next 10 years.

Not all plays work on opening night, in fact, most of the time most don't, but on that night, in that theater, with the cast and that script, things worked and my life as a playwright began.

I often wonder what I would have done had the played failed miserably. Would I have written more plays? I certainly wouldn't have met some of the people that positively impacted my future projects. So for me, everything changed on that night. And every year I always think about August 4th, 1994 and the actors and my producer and the theater and my friend who came to rehearsals and promised me that they play would would work. It's the only date, besides my birthday that I ever remember. And it's the only cast I ever worked with that I feel completely nostalgic about.

Scenes From My Love Life
Original Cast
Theater Rhino, Studio

ISAAC......Bixby Elliott
CHRIS......Christian Canterbury
STEVE......Mitch Ellis
RICHARD....Patrick O'Connor
MIKE.......Drue Macintosh
BILL.......Eric Womack
LARRY......Michael Cronin
ALLEN......Frank Willey
GENE.......Neal Shorstein


Producer: Caryn Horwitz
Supportive Friend: Barry Horwitz

The play never worked as well as it did that first month in that theater with that cast in San Francisco on August 4th, 1994 and I never enjoyed working in the theater as much as I did for that one month with those people in that 54 seat theater.

Click to read more about the play.

Sleeping in Porn Theatres

I blame a combination of conservative politics and the abundance of internet porn for the demise of the American Porno theatre. Slowly but surely they are shutting down and the ones left standing are empty. Why go to a theater and watch porn when you can stay home and masturbate in front of your PC? I, of course, don't go for the porn. Believe it or not, porn doesn't interest me as something to watch. I go to porn theatres for the anything-goes action. I could write a book about the "complicated activities" I've seen in these places but todays blog is not about sex in a porno theater, it's about the lack of it. Specifically, the lack of it in Pahrump on Friday afternoon!

I stumbled onto this porn theater in Pahrump, Nevada about 9 months ago. It is officially the slowest porno theatre I have ever been in. Hours can pass without anyone entering but when people do show up, action begins right away and the men are consistently hot. When I say hot, I don't mean they look like Hugh jackman. Hot to me is blue-collar, rough-around-the-edges, white-trash, lower-middle class, married, family man, trucker, construction worker...you get the idea.

So my friend and I are heading to Vegas last Friday and we get to Pahrump at 3 am and get a hotel. I wake up at 7 am and head over to the "cinema" hoping to meet some blue-collar dude on his way to work and from 7 am to 10:30 AM, no one shows up! NO ONE! I sit there for three hours watching the same boring porno movie, over and over.

This movie was filmed in Italy but dubbed by very good British actors and the effect is nauseatng. The Italian actors were bland, expressionless and sexy. The British dubbers were flamboyant, articulate and extremely upper-class. It made for ridiculous viewing.

No one comes in and I'm getting tired. Then, finally, two white trash guys show up. One guy is hot but he jacks off quickly and leaves and the other guy is too trashy even for me. He smoked and limped at the same time, not a turn-on. So then my friend shows up and we decide to go get lunch. We come back in an hour and the place is still completely empty. At this point it felt a little like slots. You can't walk away cause you know you might get lucky 777's at any moment.

Meanwhile, my friend is outside chatting up the owner while I'm inside nodding off. I decide I need to sleep but we already checked out of the hotel. So I go outside and I talk to the owner and he says, "just sleep in the theater. People do it all the time, it's the cheapest hotel in town."

This is truly a nice porno theater, it's superclean, carpeted, brand new seats, no peeling paint, no trash on the floors; it's spotless...but still, it's a FRIGGING PORNO THEATER! I can't sleep on the floor of porno theatre, that's too disgusting, even for me. I have standards!

But I'm so tired.

And that's when I cross the line, a new level of depravity...I lay down...on the floor of this porno theater in the middle of Pahrump, Nevada and I go to sleep. And it is the most relaxing, peaceful sleep I have had in ages. I wake up a few times and each time the place is still empty. For 5 peaceful hours I sleep on the floor of the porno theatre and no one comes in and no one disturbs me. And when I wake up, the first thing I think is,"Oh my God! I can't believe I just slept on the floor of a porno theater!" And then I think, "this'll be good for my blog!" And then I think, "I'm so lucky to have a life like this that allows me to have adventures in places like Pahrump, Nevada."

And then I think,"Oh my God, what is wrong with you??? How could you sleep on the floor of a porno theatre???" But honestly, there is something very peacful about resting in a place where no one can reach you.

Some people go to day spas, I go to porn theaters.



I took this pic with my camera phone: see the sexy Italian porn actress. Now imagine her sounding like Dame Judi Dench while she discusses fellatio and voyeurism.

I got this via e-mail, today.

I swear when I read this I literally had noooo idea what movie they were referring to. I had completely forgotten it. But it was sweet of them to want to send me a DVD but i refuse to buy DVD's anymore unless it's a movie I know I will watch more than once.
________

Hi,

I was just browsing the 'net and found your The Sentinel-related blog entry:

http://ronnielarsen.blogspot.com/2006/04/inside-manslitherthe-sentinelbasic.html

and I think you may be of some help to me. I'm reaching out to you on behalf
of M80 & FOX regarding the release of The Sentinel on DVD. Since you blogged
about The Sentinel, I thought that you might be interested in posting the press
release or a review of the DVD on your blog? You seem like a reputable
influencer, so I think you'd be a big help to us. For your help or review, I would be happy
to send you a copy of The Sentinel on DVD.
Please let me know if you're interested!
Thanks!

_________

Somehow, I don't think me blogging about The Sentinel is going to a "big help" to anyone but I like being called a "reputable influencer"! I've never been called THAT before! In fact, if I've ever influenced anyone before I hope I didn't influence them to be reputable!

I don't get it!

People wait in this line everday to have a hot dog at Pinks in Los Angeles. The line often wraps around the building. This phenomenon is a total mystery to me. I'll take a hot dog from 7-11 anyday over the lines at Pinks.

I actually think that people in LA go there because its an institution and not because the hot dogs are that good. Last time I went there and sat outside I was attacked by flies and I sat next to that guy from Saturday Night Live who played the Bryan Fellows character, I think his name is Tracy Morgan.

New York has The Statue of Liberty, London has Big Ben and LA has Pinks Hot Dog Stand. It's sort of sad, don't you think? A hot dog stand is the only think that brings the people of LA together for a daily communal experience that doesn't involve cars. The only reason I went there was because it's across the street from Jiffy Lube but since I no longer use Jiffy Lube, I may never have another Pinks hot dog. Am I sad? Not one bit.


UPDATE: My friend Carolyn Anhalt suggested I cook my own hot dogs and directed me to this pic. Carolyn is always one step ahead of the rest of the world! I love you, Carolyn. Let's make a movie!

Wild about Harry!

Is it real or an illusion? What do you think?

I'm voting for Miss Texas!

Just got this from one of my actors, Preston Brittan. Preston is one of my favorite actors I've ever worked with and I mean it. That's not phony-baloney-showbiz-ass-kissing-crap, it's true. Everyone knows I hate actors and I never kiss their asses except during the first week of rehearsal. After that it's all downhill.

Anyway, I never felt more secure on stage than when I was acting with Preston. (Except of course for the last night of 10 Naked Men in San Francisco when he got really drunk before the show but lets not dwell on the past! LOL)

We toured the country together playing in every shithole in America! What a thrill it was! (10% of the time. lol)

I adore watching Preston act and I would love to see him in his new show, Pageant, now playing in Denver. I don't have all the details but I'm sure you can Google the words - pageant denver theater dragshow preston alcohol - and something useful will pop up!

I actually saw the very first production of Pageant, off-Broadway, when it was at some supper club years ago! Years!!!!!!! I loved every minute of it!

Break a leg, Preston. Just like Whitney Houston said, "I will always love you!"

PS I ran into Brendan the other day at Fiesta Cantina. We had a great time. He looked great and was funnier than ever. We both agree you should be living and working in LA. Remember: Fish grow bigger when they swim in bigger ponds.

Isn't she lovely?????

Click here to hear her new theme song!


Look how she stands out amongst the masses at the Grove. Hint: look for the bright orange shirt under the Clerks 2 marquee!

And compare with her old look.

Memo to Lance, Mel and Michael

Dear Lance Bass,

How brave of you to come out of the closet. I am so inspired. You risked so much. For instance, you risked...uh...well, I'm sure you risked something but I can't think of anything right now. And how noble of you to come out at the height of your fame as a member of that hot singing sensation, The Backstreet Boys. Can you please call up Mr. Hayes now and tell him to come out, too. I'm sure he would love to be on the cover of People by himself without having to share the spotlight with Will, Grace and Karen.

And thank you, too, for enforcing the stereotype that gay men live in fear. I wish when you came out you would have said, "being gay is no big deal...I just happen to be super-famous and super-cowardly and even though everyone already suspected I was gay I thought it was cool to play coy and enforce the stereotypical notion that homosexuality is something to be hidden and denied." That's what I wished you had said.

Love,
Ronnie



Dear Michael,

I am your number one fan this week. Thank you for owning your actions and being a proud sex addict. I like to point out that all human beings on this planet are the result of people fucking. Sex is good and public sex is hot and fuck those bastards for trying to shame you for doing something that millions of people do all the time. Whether a straight guy gets a bj in his car from his girlfriend or a gay guy has sex in a park after midnight it's all good in my eyes and don't let the media tell you otherwise. As long as it's between consenting adults and it's safe sex it's fine by me. Thank you for your honesty and for standing up for yourself. You could teach Mel Gibson a few things.

Love
Ronnie



Dear Mel,

I don't believe that people get drunk and say things they don't mean. I think they get drunk and say things they do mean. I'm disappointed in you not for driving dunk, not for claiming, "you own Malibu", not for disrespecting the cops and not for being anti-Semitic, of course your behavior was despicable, but what truly disappoints me is the way you cleverly write a letter denying who you really are. That letter smacks of being written by you, your lawyers and a great publicist.

I simply don't believe you, Mel. I think you're a liar. I believe you do think you own Malibu and I believe you do think Jews are the source of the worlds problems. Own it man! Stand up for what you believe and deal with the consequences. Take a lesson from George Michael and tell your publicist to shut the fuck up. Be a mencsh, Mel. (that's Yiddish for admirable) Own your opinions. What if you came out today and said, "you know what, it's true, I don't really like Jews and you know what, I do think I own Malibu. Yes, I shouldn't drink and drive but I'm Mel Gibson, I can do whatever the fuck I want cause I'm rich and I'm famous."

What if you had said that instead? Just my two cents. Have a great week.

Love
Ronnie

Ennis Cruising

This is a very, very short film I made of a guy I met outside a gay bar in Bakersfield. He reminded me of Ennis Del Mar from Brokeback Mountain.

There is only one Michael Mann!

I don't remember ever reacting so intensely to a movie still upon first viewing. I was browsing the NY Times this morning and saw this image and I literally gasped. A purple cloudy sky! So beautiful. The sliver of city lights. Stunning! Look at the lining peaking thru on Jamie Foxx's jacket. Look at the intense white strip at the top of the cell phone against the black shirt. I love you, Michael Mann. I can't stop staring at this picture! I can not wait to see this. The image alone evokes memories of Collateral. There are two directors in Hollywood who create tones and moods and use color in ways that are completely and uniquely their own: Tim Burton and Michael Mann. I never thought the day would come when I would say, "I'm dying to see the movie version of Miami Vice", but that day is here! Please don't suck! Please!

My Childhood Nightmares

There was a scene in a movie I have never forgotten. In the scene a woman tries to escape by crawling thru a tiny, narrow, open window. She jumps thru, only to land in a gigantic entanglement of wires. I remember this scene vividly from my childhood. It horrified me every time I saw it and I saw it alot.

My neighbors had "The Movie Channel", a pay channel that showed "bad" movies that we weren't allowed to watch at home. We had cable (MTV), but The Movie Channel was too racy for our Mormon household so I would go to the white-trash neighbors house and watch movies over and over.

Only 3 movies have stuck with me:

Brian De Palmas, "The Phantom of the Paradise." There was a horrifying scene where a guy in a bird mask puts a plunger on someones face. I never understood what this movie was about and it was like nothing I had ever seen before. It really creeped me out. I don't remember a story, just images.


Jaws 2 with the great tagline, "Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water." I saw it so many times that when I watch it today I feel like I'm seeing old friends my neighborhood. And Just for the record, I still don't think it's safe to go back in the water.

And then there is this movie with the scene of the lady in the barbwire. I had no idea what movie it was from. I've thought of this scene often and always wondered what it's from.

So, this week I recieve a movie from Netflix. I'm watching it out of the corner of my eye on my computer and then all of a sudden that scene begins and I was filled with joy as another one of lifes great mysteries is solved. The movie is Suspiria. Have you ever seen it?

Trannie Panhandling

This is a video of two of my good friends, MzVicky and Sally, panhandling in Los Angeles. These girls are borderline insane and suffering from serious sex addiction but I love them both very much. Enjoy their video.

The Untitled Sex Project

This is a video Sally and I shot last night in Bakersfield.

"I like girls with big vagina."

How many times have I heard the South park theme song??? How many times have I wondered what Kenny was mumbling at the end of the song? Well, wonder no more, I Googled it and howled hysterically while listening to it 10 times in a row. Man, I worship those South Park guys. True American originals. They've earned every dollar they've made. Real artists with something to say who make loads of money saying it. It's a beautiful thing and rare! Listen to the song and sing along!

Click here to hear the song.

South Park Theme Lyrics:

"I'm goin' down to South Park gonna have myself a time,
(Kyle + Stan) Friendly faces everwhere humble folks without temptation,
I'm goin' down to South Park gonna leave my woes behind,
(Cartman) Ample Parking Day or Night, people spouting, "Howdy, Neighbor"
I'm headin' down to South Park gonna see if I can't unwind,
(Kenny) I like girls with big vagina, I like girls with big fat titties
So come on down to South Park, and meet some friends of mine."


PS Every time I watch South park I think of my dear friend, Robert Young, who loved South Park and is no longer with us. I miss you so much Robert. Life isn't as good without you.

Finally, some good news from Hollywood!!!!!

One of my favorite films of all time is getting the 3-D treatment this Halloween and I'll be there opening day. I, literally, saw the film over 12 times in the theater when it first came out. It was a ride i wanted to go on over and over and over. I would laugh and cry and sit there in awe and tap my foot along to the music. By the end of its run I was the only one in the theater watching. The first week it came out I went every night. It's the most I have ever seen a movie in the theater. I go back once a year and see it at the El Capitan every Halloween, too. I really do adore Tim Burton. There is no one like him, NO ONE, working in film today. He is a true original. I can't wait for Halloween.

Lady in the Water aka Dead in the Water

I can tell you where I won't be this weekend. I won't be watching M. Night ShamaShams cinematic ego trip. The critics have been destroying this thing and even though I'm mildly curious, I refuse to see it in a theater cause I don't want to help the domestic gross. I avoided seeing Unbreakable and The Village in theaters for the same reason. I can not support this megalomaniac.

Now I hear some of you saying, "but Ronnie, aren't you a megalomaniac, too. Aren't you like the pot calling the kettle black?" To that, I defensively say,"Fuck you!" LOL

Listen, I loved The Sixth Sense and I admired it, but then M. Night started doing interviews and the love was quickly gone. His ego was already out of control and his delusion bordered on frightening. I have never done an interview where I said, "I'm fabulous!" I dare you to find it.

I've read things from Night like, "I know things about movie-making no one else knows." Oh Lord!

Let's get one thing clear, all artists have huge egos. You have to have a huge ego to be able to create things, put them on display and endure the harsh criticism that follows. One thing I admire about directors like Spielberg, Lucas, Peter Jackson and Woody Allen is that you never you hear them talking about how brilliant they are. I have never heard Spielberg, who is a God in my eyes, brag about how he changed the world and has been more succesful than any other movie maker in history.

I'm sure Spielberg has a gigantic ego but he keeps it hidden from us masses. That's how it should be. Then you have Woody Allen who loves to tell us how mediocre his own movies are. "I'm not an artist," he recently stated. Well I disagree, Woody. I have never hated a Woody Allen movie. Never. And Husband and Wives is one of my favorite films of all time. Woody Allen casts himself in the lead in his own films all the time but it never smacks of ego to me. However, the tiny cameo Shamablah does in his own films are terribly distracting. Terribly!

In Lady in the Water, M. Night casts himself as a visionary writer who's writing changes the world. Wait a minute while I throw up. Ok, I'm back.

The most amusing reading this week is the review tally at RottenTomatoes.com for Lady in the Water. The critics are being brutal and although I'm not usually a fan of public torture, this whipping is a joy to watch.

Enjoy the pain at:

RottenTomatoes.com/LadyintheWater

Fajitas and Bryan Singer

It was my second time at Fiesta Cantina in West Hollywood. The first time I was there was on a date and tonight I was there with my dear friend, Craig Fox. I love Craig. We wrote a play together and he's one of the few collaborators I've had that I wanted to continue a true friendship with after the collaboration ended. Working together on a script was a process I did not enjoy and as much as I love the man I vowed never to co-write a script again. Collaboration is hell. Period. Anyone who says it isn't is lying. I'm in awe of those TV writers who write as a team. So it's interesting to me that Craig and I are discussing working on a documentary together. I'm telling myself that collaborating on a documentary will be completely different than collaborating on a play. And yes, I know, I'm completely delusional.

Anyway, so Craig comes to town last night and we can't agree on which movie to see or where to eat. I told you we shouldn't collaborate. We decide to go to Fiesta Cantina. I had Fajitas there like three years ago on a date and they were excellent so off we go. My memory of this place whas that it was simply a restaurant. How wrong I was. It's, supposedly, some kind of happening, hip, gay, watering-hole, hang-out. Who knew? The gays love it. They come, they drink, they hang out.

However, I don't enjoy hanging out where huge groups of gay men are drinking and discussing their faux-hawks. It's not my idea of entertainment. So after my fajitas were consumed I was ready to leave. But then an actor I worked with a long time ago in Chicago (Brendan), comes flaming across the floor and we begin to catch up. He's amusing as always even though he thinks Romy and Michelles High School Reunion is a cinematic masterpiece. "I don't like action and stuff he says." Of course not Brendan, if you did you wouldn't be hanging out every night at a Taco Stand, but don't get me started.

Brendan told me he actually wrote a TV pilot for his college thesis based on his experiences being in one of my plays. He says he portrayed my producer, Caryn Horwitz, like Charlie on Charlies Angels, "You never see her, you just hear her on the other end of the line, smoking, drinking diet coke, and yelling at the dogs to BE QUIET!"

Brendan was amusing but I get bored quickly. I was about to leave when in walks the director of Superman Returns, Bryan Singer. Watching him enter was like watching a gay version of the HBO show, Entourage. I actually admire Mr. Singer. I loved Usual Suspects and was truly fascinated by the X-Men movies. Also he's openly gay, which makes me happy on some level. I was bored by Superman Returns but that's a different story. Anyway, a little buzz starts.

"Bryan Singer's here."

"Who's Bryan Singer?"

"Is he the guy in the hat?"

"No, the other guy."

"He directed Superman."

"Ohhhh."

"Bryan Singer's here."

"Who's that?"

"He directed Superman."

It goes on like this for a while.

So, heres the deal. I'm very curious to know what Mr. Singer thought of X-Men 3. He directed the first two but left in some dispute to go do Superman and now X-Men 3 has out-grossed Superman but the reviews weren't as good as the first two, blah, blah, blah...But I'm still curious to know what he thought of it.

So this crazy homeless woman comes up to me and begs for money. So I give her two dollars to do me a favor...

"I want you to go over there and say, "I need to talk to Bryan Singer." Then I want you to ask him what he thought of X-Men 3."

So she takes the money and I see her go over and she starts yelling, "Who's Bryan Singer? Where's Bryan Singer. I need to talk to Bryan Singer."

He's standing right next to her but he ignores her and one of his entourage talks to her. She comes back to me and reports that Bryan Singer isn't here and then she asks for more money. I tell her they're lying and I give her two more dollars to go back and she does go back and I can hear her saying from across the bar. "Where's Bryan Singer???"

She's over there for a long time talking to the entourage.

Then she comes back with a second report.

"He already left."

I say, "he didn't leave cause he's standing right there, but don't worry about it." And I give up.

I still don't know what Bryan Singer thought of X-Men 3 but I do know he hangs out with a lot of guys who use a ton of hair products.

And that was my night: Fajitas and Bryan Singer. Welcome to LA!

War in the Middle East? What war?

I find it fascinating that no one I know personally, except my brother (on his blog) is discussing the fact that the Middle East is exploding. Everyone would much rather talk about Pirates. is this just another crazy week in the Middle East or are we about to enter World War 3? I'm scared. Maybe I'll go see Pirates of the Caribbean again so I can keep pretending nothing important is happening.

Hip Bowling

Went bowling on Friday with my boyfriend and my best friend. I kicked their asses. LOL. We went to Lucky Strike at Hollywood and Highland. It's very chic and retro and neon and oh-so-hip. (see picture above, that's it) I got a strike on the first try. I'm a very erratic bowler. I either get strikes or it goes right in the gutter. Wait, am I discussing bowling or my theater career?

The Devil Wears Prada

There is a fascinating speech in the Devil Wears Prada about a blue sweater. Well not blue but "cerulean". The speech is all about the power of fashion and how colors are picked by designers and then trickle down and impact the common clothes we all wear. I'm not explaining it very well but it was the best written speech I've seen all year at the movies. Unfortunatly, the rest of the movie was written by a 3rd grader who has obviously never seen an episode of Project Runway. The people on Project Runway are fascinating, driven, eccentric, talented, focused and cuthroat. The people in Devil Wears Prada are just assholes; selfish, unfunny assholes. But that speech about "cerulean", oh that speech, it illustrates what the movie could've been if the person who wrote that speech had been allowed to write the entire script.

PS I've seen about 12 movies I haven't written about. That's how behind i got. Not that anyone cares but I'm enjoying keeping a record of every movie I see.

PPS: Hollywood did it again last friday. They released another batch of movies I would pay NOT to see. You, Me & Dupree (not me), Little Man (uh, thanks but no thanks) I'm waiting on Miami Vice because I love Michael Mann. Collateral was my favorite film 2 years ago, or whatever year it came out. I saw it 5 times at the theatre. And of course I'll be there opening day for Snakes on a Plane! Sssssssssss

I Survived!

I went swimming in the ocean today and once again I'm happy to report I was not eaten by a shark. I wish I could swim in the ocean and not think about sharks the whole time. I firmly believe Jaws is the most powerful movie of all time because no other movie impacted the global psyche in such an intense way. I believe more people think and talk about this movie everyday more than any other movie. It is always with us. I remember seeing it for the first time. I kept looking down in my bag of candy whenever the scary theme music played. I've never shaken that terror. It is the scariest movie of all time, with the simplest most memorable theme music and the best movie poster ever. It is the greatest movie of all time. To this day, I am convinced that I will be eaten by a shark everytime I enter the ocean. Today, was not that day, thank God! But there's always next time.

Meet my brother!

This is Jay larsen. My brother. A man I love very much. An incredibly smart man. A talented artist. A loving father. A devoted husband. A great dog owner. He posesses a deep and varied intellect. He knows alot about everything. He likes to go fishing. Isn't he handsome????

Dancing at Trout's

Trout's is a famous redneck bar in Oildale, California. I can't believe a drag queen would go dancing there! She must be insane!

Adolph Kitler

There's a whole website devoted to cats that look like Hitler. Oh Lord!

http://83.136.68.93/cgi-bin/seigmiaow.pl?94

The Usual Suspect

The sudden death of Enron founder, Ken Lay, is one of those plot developments that audiences would reject if it were writtten in a movie or a play. I can hear the complaints in my head.

"We wanted to see him sufffer in prison!"

"I don't believe he would just have a heart attack right before his sentencing. That's so Hollywood."

"I sort of liked it, it's very dramatic. Not realistic but dramatic."

Myself, I wish he were still alive. I wish he hadn't bankrupted Enron and destroyed all those lives. I wish he would have made choices that would have put his life in a different direction, a positive direction. All that waste, all that destruction and poof, he's gone. Just like Keyser Soze.

ZZZZZZZZZUPERMAN

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's...2 hours and 34 minutes looooooooooooong. Where's Batman when you need him?

Little Mr. Apricot Rules!

Finally, a celebrity arrives on the scene that I admire!!!!!! This story fills me with absolute joy!!! I ripped the story from Drudge who ripped it from CBS13.

Little Mr. Apricot Flips Off Crowd, Loses Title
(CBS 13) PATTERSON, Calif. A big brouhaha in Stanislaus County as a pageant winner in Patterson is stripped of his crown. Heather Hudgens reports it all started with apricots and a finger foul-up.

It was another weekend of royalty in Patterson, and the parade queens were on their best behavior.

“I would never do it, it’s not queen worthy,” said one of the queens.

What she's talking about is what happened last month at the Apricot festival, when the newly-crowned Little Mr. Apricot, 4-year old Matthew Burgos, raised his middle finger to the crowd!

At Mil's Cafe, now all the talk is what happened next, when Matthew was unceremoniously relieved of his crown. The reason - the unfortunate flip of the finger.

Matthew's mom understands why the apricot board took Matthew's title, but wishes some townsfolk would just get over it.

“I think it is ridiculous, I mean he’s four years old,” she says.

CBS 13 asked the Patterson Apricot Fiesta Board to comment, they would not, except to confirm the story. First runner-up Michael Montiel will now assume the role of Little Mr. Apricot. Matthew doesn't even know he's been stripped of the title. His mom and dad say he likely wouldn't understand, anyway.

Is the glass half full?

Long story short: my glasses broke. I went to Lenscafters but it was too late to have an eye exam for the day and since I haven't been back in 3 years they said I had to have an eye exam before they issued me new glasses. It was annoying. They also said they didn't make my frames anymore. Of course not! Why would they?

I needed glasses! I couldn't wait! Mind you, I'm not blind or anything, well metaphorically maybe but not literally but still...without my glasses everything just feels a little soft.

So I get this brilliant idea to go to Rite-Aid and find some glasses and pop the lenses out and super glue my lenses to the new frames because, of course, I didn't expect the lenses to pop in the new frames. Luckily, I took Dr. Horwitz with me to the store and while I was stupidly shopping for super glue she was popping out lenses and squeezing my old lenses into new frames. And just like magic, they fit perfectly! Thanks Doc!

So instead of paying 400 at Lencrafters I now have "new" glasses from Rite-Aid for 12.99. I'll still get new glasses this week cause I think these make me look like one of those desperate-to-be-hip-retro-gay-guys.

I'm desperate, but not to be hip!

So what do you think of my new glasses???