Oh, Charlie! The Sheen is Gone!

The most riveting thing I read all week was the legal filing by Denise Richards regarding her "allegedly" psychotic husband, Charlie Sheen. It's so well-written. I wanted to dress up like Denise Richards and perform it. Maybe I will. I don't give a shit about celebrities lives when they do things like have babies, get married, get divorced BUT when they do out-of-control things like killing their wives (OJ) or surfing for child porn (Charlie Sheen?), well I'm hooked.

Maybe it makes me feel less dysfunctional.

As I read about Charlie Sheeen I was reminded of all the psychotic porn stars I've worked with in my plays. They weren't all psychotic but plenty were! Without naming names let me just say that based on his behavior Charlie Sheen would fit right in to the fucked-up world of the gay pornography business.

If you haven't read the legal document, get busy, it's high drama. More dramatic than any movie Charlie Sheen ever starred in.

Keep On Blogging

What a strange week last week was. I felt incredibly busy, but I'm not sure what I spent the week doing. I was too busy to blog but now that I'm blogging I can't remember what I did.

I went to Wal-Mart on Crenshaw.
I went to the LA Philharmonic.
I saw a shitty horror movie (Silent Hill) and a mediocre action pic (The Sentinel)
I installed some lights for a friend in her apt.
I ate at Panda Express
I watched three Charlie Chaplin classics. (More about that later)

This is the worst kind of blog. I hate blogs where people just recite what they did but the point is not what I did, it's that I can't remember what I did which is why I need to blog more. Memory is so fleeting. The week after my mother died I could not remember her telling me that she loved me. We constantly told each other how much we loved each other but after she was no longer here I couldn't think of a specific moment in which she said the words, "I love you". And I swear to you she said it every time I saw her! Every time!

After the funeral my Dad sent me a note telling me that the video tribute I made about my mother was a wonderful gift to him and that he will be forever indebted to me for making it. I have it in writing.

So keep writing things down, that's my new mantra. Keep documenting. Document your life.

I beg my friends to blog.

I feel closer to my brother now more than ever cause I get to read his blog. His fears, his poems, his rage, his sarcasm, his politics, his sincere desire to improve the world; his blog is him and every time I read it I feel like I'm in the room with him.

My ex-stage manager, Michelle Guzman, a quiet woman in person, has one of the angriest, wittiest, bitchiest blogs I've ever read. Sides of her are revealed to me I would never have seen if not for her blog. Blog more Michelle.

So I have a lot to blog about and hopefully this week my blog will not be static. Hopefully.

Mobil/Exxon Boycott

I won't go on and on about this but this boycott is starting to take hold and I'm signing up for it. i was talking to my brother about how helpless we feel sometimes in the face of these giant corporate and political machines. Then the next day I recieved an e-mail calling for a boycott of Exxon and Mobil and I thought to myself, "now, this I can do!"

I'm all for big business and capitalism but these oil companies just seem so fucking shady!

I won't be buying gas at Exxon or Mobil until these gas prices get under control. I hope you will consider doing the same.

Regina Fong, I Miss You!

I lived in London for 6 months in 1990 and I had a grand time but the highlight of my trip was my weekly trek to The Black Cap Pub in Camden to worship the greatest drag performer I have ever seen: Regina Fong. I love drag, period. Any guy in a dress amuses me but Regina Fong was truly the most amazing, most charismatic and most loved drag queen I have ever seen.

Every Tuesday night hundreds of "Fong-worshippers" would cram into the backroom of The Black Cap Pub for three hours of pure, hyper, adrenaline-filled escapism. Every week we'd sing along to the same songs and watch her do the same routines and every week it was fresher and funnier than before.

I became an instant fan and went every single Tuesday. I forced my friends to go and they fell in love with her, too.

I haven't been back to London in many years but I've thought of her often, so last week I Googled her and my mouth fell to the floor as I read the following:

"It is with the utmost sadness that we report that one of the all-time great drag performers, H.I.H. Regina Fong died last night following a long battle with cancer."

She passed away on April 14, 2003

I was stunned all day. I don't worship many performers. I use to worship Adam Ant. I love Anthony Hopkins. I find Jodie Foster endlessly fascinating. Patti Lupone is another performer I can never get enough of but the list is small. This woman, this otherworldy creature, this one-of-a-kind entertainer should have been granted immortality. Every Tuesday night I experienced pure joy for three hours. It was a gift she gave her followers.

I met Reg once out of drag in the lobby of the Drill Hall Arts Centre. I approached him and told him what a big fan I was and he smiled humbly and responded, "It's just lipsynching."

No Regina, it wasn't. In memory of her on the anniversary of her death I created a video tribute to this amazing person who gave me so much happiness. I miss you Regina Fong!


Click here to enter the magical world of Regina Fong.

Click here to view the video tribute on my website.

Bond, James Bond

Here's your weekly dose of exploitation.


I would say 007 sounds about accurate, what do you think?

This Made Me Laugh, Alot.

Courtesy of my Sister-In-Law, Evelyn Larsen

Exhausting San Diego

Just got back from a whirlwind trip thru San Diego. Went with my Dad, niece and ex-wife (lol), Caryn Horwitz to Sea World and the San Diego Zoo and I am fucking exhausted. I must've walked 20 miles over two days.

I've been accused by my friend, Peewit, of whining too much in my blog but fuck it, I'm exhausted! After that vacation, I'm ready for a vacation.

Actually it was a lot of fun, especially feeding the dolphins, but theme parks are fascinating places indeed. They really do let anyone in these days.

I could blog about the great unwashed masses, the cruelty of animals in cages, the overpriced food and Americas growing obesity problem but instead and I'll just post the pics and you can write your own story.

Click here to see all the pics.

Newsflash: Thomas Dolby Bitchslaps Federline!

http://music.yahoo.com/read/news/31366827

Lord, I miss the 80's!

Dorothy and To To

It may shock you to learn that even I have limits.

My friends recently installed a To To Toilet.

Never heard of it? Neither had I!

I just did a Google search for To To Toilets and I couldn't even find a good description. Basically, it's a toilet that shoots water on your ass then blowdrys it. That's it, in a nutshell, no pun intended.

Oh good, I finally found a description:


"Toto brought us the toilet seats that get warm in winter, include a bidet, and a warm stream to wash - and dry - your bottom, and a variety of cool WC gadgets that make you laugh until you try them and realize life has no sense without them. Well, recently, they have developed the “New Neorest” toilet system series which is the world’s first toilet seat that releases an aroma and plays soothing music (via removable memory cards), in addition to the customary features of course."

Anyway, I don't quite understand it nor do I really want to. I don't want a toilet wiping my ass for me. My friends were begging me to try it and I was like, "ugh, NO!"

I just can't get my mind around the concept of having my ass cleaned as if it were going thru a drive-thru car wash.

I saw a bidet once at a party in New Jersey but I wouldn't sit on it. Supposesdly, the To To Toilet is nothing like a bidet but they all seem the same to me. I'm not even convinced these hi-tech toilets are designed for asses as big and hairy as mine. I'm including a bidet for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy!


I look foward to hearing about your experiences with the bidet and/or the To To Toilet.

Pastor Prince

So, I get an invite to look at this website called New Creation Church. They spammed my blog and before I realized it was spam I clicked on it and I got so excited to see this new church website run by two sexy lesbians with a cute daughter.

So I scrolled down and then it hit me. That aint no lesbian, that's a dude. LOL

My heart sank. They're just another straight couple running a church. How disappointing! I liked Pastor Joseph alot more when I thought he was a dyke with an Asian-lipstick-lesbian for a wife.

Mi Amigo!

I just got a lovely little fan letter. Normally, I wouldn't share such things because as we all know," Pride goeth before a fall."

However, it was so sweet, amusing and Spanish that I feel I have to share it.

The writer of the love/lust note is obviously a Spanish-speaking-chubby-chaser. He saw a pic of me and wrote,

"que hermoso cuerpo tienes me gusta e invita al sexo"

Now, I don't speak Spanish, though I'm tempted to learn, so I pulled up my trusty computer translator and my oh my, sweeter words were never spoken. Are you ready for the translation???

Here it is: "that beautiful body you have pleases me and invites to sex"

LOL

Get me a sombrero, I'm moving to Mexico!

TOM SWELLING

Sad update: YouTube.com is temporarily down. Check back in a few hours and I'm sure it will be up gain. In the meantime, enjoy this still pic of Tom Welling.

I love YouTube.com. I want to marry it! I'm such a perverted size-queen I watched this Tom Welling video over 50 times! I'm so tragic. It's true.



I loooooove YouTube.com

The Private Life of the Master Actress

Congratulations to Tracy Hostmyer who got a rave in the NY Times today for her performance in a play by Bertolt Brecht entitled The Private Life of the Master Race. There is a great picture of her, too.

I had the joy and honor of directing Tracy in the very first play I ever directed. She played Celia for me in As You Like It by William Shakespeare in Fresno, California in 1988. She was awesome.

Tracy is that rare kind of actress who is always intelligent, elegant, funny and grounded all at the same time. She has a wicked smile and a great sense of humor and she is soooo beautiful. I remember that everyone (audiences, co-stars and gay men) were always falling in love with her.

If you're in NY, whch I am not right now, go see this play and you can fall in love with her, too, just like I did back in 1988 in Fresno, California.

"Hi, Ronnie!"

I had a very intense dream last night.

We, the family, were throwing a big party. We were all rushing around doing stuff and comments were made about how much better it would be if Mom were here to help us and tell us what to do.

I was outside doing something and I walked in and there was Mom, sitting in the chair, smiling, looking healthier than ever. She was sitting up. She didn't look weak or troubled at all. She looked beautiful and her hair was done. She was in a bathrobe.

The way she was sitting was especially striking because it was clear she was supporting her own weight and had no physical ailments.

Upon seeing her I burst into tears, uncontrollable weeping, and she just looked at me as if to say, "it's ok". I was weeping so hard I couldn't speak so I motioned to her that I needed to go outside and
compose myself. I did. Then I returned to the house.

I was clearly confused and I asked her what was happening and she said it's a long story but she would tell me everything if I wanted. She had been exhumed for some reason and when they opened the coffin she was fine. I gathered that the process of cleaning her up was messy but that now she was fine and would live a long healthy life.

As she started to explain, I said, "Wait, let me record this, no one will believe it otherwise."

I grabbed my bag with my recording equipment and I started to put together the microphone and then in that moment I woke up.

Upon realizing it was only a dream I was stunned, saddened, confused but also grateful because I got to hear her voice again and I will never forget the way she said, "Hi, Ronnie!" Her voice was so full of love just like it always was but it was also free of pain. She was so strong.

As I woke up and was struck with reality I began to cry and then went into the living room and looked at her picures.

I hope that she haunts my dreams, forever.

She's a National Celebrity! Who knew!

Like it or not, this woman is the future face of American celebrity. Goodbye Oprah! Hello Nornna! In the future everyone will be a "national celebrity", including you.


For more about Nornna visit http://youtube.com/watch?v=TJhHvYJfDuw#comment target="_blank"

Save the Wal-Mart Children

I just had a painful moment in Wal-Mart in Bakersfield. The Wal-Mart in Bakersfield is filled with cheap products but it's also filled with some of the most disgusting customers ever assembled in one store. The people shopping in this store are just plain gross.

Well, tonight I saw the cutest little boy sitting in a shopping cart. His face was open, his eyes were alive, he seemed content and intelligent. I wanted to talk to him.

And then I saw his parents.

The woman pushing the cart was a filthy, white trash, disaster of a human being. Her hair was a dirty rats nest, her clothes were filthy, she was missing half her teeth and her IQ seemed somewhere between 5 and 10.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to save the child in the shopping cart. I saw his whole life in an instant and prayed he would escape his fate. 

The gay marriage and adoption controversy seems laughable when one looks at the millions of human-heterosexual-trashbags allowed to marry, bear children and destroy them.

I will never forget the face of that little boy and I pray he escapes his fate. Statistics are not on his side.

All About My Mother

Well, on February 25th, 2006 at 3 o'clock in the afternoon my mother passed on to her next life.

It's been the most emotionally-complicated experience I have ever had. I knew that I would be profoundly sad but I wasn't prepared for the feeling of relief that swept over me in the ensuing days. Sadness followed by relief followed by guilt (for feeling relieved) and then sadness again. That's been the cycle.

There is so much to discuss regarding this huge event and I'm sure that I will in the future but now is not the time. I do, however, want to return to the fascinating world of blogging but it didn't feel right to blog until I explained why I have'nt for the last two months.

So there it is.

Jeanette Marie Larsen adopted me three months after I was born and 37 years later I'm a pallbearer at her funeral and everything in between flew by too quickly.

I edited two video tributes to my mother for her funeral. If you want to watch them you can click on the videos below or go to my Web site. RonnieLarsen.com

Date Movie/Firewall/Eight Below/Brokeback 4th Time

NOTE: Over the last week I've seen three movies that are so forgettable I can't even muster more than a few lines each. None of these three movies sucked they just don't inspire me to type. They aren't bad, they aren't great, they are just fine.

DATE MOVIE

I would never have seen this movie in a million years but a sexy guy suggested we go so I went. I laughed. I was grossed out. I wasn't bored. The audience enjoyed it. So there you go. It was the first time I'd ever been in a theater where it didn't bother me that people were talking on their cell phones. How can you complain when a movie made for third graders is attended by people acting like third graders?

FIREWALL

I loved Firewall. it's a movie we've seen a million times but I loved it none-the-less. I don't think I've ever disliked a Harrison Ford movie. I love the fact that Harrison Ford has never chased an Oscar. He is a MOVIE STAR and he knows it. He doesn't care about roles that transform him, he is HARRISON FORD, period. He chases bad guys. He entertains us. He is a dying breed.

EIGHT BELOW

What can you say about a movie where 8 husky dogs are more compelling to watch than the human actors they are forced to interact with? Paul Walker is a mystery to me. I never feel like he's acting. I always feel like he just strolled onto the set and decided to let the crew film hlm. His acting is effortless but only because it feels like he puts no effort into it. There is something admirably lazy about him. He seems like a fratboy who would be just as happy surfing as making movies. I know nothing about him but this is what I think when I watch his movies: Who are you??????
_________________________________

BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN (4th time)

Everytime I see this complicated piece of art and have a completely different experence. I saw it with my heterosexual sister and after the fuck scene she turned to me with a straight face and said, "are they gay now?" I didn't answer. There are no answers in this thing only questions, questions and more questions. I can't recall a movie in recent memory that inspired as much lively discussion as Brokeback. It's a gift, really.

WHAT'S MUNICH?

I'm in Denver and I ask my sister what she wants to see. She asks, "what's playing?" i say, "Munich." She says, "what's Munich." Living in LA and New York skews ones perspective. There is no Munich controversy in Denver because in Denver Munich doesn't exist. It's already out of the cineplexes replaced by Date Movie, Firewall and Eight below.

When a Stranger Calls

(the above pic is Carol Kane in the original version)

I'm fucking furious. The original When a Stranger Calls is one of the scariest movies I've ever seen.

A babysitter is alone in a house, she's getting freaky phonecalls, she find out the calls are coming from inside the house. The kids get slaughtered. The guy escapes. The killer is pursued. The babysitter grows up. He comes after her. Oh my Lord, it's scary shit.

And one of the reasons it's so freaky is because it feels real.

So what the fuck does Hollywood do? They remake it! Fine, I have no problems with remakes but they fuck this thing up so bad I sat in the theatre shaking my head. By the end of the movie I was actually enraged.

What they've done is taken the premise of the first 20 minutes of the original and expanded it to 90 minutes leaving out the rest. The original had one of the best endings ever, did the new filmmakers even watch the original? And they've cast one of the worst actresses I've ever seen in a lead and they've set it in the most ridiculous house ever filmed. The whole house is high-tech, lights come on when you enter the room, the fireplace is on remote control...who lives like this??? Certainly not ordibary people and that's what made the original so scary, the horror was happening to ordinary people in an ordinary home in an ordinary neighborhood.

How can you remake a movie without understanding why the original worked?

And the actress: truly awful. Talks like a valley girl. She doesn't act she pouts. I assumed it was her first acting job then i looked her up on IMDB and she has credits. Unbelievable. We are entering a frightening phase in Hollywood where so many of the actresses seem to be completely unintelligent. No one ever questioned the intelligence of Jamie Lee Curtis but these new girls actually seem to want to appear to be morons. Is moron the new sexy?

Women should be outraged.

There are actresses like Rachel McAdams who are sexy and funny and seem extremely intelligent but so many others these days come off as idiots who can't even fucking speak. I digress.

This movie simply sucks. And now I read on Box office Guru.com that it's going to do like 28 million this weekend. What the fuck????? It may wind up grossing more than Munich.

PS While waiting to see When a Stranger Calls i bought a ticket to Hoodwinked and watched the first hour. I actually got involved. Maybe, I should go back and see the ending.

Hell Air

Every time I go to the airport, I suddenly feel like Charlie Chaplin trapped in a mechanism I cannot control.

I arrive at the counter. I check in. For once, everything is fine. I'm in the computer. Whew. Relief. I have my ticket. One last step and I'm done. I throw the bag on the scale and it's 10 pounds over.

"Can you shift things around?" the counter lady asks?

"No, I can't shift things around, you stupid cunt." (I didn't say that, but I wanted to.)

So I politely agree to "shift things around," and the nightmare begins. I begin to unpack in front of an audience of 20 travelers. I open my suitcase, and it feels like I'm opening my soul. My life comes pouring out onto the concrete floor. Everyone studies my assortment of socks, books, Netflix, underwear. Privacy is a thing of the past.

One man, an asshole, sees a book I'm reading, but he can't make out the whole title:

Asshole: Hey, what book is that?
Me: America.
Asshole: What's it about?
Me: America.

I throw my repacked bag onto the scale again. I am now 20 pounds under the weight limit. How the fuck did that happen? Did I really repack 30 pounds’ worth of socks?

I put the next bag on the scale and the zipper breaks. I try not to get upset. I accept that it's just my bad karma haunting me on behalf of all the actors I've mistreated over the years.

So now I can't check the bag. I carry it and head to the gate. I pass all the food courts. I want to stop, but I can't eat and juggle three bags at the same time, and I'm running late because of the 30 minutes spent repacking my socks. I desperately want to stop and spend $9 on a tuna fish sandwich, but I resist and head to the plane.

I arrive at the gate and the ticket taker ignores me. I was going to ask whether they're boarding my flight, but it becomes painfully obvious they are. However, I've already stood there for five minutes, so it would be weird to just walk away without asking my question. I'm terrified of doing anything strange in an airport for fear of detainment and/or imprisonment. I don't want to spend the summer at Abu Ghraib. So I stand there and smile, but he continues to ignore me. Finally, after he has taken the tickets of five other people, he turns and asks, "May I help you?" So I say, "Are you boarding now?" He looks at me like I'm an idiot.

I board the plane. The oh-so-chipper flight attendant says, "How are you, sir?"

I make a stupid joke about having to repack and she sees this as her cue to do a five minute stand-up routine:

Flight attendant: “Who knew underwear was so heavy! I guess that's why they have nudist colonies, blah blah blah. You know whenever I travel with family I pull out the scale and we weigh it at home. You should get a scale."

Do you see how fat I am, you fucking cunt??? Do you really think I want a scale in my house??? (I didn’t say that, but I wanted to.)

I continue to listen and smile. And smile. And the next day my friend informs me that I whine too much in my blogs, so I just want to say that I enjoyed the experience very much and I look forward to doing it again in the near future. Have a happy day and enjoy your flight!

Move On

I spent a hypnotic afternoon in Central Park, strolling, listening to Sunday in the Park With George. I strolled so slowly that I was barely moving. Strolling is a lost art. No one strolls anymore. It's not even strolling, it's more like crawling. I crawled through Central Park, at a snail’s pace, listening to the same Stephen Sondheim song over and over again: Move On. Some of my favorite Sondheim lyrics are contained in that song.

"Stop worrying where you're going
Move on.
If you can know where you're going
You've gone.
Just keep moving on."

As I strolled, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of gratitude. Grateful that Central Park exists. Grateful I have an iPod. Grateful I have the luxury of time. It's amazing how easy it is to be mindlessly busy. Mental clutter constantly creeps into my brain. I force myself to resist it. Just say no, Ronnie! I get invited to a see a play that I don't want to see. I say yes, then spend three days trying to figure out how to get out of it. I answer all my e-mails and the next day I have 40 more. I feel tortured by them. I could spend my whole life answering e-mails, but what kind of life would that be? I don't want my tombstone to read: "Here lies Ronnie Larsen. He answered his e-mails." Time is fleeting, life is short, my mother is dying and every minute I spend doing something I don't want to do is a moment I don't spend doing something I do want to do.

I haven't learned much in my 36 years on this planet, but I do know that time is a precious commodity. I must learn to use it better. In a year from now I won't remember the silly e-mails I answered, but I will remember my stroll in Central Park with Stephen Sondheim on a cold afternoon on the last day of January 2006.

Crash

Crash claims to be about race but it's really about gun control. Take the guns away and you have no story. Guns move the story forward not race. Race is the subplot. The tragedies that unfold in the movie are the result of too many people with too many guns using them too easily. Take away the guns and you just have a movie about frustrated Angelenos. Add the guns and you have a movie.

But therein lies the problem, this movie pretends to be about ordinary people but i have never touched a gun, seen a gun, used a gun or been threatened with a gun. Oh actually, that's not true, I once dated a cop and he let me hold his gun and take a picture, but I digress.

I had heard that Crash was polarizing audiences. Well it polarized me. I absolutely LOVED it and I absolutely HATED it.

Everything I loved about it I also hated so that must mean this is a very important movie, indeed. No movie has ever affected me this way.

I loved the plotting, the coincidences, the surprsises.

I hated how conveinently plotted it was, everything fit so perfectly.

I loved the bold discussion of race and class.

I hated the simplistic approach to racial issues.

I loved the slick photography.

I hated how glossy the movie looked.

I think Crash is an extremely important movie, EXTREMELY, but it feels cheap somehow. Too easy. Too simple. Everyone is racist. True! But why????????????????

Why should the makers of Crash be rewarded for telling us what we already know? Well for one, Ronnie, they should be rewarded because they explored a taboo subject and made a very entertaining movie. I agree, but I need more. Why is everyone racist????? Why????

Hopefully, they'll make a sequel.

Quick Movie Thoughts

I saw a movie trailer for some movie about husky sled dogs who get trapped in the wilderness, oh Lord, I wept like a baby during this trailer. I never cry in trailers. Only in trailer parks.

Watched the SAG awards. Oy vey. God, I hate actors. LOL Don't let anyone tell you acting is hard. It ain't. Working in a coal mine is hard work. Acting is nothing. It's often tedious but it's not hard. Anyone can do it. Anyone.

People continue to fiddle with their phones during the movies. It's so distracting. I want to kill these fuckers when they check their phones during the movie. It's so wrong.

This just in from Box office Guru: "Steven Soderbergh's Bubble, which opened in theaters and debuted on the HDnet cable channel this weekend, posted a soft opening with an estimated $72,000 from 32 theaters for a mild $2,250 average. The ultralow-budget doll factory drama also hits DVD on Tuesday in a radical release plan that allows moviegoers to choose how they want to see the film." What does it mean? What does it mean?

How come Dick and Jane has done 110 million and I don't know anyone who had seen it??? Who is going to that movie?

I love being in New York and seeing movies at my second favorite theater in the world, the Empre 25 on 42nd St. The lobby is a gutted Broadway Theatre. The box office is where the stage would be. Someone smarter than me could write a painful discussion about the act of gutting a Broadway theatre for the purpose of opening a Cineplex. But it's 9 am in New York and I'm not up to the challenge. Just know that you can feel the ghosts everytime you ride the escalator up into the proscenium.

My favorite theater in the world is The Grove in LA. Huge screens, make your own drink, . The Arclight on Sunset ha bigger screens, better sightlines and well-behaved audience members but I HATE assigned seating. I HATE IT!

I know a married man who cheats on his wife. So he tells me he goes to see Match Point, which is about a married man having an affair. So I ask him if he thought about his affairs when he watched the movie. Without skipping a beat he says, "no". Is it really possible for people to sit thru movies and not use the experience as time for self-reflection? I learn about myself at the movies, thats one of the reasons I go. But maybe I'm just a narcissist. Oh my God, I just looked it up! I am a narcissist. I'm in shock. LOL

narcissism |ˈnärsəˌsizəm| noun excessive or erotic interest in oneself.

• extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one's own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type. See note at egotism.

• self-centeredness arising from failure to distinguish the self from external objects, either in very young babies or as a feature of mental disorder.

WHO THE HELL ISN'T A NARCISSIST????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

King Kong and Capote (2nd viewings)

I saw both these movies, again.

Capote is so good. I'm in awe of the script, direction and performances. My friend thinks it's too ponderous. Maybe a little. But what would you cut? Seeing it a second time it just feels perfect.

King Kong is soooooo great. Not the movie but the ape. The movie is good but the ape is so sad. King Kong truly gives one of the most heart-breaking performances of the year. The second time i saw it i went in an hour late cause I didn't care to see the big lead up to the Island again and I left once he climbed the Empire State Building cause I couldn't stand see him killed, again. The way humans treat King Kong is a metaphor for the disgusting things we do to animals. KIng Kong makes ,me waqnt to join PETA. My favorite moment is when King Kong destroys the inside of a New York theater. It reminds me of my youth.

Why We Fight

We spend too much money on defense and we fight wars we shouldn't be fighting and the people who work in defense contracting are corrupt.

I knew all that going in, LOL. This movie preaches to the converted and maybe that's why I liked it. But come on, lets be fair.

Is Dick Cheney really the anti-Christ. It sure looks that way but there is something about this documentary that doesn't quite sit right.

It does a brilliant job illustrating how we created Sadaam Hussein and enabled him but these issues are so complex and the movie feels a little simple to me. It wraps everything up into a neat cleean box and I'm not sure I believe it all but I don't have enough information to refute anything in the movie nor do I want to. I liked the movie. How come no one is talking about it?

My friends hadn't even heard of it.

Good Night and Good Luck

It's extremely uopsetting to see a movie about communist-witch hunting in the 50's and feel like you're watching a movie about the year 2006. This movie should be required viewing for anyone who gives a damn about personal freedom, free speech, the American media or corporate cowardice.

This movie deserves all the praise and attention it's getting.

David Strathairn is awesome. The black and white photography is beautiful.

I didn't run out and see this movie right away but once I got there I really enjoyed it.

There's alot of dry, black humor in it, too, which people aren't really talking about. It's very entertaining as well important.

George Clooney has made some really important movies this year. It's inspiring.

The Matador

I'd like to thank the director of The Matador for including the song A Town Called Malice by the Jam in his movie. I forgot how much I love that song. I went right home, downloaded it and I've been listening to it ever since. It has given me hours of pleasure.

I'm not sure how anybody could dislike The Matador. It's very breezy, funny, interesting, suspenseful. The acting is good. Pierce Brosnan is funnier than I've ever seen him. The pacing is brisk. It's nice to look at it.

I think good movies like this are under-valued. We tend to focus on the great movies and the shitty movies but I wish there were more just-plain-good movies. This movie is good. Hallelujah!

(I had to look up the word, hallelujah, I had no clue how to even begin to spell it.)

Annapolis

This sucked so bad I went right home and looked up looked the director and added him to him list of directors to watch out for.

This movie just sucked on every level. I mean it really sucked.

The script sucked, the acting sucked, the story sucked, the casting sucked.

I wanted to leave after 20 minutes and my friend wouldn't let me. Halfway thru I started muttering out loud, "this movie is such a piece of shit. Holy shit this movie sucks."

The movie is starts a look at a year in the life of an Annapolis freshman and then evolves into a stupid boxing movie.

The preview was very sexy, lots of hot military guys with thier shirts off so I went hoping to see the most expensive porno ever made but all the sexy shots were in the trailer. In fact during the gym scenes thay all wear overly bag sweats so you can't even swee thier asses. Ugh. Throw us a bone here, please.

Every movie cliche you've ever seen is in this movie.

Father and son fight in the firstscene then father is proud of son in the last scene.
Mean military recruiter in first half goes soft in last scene.

Oh my God, I'm even bored listing these cliches'. Why am I wasting my time writing this?

Rumor Has It

This movie scared me because I like all the actors in the cast, the story seems intriguing, the direction is by a guy I've liked before but this movie is simply boring. I have no idea how this movie could/ve been fixed. Some movies just do not work. It's scary because the movie should have worked. I can see how on paper it may have seemed like a semi-interesting project, but the final result is a big snooze.

I made it thru 40 minutes then I left. It's just that boring.

You know you're in trouble if you're bored In the first scene watching Mark Ruffalo and Jennifer Aniston trying to have sex in an airplane bathroom.

Rumor has It is one of the most boring movies of the year. Maybe it gets better in the second half, but I seriously doubt it.

See it if you need a nap.

Hostel

Hostel is not the scariest movie ever made, ignore the ads.

They're pushing Hostel as a gory toture movie but it's not. Sure there's gore and toture and blood but this movie is about revenge and that's why I liked it.

I want to see more horror movies where the monster is being hunted and the good guys don't just run away and hide.

It was also nice to see a sexy hispanic no name actor in the lead. The times they are a changin'.

I wasn't scared, I wasn't grossed out and I never jumped out of my seat but I left the theatre completely happy.

I was very scared at Wolf Creek but I left angry because the bad guy wasn't punished. In Hostel, however, good things do happen and that put a smile on my face.

The Family Stone

I wept over 10 times during this movie. Wept. I was so deeply moved by this film. i can not reccomend this movie enough. I had never heard of the writer-director, Thomas Bezucha, but I'm now an instant fan.

This movie is slightly below the radar. People aren't really talking about, especially my gay friends, but oddly enough, this is a hugely gay-positive movie and I had no idea about that going in.

I loved every moment. I loved the script and the actors and I loved the lived-in house where the movie takes place.

See this movie! See it. I'll be seeing it again. Maybe we can go together.

Underworld

I liked this movie.

I was completely entertained. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't.

Did I feel guilty for enjoying it? Very! But I was really fucking entertained!

And there is a super-hot guy in it named Scott Speedman, holy shit! Hot!

It's funny, too, how the director treats the material like it's Shakespeare. We are supposed to follow all these intricate story lines about the history of werewolves and vampires but you really can't follow it you just sit back and enjoy all the blood, guts and ass-kicking. It's fun.

One of the greatest actors in the world is in it, too, Derek Jacobi. I have no idea who his character was but it was fun seeing him. And that's pretty much a metaphor for the whole film. It's nonsense but it's fun nonsense.

The New World

Somebody needs to bitch-slap Terrance Malick. Seriously! What the fuck, man! Has Malick lost all interest in telling a coherent story or making movies that are involving from beggining to end?

The first hour is intriguing. We sit there and think we might be in for a fascinating movie about the discovery of America and our brutal conflicts with the natives. But after an hour of that story Malick sort of loses interest and decides instead to focus on a three-way relationship between two guys and Indian woman. Whatever.

This movie has great sets, costumes, actors, photography but it lacks shape, focus and momentum. I love indulgent movies but not movies where the director seems to have contempt for the audience.

He doesn't care about us. He goes where he wants and fuck us for being idiots if we can't follow it.

This film actually made me angry because of what it could have been if Malick had worked with a top-notch writer and a producer willing to confront him. The potrayal of the Indians is totally fascinating and we are constantly teased with characters, information and ideas that never go anywhere.

Damn you, Mr. Malick. We need a great movie about this time period and you could have done it but for whatever reason you gave up half-way through. Why does coherency and accesibility scare you so much?

GLAAD Riddance

The simple minds at GLAAD (Gay Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) are at again, tossing off accusations that American Idol is homophobic. Where do these morons get off? Do they honestly believe these accusations or is it just a slow news week and they want some attention?

The only act of homophobia I witnessed this week was Isaac Mizrahi’s internalized homophobia manifested in a red carpet minstrel show in which he adopted the persona of an unfunny, stereotypical fashion designer. I believe that Mizrahi is a thoughtful, intelligent human being, so why the need to act like a screaming, queenie fool with a microphone? If GLAAD could answer that question they might actually be useful.

Why do some gay men feel the need to act out in ways that misrepresent who they really are? The Queer Eye guys seem to be on a mission to convince the world they are frivolous, shallow human beings. Mission accomplished. The Fab 5 probably aren't shallow and insipid in real life, but they want us to think they are. For what purpose? I don't get it. GLAAD, can you help me understand?

GLAAD should look inward before it looks outward. Problems that plague the gay community do not include Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul. Drug addiction, STDs, unsafe sex, alcoholism—these are huge issues that need to be addressed. Instead, GLAAD focuses a detective’s glare where there is no crime. No gay man will seroconvert this year from watching American Idol. Simon Cowell's bitchy comments won't get any gay men hooked on crystal meth. Gay men get DUIs leaving gay bars not sitting home watching TV.

Grow up, GLAAD Media. I beg you! Grow up. You are over. You have outlived your usefulness. You are a dinosaur. Shut up and go away. If someone offends me I'll speak up for myself, thank you very much. I don't need you fighting my battles. You are the Donald Rumsfeld of the gay community, and just like Rumsfield, your attacks are poorly thought out, poorly timed and ineffective.

Last week a friend asked me to recommend a gay movie he could show to his loving parents about happy gay men with supportive parents. Two days later I stumble into the new film The Family Stone. Have you seen it? I haven't heard you talk about it.

The Family Stone is probably the most positive gay movie of the year!

I loved Brokeback Mountain. I've seen it three times, but there is nothing groundbreaking in its handling of homosexuality. Self-loathing homosexuals are no stranger to the big screen. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and The Family Stone are truly groundbreaking gay films because self-loathing on any level is absent from the script. For the first 30 minutes of The Family Stone I wasn't even sure the couple was gay because no one talked about it, because no one cared, because it was a NON-ISSUE!

GLAAD, you and Pat Robertson share a common bond. You both make idiotic comments before you think. You both cry fire where there is none. Arial Sharon wasn't stricken down by God and American Idol isn't homophobic.

Keep fighting the wrong battles. That's how bad regimes fall.

Annie Proulx, writer of Brokeback, no longer doing interviews.

http://www.annieproulx.com/

I went to her site. It's very interesting indeed. She loves the movie. Check her out. I saw the movie again and it is one powerful piece of work. Heath Ledger truly blows me away with his acting. And the screenplay is so...right. Perfect, really. It shocked me on the second viewing how little dialogue there is and what is there is just so perfect. Anyway check out her site.

Mrs. Henderson Presents

The best place to be in America right now is in a movie theater. There are so many wonderful movies out right now, and Mrs. Henderson Presents just jumped to the top of my list.

Mrs. Henderson Presents is a delightful movie. Everything about it is perfect. The costumes, the acting, the lighting, the pace, the musical numbers, the staging and Judi Dench...ah Judi. I worship Judi Dench. I would argue that she is the world’s greatest living actress. She has never delivered a false note onscreen. She makes every scene she is in a work of art whether it's Shakespeare in Love or a James Bond flick.

The plot of Mrs. Henderson concerns a woman who owns a theater and the racy revues she produces to keep the doors open.

It's sexy, funny, sad and fast-paced. Did i mention sexy? Bob Hoskins has a nice dick, by the way. And if you like tits, there are plenty of those. Plenty.

This movie, brilliantly directed by Stephen Frears, made me realize what The Producers could have been if Judi Dench had played Max Bialystock and Stephen Frears had directed. Skip The Producers and head straight to Mrs. Henderson Presents, or better yet see them on the same day and compare and contrast.

Harry Potter

Harry Potter has hairy nipples. Who knew?

I really enjoyed this movie.

i was bored silly at the first three, but i liked this movie. I felt it stood alone as a movie.

I have no interest in the books and I did not enjoy the first three films, but I really had a good time at this one.

I liked the pacing and the special effects and the subject matter.

It was all about lust! In fact, look at the picture above. Look at where the wand is placed. That ain't no accident.

Finally, a Harry Potter movie for me!

It's weird that I cared about the characters in this movie but not in the previous three. Isn't that odd?

Who gets the credit? The director? The screenwriter?

The Chronicles of Narnia

This movie was sooooooooooooo fucking slow.

I seriously could have edited out 45 minutes. I'm fucking serious.

It would have been perfect with 45 minutes less of everything.

But the movie is making a fortune, so what the fuck do I know?

I guess kids today like long, slow, boring movies. In a way that gives me hope for the future.

zzzzzzzzzz

Wolf Creek

I would love to ask the director why he made this movie.

It's based on a fascinating case about a serial killer in Australia, but the movie just covers the cruel death of two girls.

No history about the case, no trial, no investigation. Just a serial killer torturing two girls.

What's the point? Serial killers are bad?

Also, I hate seeing movies where characters do everything wrong and seal their doom.

At one point the girls get the upper hand, they injure the killer, he's down, but do they finish the job? No! They run away, screaming, like little babies. Jamie Lee Curtis would have chopped the fuckers head off!

The filmmaker is talented, I believe that.

But why make a film about the most famous serial killer in Australia and then not make a movie about him and the whole fascinating case?

Why just make a snuff film? I'm confused.

Memoirs of a Geisha

Did Rob Marshall direct Chicago or Memoirs of a Geisha?

I loved, loved, loved, loved Chicago.

I was uninvolved at Geisha.

I would argue with anyone who says this movie is bad.

It's not bad on any level. It's just uninvolving.

Here was the big problem for me: It was never clear to me why I should care.

At one point i thought to myself, "I'm sitting here watching a bidding war over pussy." I don't care about who wins the right to fuck this virgin. Why should I care? Japan is about to go to war. Important things are happening in the world and I'm supposed to care about a bidding war over pussy.

"15,000 yen to fuck a virgin!" Not interesting.

Could Spielberg have made me care? I wonder.

The Producers

The Producers is about two producers trying to make a bomb.

Life imitates art.

This movie is a bomb.

It was especially hard seeing it right after seeing Munich.

Munich uses light to tell the story, and The Producers uses a floodlight for the whole thing.

In Munich the camera never stops moving. In The Producers the camera never moves.

It's unfair to compare Susan Stroman to Steven Spielberg, but I can't pity Stroman. I've been repeatedly blown away by her stage work. Her onstage talent and creativity seem endless, but this movie...oh, this movie fails so hard that it hurts.

To be fair, I'm not sure you could even make a movie from this musical.

I saw the original musical with Nathan Lane on a bootleg video and loved it. Then I saw it onstage with a guy they fired and it wasn't so good. Then I saw Nathan and Matthew Broderick live and it was much better but starting to feel stale. And now this movie...this movie is a total failure. It just does NOT work.

Oh well. Better luck next time.

Munich

Seeing Munich was the first time I ever saw a Spielberg movie that I felt he co-directed.

It's nearly impossible to seperate out the work by cinemetographer Janusz Kaminski and director Spielberg.

The lighting, camera angles and composition are absolutely stunning.

Every frame is perfectly lit, staged, composed and photographed.

I sat there in awe. Truly. Even look at the trailer. Just freeze a frame. I dare you. It's beautiful.

in fact I just went and rewatched the trailer and I kept freeze-framing it. Oh lord. Every shot is a stunner.

I know nothing about making movies and after seeing that movie I know I never will.

I have to see it again. Soon.

King Kong

The three best performances this year are Heath Ledger in Brokeback Mountain, Phillip Seymour Hoffman in Capote, and King Kong in King Kong.

Holy shit, is he a great actor.

i didn't know apes could act.

His performance is so complex and touching and heartbreaking that i would nominate him for an Oscar I am not kidding.

Every actor in Hollyood should be shitting bricks because truly, this ape is the next Marlon Brando.

The other actors, who are all quite fine, seem two-dimensional compared to the soul shining through the eyes of this computer-generated ape. Scary indeed.

The movie is good, maybe even great, but the acting by Kong is king.

Match Point

What can I say about a movie where a bunch of people making wrong decisions had me rooting for the worst one of the bunch?

I was really upset afterward because I was so happy with the outcome and yet so unhappy with myself for being happy.

What kind of morally corrupt person roots for the bad guy?

Why do we do that?

Go see this movie. You may learn more about yourself than you ever wanted to know.

Did I mention that if i didnt know it was a Woody Allen movie I would never have figured that out? (Except for the opening credits, of course.)

I look forward to seeing this movie again.

Brokeback Mountain (3rd time)

I have now seen this movie three times. It is such a complex experience for me. Every time I express an opinion about it I find myself disagreeing with myself five minutes later. I'm not sure I even like this movie. Well, of course I like it, but it's impossible, really. It's frustrating. I can't express myself. No movie has ever had an impact on me this way before. It's frightening, really. It's perfect. A perfect piece of entertainment. No holes. No fat. Everything perfectly constructed like a perfect bomb. I don't even know what I mean, excactly. What the fuck, man! I wish I knew how to quit you!

A Wonderful Horrible 2005

Last year, 2005, was truly the worst year of my entire life. It was a year filled with conflict, anger and frustration. I have been looking forward to the death of this year for the past few months. December 2004 was glorious and then 2005 arrived and hell began. I won't go into specifics because not one thing really impacted me, it was more of a cumulative effect. It wasn't just my life, but lives all around me imploded. The tsunami and Katrina were metaphors for the destruction I witnessed up close and personal in my own life and others. In fact, i did not speak to one person this year who said they had a good year. Maybe you did. I hope you did. I, however, did not.

Having said all that, I write this with a smile on my face and a sense of great hope. Never before in my life have I been so excited about the future. Death makes way for life. I feel renewed, inspired, more loving, more available and more creative than I have felt in years. I know the horrible events of 2005 are going to have positive impacts on my life forever because I simply will not make those same mistakes again. I'll make new mistakes, but 2005 taught me…so much.

So for the past few weeks, I've really been reexamining 2005, and I've been trying to focus on all the wonderful, beautiful moments I had last year. And as I contemplate, more great moments come flooding forward and I find myself asking, "Was it really that bad?"

So I'm simply listing all of my great memories from 2005, because thank God I didn't get caught in the tsunami and I don't live in New Orleans and I'm not serving in Iraq, so honestly, what the fuck do I have to complain about? Life is good.

So here are my 2005 Memories: Greatest Hits, Volume 1. The timeline may not be perfect, but who cares? It's my life. It's my memories. The list is long, but it was a long year. 365 days.

JANUARY
Listening to ’80s music with Wendy Sue Morris. That's all i remember from January.

FEBRUARY
Taking a tour of the Everglades on my Birthday and seeing all the alligators.

Eating at the drive-thru of Miami Subs in Florida with Caryn Horwitz and laughing hysterically because they always dropped the change on the street and we believed it was on purpose so they could collect the change after you drive away.

Spending time with a wonderful, loving woman named Eileen Mack in Boca Raton, Florida.

MARCH
Taking my dogs to the dog park on Mulholland Drive in the Hollywood Hills. Truly one of my favorite places in the world.

Switching to Gmail from AOL. I worship the Google people.

Hanging out in the car with Billy Masters and learning about myself because Billy knows me so well and loves me and challenges me and drives like a mad man. I like Del Taco and he likes Jack in the Box, so we go to each one then drive somewhere and sit and park and talk and laugh and learn. Billy is a very smart man.

APRIL
Getting a brand-new, free Apple computer because my old one had a fatal flaw. What a happy day that was! A life-changing day actually. My new iBook kicks ass. Thank you, Rona.

MAY
Moving into a new apartment in West Hollywood, by myself, and feeling a sense of peace. Sleeping better than I've ever slept before.

Being driven to Phoenix by David North while I listened to If You Could Read My Mind by Gordon Lightfoot on my iPod over and over and over. "I walk away, like a movie star, who gets burned in a three-way script."

Laughing with Patricia and Carolyn in Dallas. Funny shit.

Installing a ceiling fan all by myself. I felt empowered. Anyone need a celing fan installed?

Driving in my wonderful Honda Accord that never breaks down. This car and I have a looooong, intense relationship and I hope we can be friends for a few more years. I never yearn for another car. I only want you.

Having a sex party with a very close friend and eight hot fucking Marines in Oceanside, California. A night neither of us will ever forget.

JUNE
Listening to Dr. Laura as I drive around L.A. She's a cunt, but I agree with her on a lot of common sense stuff. Most people who hate her have never really listened to her. I've listened to her for hours on end and to say she is homophobic is simplistic at best. She's complicated, like we all are. She's opinionated, like we all are. And she has given me countless hours of pleasure. Go figure.

There was an actor in Washington, D.C., I worked with. I don't recall his name, but he played the part of Jim Tucker. I think maybe his name was Jim. I just enjoyed being around him. He had a wonderful, intelligent, independent spirit, and I really liked watching him act. For some reason I think of him. Not sure why, though. His face stays in my head. It haunts me, in a good way. We didn't hang out, we didn't get to know each other, but I was very intrigued by him.

Another actor that just popped into my head was Miss Chris in Boston. Oh, Lord. What great energy. I fell in love with him. He's a big, beautiful, elegant, funny drag queen/actor/performer/designer/talent. Working with him was my honor. What a joy he was! I must work with him again. I must. I will. I hope he'll work with me.

JULY
Every date I've ever had with my boyfriend was perfect. I am so blessed to be dating the nicest guy in the entire world. He still fucks women on the side and I still have my "adventures," but we love each other and I'm blessed to know him. We've dated for two years and every date is perfect. Except for the time he gave me a hickey before I had to go on stage. Ugh. I felt so white trash.

Walking on the beach with Tom, Carolyn and David. Lovely.

Eating Kung Pao Shrimp at Kung Pao bistro in West Hollywood. Eating Jell-o for dessert. Then going home and making more Jell-o myself.

Fourth of July with my favorite uncle, who I hadn't seen in years. Lots of fireworks and lots of laughs. Watching Caryn Horwitz be mesmerized by the all the explosions. She does love explosions.

AUGUST
Visiting with my dear friend Donna Makasian in Fresno. The happiest woman I know. A woman who has taught me so much and loved me so deeply and inspired me so often to be a better person and not give up on faith. She doesn't believe we're all just meaningless organisms on a planet in a cold universe. She believes in MORE, and I hope she's right.

Laughing hysterically, every night, with the cast of 10 Naked Men backstage at the Eureka Theatre in SF.

Dinner with John Cardoza, a man I've known, loved and respected for 22 years. A man who cares about me and makes me feel loved in return. I'm so lucky to know him.

Discovering all the new software for Mac: iMovie, Garage Band, etc. etc. I fell in love with technology more than ever this year. Web sites, blogging, the world has changed, doors have opened and I love being a part of it. I wish I would be alive in a hundred years.

A lovely afternoon with Preston Britton and Greg Grove, having lunch at Fugazi in the Castro and shopping for T-shirts. Lots of laughs. It felt like three friends that day, not colleagues. Very nice.

Emotionally detoxing at my birth mother’s home in Denver. Lying on the bed staring at the ceiling, contemplating my life. So peaceful.

Watching my friend Craig Fox eat the biggest pancake in the history of the world at Hash House a Go-Go in San Diego.

Snorkeling in La Jolla Cove all by myself (and a hundred other people).

Going to the beach with Ed. I got in the water even though I'm terrified of sharks. I wasn't eaten. Not this time.

Reading America, the book, from the Daily Show people, aloud, to Craig Fox and laughing so hard I cried.

SEPTEMBER
Fighting with my girlfriend from junior high school, Carolyn Anhalt, wanting to kill her, and the next week loving her more than ever. That fight taught me that our friendship can survive anything, and I truly love her.

Watching Real Time With Bill Maher every week on Tivo and realizing that I agree with everything he says.

Watching Bill O' Reilly every night on Fox New Channel and realizing I agree with about half of everything he says.

Watching Bill Clinton on TV trying to change the world and realizing that I have a thing for guys on TV named Bill.

Watching 60 minutes and loving every single episode.

Listening to Meet the Press on my iPod and realizing Tim Russert is one smart man.

Listening to Roger Ebert on my iPod and realizing that above all he truly loves movies. Even when he hates 'em, he loves 'em. Thank God for critics who don't despise the medium they cover. Roger Ebert reminds me of two theater critics I've gotten to know and admire: Les Spindle and Richard Dodds. They both love the theater and it shows in their reviews. I've been encouraged over the years by them, and for that I am grateful.

Hanging out and laughing in Palm Springs with my ex-boyfriend Ed Alston, watching piss videos in a gay bar and being so repulsed I had to leave. Collecting balls for him at the batting range. Getting my ass kicked at fooze ball. Seeing movies. Swimming. Eating seafood. Eating Del Taco. Watching a drag show. I adore Ed and I'm happy because he's dating a guy that he really likes and if Ed is happy, I'm happy.

Watching my dad fix my bicycle so I could ride around my old neighborhood. I felt 10 years old again.

Learning who my real friends are. Making a list. Writing it down. Seeing it clearly. Realizing how many I have. Feeling grateful.

Seeing David Hoffman perform his hilarious and original 10-minute act in a comedy festival. David is truly one of the most talented actors I have ever worked with.


OCTOBER
Dressing up my friend Joseph Manghise as a cowboy for a Halloween party and watching him win a DVD player.

Meeting the two Scotts in Scottsdale, Arizona, and playing with their adorably funny dogs and feeling like I had known these two great guys my whole life. Swimming in the pool and winning at Train Dominos was awesome, too. I won my first time playing. I went to bed happy.

Seeing the amazing production of Sweeney Todd on Broadway the same night Angela Lansbury was there with Stephen Sondheim.

Seeing the fascinating play, Doubt, with Cherry Jones on Broadway and afterward seeing her in the lobby in full costume, holding a bucket for Equity Fights AIDS. I donated, she handed me a ribbon and for a brief moment I felt like a good human being.

Spending a wonderful evening with Adam Beckworth and reminiscing about the great friend we both lost this year, Robert Young. Robert was an amazing man, and I still don't believe he's gone. I cannot comprehend his absence. It's so wrong. We loved each other unconditionally and every moment we spent together was perfect. Adam was Robert's ex-lover, and we sat in McDonald's and pondered his death and how it affected us, and then we went to see the incredibly mediocre The Color Purple on Broadway and I had a seat on the aisle in the front row. I felt closer to Adam that night than I ever had before. It was a wonderfully sad, uplifting night. One of the best of the year.

Sucking a huge Israeli dick in NYC. At least 10 inches. He called me every day for two weeks wanting to come back. I was flattered. I know I'm good, thank you very much.

Spending a great afternoon, lying on my bed, cuddling with a married man I adore and playing with his chest.

NOVEMBER
Seeing Betty Buckley, live, with a man I worship, Thom Wise, and watching Ms. Buckley sing Memory from Cats with tears streaming down her face.

Having a great meal at Ollie's in NYC with my friend Joseph Manghise and learning about his love for Alfred Hitchcock films. Who knew? And all this time I thought he only loved Access Hollywood and CHER.

Seeing Brokeback Mountain three times and being deeply affected each time in a totally different way. I looked forward to revisiting it many times in my life.

Discovering a new porno theater in Pahrump, Nevada, and eating at Panda Express afterward. Love that Orange Chicken!

Thanksgiving at my cousins. Great food, great people, great dog. Another perfect day.

Talking to my sister-in-law, Evelyn, on the phone and realizing she had a shitty year, too, and that we shouldn't feel alone on this planet.

Walking on Venice Beach with my boyfriend after eating the single largest bowl of pasta ever served in a restaurant. (C&O on Venice Beach, crazy portions!). After pasta, I watch a basketball game while my man shops for T-shirts for his kids. Sexuality is endlessly fascinating.

Seeing Munich and being awestruck by the stunning lighting, camera angles and compositions. The best filmmaking I've seen all year. Not my favorite movie, but so well shot it's shocking. I am so grateful to be on the planet with Steven Spielberg. I always say there are only three genuises working today in the world of entertainment: Stephen Sondheim, Steven Spielberg and William Shakespeare. That's it. Everyone else is just talented.

Buying two sexy new goldfish and bringing them home and making a little movie about it.

DECEMBER
Seeing Johnny Mathis in Vegas with Thom Wise and falling in love with Thom and Johnny. Chances Are is one of my new favorite songs of the year.

Winning 70 bucks on my first try at a dollar slot machine at the Hilton Casino before seeing Johnny Mathis.

Christmas with my family. Perfect. No presents. No stress. Just love.

Listening to a Johnny Mathis album with my mother and seeing her moved to tears by Somewhere My Love, a song she wants played at her funeral.

Starting therapy with a very insightful man named Larry.

All the movies I saw in 2005. Every single one. A movie, popcorn and a diet coke fills me with a joy I cannot explain.

These are my memories for the year. They are random, but they are what I remember and what I treasure. I'm intrigued by what's on the list, but also by what isn't. I've only included moments that I truly loved and that are still with me. I'm sure I will think of many more and maybe I'll even add them as time goes by so that I'll always be able to look back on 2005 as not just the worst year of my life but also one of the best. Happy New Year.